40, migrant worker
ETHNICITY: Mon/Karen/Hindu
BIRTHPLACE: Hinthada, Irrawaddy Division, Burma
INTERVIEWED IN: Khao Lak, Thailand
Nge Nge was eager to share her story, in the hope that it would help other women avoid the painful experiences forced upon her. While working as a teacher in her early twenties, Nge Nge was raped and then forced into an abusive marriage. As her situation worsened, Nge Nge turned to the police, the courts, and to the Myanmar Women’s Affairs Federation for help, all of whom were bribed out of helping her. Nge Nge’s story illustrates the deep corruption that is endemic in Burma’s government and justice system, as well as the vulnerability of women in this system. Nge Nge now works for a women’s income generation project in southern Thailand. She has attended many women’s rights trainings, and is working to make a better life for herself and her son.
I was born in Hinthada, in the Irrawaddy Division.11 My father was a government worker, and we had to move when he was reassigned to Mopalin in Mon State, and later to Mottama.22 My mother is a mix of Mon and other ethnicities, and my father is Karen and Hindu. I have one elder brother, two elder sisters, and one younger sister. I’m not close with my elder siblings, because it is Burmese tradition that I have to accept whatever my elders say and I was afraid of them, but I was close with my younger sister.
My mother and father are very traditional people. When I was a girl, I wasn’t allowed to speak with boys. It’s quite funny—I wasn’t even allowed to sit next to boys, because they told me I could get pregnant. When I bathed in the stream, I was not allowed to be downstream from any boys. My parents said I could also get pregnant that way, and I believed them.
I wasn’t allowed to play like other children, because my family didn’t want me to get dirty. If I got dirty, my whole family would become angry with me. I was scared of that. They just wanted me to read books. If I just stayed home and read books or practiced math calculations, that was okay with them.
THE MAN LOOKED AT ME AND GAVE ME HIS JACKET
I finished university when I was twenty-five and I started teaching that same year. The first teaching job I had was in a Karen village ten miles away from my village. There was no transportation, so I had to walk the ten miles on Monday mornings and stay there during the week. The villagers had a house for teachers, so I stayed in that house. Every evening, some children would come to my house and do their homework with my help and then sleep over in my home.
One evening, I was walking back to my village from the school. It was a bit dark, and I didn’t see anyone else on the path. Then a man came up to me and asked me how to walk to my village. I had never seen him before. I told him, “This is the way to the village,” and then I kept walking. But he followed me as I walked on the path through the forest that went to my home. The path was narrow and meant for just one person, as there were bushes and trees on both sides. I almost always used this path, as did many other people.
Then the man suddenly grabbed my hands and tried to take off my clothes. My clothes ripped and I tried to escape from him, but he started punching me. First he punched me in the cheek, and then in the breast, and then in the belly. When he fought me like that, I couldn’t stop him and I couldn’t escape. You know how the situation can be—I was so scared of him. Then he raped me. We were on the path the entire time. Afterward, as I sat in the same place where he raped me, the man told me that he did not have a wife or children, and that he would marry me.
My clothes were torn apart and so I was very ashamed to return to my home like that. I was still quite far from home—when the incident happened, I still hadn’t gotten halfway to my village. The man looked at me and gave me his jacket to put over my body and told me again that he would marry me.
I was scared and I could not reply to anything the man said because he had punched me in the chest, all around my right ear, and in the stomach. I was so scared, and I didn’t dare resist him anymore at that point.
I didn’t have much confidence or experience in dealing with different people in my life, and I was too shy to say anything back to him. I had no courage to speak back to strangers. Moreover, because of the way my parents had always controlled me my entire life, I was scared of doing anything to fight back. When the man hurt me, I was just more afraid of him.
I was afraid to escape from him, but I was also afraid to face my parents. According to our tradition, sexual relations should only happen between a wife and a husband. I was so afraid of him, but if I denied him, what would he do to me? So I kept silent and followed him. I was scared that he would do something else to me. I would have been so ashamed to become pregnant and live my life without a husband, so I had to follow him. His name was Win Nyut.
Win Nyut took me to his sister’s house in Nyaunglaybin Township in Pegu Division. I stayed with him there for one week. During that week, I was both physically and emotionally hurt. He sexually assaulted me again and again—I couldn’t stand it.
I was so scared to sleep while next him; I felt like I didn’t dare breathe or move. If I moved then he would wake up, and he would hurt my body again. He tried to get whatever he wanted from me. If I refused, then he would slap my face many times and hurt me. Because of his abuse, one morning I couldn’t even walk normally anymore.
I felt so terrible while that was happening to me that I wanted to commit suicide.
NOBODY BELIEVED ME
After that week, I went to inform my school why I had been absent for a week. I told them exactly what had happened to me—that a man had raped me and then said he would marry me. I said I was afraid to escape from him, so I had to follow him. But some people didn’t believe me because the man had already gone to the school and told them that I would take leave for a week. No matter what I said, they didn’t believe me. I reported the rape case to the Education Department and I also told my friends about what happened, but no one believed what I told them. I didn’t get any suggestions or advice about what to do. I felt like Win Nyut was the black ink stain that had destroyed all the bright colors in my life.
I went back to work after having disappeared for a week. Next, I went to tell my family. It was 8 p.m. when I arrived at the village. I told my parents exactly what had happened to me, but they did not believe me. My father hit me in the chest and back. My parents had planned for me to marry another man before and I had agreed, but they thought I was lying to them because I wanted to marry a different man. They said, “We have never had a situation like this in the history of our family.” My father said, “I’m ashamed. You are not our daughter anymore. You are already dead to us. Leave by yourself, or I will kill you.” They didn’t even let me stay one hour.
The next day, my father told their next-door neighbor that I had passed away in a car accident. He asked him to make a coffin. He said that I’d been disfigured by the accident, so my body should not be seen. My father put some of my things into the coffin, as well as any photos they had of me, and they cremated the coffin. They put a gravestone in the cemetery.
At the time, I really did want to die. I felt lonely, and I couldn’t contact my family anymore. But I was afraid to commit suicide because I had a lot of sympathy for my students—if I left, there would be no one to teach them. I also thought about how the people and the students’ parents in the village were very friendly to me and treated me well. I decided that I shouldn’t die because of this bad man. Indeed, he should have been the one to die because he was of no use to anyone. But if I died, the children would suffer. That’s why I chose to stay alive.
I went back to the school and tried to stay at the house nearby. I was only there two or three days, and then Win Nyut came and took me. I was afraid to deny him again, in case he physically hurt me. I was also afraid to tell other people about my situation. In Burmese tradition, if something like this happens to a lady, she is too ashamed to tell anyone. As far as I know, I was the only person to have been raped in the area where I lived, so I didn’t know if people would look down upon and discriminate against someone who had been sexually assaulted. Almost no one knew about what happened to me, except for my parents. They’d already publicly announced that I’d died in car accident and even held a funeral so that everyone would believe the story. So I didn’t know how the community would treat a victim like me.
After I went to see my parents, I reported the incident to the police. They just recommended that I wait and solve the case in court. So I stayed with Win Nyut at his sister’s house, and I met his mother, his father, and his sister. He only stayed there with me two or three days each week. I don’t know where he would go the rest of the time.
JUSTICE IS ABOUT MONEY
Soon after that, I went to court with him. I was still afraid of him.
The judge asked me, “Do you agree to this marriage? Did he ask you to marry him, or did he force you?” I said, “I do not agree. I do not love him. He’s forcing me to marry him.” I said it in front of Win Nyut, and he looked at me and touched me to signal that I shouldn’t say that in front of the court. The judge asked me three times, and I answered three times. Then I saw Win Nyut hand an envelope to the judge. It was stuffed with a significant amount of money. The judge then forced me to sign the marriage document. The court didn’t do anything to my husband, and so now we had a legal marriage at the court.
This kind of corruption affects women in Burma negatively throughout their entire lives. Justice is about money. In the area where I am from, if you can give a big enough bribe, you will surely win any court case you’re in. Money determines the results. I reported what had happened to me to my school, but no one believed me; they just watched me talk. No one helped me to report the case to the police or to go to court against the man.
After we got married, I continued working at the same school for another year. When I worked at that school, my husband couldn’t get angry with me so often; the villagers there loved me, and some of them were from the Karen army. Sometimes, if he punched me or yelled at me, they would go and tell him, “Don’t do that again.”
I stayed with the Karen people for a long time. They were kind to me and they told me not to worry about anything or be afraid if I needed something or had a problem. They said they would help me. They even told me that if anyone hurt me or caused me problems, that they would kill that person. But I didn’t want anyone to die because of me. I believe in karma. I believe that someone will face bad luck and eventually die because of bad things they do in their lifetime.
Then my husband pushed me to transfer to a school in his village in Kyaikkami Township, where his job was. It’s very far from where I had been teaching—it takes an entire night to get there, traveling by both train and bus. He knew that if I kept working at the same school, he couldn’t hit me or yell at me. For a teacher to transfer to another place, the requirement is an informed agreement and a signature, but I didn’t know anything about it until a letter arrived confirming my transfer—it said that I would be moving to my husband’s village.
I asked my husband how he’d arranged my transfer and I found out that he’d reported to the Education Department that the Karen village was not suitable for me. He told them that I was not in good health living there. I wanted to stay in that village, but it was impossible after he told them there was a problem with my health. He had already bribed them, so I had no choice.
HE NEVER TOLD ME, AND I DIDN’T ASK
We moved on a regular day. I woke up in the early morning, at four-thirty. I cooked some food, and then around five or five-thirty, the monks came to collect alms and I offered them some rice and some food. When Win Nyut got up, I had to prepare a towel for him to wash his face.
Our regular breakfast was fried rice and tea. I had to prepare breakfast nicely for him. If he didn’t like the tea I made for him, I had to go to the shop to buy him tea. After that, I took a shower and handwashed our clothes. Before I left for school, I had to prepare a lunch for him and have it ready on the table for him to eat.
Sometimes he came to the school and said, “Why didn’t you do this? Why did you forget that?” When I finished work, I went to the market to buy food. When I got home, I prepared dinner. Win Nyut came home around that time, and he would ask me to do things for him. I had to prepare soap, toothpaste, and a toothbrush for him to take a shower. Then I went to shower and wash clothes.
My home was high up on stilts, and the posts were very high—at least the height of a man with his arms stretched out above him—so I had to walk down nine steps and then walk to the well at the end of the street. It was a normal man-made well that was covered with wood. I had to carry water from the well for cooking and drinking, and there was a compound beside the well with a big piece of wood where we could wash our clothes.
Even if I was hungry and wanted to have dinner a bit earlier than my husband, he said I had to wait for him. Even if he came home late or had gone out somewhere, I had to wait for him. I felt unhappy to sit with him for dinner, only the two of us. He would just talk about himself while we were eating. Then he would ask if I had to go somewhere, and if I did, he would go there with me. I was not allowed to go out of the house if my husband was not at home. If I did so, he would beat and torture me.
After dinner, I had to do grading or other work from school. He went to bed at that time. Sometimes he wanted to have sexual relations with me before bed, and I had to do whatever he wanted. At first, I was worried about getting pregnant; I didn’t want him as the father of my baby. But I couldn’t protect myself from pregnancy because I couldn’t get that kind of medicine. After we had sexual relations, I had to finish my work. So I went to sleep after my husband, but I’d wake up before him the next day.
I didn’t know what his job was—he never told me, and I didn’t ask. He gave me money sometimes, but I never asked him for it. When he didn’t give me money, I bought things with my salary. But it wasn’t enough. Sometimes I couldn’t buy enough food and I’d tell him, “We don’t have enough food. We only have dinner for one person.” So he would just eat by himself, and not invite me to eat with him. He would just eat and then go out.
One time, one of my students wasn’t feeling well. I went to his home to check on him because he was so young. When I came back home, Win Nyut said, “Where did you go?” But he knew exactly what time I’d gone to my student’s home, because he always kept track of the exact number of the trishaw I took, and what time I came home.33 So he and I were arguing, and then he went outside and locked me inside the house and went out to drink alcohol. Then he came home drunk, hitting me and saying, “Why did you go to that student’s home?”
If I had meetings at school, he would wait outside the door during the meeting, from start to end. Anywhere I wanted to go, I had to go with him. I think maybe it was because he had another girlfriend, and he didn’t want me to be around other people and hear things about him. He was protecting himself.
I was never happy when I was living with him. I had friends, but I couldn’t talk openly with them. The only times I felt happy were when he wasn’t home or when I was at school teaching the students. During those times, I felt so happy.
I HAD NO TRUST IN THE GOVERNMENT
I was so happy to be a teacher. Many of the students would come to welcome me when I arrived at the school, and they all wanted to carry my bag. But if I only gave my bag to one child, then only that student would be proud, while the other children would be so sad. So I had to take out whatever I had in my bag and give each student one thing to carry. If I didn’t have enough things for all the students, I would hold hands with the children who weren’t carrying anything. I was so happy with them.
I worked at a school that had a primary and middle school, and my students were between five and fifteen years old. I taught them Burmese literature and science. We also had sports and activities at the school. Sometimes we had to go to another village to have a competition with another school, and I would stay overnight with the students at a big monastery. I would cook for them. During exam time, we had to drive to a big school because our village was so small and didn’t have testing halls. When we went to that school, we also stayed at a monastery, so I had to teach the students at the monastery during exam time. I also cooked for them and washed their clothes; it was such a happy life with them. Win Nyut would request to go with me on those trips, but I didn’t agree to it. So he followed me and he would find a place to stay near the monastery or maybe even in a different building of the monastery where I stayed. He wouldn’t come over to me; he would just watch me.
After my husband and I had been married for three years, the government transferred me to teach in another village, and then I lived there. Win Nyut would stay with me there for one or two days during the week, but then would disappear the rest of the time. I didn’t know where he was going and I didn’t ask any questions about where he went. He would just say he was going on a trip. I was happy when he wasn’t home, so I didn’t care where he was going. But at the new school where I worked, my colleagues said to me, “Do you know that your husband has another wife and six other children?”
I felt sad to find out I was his second wife, and I also felt sad for his six children. But on the other hand, I was also happy that he had another wife and six children, because it meant he couldn’t stay with me for his whole life. My colleagues weren’t nice to me when they told me—they blamed me and said, “Why did you marry this man? Why would you become a second wife?” I explained to them what had happened, but they didn’t believe me. I felt humiliated in front of many people because they were all talking about it. People talked all the time about how he was such a terrible womanizer, and I was accused of destroying his family and stealing his other wife’s husband. I cried almost every day after I heard this. I cried because I was married to this man.
This isn’t traditional, but a lot of men have two or three wives. For example, I heard about a doctor who has four wives staying together in one home. Some men will find another wife or a girlfriend when they’re traveling. They don’t marry them in the legal, formal way.
Win Nyut hadn’t told me where he was going because he wanted to protect himself. He didn’t want me, or his first wife and children, to know about each other. I requested a divorce, but he did not accept it. So I went to the court to request a divorce, but they said that the wife couldn’t divorce her husband unless he accepted. So I tried to find another way to get help.
In Burma, we have a government organization called the Myanmar Women’s Affairs Federation that is supposed to help women with domestic violence.44 A woman I knew suggested I contact this organization. When I went there, the people at the organization asked me details about my situation. When they called my husband in to meet with them, he bribed them—he gave them 5,000 kyats and prepared a table of food for them.55 The group was happy about the presents, so they told me that I should stay with him and try to be husband and wife again. Nothing happened for me. I was forced to stay with my husband.
I think corruption is the big problem in our country. The Myanmar Women’s Affairs Federation is composed of the wives of generals and other high officials—the women act just like their husbands, they don’t do anything different. Women who don’t have a high status background can’t participate. They just follow the money. The police and courts also cannot be trusted because corruption is everywhere.
By this time, I had sought help from the government—from the police and the court—and also from the Myanmar Women’s Affairs Federation. But, each time the government failed to take action against my husband. I had no trust in them, and I had no more energy or ability to seek help.
FREEDOM IN MY LIFE
A while after that incident, I became pregnant. I was happy to be pregnant, because in my new baby I would have a partner, a friend. When I was three months pregnant, I found out my husband was planning to marry another girl—the parent of one of my students told me about my husband’s plan. The parent told me that the wife-to-be had a shop selling rice and curry. I took a bus from my school and headed to the shop as directed by the parent. I arrived just as it was turning into night.
I entered the shop and asked the girl to speak with her for a moment. She agreed to my request. Then I told her all about the man she was going to marry. I told her that it was up to her wishes and she could do as she wanted. At first, she got angry because she thought I was trying to shame her. But then I explained to her, “I am sympathetic to you because we are both women.”
I asked the girl to help me with the divorce and I promised that I would not ruin her wedding ceremony. I told her that I would come after the ceremony was finished in order to get an official divorce agreement between my husband and me, and that I would also use my lawyers to help arrange their marriage documents.
But then the girl noticed that I was pregnant, and at that point she decided she didn’t want to marry Win Nyut anymore. But I worried that she could be shamed in front of the whole community because everything for the wedding had already been arranged, and she would have to face her parents. I felt that the community would treat her badly and say bad things about her and her family if they canceled the wedding. So I persuaded the girl that she should not cancel the wedding, and that she should invite the village leaders to her wedding
At that time, I had saved up some money. On the day of the ceremony, I went to the home of a lawyer in the girl’s village. I gave him 5,000 kyats and he agreed to help me.
I went to the ceremony with the lawyer and two other officials—the lawyer had arranged for them to go to the ceremony with us; I’m not exactly sure who they were. At the ceremony, Win Nyut and his new wife were making offerings to the monks and to other people. All of the guests were there. I arrived with the documents for divorce.
When Win Nyut understood what was happening, he grabbed my hand to take me away from the wedding ceremony, but I told him I could not go. I told him that the officials present knew all about the situation and knew what I wanted to do. I explained everything to everyone involved, including the girl’s mother. I gave him the divorce documents and then I gave his new wife our marriage documents.
Everyone was calm while I was explaining things because I was with the lawyer and the officials, but Win Nyut still didn’t agree to divorce me. But then I told him that the lawyer was on my side and that I had already paid him 5,000 kyats for the divorce. I said that I was a government staff person as a teacher, and that the girl was asking him for an official marriage; if he was going to marry her, he had to divorce me. Eventually, Win Nyut agreed and signed the divorce papers, and then the marriage papers for the girl. After he signed the documents, we were officially divorced.
After that, I went to live near the school where I worked. I was pregnant at the time, so I was struggling. But I was so happy—I had freedom in my life. Also, I was going to be a mother. When I was five months pregnant, I wasn’t doing well, so I took leave from my job. Since I was only five months pregnant, I had to take leave without pay to get medical treatment. The government is supposed to provide salary and support for six weeks before and six weeks after giving birth, but I only got half of what they promised at that time.66
I TRY TO FORGET THE PAST
During the time I stayed with my husband, I couldn’t stand my life—sometimes I wanted to commit suicide. I looked so skinny and serious. But when I had my baby, I became really happy. I wanted to live for this baby. I was happy to have freedom after I divorced Win Nyut.
I gave birth to my son in 1999, at Moulmein Hospital in Mon State. Moulmein is the capital city of Mon State. One and a half months after I gave birth, I went back to work at the school and brought my son with me. In Burma, we make a cradle for our babies with some cloth and some wood, and we hang it like a hammock. If you rock the cradle a little bit, it is very easy for the baby to fall asleep. So I would rock the cradle with one hand, and teach my students with the other hand.
After I had my baby, I changed my life. Even if I didn’t have enough money to buy a full meal, even if I could only eat rice soup, I was happy. In the past, I was so scared to speak with people, but after I had my baby I became braver about facing my problems. Before, I would keep silent and stay alone, but after I had my baby I would talk to people. If people asked me about my life, I would speak openly to them about my situation. Even if someone didn’t greet me first, I would greet them. I spoke to more people, and I had a kind of social life.
After my son was born, I would talk to him about my life, even before he was able to speak. He’s my partner, my family.
My son looks like me. He is a quiet boy and he just plays alone. I could talk to him about anything—he’s like my friend. I told him that his father was already dead, but Win Nyut came to my house twice. The first time he came, my son was only a few months old. My son had bad diarrhea at the time, so I took him to the hospital. Win Nyut followed me to the hospital and tried to give money to me and the doctor, but we refused it. Finally he left.
He came to meet my son again when my son was over two and a half years old. He told him that he was his father, and my son asked me, “Mom, he said he is my daddy. Is he?” I said, “No, your daddy is already dead. This man just wants to be with me, that’s why he told you that he’s your dad. Don’t believe what he says.” I asked my son if he wanted me to be with that man, and he said no. My son then told Win Nyut that he was not his father, and that his father was dead. I didn’t allow him to come into my house again.
I think I will tell my son about who his father is when he is older and when he can understand the difference between right and wrong. Right now, while he’s young, it’s not the right time to tell him because I think he would be negatively affected. When I was with my first husband, I was always living in fear. I don’t want my son to fall into a situation with his father like what I experienced, where he will likely become afraid of the people surrounding him.
I TRY TO FORGET THE PAST
After my divorce, my family still did not accept me. I tried to visit them again, but they still did not believe me. They refused to meet with me, and if I saw some of my relatives or their neighbors in the street, they wouldn’t even greet me.
It was five years after I had my baby that they finally accepted me back to the family. It had been quite difficult to support the baby on my own. Since I was a civil servant, I had a low salary. It was just enough to survive—sometimes I couldn’t eat.
When I returned to my family, my mom told me that my dad had passed away two years before. She said, “Why didn’t you come to your father’s funeral?” I said that I didn’t know about it. My mom said that she had sent me a registered letter, so I went to the post office to find out why I never received it. They had a record that the letter came in and went out. I found out that the post office gave the letter to the head of the village, but my husband gave that man 3,000 kyats and told him to keep the letter a secret.77 He knew that if I got the letter, I would go back to my family. My family was in Kyaikto, and I lived in Thanbyuzayat District. The journey takes two days if you take a car and a boat.
When I went back to my family, my mom and my siblings were very negative toward me at first. My mom was just crying and hitting me. They were angry that I didn’t come to my father’s funeral. But when she looked at my son, she started crying again—she loves him very much. My mom said to me, “You left the family when you were young, so I would like to take care of your son because I could not take care of you.” I love my mom and want her to be happy, so I let my son stay with them. I try to forget the past, because I’m happy to be with my family in the present.
I’m happy that my son lives with my family and has so many people that love him, but I’m sad that I cannot stay with him. I am also worried about my mother raising my son because when I was young, she taught me that I could not sit next to boys or bathe downstream from the boys, things like that. I don’t want my mom raising my son so strictly.
HE WILL DO THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN
One year after my son went to live with my family, I got bad news from my neighbor. She said my ex-husband had been working as a broker, sending people to Thailand illegally. He was sending mostly girls, not only from our village but from other villages as well. If they wanted to go to Thailand, they would contact my ex-husband. At that time, two ladies had gone with him to Thailand but they were arrested by the police before they arrived. They asked my ex-husband to return their money as he had agreed to do, but they couldn’t get any money from him.
Then another woman complained to me about my ex-husband. She said that when my ex-husband was taking her daughter to Thailand, they stayed overnight in Dawei before they got to the border at Kawthaung.88 In Dawei, there were many girls going to Thailand illegally, so most of them stayed three or four girls to one room. But this girl stayed alone in a room. My ex-husband went into her room and he raped her. They were there three nights, and he raped her every night. He threatened her by saying, “If you talk to other people, I will send you to the police station and say that you tried to go to Thailand illegally.”
The girls weren’t able to go to Thailand, because when they arrived in Kawthaung they were arrested and sent back to their villages. When the girl returned to the village, she found out she was pregnant. She was so sad and afraid, crying every day. Her mom came to talk to me because she was angry and she needed advice. I talked to the girl and asked her, “Where did you stay in Dawei? Which hotel? Do your friends know about what happened?” I said I would help them, since I’d had this experience before. The girl and her mother were afraid but I said, “You have to go to the police station and tell them about what happened with him.”
We didn’t go to the police station right away. First I went to the police chief’s house and met with his wife. There is more understanding between women about this kind of thing. I asked his wife what we should do, and she agreed to help us. She told her husband, and he said, “What would you like me to do to him?” I said, “He is my ex-husband. If we don’t do anything, he will keep doing this again and again. I don’t want to let him do this again, so I want to handle this the legal way.”
The police arrested my ex-husband, and his first wife too. They were working together to send people to Thailand. In court, I testified and explained that my ex-husband had raped me too. My husband was found guilty of both human trafficking and rape. At first, he was sentenced for twenty-five years. But he appealed to the court and paid bribes to a lot of people, and then the sentence was reduced to fifteen years in jail, and his wife was sentenced to five years. My mother was worried. She said, “Why did you do this? When your ex-husband gets out of jail, he will be dangerous.”
MONEY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE LAW
When schools exams were over in 2005, I went to stay with my family for the summer season. Three days after I got home, I saw all these well-dressed people coming to my family’s house. They looked like they were going to a ceremony. I wondered, Why are people coming to my house? I didn’t know what was happening. There was a man there who was always visiting our home; I knew him from school, but we hadn’t been friendly in school because I was younger than him. All the people gathered in our home, and then my mom said I had to marry this man. She said, “If you don’t marry him, your ex-husband will take revenge on you or our family.”
So they forced me to get another husband. I was so sad—I didn’t want to accept it, but I had to accept whatever my mom wanted. I could not protest. I really wanted to stay with my family, but I could not. I was also afraid to start the life of a husband and wife again. I was so sad to do another wedding like this. The first time I was married, I did not accept it, but I got married. The second time, I didn’t accept it either, but I got married again. I was thirty-six years old at the time. Why were they afraid about my ex-husband getting out of jail? He might be dangerous, but I shouldn’t be afraid if there are laws and regulations. But in Burma, the law doesn’t protect us—money is more important than the law. If you had much more money than I do, then you could get protection from the law.
Corruption exists everywhere in Burma now. The people who have money win the case. Even if you are right, without money you will lose. What we call laws are only on paper—the laws rarely work in reality.
THE ILLEGAL WAY IS STILL BETTER
After one week of being married, my husband decided to go to Thailand illegally to work. I said that I wanted to stay in Burma and continue teaching, but he and my mom both said that I had to go with him. I felt sad to leave my son behind; I have felt sad again and again in my life.
We went to Thailand in April 2005. We had to spend a lot of money at the military checkpoints. Getting a passport in Burma is very difficult, so people say that going the illegal way is still better.
We took a boat from Kawthaung, on the Thailand–Burma border. The man we paid to arrange our journey brought us to a building where we had to wait for three days for the boat; I didn’t eat anything the whole time because I had no money to buy food. There were many people from Burma going to Thailand; they were from Mon State, Rangoon, the western part of Burma—so many different places.
The boat ride was terrible; we all had to lie down together on the floor, and they covered us with some plastic. We couldn’t get any light or air from under the plastic, so people were getting dizzy and vomiting. But we couldn’t move—we couldn’t sit, we couldn’t stand. We left Burma at 4:30 in the afternoon, and we arrived in Nam Kem around four or five the next morning.99
During that time, I felt like my life was meaningless because I had been forced to give up everything. I started to feel like I didn’t care anymore about what would happen to me.
WE ARE NOT LIKE HUSBAND AND WIFE
When we arrived in Thailand, my husband and I stayed at his friend’s house in Bang Niang.1010 He went around looking for jobs for both of us. We spent around ten days jobless. There are a lot of Burmese migrant workers living around here. It’s mostly for economic problems that people leave Burma and go to Thailand.
My first job was working at a construction site, reconstructing buildings that were destroyed by the tsunami.1111 There is still some destruction now. I saw a video about the tsunami and I heard about it from my husband. My husband said that he and his wife were holding each other when the tsunami happened, but they were separated by the wave. He doesn’t remember what happened, but when he came to, he was holding a tree and he had no clothes on. He didn’t know where his wife was. Then more big waves came, and he saw a foreigner floating in the waves. He caught hold of the man and brought him to the tree, but he was only able to save one person because he had to hold on to the tree. After the waves were gone, he climbed off the tree and saw many dead bodies. His memory was blurred. He saw many things, like gold jewelry and money, but he didn’t think any of it was important—it wasn’t precious, because it came from dead bodies.
At the construction site, we had to remove the debris and build new buildings. Sometimes I was breaking old walls, sometimes I was carrying cement, and sometimes I was removing cement blocks. I felt quite sad that I had to do manual labor. I thought, I’m married to a man I did not even want to marry, and because of that I have to work like this.
We had to wear a long-sleeved shirt, a helmet, and tall boots that they provided us, and we had to buy long trousers. They fined us 50 baht1212 if we didn’t wear one of these things; that was the rule at the construction site.
I earned 120 baht each day, working from eight in the morning until five in the evening.1313 We had one hour to eat lunch at noon. I usually worked every day, but I didn’t go to work if I felt sick. I didn’t get my wages on the days that I was sick. There was no insurance for accidents at the work site, so if someone was injured they just had to take time off from working but they didn’t get medical attention or medicine. Women get injured more often than men, because they are not as strong and cannot always handle the heavy loads. Also, women work on the ground while men work above on scaffolding, so if something falls from above, it is usually women who get injured.
They provided rooms at the construction site for all the workers to stay in, and we had to give money for electricity and utilities. Each room was about nine square meters; it was very narrow and there was just one door. The roof was made of zinc, so it was very hot. We slept on wood floors. Two people stayed in each room, and we ate and slept in that one narrow room. There were four toilets for about four hundred workers, and the sanitation was very bad.
It was not only Burmese people working at the construction site; Thai people worked there too. There was discrimination between the Burmese and Thai people. Even though we were all working in the same situation and at the same level, the Thai people got higher wages. If it was really hot in one area of the work site, the Thai people avoided that area and stood somewhere watching out for the supervisor. The Burmese people were afraid to do this, so they worked hard. When the supervisor came over, the Thai people would pretend to be working, and the Burmese people didn’t want to report them. The supervisor was also Thai, so when Thai workers requested a break, he told them they could rest. But Burmese people could not do this. Even if they could speak Thai, Burmese people had to do a lot of work and they could not take breaks.
When we first came here, we were living only on my wages. My husband was working at a construction site too, but they did not pay his wages regularly. We had to work separately because my husband had a work permit but I did not have any legal status. If the police arrested me, they would arrest my husband too. The boss at my work site paid me regular wages, but the boss at my husband’s work site lied to the construction workers and did not give them any wages. It is common for migrant workers in Thailand to receive no wages. Sometimes they will get no wages, and other times they will get regular wages when they start to work in construction, but then later they won’t get any more wages.
My husband had some debt at the time, so people came to ask me to pay back the money. My husband had borrowed it, but I had to pay it back. Because of this, I could not send money to my family and support my son. But everything else was fine, because my boss paid me regularly.
The amount of money I got in Burma was not even enough for one person, but with the money I earned in Thailand, I could eventually save a little bit, even though still I had to economize everything like I did in Burma. Before I came to Thailand, I only earned 12,000 kyats per month.1414 No matter how hard you try to economize while earning that amount of money, it is never enough. The Burmese government provided some rice, but the quality was so bad we couldn’t eat it. I would exchange it in a shop that sold better quality rice.
THE TRADITIONAL BURMESE WAY
I worked in construction for six months, and then I began working as a teacher at the learning center, here at the GHRED.1515 One of my colleagues informed me that the GHRED needed a teacher, and she told them that I had teaching experience in Burma. I was so happy to work as a teacher again. Most of these children from Burma didn’t have a right to education in Thailand, and I would see them playing or working at the construction sites.1616 It seems dangerous for society if they grow up without education, so I loved to teach them. The kids were between five and sixteen years old, but they didn’t always say their real ages. If they were fifteen or sixteen, they would say they were twelve or thirteen years old because they really wanted to go to school. The students at the learning center must be between five and fourteen years old. There is also a nursery for children between two and four years old.
When I was working at the learning center, I would leave for school in the early morning and return home in the evening. Like in my past life, I had to do all the housework when I got home. I had to get up early, I had to work, I had to do things for my husband, and I had to do things for myself.
At the time, we had bad neighbors living in our compound. They would tell my husband, “Oh, your wife is just going to the school, she’s not doing any work,” or, “Your wife is a teacher and you’re a construction worker—you’re not on the same level.” They would pressure my husband like this, and also say, “Oh, your wife looks all nice and beautiful when she goes to the school. She’s meeting other people and being friendly with them, but she’s not friendly with you.” They caused arguments between my husband and me. He would go out and drink with the other men, and sometimes when he came home he would yell at me and hit me—it was the same as before. He said that his friends’ wives had to stay home and take care of their children and husband—they didn’t go outside to work. The men were thinking in the traditional Burmese way, saying that women should stay inside the home.
Every morning I rode in the school bus to pick up the students, because they were so young and traveling could be dangerous for them. My husband’s friends said to him, “Your wife goes in the bus with the Thai driver, maybe she’ll fall in love with him.” So my husband was angry and it caused more problems for us.
I was so serious during this time, because I had to ride with the students in the morning, then I had to work, and after I came home I could not take a rest. I was serious in the sense that I didn’t talk to my husband and I was really angry and really unhappy because of the things that my husband and his friends were saying about me and the Thai driver. Also, even though I was working hard for my wages, I couldn’t use the money for myself. I couldn’t send money back to my family, because I had to give my wages to my husband. I couldn’t do this anymore, so I resigned from my job. I thought that if I stopped working, then I wouldn’t have wages to give him. I was teaching for more than a year and a half; it was maybe 2007 when I resigned.
I was so happy when I was teaching because I loved being with the children. Even though I resigned, I still go to the learning center sometimes to teach a little bit. When I look back at my whole life, it is only children who give me happiness and make me feel good.
A husband and wife should be able to discuss things openly, give advice to each other, and be friendly. I felt hurt when my husband would hit me, so I said to him, “We should not be wife and husband, because you hit me and you are not open with me. You don’t allow me to discuss things with you.” Since I said that, we are still living together in the same home but we are not like husband and wife; we don’t have sexual relations anymore since this problem.
Now I don’t have any permanent work here, but I am attending trainings and going to workshops about women’s rights. I am struggling to find a way to survive, and I want to make money for myself, not for him.
Sometimes my husband gives me money to buy food for him, and sometimes I cook for him. We sleep in separate beds now, but we only have one room. He does not support me, but I have an auntie near here who borrowed money from me in Burma, so she is paying me back now once a month. Right now I live on this money, and sometimes I get a little money from some other work.
I LEARNED WHAT WOMEN CAN DO
There are many organizations here, so I attend different trainings and workshops supported by the MAP Foundation.1717 One was a health worker training, so I can help someone if they have a health problem. I also attended a training session on women’s rights and leadership. The GHRED and other organizations also had community leader trainings that I attended. After that, I started working as a volunteer at the women’s center here.
We never had trainings like this in Burma. When I attended these trainings, I learned what women’s rights are, and what women can do. As a woman, I have faced so many problems in my life—I don’t want other women and girls to face these problems. Now I can share my knowledge with other women and explain what we should do when we have problems like this. For example, when I was pregnant I had some health problems because I didn’t have any knowledge about pregnancy. But now I know more because I have attended the health training. I volunteer as the assistant coordinator here because the organizations sometimes hold women’s group discussions about community organizing and things like that. I participate in the workshop and share whatever knowledge I have with the women from our community and from the temporary shelter here.
I also help out by sewing uniforms, which they do for income generation here. At first, I didn’t even know how to cut or sew the clothes, but now I have learned. In this way, I can help the women’s center and I also learn something new. I plan to find a permanent job, and I will continue helping out here at the women’s center. I already told my husband that if I get a permanent job, I will not stay with him anymore. I hope I can get a good job, save money, and help other people. I hope that by volunteering with this organization, other women can learn from my experiences.
Sometimes I have contact with my family in Burma. If I can send them money, I contact them; if I cannot send money, I do not contact them. I used to talk to my son on the phone, but my family doesn’t allow that anymore because they said he looks unhappy after we talk.
I am able to go back to Burma, but I don’t want to go back right now. My relatives took my house and my paddy fields, so now I own nothing there. Also, my family took my savings from the bank to pay for medical treatment when my mother was sick. I’m not sure how they could take money from my account—there is corruption everywhere in Burma. Also, it is difficult to find a job in Burma—it’s not like Thailand. I can earn more money working here.
If my son isn’t interested in the education in Burma, or if he cannot become well educated there, maybe I will bring him here to have a better life. I feel so hurt to be far away from him; no words can express how I feel.
1 Hinthada is a city located in central Burma on the banks of the Irrawaddy (also transliterated Ayeyarwady) River.
2 Mottama is a small town in the Thaton District of Mon State (Southeastern Burma), located on the Thanlwin River.
3 A trishaw is a bicycle rickshaw. It is one of the cheapest ways to travel short distances in Burma.
4 Myanmar Women’s Affairs Federation is a nongovernmental organization formed in December of 2003, with the goal of providing greater resources to women while advocating for more significant involvement in Burmese government. It has close connections to the government and employs the wives of prominent junta members.
5 Approximately US$5.
6 According to Burmese law, women are allowed a compulsory six-week maternity leave before and after they give birth, as long as their work fits within the scope of legal, compensated labor as defined by the Social Security Act of 1954. Those who have contributed to social security for at least six months of the year preceding their pregnancy are entitled to 66 percent of their average earnings for the twelve-week period.
7 Approximately US$3.
8 Kawthaung is a city at the southernmost tip of Burma, bordering Thailand; Dawei is another city in the southeast.
9 Baan Nam Kem is a coastal village in the southern province of Phang Nga in Thailand.
10 Bang Niang is a coastal village in Khao Lak, Phang Nga province, Thailand.
11 The 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami killed over 230,000 people in fourteen countries.
12 Approximately US$2.
13 Approximately US$4.
14 Approximately US$12.
15 GHRED is the nonprofit Grassroots Human Rights Education and Development in Khao Lak province, Thailand.
16 Though Thai policy has traditionally been to keep education open to all children regardless of nationality, in fact, only a small percentage of migrants are actually enrolled in Thai schools, largely due to linguistic, financial, and cultural barriers. NGOs have been working steadily to remedy this situation and its debilitating consequences. As of 2009, for instance, GHRED reports that there are seven learning centers for migrant children in Phang Nga province.
17 The MAP Foundation was established in 1996 to aid in protecting and promoting the rights of Burmese migrants in Thailand.