A Leader’s Guide to a Better Us
Focus on Better
This book has focused on the many ways that grace touches our lives. Our challenge is to put its principles into practice. One way to begin is to adopt a mindset I will call “Focus on Better.”
Make a difference in the lives of others. And that’s why I like the idea of “better.” We can do better.
Better for me means being a more supportive friend, relative or colleague. Being there without being asked. That is, where there is a need, pitch in without being asked. Do things to make people happier. That could be as simple as smiling more or offering to hold the door for someone.
Do so in a spirit of openness, not obligation.
You might define better as involvement. Pick your topic and put yourself into it. For example, look at your job. If you are deficient in an area, bone up on it, either through study or by asking others for help. In your community, look into areas of need, what could you do to make things better for just one person?
Adding steel to the spine of better, let’s include the admonition: no whining. Whining depletes our energy. It draws us away from doing what we should be doing, not simply for others but for ourselves. Whining is the enemy of better.
Notably, we will fail many times, either at doing better or at something else, but if we focus on a positive like “better” we will be pointing ourselves in the right direction. 78
Graceful Self-Assessment
Consider how you are practicing the principles of grace. Consider this self-assessment as a tool to help you improve, not a way to give yourself a pat on the back for how good you think you are.
Use a 5-point scale to rate your behaviors with 5 being best, 1 being worst.
As an individual . . .
__ I practice humility on a daily basis.
__ I recognize my limitations but do not use them as an excuse for not doing something.
__ I strive to look for the good in others before making a judgment about them.
__ I consider it my responsibility to do something for the “greater good.”
__ I make sacrifices in my own personal comfort so that others can benefit.
__ I am generous with my time to people in need.
__ I forgive those who have wronged me before I ask them to apologize for their mistakes.
__ I use my energy to do one kind thing for someone every day.
__ I believe that compassion involves showing mercy on those who have been wronged.
__ I respect the dignity of others because it is what I am called upon to do.
__ Sub-total
As a leader . . .
__ I practice humility as a means of opening myself up to learning from others.
__ I behave as if I am “the smartest person in the room” because I know if I do others will stay silent.
__ I assume people who work with me are acting with the best intentions until they prove otherwise.
__ I act for the “greater good” of the team before acting on what’s good for me.
__ I make time to listen to others even when it means I cannot focus on my immediate demands.
__ I make those with whom I converse feel wanted and empowered.
__ I insist that forgiveness be a team practice by allowing those who have transgressed the opportunity to make amends.
__ I derive my energy from watching my colleagues succeed.
__ I believe that compassion involves showing concern through positive actions, not simply nice words.
__ I insist that our team practice dignity for others by showing respect for colleagues through their words and their actions.
__ Sub-total
__ Total Score
Note: I understand that my score is not a testament to how good I am but rather an assessment of how much more I can do.
***
GRACE: The Role Leaders Play
Each leader I interviewed answered the following question: What’s one thing each of us could do to make things better for others?
***
“I almost always start with working together on connecting and practicing gratefulness . . . If you can practice gratefulness, you can remove a lot of roadblocks that stand between you and progress . . . Practicing gratefulness is an extremely simple but very powerful tactic.”
—Scott Moorehead
“One of the complaints I hear most is that someone isn’t paying attention or listening to me. Having empathy or showing compassion, a lot of it starts with paying attention or listening.”
—Christine Porath
“Learn to listen well. We’re in an era where you can think about these grand things and these grand plans to answer that question, but to me, it’s the simple act of putting down your device and listening.”
—Skip Prichard
“The one thing I think we could do to make things better for others—what I always try to practice—to ascribe good motives to people unless I really have evidence that they don’t have others’ interests at heart. People can say the wrong thing. People can be off in their presentation. But I find that looking, always making the presumption that they’re doing this with good intentions is an important and helpful thing.”
—Sally Helgesen
“Self-improvement comes down to reflecting about where I am and where I want to be and what steps I need then to take now to get me there. . .”
—Mike McKinney
“The three things that I think all of us want to continue to improve, develop from . . . as who we are, three words: humility, love, and service . . . And when it comes to the leadership point of view, it is in creating and nurturing this environment with the reliable working together principles, practices, and management system.”
—Alan Mulally
“In the next interaction that you have, whether it’s at home or work or on the street, when you engage in a conversation and listen for what the other person might need, see if you could provide it for them.”
—Wayne Baker
“The simple thing from a humanity perspective is to smile genuinely and be intentional about being present everywhere I go.”
—Dave Johnson
“Lead out in extending trust to others. Find the ways. The opportunities. Whether you call it extending trust or believing in someone. Seeing the good in someone. Taking a chance on someone. You might use other language that might resonate with different people in different ways. I frame it as leading out and extending trust to others.”
—Stephen M.R. Covey
“Expand our intellectual resources so that we can give them away. Study. Expand your horizons everyday you’re alive . . . I believe that the more knowledge you possess, the more likely you are to share it and the bigger difference you can make. And the easier it is for you to accept those occasional losses in life because they come.”
—Tim Sanders
Greatness & Grace
Greatness is a desire to achieve. When focused through the prism of grace, greatness becomes the impetus for doing one’s best on behalf of others.
***
“Greatness is love personified,” says Alaina Love. “We see it in action by individuals demonstrating a degree of interest in the world, interest in others, a belief that whatever they’re doing, the world is bigger than they are. They carry themselves with a sense of deep interconnectedness with others, even others that are very different or appear to be very different from themselves. They have a sense that they’re here to do something that is contributory in the world. So, their focus isn’t on [themselves]. Their focus is on how can I take my gifts and use those gifts to give to others, to give to the world in a larger sense?”
Scott Moorehead echoes this theme. “Greatness within the concept of doing good is to create deep connections and be inspiring.” The challenge is to do it long-term. “And in order to do that, you truly need to create deep connections. And if you’re inspiring, you’re ultimately allowing others the motivation to personally get involved in doing good as well.”
Likewise, Skip Prichard believes, “Greatness is not only showing up and performing at an exceptional level but inspiring everyone around you to reach deep inside and reach their potential . . . It’s not just my individual performance, but I’m the catalyst to make everybody show up with their individual strengths. And then you have greatness . . . You want to be that catalyst. And to be that catalyst, you have to be fully [engaged].”
“The path to greatness is all about service,” says Mike McKinney. “Greatness means putting more of an emphasis on duty and less on personal desire. It gets back to that whole concept of sacrifice for others . . . Our greatness comes from sharing who we are with as many people as we can.” Integral to greatness within the context of grace is sacrifice, which Mike defines as “doing what’s best for others” ahead of self-interest. Sacrifice then becomes a kind of skin in the game with the person you are seeking to help.
Love & Grace
Love is a manifestation of compassion.
***
Chris Lowney says, love becomes “what’s good” for the other rather than the self. It’s a wish for happiness as well a desire for talent development. Love expresses itself as this thought: “I want you to flourish as a human being.” Chris cites the quotation from Thomas Aquinas, “To love is to will the good of another.”
For Alaina Love, the concept of love is “interconnectedness.” It is “an accepting of the interconnectedness that we share with other people and a desire to create an environment where everybody is thriving.”
Tim Sanders believes that “when you possess love for someone, grace is a bias. Just like when people love you, they presume you’re good until proven bad at everything you do. I believe that love creates a lot of possibilities and one of them is a graceful outlook just like a gracious outlook. Think about that word, gracious.”
Forgiveness & Grace
Forgiveness is an attribute of grace that enables us to look at those who have wronged us and move past the hurt. It is also something we must do for ourselves when we do wrong.
***
Sally Helgsen says, “To forgive or show mercy is by definition magnanimous. Grace is magnanimous because it connects us with goodness in the world.”
Alaina Love has thought long and hard about what it means to forgive. “Forgiveness requires the release of anger and blame, which is difficult if you believe that you’ve somehow been slighted.”
Alaina also integrates the concept of mercy. “Offering mercy requires that you recognize that your true power comes through forgiveness, not the positional power that allows you to punish. When truly inhabiting Grace, a leader is able to look past the slights of others, show mercy as easily as they mete out punishment, and will work to learn from the experience, or support the other person in learning from it. Balancing forgiveness and mercy with accountability is a real test of leadership and character, a test of Grace.”
“Saying I forgive, but I don’t forget,’ notes Tim Sanders, is “like saying this is a ‘new and improved” version of forgiveness. You can’t possibly do both at the same time.” Forgiveness is both transactional and transformational. The act of forgiveness is a transaction that affects the receiver. Moreover, that act is transformational for the giver because he or she is “wiping the slate clean” and moving forward. For Tim, “Forgiveness is like wiping the whiteboard clean. That’s why it is such a wonderful gift when the other person receives forgiveness, true forgiveness . . . it transforms the giver more than the taker.”
Civility & Grace
Civility lays the foundation for positive dialogue. When people look at others as human beings rather than as opponents, you can begin to have a conversation.
***
Civility is essential to organizational norms but as Mike explains it’s more than being polite. “It’s important to remember civility and grace, down to controlling our desires and inclinations for the sake of others, even sacrificing our rights to uphold the dignity of another person.” Mike pins the blame for incivility on those in charge: “where we see bad behavior, there’s been bad leadership.”
Mike McKinney has been a business owner for decades. “Leadership to me starts with a commitment to people,” says Mike. The leader adds value but his or her bigger role is to bring out the best in others. The challenge “means acting in the interests, the best interests of others, giving them exposure and putting them in the way of opportunities.”
Graceful Guide to Leading with Grace
A fundamental tenet of leadership is responsibility for others. Leaders provide direction and then help people arrive at the destination. As such leaders must exemplify behaviors that encourage followership. Chief among them is setting the right example, that is, “leading with grace.” Here are some suggestions.
Graceful Guide to Mentoring
Mentoring is an investment in the development of another individual, typically a person just beginning his or her career. The mentor serves as a kind of wise old uncle (or aunt) whose only motive is to help the younger person succeed. Mentorship succeeds when the mentor is available, that is, serve as a trusted resource for guidance about work-life issues as well as career decisions. Mentorship, like grace, is given freely and without strings attached.
Here are some suggestions for establishing guidelines for successful mentorship:
– one, listen to what they say (or don’t say);
– two, ask open-ended questions to provoke greater understanding; and
– three, be sparing with advice, e.g. better to have the mentee discover for him/herself.
Every mentoring relationship will be different because the needs and wants of individuals vary from person to person. Mentors must be flexible at the same time they are entitled to limit their participation, especially if the mentee requires advise in areas where the mentor is not expert.
Graceful Guide to Optimism
Optimism is essential to the human condition. Learning ways to nurture and develop positive emotions are essential to sound mental health and can also improve physical health, too. Listed are eight skills developed by Dr. Judith Moskowitz at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine. Dr. Moskowitz says that if you practice three per day, you will find your mood has improved.79 Recognize a positive event each day.
Using Grace to Deliver Service to Others
Adopting a Service Ethos
Grace calls us to reach out to help others, that is, to find ways to serve them. Consider how you can adopt a mindset that enables you do think of how you can serve your colleagues by doing what you do and feel better about it?
Consider how you might:
Would these ideas work for you? If so, why? If not, why not?
What else might you to do to serve your colleagues and thereby serve your team and yourself?
Defining Grace through Service
An act of service toward a colleague can be anything of value you to do assist a colleague do his/her job better. In taking such action, you help that individual become a better contributor and collaborator.
Such service can be:
Or just do whatever you can do to make a situation better for someone else.
Creating a Service Ethos
Responsibility for creating a great place to work is a leader’s job. But not solely! Employees have a role to play. Effective organization works more smoothly when colleagues cooperate and collaborate. This can only happen when employees view their colleagues as people they want to help out. In order to facilitate stronger levels of cooperation, it is useful to think of the employee as a “friend,” someone you want to see succeed.
To make that happen you need to understand how you and your colleagues fit into the organization. The following questions will help.
Answers to these questions provide a foundation for taking the first step toward facilitating better working relations with colleagues. What you do is up to you.
John Baldoni “Make Better Your Mantra for 2018” Forbes.com 1/01/2018
https://www.forbes.com/sites/johnbaldoni/2018/01/01/make-better-your-mantra-for-2018/
79 Jane Brody “A Positive Outlook May Be Good for Your Health” New York Times 3/27/2017 [Wording of Dr. Moskowitz’s skills is verbatim as they appeared in the Times. Used with permission of Dr. Moskowitz]