Doing The “Venus Butterfly” To Her
Now that you have everything set up, begin to build and take control of her mood, her five senses, and her tumescence or sexual energy. This will begin right after you make the “Venus Butterfly” date with her and continue right up to the time the “date” ends.
•Bring or send her some flowers and perhaps include taking her on a shopping trip to buy a small gift or sexy lingerie.
•Arrange to fix her a romantic meal or take her to a special restaurant.
Imagine that you are moving all the excitement you have been building in her brain down into her genital area. The easiest way to do this is to directly stimulate the most sensitive nerve endings of her body.
•Having previously made sure that the bedroom is ready, take her there.
•Go very slowly. Start by kissing her slowly and softly in a way that lets her know you are in charge. Start by kissing her forehead, then cheeks, nose, and finally her lips. Do not let her kiss you back unless you want her to. You are the kisser. She is being kissed.
•Begin to slowly remove her clothes. Totally focus on her and talk to her sweetly. Tell her all the things that you love about her skin and her body or, undress her in complete silence and sweetly “forbid” her to say anything. Do what feels good to you and it will almost always be pleasurable to your mate.
•When you are finished undressing her, give her a sensual bath or shower. Make sure this was on your checklist and is set up and ready.
You can be undressed also or you could even be wearing a tuxedo or a pirate suit. Do whatever is going to be fun for you.
•After the bath or shower dry her off with towels scented with a fragrance or perfume she likes and perhaps even pre-warmed in the clothes dryer.
•Next, take her to the bed and ask her to lie down on her back.
•Whatever she is lying on is going to get oil on it, so you may want to put towels under the sheet or have her lie directly on the towels.
•Make sure she is comfortable and warm. You can cover her with a sheet or warm dry towels.
•Take off any rings or jewelry you may be wearing.
•Put some massage oil or body lotion in your hands and warm it up by rubbing your hands together before applying it to her body.
•Start with her feet. Remember to take “taking touches” as you did when you were doing yourself during “tactile inventory.” If it feels good to your hand, it will probably feel good to her.
The feet are very sensitive and have a lot of nerve endings that can give great pleasure. Women have reported having orgasms just from having their feet rubbed. Tell her this and let her know that she can enjoy anything that you do to her as much as she wants.
•Stroke the arch of her foot back and forth from the ball of her foot to the heel. Also, try the middle toe of each foot. Any woman can learn to feel stimulation in her clitoris when her feet are rubbed. Ask her to see how much she can feel of what you are doing to her foot or toes in her clitoris.
Apply enough pressure to give her pleasure without tickling her, or causing pain. All through the massage try to find just the right touch by talking to her and having her tell you what feels best to her.
All the way through this process, allow yourself to feel the good feelings that she is experiencing. Imagine that you are able to feel what she is feeling at the same time in your own body. Practicing this technique is going to be very important when you get to her genital area.
In the beginning of the courses at More University, the professors sometimes call the men “Hammer Hands.” They do this because most men have never been taught how to feel what their partner is feeling. Learning to feel what she is feeling is one of the most important ways to increase your sexual and sensual skills.
By practicing the method in this book you will develop a “velvet touch.” You will learn to feel when her sensations are rising and when they begin to taper off. You will feel the contractions of her orgasm and learn how to intensify and extend her orgasmic contractions for as long as it is fun for both of you.
When you master this technique you will enjoy the sensations she is having almost as much as she does, and feel her sensations in your own body.
•As you are touching her and moving from one area to another, make sure you are staying in communication with her. Do this from the very beginning of the “Venus Butterfly” date.
•Tell her what you are going to do before you do it. If you need to stop to put some more oil on your hands, remember to let her know before you stop massaging. When you are warming the oil up in your hands, say, “I’m warming the oil up in my hands before I put it on you. Now it’s warm enough and I’m going to spread it on your skin.”
•Get feedback from her as to exactly what feels the best to her.
•Inform her of what you are doing, step by step, so she doesn’t have to think or try to figure it out. There is no need to tell her anything except what the next step is.
•Next, take her hand and begin to work on her fingers, working up her hands, then arms, and on to the front of her shoulders and her chest.
•Begin to make circles around the outermost curve of her breasts. Be careful not to touch the nipples. They may be too sensitive and cause her discomfort if you touch them directly or before they are ready.
•Slowly begin to make the circles smaller and smaller as if you are teasing the nipples. Make them want to be touched.
•When you think they are ready and she is expecting them to be touched, tell her that you are now going to go back to caressing the outside rim of her breasts and slowly do so.
•Keep teasing her breasts until you feel her level of tumescence build up to a very high level and touching her nipples comes naturally.
Some women have very sensitive nipples and you should use a lot of lubricant. You may even need to put a piece of thin cloth over her and touch her nipples through the cloth. Just make sure that you touch them in a way that gives her the most pleasure.
•When her nipples have had enough, begin to work on the fronts of her thighs and her stomach.
Only when you have shown all her other parts of her body enough attention should you begin to tease her genital area.
•Start making circles slowly around her pubic area with the tips of your fingers without touching her pubic hairs.
•Make your circles smaller and smaller until you are barely touching the outer edge of her hairline. Her hairs are an extension of her skin. Run your hand over the tops of her pubic hairs, touching them lightly, and ask her if she likes the sensations.
As she becomes excited, you may notice that her pubic hairs stand up, reaching upward as if they want to be touched. Also, when she becomes turned on, the lips around her vagina will open up by themselves.
At this point you need to decide what position would be most comfortable as you proceed. It is important that you be comfortable during this entire process. If you are not, your partner will pick up your stress, which will decrease the amount of pleasure you both experience.
•First make sure she is lying comfortably on her back with her legs spread apart.
The best position to use, if you are right-handed, is to sit beside her on her left side with your right leg, your leg nearest her head, over her stomach. Your left leg, the leg nearest her feet, will go under her legs.
Reverse this if you are left-handed. You will be on her right side and your left leg would go over her stomach. Your right leg will go under her legs.
Using this “Venus Butterfly” position, you can easily use both hands, and at the same time see what you are doing. Most men can comfortably stay in this position for long periods of time. To make sure you stay comfortable, it is a good idea to prop large pillows behind and beside you. Support your back by leaning against the pillows, headboard, or a wall next to the bed.
1. Sit beside her with your leg, the one nearest her head, bent so that you are sitting on your foot, or so that your bent leg is slightly in front of you and pressing against the side of her body. Your other leg, the one nearest her feet, will be under her legs or crossed in front of you. If you are right-handed, you will still be on her left side. If you are left-handed, you will be on her right side. In this position it is also a good idea to prop large pillows beside and behind you. Support your back by leaning against the pillows, headboard, or a wall next to the bed.
2. Kneel beside her. Approach her from her left side if you are right-handed. If you are left-handed, you will be on her right side. This position may become tiresome after a while and begin to hurt your knees, but it allows you to keep eye contact and talk to her easily.
3. Lie beside her with your head toward her feet. Your bottom arm over her leg, holding yourself up by putting your weight on your elbow. Be on her left side if you are right-handed. If you are left-handed be on her right side. Using this position, you can eas ily use both hands as well as see what you are doing. You will be stimulating her clitoris using the hand of your free arm.
•When you are ready, tell her to spread her legs so that you can apply Vaseline* to her genital area.
(Note: Do not use Vaseline or any petroleum based product if you are concerned about the spread of a sexually transmitted disease. If you are not totally sure that both you and your partner are totally free of sexually transmittable diseases, use a water based product and latex gloves while using this technique. See Chapter 13 for more information.)
•After warming the lubricant up with your hands, begin to slowly and gently spread it on:
1. the outer lips of her vagina (labia majora),
2. then her inner lips (labia minora),
3. then the opening to her vagina. Not up inside her vagina, just on the opening.
4. Finally, follow the inner lips up to the point that they begin to form the hood over her clitoris. Carefully and slowly lubricate the hood of her clitoris and very gently include the head of the cli toris (clitoral glans) itself.
A woman’s clitoris is very similar to the shaft of a man’s penis and its end, the clitoral glans, is like the crown or end of a man’s penis. The hood of the clitoris is like his foreskin.
You can think of the penis as a large clitoris and the clitoris as a small penis.
As you are applying lubricant, ask her to spread her fingers and toes to feel sensations throughout her whole body. Most women report that when they do this, they experience more intense sensations.
• Use a lot of Vaseline. Vaseline spreads sensation and prevents skin irritation from long periods of love making. It also allows you to easily use both heavy or light pressure.
• Talking to her as you go along can help to turn her on. Tell her how beautiful, radiant, and exciting she is, and let her know you could touch her this way all night long.
Almost all women love to hear over and over how much they turn you on and how beautiful they are to the man they love. They never get tired of hearing real compliments about their attractiveness, any more than you get tired of being told by her how well you did when you accomplished something.
There are two possibilities a man can use while he is doing the two-handed “Venus Butterfly” to a woman.
When you use the two-hand position, have her raise her hips, keeping her legs open so that, using your hand which is nearest her feet with your fingers spread wide apart, you can reach underneath her buttocks.
Spread your middle and ring fingers wide apart so that her spine can rest comfortably between those two fingers while the thumb of your bottom hand presses against her vaginal opening. Do not insert your thumb inside of her. Let your thumb rest lightly and snugly over the opening.
Make sure that your bottom hand feels comfortable to both of you and that you are gently holding her firmly and securely.
The thumb of your bottom hand will rest lightly and snugly on her vaginal opening as in the two-hand position, but at the same time your middle finger is resting lightly on her anus. Do not insert your finger inside of her. Just let your finger rest firmly and snugly against her anus.
In the either of the above positions, as she begins to have pleasurable sensations, you may feel one or both of your fingers being sucked in to one or both of her openings. We call this phenomenon the “Honeysuckle.” Until this happens on its own, do not attempt to press your fingers inside of her. Just let them rest gently on the outside.
Some men use a latex examination glove on one or both hands. Do whatever is the most appropriate for you. The use of latex gloves is discussed more fully in Chapter 13.
•Now that you are in a comfortable position, begin to use your free hand to “take” pleasuring strokes. Don’t start at the focal point, the clitoris, but instead begin at the outermost part of an imaginary circle around the clitoris and begin to work your way toward it.
You are attempting to excite her clitoris. Make it want to be touched. Tease it as long as possible before you finally give it any direct pleasure.
•Start by slowly and gently stroking her outer lips,
•Then her inner lips,
•Get every bit of pleasure you can from each part before going on to the next.
•Next, around the opening of her vagina above your thumb,
•And finally directly up from the vagina opening to the middle ridge, which is her clitoris.
An easy way to find the most sensitive part of a woman’s genitals, her clitoris, is to start at the vaginal opening and go straight up until you feel a bump. That’s it.
•When you get to her clitoris, lightly pull one side of the hood back using the side of your thumb. Then to keep her clitoris from moving around, “anchor” it in place by gently pressing the side of your thumb down along the side of her clitoris.
•The rest of your fingers will be pointing down toward her vaginal opening. Reach down with your middle finger and begin to find the area on or around the clitoris which gives her the most pleasure.
•Start very slowly with a very light up and down movement, the “bread and butter” stroke. Imagine that your finger is a delicate butterfly wing that is slowly, lovingly, and sensuously stroking up and down over her most delicate nerve endings.
•From time to time you can stop for a moment and take a look at her clitoris to make sure you are on the right spot. Sometimes you will find that you have slipped off the clitoris and are rubbing on her hood or somewhere else. Visual confirmation will give you certainty and build your confidence.
Most men sometimes only pay attention to the “up” “Venus Butterfly” stroke. However, there is as much sensation available on the “down” stroke as the up. Check with her to make sure she is feeling both the up and the down strokes.
Sometimes, until she is very excited, the head of the clitoris may be too sensitive to stimulate directly even with very, very light pressure. If this is the case, add more lubricant or begin to build her excitement by touching only the hood which surrounds her clitoris. If even lighter pressure is required, touch only the lubricant and let the ripples of sensation spread into her most sensitive areas.
As you feel her tumescence build to a critical point, remind her to spread her fingers and toes to feel sensations throughout her body.
•Don’t let her go over the top yet. To bring her down and regain control, either change the stroke you are using from up and down to side to side…. or lighten the pressure you are using…. or stop all together for just one or two strokes. Always tell her what you are doing before you do it.
Most women will have slightly more feeling on one side of their clitoris than on the other. When you start out, she will probably think that her right side is more sensitive. The main reason for this is that most women are right handed and usually stimulate themselves with their right hand. This may cause her to favor the right side of the clitoris, but there is a place on her left side that has more potential if developed.
For many women it is best to start at the 10 o’clock position (looking head on at her genitals) and slowly work toward their most sensitive spot which is at about 1 o’clock.
Your goal during this process is to give your partner the most intense pleasurable feelings possible. The easiest way to accomplish this every time is to use what we call the More University “Communication” or “Training Cycle.” With this technique you can find out exactly where, when, and how to give your partner precisely what she wants, when she wants it, for as long as she wants.
When you are doing the “Venus Butterfly” to your partner, you need to know, at all times, if you are making contact with the correct spot, with the right amount of pressure. The only way you can know this for sure is to ask, but you must be careful not to make your partner lose touch with what she is feeling.
By communicating, you will learn the perfect amount of pressure and speed to use with each series of strokes without having your partner lose the mood.
The secret is to ask simple, short, yes or no questions which can be answered without too much thought. For example:
1. “Would you like me to rub harder than this?” (Answer, “Yes.”)
2. “Okay,” you say as you increase the pressure. “Would you like it harder than this?” (Answer, again “Yes.”)
3. “Okay,” you say as you increase the pressure even more. “Would you like it harder than this?” (Answer, “No.”)
4. “Okay. Would you like it softer than this?” (If you get a “No” at this point, you are right on the mark. Just continue to use that pressure. If you get a “Yes,” keep decreasing the pressure until your partner lets you know you are doing great.
This technique is very effective in finding the right spot on the clitoris or on any part of her body and discovering which exact amount of pressure or speed feels best. “To the left more?” ….. “Higher?” … “Would you like a faster stroke?” … “Slower?” … “More lubricant?” …etc.
On some women, the clitoris is hard to find and stay in contact with. It might keep slipping away from you. Don’t worry or let her get upset. You are just one step away from finding it with the “Training Cycle.”
If you get off the right spot for even one stroke, let her know that you want her to say so immediately. Here is what you should ask her to do so that you are always pleasing her.
Ask her if she would she be willing to follow just three simple steps.
1. At anytime that she wants you to do something different, the first step is for her to acknowledge your overall actions. She simply says, “That’s great!” or “This feels so wonderful!”
2. Next, she makes a request of you that will bring her even more pleasure. It is a small step that you can easily fulfill. She could say, “Will you…. (one of the following)
…go slower?” (faster?)
…rub a little softer?” (harder?)
…come up a little higher?” (down a little lower?)
…move your finger a little to the left?” (right?)
…give me a drink of water?”
…move your finger up and down?”
…move your finger from side to side?”
…use more lubricant?”
By making a simple request, she is furnishing you with the information that you need so that you can give her exactly what will please her the most. This way you don’t have to guess or shoot in the dark.
3. As soon as you respond to her request, then she says, “That’s even better!” or “That’s wonderful! Thank you.”
Now you know that you are improving and that she appreciates your commitment to pleasing her. Each time, she makes a request, she follows all three steps. This is her version of the Training Cycle when she is the one receiving pleasure.
Sex is one of the most difficult subjects couples attempt to communicate about. These training cycles will help her communicate more easily and effectively about what she really wants.
A good “test” to see if she is paying attention to how much she is feeling is to tell her you are going to stop for just a moment.
•Immediately resume and do 10 strokes on her.
•Stop again and ask her how many strokes did she feel since you stopped a few moments ago. If she says 5, then she is only feeling 50% of the sensation that it is possible for her to feel.
Throw this “test” in every once in a while to check on her improvement.
When you are doing the “Venus Butterfly” to her the first time, she may beg you to let her go over the top. Do not do this until you are ready for her to go. Tell her over and over that everything will be all right, just relax and maybe next time you will let her go. Slow her down. Don’t rush. You have all night if you want.
•Hold out as long as possible. You can switch to rubbing on her outer or inner lips. It will be pleasurable, but she will probably want you back on the clitoris as quickly as possible.
•Don’t let her rush you. You are in charge and will get her there in due time.
Include time to “connect up” other parts of her body with her clitoris. Basically, you are to rub on some other part of her body, such as her breasts, which contain a large number of nerve endings and create a sympathetic response in her clitoris.
Tell her you are going to begin to rub on the nipple of her breast at the same time you are stroking her clitoris.
•Once she is feeling pleasurable sensations in both areas, tell her that you are going to stop rubbing on her clitoris, but you want her to see if she can “feel” the touching you are doing to her nipple in her clitoris.
•After a while, inform her that you are once again going to stroke her clitoris. Stop rubbing on her nipple and ask her to see if she can “feel” the touching you are doing to her clitoris in her nipple.
•Keep going back and forth until you have set up a connection between the two. Stop whenever either of you get tired of doing this.
The most common areas that seem to lend themselves favorably to being connected are the areas used in petting such as her lips, neck, stomach, the inside of her legs, her knees, as well as her breasts and nipples.
Other areas with large bundles of nerve endings, such as the middle toe, the anus, and just inside the vagina opening can also be explored.
If done properly, just one inch of penetration inside her vagina can be felt by her as far up as 12 inches or more. Here’s what you need to do:
•As you are stroking her clitoris, gently feel around the opening to her vaginal canal. Don’t go very far up inside of her just yet. Ask her to tell you how far she can feel your finger inside of her.
•Next, insert your finger inside her vaginal canal and press or stroke her vaginal wall at the 3, 6, 9, and 12 o’clock positions. As you’re doing this, ask her which spots, and what pressure and speed feels best to her.
The 12 o’clock position is interesting because it is directly behind her clitoris and enables you to make her feel as if you are stimulating her clitoris from another side. This area, which is about the size of a button and gets hard as the woman gets excited, is sometimes referred to as the G-Spot.
Most men are confused by the G-Spot because they act as if they think that it works like a garage door opener.
Their bewilderment is caused by the ignorance of the little known fact that rubbing or pressing on this spot does not work except after she is already highly aroused or close to climaxing. After she is sufficiently aroused, this spot acts like a turbo charger and can greatly increase the intensity of her orgasmic sensations.
At some point you will be ready to take her over the top. You will have been keeping her in an orgasmic state as close to the edge as you have wanted to.
•Remember to tell her what you are going to do before you do it. You might even use this opportunity to peak her some more.
•You can even play with her in a way that increases her tumescence. Tell her that, just for fun, she has only twenty seconds to go over the top, and if she doesn’t make it you are going to bring her down one more time.
She will probably choke up under the pressure and not make it. That’s fine. Every time you peak her, you build up the pressure of the climax and take it to a level that would not have been possible without peaking.
All during your “Venus Butterfly” date you should strive to get her to have orgasmic contractions and sensations without going over the top. This is also the key to a woman’s ability to have orgasmic contractions that last up to an hour.
Just remember, her orgasm comes from intense, pleasurable, contractions. With practice, you can cause her to have hundreds, even thousands of orgasmic contractions, of varying intensity, during a “Venus Butterfly” lovemaking session.
•As you continue, and her tumescence builds, bring her as close to the edge as is possible without going over the top. Then bring her down and regain control by trying one of the following methods: Stopping; Slowing way down; Changing to a much lighter pressure; Changing the direction you are rubbing, or; Changing the rhythm you are using.
•Notice that each time you bring her close to the edge, the intensity of her contractions will increase. Continue to take her to the edge each time, and you will be able to keep her contractions going longer and stronger.
•Each time you feel her tumescence build up to a critical point, remind her to spread her fingers and toes to feel sensations all the way out to those areas. This allows her to spread the sensation throughout her whole body.
With enough practice, you will be able to get her to the top level of orgasm, which we call the “orgasmic state.” At this level, she will be having full body contractions, one after the other, and you will be able to keep them going for as long as both of you want.
To reach this orgasmic state, you will need to become proficient using the “Venus Butterfly” technique with total confidence and her nervous system will need to be strengthened so as to be able to reach high levels of intensity without discomfort. Anyone can attain these abilities with enough practice. Just remember the saying, “The way to get to Carnegie Hall is practice, practice, practice.”
•At some point she will either slip over the top, or you will deliberately take her there. Once she starts into this final cli max phase, stay very alert to what you are feeling, both in your body and in your finger. It is usually time for you to begin to lighten the pressure or else her climax could turn from pleasure to pain. Give her just enough pressure, but not too much. Maintain a steady rhythm and pressure.
You will learn as you practice how much pressure feels the best to her, and when to begin to lighten or increase your stroke.
Notice that her body will pull away from you when you are pressing too hard, and push toward you when she wants more pressure.
•Now the best part. Once she has climaxed totally and has nothing left, there are still pleasurable feelings left over for the taking. All you need to do is to continue to stroke her, using more Vaseline to prevent friction and usually a lighter and slower touch as you bring her down.
Even at this point, she is probably not all of the way detumesced. This means, using our scale of tumescent energy, she would be at a level two or three…. not at a level one yet.
•Bring her all of the way down. Do not leave her feeling like she is floating three feet over the bed. You will know you are finished when she is totally “flat.” This means there are no more pleasurable sensations left in her.
A good way to end with her is to lie on top of her or even to have intercourse with her. Heavy pressure on her body or chest, will help bring her completely down.
At this point, if you have been allowing yourself to feel what she has been feeling, you may feel as if you have gone through the orgasmic state and climax yourself, and you may feel totally detumesced.
•Don’t let up at this point. You are still in the process of making love to each other. Being intimate and talking is just as much a part of lovemaking as is touching each other. Have her tell you everything about how the whole “Venus Butterfly” date was for her, from begin ning to end. Get her to talk about even the smallest details and be specific as to what pleasurably sensitive areas you discovered on her.
You will be amazed at how much you discover about each other and how exciting being with each other will become. Don’t be surprised if you learn something new about each other each time you practice the “Venus Butterfly” technique…no matter how many years you have been together.
Well? Did you keep time? Did you keep her orgasmic contractions and sensations going for one hour this session?
Don’t worry. In the long run, it doesn’t make much difference. How long you can get her to sustain an orgasmic state, or how many contractions you can get her to have, is really not that important.
The most important goal is to see how much pleasure and fun both of you can get out of practicing the “Venus Butterfly” technique.
Although it is easy to be patient when you are having fun, think of practicing the “Venus Butterfly” technique and training for your one hour orgasm as if you were training for a marathon.
If you were going to run a marathon, you would not jump up the first day and run 26 miles as hard as you could. You would start out with a mile or two at a slow pace. Later you would increase your distance until you got up to your goal. The same is true in mastering the “Venus Butterfly” technique.
Just keep practicing. Each time you do, you will find yourself going for more fun and pleasure.
The information you have received so far, with practice, will enable you to produce dramatically extended periods of orgasmic contractions in your partner.
However, having an orgasm last an hour or more (no matter how exciting and thrilling the prospect) is not the primary purpose of the “Venus Butterfly” technique. It is a wonderful side benefit.
Our main goal is to teach couples how to have more fun in their relationships and their sex life.
In our videos/DVDs, For His Eyes Only and For Her Eyes Only, you can see a live demonstrations of the “Venus Butterfly” technique being taught and successfully performed.
Good luck and have lots of fun every chance you get.
Men: Skip past Chapter 11 to Chapter 12
*Vaseline is not water soluble, so not even perspiration will wash it off. It also spreads and radiates pleasurable sensations. Vaseline seems to have a preferable consistency and creates a unique “drag” effect even though it is made of basically the same ingredients as other brands. After your first “Venus Butterfly” date, you can try other brands, to see which one you prefer.