BaR-26

The Law of Attachment and Detachment

Today I will let go of attachments and obsessive behaviors. I will be fluid in my thoughts and creative
in my approach to life. I will expect uncertainty
and willingly accept all the universe has to offer.

The Law of Attachment and Detachment states that you can have anything and everything you desire but when your happiness and sense of self-worth is dependent upon that thing then you are attached to it and must let it go, otherwise it controls you. In Taoism, Jainism, and Buddhism, detachment is a release from desire and consequently from suffering. This applies to material things, relationships, and any area of your life where you feel like you need something and can’t live without it. Material things should be enjoyed as gifts received from universal abundance for your hard work. When you turn a gift into a need then you’ve put a condition on the gift and can become entangled in the web of angst you’ve surrounded it with.

Obsessing Over Things

It’s one thing to desire a nice house or car, but if you turn obtaining them into an obsession then the effects can be negative. Instead of being comfortable within yourself and valuing yourself as a spiritual person, when your desire turns to an all-consuming need, it now affects all of the inner work you’ve done on yourself in a negative way too. What I mean by this is if you go from wanting a mansion in Beverly Hills to needing it to prove your worth, you’ve attached the house to your feelings of success. With this mentality, you’d consider yourself a failure if you weren’t able to achieve that house. You don’t have to prove you’re worthy of the house to anyone, not even yourself, but if you think or feel you do, you’re stuck in an attached mindset.

Let me give you an example. I’m attached to my horses because I love them deeply and even though we’re breeders who raise and sell horses to others, I quickly become attached and form a bond with them and miss them terribly when they leave to go to their forever homes. That type of attachment is different then what the Law of Attachment and Detachment is talking about. The type of attachment this law is referencing is being so attached to something or someone that, if you don’t have them or it in your life, you feel as if you have less value to yourself or others. If I sell a horse, even one I raised from birth, I will cry when they leave because I love them and I’ll miss them but I don’t feel any less of a person because they left. According to this law someone with an attachment to horses would feel their world just fell completely apart if they didn’t have a horse in it and that their life no longer had meaning.

Being attached to things like houses, cars, animals, money, boats, or anything else you can own often leads to negative emotions like self-indulgence, jealousy, and arrogance. This type of attachment borders on obsession. It’s important not to let your desire for something turn into an obsessive need attached to your self-worth.

Obsessing Over People

When you attach to people in the same way, guess what? Now they control you, they can manipulate you, and take advantage of you. Your obsessive attachment has given them power over your thoughts, actions, and the choices you make because you’ve given them more power and control over your being than you’re keeping for yourself. If you find yourself in a situation like this, ask yourself why you feel this way. Why are you obsessing over this person? Why are you giving away your power? Why do you feel you’ll be less than the wonderfully fantastic spiritual being you are if this person wasn’t in your life? Is it because you’re afraid of being alone? Is it because losing them would mean you’d have to find someone else? It is important to your spiritual growth to never base how you feel about yourself on whether or not another person is part of your life. One of the most important lessons is to stand on our own two feet, by ourselves, and face who we are at a soul level and take responsibility for what we’re doing on the physical plane. Each of us deserves love and respect and a relationship with someone with whom we’re on equal footing. Obsessive attachment doesn’t have a place in a successful relationship because it makes it out of balance. It can make it difficult to leave relationships that are no longer in your best interest because you’re always making excuses for the person you’re attached to for their behavior. To create a lasting, loving relationship with someone, it must be based on unconditional love and complete acceptance of the other person, faults and all.

If you’re obsessively attached to someone else, have you stopped to think how your attachment makes them feel? Some people may take complete advantage of you because when you’re obsessively attached, you’re vulnerable to them. Other people may feel very uncomfortable with your overt interest in them and may try to steer you away because they feel you’re being clingy, needy, and are smothering them with your attention, which may also be unwanted. Their pushing you away is actually for your own good and spiritual growth … but only if they can get that message through to you, which can be difficult to do with someone who is obsessive in their attachment. The real issue with relationship attachments is that we all want to be seen, heard, and appreciated for our uniqueness and individuality. We all want to be loved. When we put all our energy on obtaining these things from the outside, from other people, before we learn to love and appreciate the unique beings we are, then we’re not really giving ourselves unconditional love. Until we can unconditionally love ourselves, we can’t truly love another or move forward on our spiritual path.

Attachment is usually based on fear and causes rigid thinking and expectations because you believe you need something or someone other than yourself to be happy. When you expect happiness to come from the outside instead of from your inner self, then other people will disappoint you when they no longer make you happy. But that’s not on them; it’s on you for being overly attached with unrealistic expectations. Everyone wants to be recognized as the unique, special person they are inside but your light can’t shine as brightly when you dim it through attachments. When you release this fear, and realize you don’t need anyone or anything else to make you happy, then you’re practicing the detachment part of the Law of Attachment and Detachment.

When you let go of any attachments you’ve formed its easier for the universe to respond and provide you with the abundance you deserve and would like to receive. You can be focused on your goal with an intense passion without being obsessive and attached to it. If you feel as if you’re crossing the line into obsessive attachment, then pull yourself back. Ask yourself if you’re becoming too fixated in achieving the goal. If you are, make changes. There’s nothing wrong with being intense in your actions but it is negative to be obsessive in them.

What really happens when you detach from attachments? You develop an understanding of your inner self, are compassionate toward yourself, and are able to understand the other person’s point of view or realize why you don’t need that thing in your life to be happy. Attachments can’t be sustained. They always eventually break down or fall apart, and if you’re not comfortable with your inner self, you’ll have a difficult time. It’s better yet to let go of all attachments and to stand as a detached observer for a while to gain a fuller understanding of yourself and those around you.

Detaching from attachments can be a little scary because you’re moving from a place of obsession to uncertainty, from trying to control to letting go of control, but when you’re willing to make this change, to detach, you release yourself from past conditioning and obstacles that prevent you from connecting to your true spiritual self. Let go to fly free.

Try It Now

When you let go of attachments you are progressing along your spiritual path. Today take a walk where you can watch people. Do you see any obsessive tendencies or interactions between people? Maybe one person is acting jealous because their partner glanced at someone else that was nice looking. Or another couple is having an argument because one person is trying to control the actions or speech of the other. Now think of your situation. Have you been controlling or jealous? Are any of the behaviors you noticed among others also happening in your life? Sometimes it’s hard to see what we’re doing to ourselves, that’s why I want you to observe others. As a quiet observer, we often see what we overlook in ourselves. If you discover that you’re exhibiting symptoms of attachment, decide what you can do to change yourself and release it. It may take a little time but you can do it.

Practical Application Tips

Let go of that which no longer serves you.
The universe can’t respond if you’re blocking it with your attachments. Let them go to receive.
Your self-worth should never be based on someone else’s opinion or obtaining an object.
Detaching from attachments can make you feel uncertain about the future. Look at it as an adventure and a new page in your life that’s filled with freedom.
If you feel obsessively attached to someone else, look at the situation from their point of view to get a clearer picture of your actions.
Attachment is based on fear. Detachment is based on unconditional love for yourself.
Attachments never last because of the inappropriate need associated with it.
Disappointments come from attachments.
Having attachments means you’re giving away your power. Detach to become true to your spiritual self.
To achieve success, release attachments, and move forward with passion.

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