This exercise can be run quickly, in about thirty to forty-five minutes, or you can let it run long and people will go for two hours. Talking about what makes teams work or fail is often therapeutic.
If you want to run this, set aside at least an hour. No one complains when meetings end early. Timebox (i.e., put a time limit) on each exercise, unless you suspect it’s a critical conversation. You can lose the trust of the team if you force them into the next exercise when they clearly need to talk through an issue. If you can bring in a facilitator so you can be a participant, do so. A trained facilitator can spot when a team needs to go long, and it allows you to join into the fray.
There are two ways to run this exercise. One is as a single group talking to each other, similar to the traditional brainstorm. This works well when the group is small and comfortable with each other.
The other is silent listing of norms, then share to breakout groups, then share with the larger group. This is effective if the group is larger, or made up of introverts and extroverts, or strangers. There is less social cost to writing something down and sharing with a small group than having to yell out your thoughts in front of everyone.
Picture the best team you’ve ever been on. The one where you felt you were part of something special. Can you recall its characteristics? What made it so awesome?
Share them with the facilitator OR write them down on Post-Its.
Give folks about five to ten minutes for this.
If writing down on Post-Its, take a moment (five minutes) to share with your smaller group (three to five people.)
Now picture the worst team you’ve ever been part of. You know, you wake up each morning dreading that you’ll be facing those people. What made it so dreadful?
Share OR write them down.
If writing them, take a moment to share with the small group.
If working in small groups, take a moment to stack rank your issues. Then share your top three goods and top three bads with the larger group. The facilitator should write them on the wall so they can be remembered as you create your norms.
Finally, make a list of rules for your team. It should be easy to think up rules after a moment of reflection on your experiences. Call them out to the facilitator, and have them listed on a flipchart—something that invites editing and updates. Fancy posters will make team members reluctant to update the norms.
If you are working in breakout groups, the small groups can generate them, then share them with the big group. Duplication is fine . . . it just means the issue is really important.
When I run this exercise, I question the “rules.” If someone says, “Speak your mind,” I’ll ask:
The rules need to have the same meaning for all team members. I often have to get clarity around a phrase that everyone knows what it means, like “Speak your mind.” What does it look like when everyone speaks his or her mind? Is everyone yelling? Does it mean we’ll tell people when their sweater is ugly? Or are people honest but still appreciative of each other’s feelings?
Many teams in the Silicon Valley are composed of people from both high context and low context cultures8. A rule like “Speak your mind” has a very different meaning for a person from China, a person from Holland, and a person from Texas. By describing what it looks like to speak your mind, it’s recognizable by people whose culture doesn’t favor direct confrontation. Some people need formal permission to speak up.
Let’s say Jim suggests the rule, “No interrupting.”
Margot is confused. “What do you mean?”
Jim says, “It’s rude.”
Margot says, “I don’t think it’s rude. It’s important to get your ideas out while they are fresh.”
Jim says, “But when you interrupt me, I forget what I’m saying. It’s upsetting. I feel like my opinion isn’t valued.”
The facilitator can then ask others what they think (if they don’t jump in). The group will decide if interrupting is okay, at which point the facilitator can ask the group how to help Jim make sure he can participate. Or the group may decide interrupting is not okay, which means they need to figure out how to help Margot adjust.
Two things need to happen:
Pick what is acceptable behavior in your group
Decide how to help everyone live with that choice
After you’ve got about ten rules people believe they can live by, ask if anyone has any other burning issue they wish to address. If not, set aside the rules until the weekly retrospective, where you’ll review and revise.
8 “High-context cultures are those in which the rules of communication are primarily transmitted through the use of contextual elements (i.e., body language, a person’s status, and tone of voice) and are not explicitly stated. This is in direct contrast to low-context cultures, in which information is communicated primarily through language and rules are explicitly spelled out.” Study.com. Accessed December 2, 2018. https://study.com/academy/lesson/high-context-culture-definition-examples-quiz.html.