In 2000, I had the privilege of visiting the National Gandhi Museum in New Delhi, India. While I was there I saw a quote from Mahatma Gandhi that said, “The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems.” I’ve thought about that quote often. And I’ve wondered, Why is there such a difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing? What would make up the difference and close the gap?
It’s not talent. Each of us is very capable, and we can do a great deal with the talent we already have, so that’s not the answer. It’s not more time. Each of us has the same amount of time allotted to us each day. What is it?
After years of reflection I think I know what would close the gap between what we do and what we are capable of doing. It’s discipline. By discipline, I mean the commitment to do what we should in a consistent way. In this context, discipline would be the difference maker.
Successful people are highly disciplined in doing their most important work. They are self-disciplined. They guide and encourage themselves to do the work they ought to do, not just the things they want to do. That’s what takes them from average to good, and from good to great. And that’s why the rewards in this world are usually reserved for those who are willing to do what the majority of people are unwilling to do.
I love the way trainer and speaker Mark Tyrrell describes self-discipline. He says,
Over the years I’ve come to see self-discipline as an invisible magic. You can’t see, taste, or smell it, but its effects are huge. It can transform fat into slim, sag into buff, uninformed into expert, poor into rich, misery into happiness. It’s the submerged part of the iceberg others don’t see when they see your “genius.”1
Everyone sees people’s success without realizing that 90 percent of what leads to it is unseen, yet that 90 percent is what makes it possible.
That’s why top athletes are as good as they are and are able to make their skills look so effortless. Their time playing in the game is only 10 percent—or less—of the time they spend on their sport. That’s why brilliant musicians are so fantastic. The two-hour performance you witness is a mere fraction of the time they spend practicing and perfecting their skills. People look at athletes and artists and think, I wish I had their luck, when they should be saying, I wish I had their discipline.
Tyrrell says that too many people see life as a waiting room. I think that’s true. People sit and wait for for their names to be called. But success does not come looking for us. We won’t achieve great things accidentally. Never forget: everything worthwhile is uphill. Achieving what you want takes time, effort, consistency, energy, and commitment. Self-discipline is what makes those things possible and puts success within reach. And here’s the good news. Self-discipline is something you can develop. You don’t need to be born with it. It’s a choice you make and keep on making.
If you’d like to see your capacity for discipline increase, take these ideas to heart and put them into practice.
I was not a very good student in high school. All I wanted to do was hang out with my friends and play basketball. Students like me made it possible for others to finish in the top half of our class. However, everything changed for me when I went to college. My first semester I became a self-disciplined student who made the dean’s list.
What happened? The moment I went to college I knew that I would be preparing myself for what I really wanted to do in my life. I had a purpose, and I knew what was important to achieve it. No more fooling around—I took great notes in class, developed excellent study habits, hung around with good students, and focused on my future. Everything changed, and I started on my self-discipline journey.
Stephen R. Covey made an interesting observation about discipline. He wrote,
Many people simply conclude that they are not disciplined enough. My response to that idea is that it’s usually not a discipline problem at all. The problem is more often that the person has not yet sufficiently paid the price to get very clear about what matters most to them. Once you have a burning yes inside you about what’s truly important, it’s very easy to say no to the unimportant.2
That certainly has been true in my life! When my calling became clear, my passion increased. My passion caused me to prioritize and plan my life.
I recently read an article by Brian Tracy that said 97 percent of adult Americans are trying to live their lives without clear, specific, written goals. He likened this to setting off across an unknown country without a road map.3 That’s a good analogy. If we want to get somewhere worthwhile, we need to identify where we’re going.
Mark Cole is the CEO of my five companies. When I was sixty-five he asked me to write out my wish list of what I wanted for each company by the time I was seventy. He said, “John, take a few months and give a lot of thought to this request. As your right-hand man, I want to know your head and heart concerning the organizations I am responsible for.” I did exactly what he asked. That exercise not only gave Mark clarity, it filled me with determination to see my dreams come true.
Do you know what’s important to you? If you haven’t thought it through and written it out, it’s very likely that any lack of self-discipline you’re experiencing is coming from that. The single greatest way to increase your discipline capacity is to know what’s important and have that as a touchstone for your life.
If discipline is the highway that takes us where we want to go in life, then excuses are exits off that highway. And believe me—there are lots of exits. Take a look at some of these, and see if you’ve ever found yourself saying any of them:
• I’ll start after the new year.
• I don’t want to do it alone.
• My spouse won’t do it with me.
• I’ll do it when I finish school.
• I’ll do it after the kids get out of school.
• I’ll do it after the kids go back to school.
• I’ll do it when I have more energy.
• I’ll start it when the weather gets better!
• I’ll do it when I’m not as busy.
• I’ll do it after my birthday.
• I’ll do it tomorrow.
• I’ll do it when I retire.
• I’m too heavy—I’ll do it after I lose some weight.
• I’m too old. (Are you planning to get younger?)
• I’m too inexperienced.
• I’m too afraid.
• I don’t know how to start.
I’ve used a few of those myself, but I’m not proud of it.
How do you know something is an excuse? Ask yourself, “Would it stop me from doing something I love to do?” If it wouldn’t, it’s an excuse. Get rid of it.
If you were to Google “secrets of success,” you’d get back 67 million results in less than half a second. People have written extensively about how to be successful for a very long time. So I’d say that knowing the success secrets is no problem. Doing the success secrets? Now that’s a problem!
Our culture doesn’t help us with this. The message we hear over and over is that we should do what we feel. But what if we don’t feel like doing something? Should we wait for inspiration? In the case of writing, every experienced writer will tell you that you have to write when you don’t feel like it. Otherwise, you’ll never get much done.
Every person has a weak area that is especially hard to discipline. For me, it is eating right and exercising. I can go months without feeling like doing those things. So how do I make myself take action before I feel like it?
My cardiologist, Dr. Chauncey Crandall, clearly and continually reminds me that the important things I am called to do and love to do will be cut short if I fail to eat right and exercise. He says, “John, when you choose to take care of yourself physically, you increase the years you will live and the people you will help.” If I don’t make those right choices, there will be consequences. I understand that and remind myself of it. Often.
If I think about having to do something I don’t want to do every day for the rest of my lift, it threatens to discourage me. So I focus on today. One day at a time works for me. I can handle that.
Recently, Annika Spampinato, a registered dietitian, explained that her main responsibility was to help low-income people learn and apply better dietary practices. To accomplish this objective, she does motivational interviewing. Her questions are directed to help her find common ground with the patient and discover together what they think would be the easiest, most comfortable way to make the needed changes. She says that when they choose what step they will take first and follow through, they increase their odds of success.
Few things are more effective in the area of self-discipline than accountability. Why? Because we need help with our weaknesses! Dr. Laura Balda, my personal physician, weighs me every month and charts my physical progress. Josephine Bunn, my personal trainer, holds me accountable to exercise every week. I tried working on these weak areas in my life without help or accountability, but I wasn’t successful. I found that I needed to answer to someone besides myself. When I have only myself to answer to, I don’t do nearly as well.
Recently at the gym, I saw a sign that said, “Nothing tastes as good as being fit feels.” I try to remember that when I’m at the dinner table or sitting on the couch, and it often prompts me to do the right things when I don’t feel like doing them.
What systems do you have in place to prompt you to take the right action when you don’t feel like it? Who have you enlisted to hold you accountable? No matter how much self-discipline you have, you could benefit from ways to help you take action when it counts.
Brian Tracy observed, “Successful men and women are those who work almost all the time on high value tasks. Unsuccessful men and women are those who waste their time by wasting the minutes and hours of each day on low value activities.” What are distractions but low-value activities? And they never stop.
For example, this month it is my goal to finish the writing of this book. That is my major focus. However, in the last three days, I’ve had to deal with many distractions. People have asked…
“Could you meet with a friend who has a few questions?”
“Would you be able to do a three-minute video for an anniversary?”
“Can you take a few minutes to do one errand with a staff member?”
“There is one call that will move the ball forward for EQUIP; can you make it?”
“A note from you should be written as a follow-up; can you do it?”
“There is an article that you really need to read about transformation. Do you want to see it?”
These are all good things. Some are very important things. But the answer is NO! Not until this book is completed. I have to stay focused.
Stephen R. Covey called this doing first things first. Brian Tracy calls it the Crowding Out Principle. It goes like this: “If you spend all of your time on highly productive tasks, by the end of the day, you will have ‘crowded out’ all the unproductive activities that might have distracted you from your real work. On the other hand, if you spend your time on low value activities, those low value activities will crowd out the time that you need to complete the tasks that can make all the difference in your life. And the key to this attitude toward time and personal management is always self-discipline.”4
Ask yourself, “What am I crowding out of my life these days?” Are you doing the unimportant or the convenient at the expense of the essential? I hope not, because if you are, you’re going to be in trouble. You aren’t expending your energy on what really matters.
So ask yourself that question daily as a reminder to feed your focus and diminish your distractions: What am I crowding out today? When you’re thinking about and doing those things that bring a high return every day, you won’t have time to do the things that have low return. And that increases your capacity.
I have never known a person who lacked awareness of time who was self-disciplined. Successful people are time conscious; they know how they spend the time they have, and they understand that every minute matters.
Business coach and author Dan S. Kennedy says,
If you become aware of the importance of time, you’ll have a different concept of time, valuing of time, and how you must exercise control over your use and others’ consumption of your time in order to have a reasonable chance of achieving your goals and tapping your full potential. You’ll have new awareness of how your time is used or abused, invested or squandered, organized and controlled or let flow about at random.5
I’ve been told before by people who work with me that I have a clock inside of my head. What they mean is that I am always conscious of time and what I must do to maximize my efforts. I’m always very aware that time is slipping past me, my days are numbered, and my time is limited. I think we become more aware of this as we age, but it’s true whether you’re seventeen or seventy.
If you want to maximize the time you have, then I recommend that you do these two things that I do continually:
Have you ever noticed that the completion of tasks often fills whatever time we allot to it? If you have to get an article written and you give yourself a week to do it, the writing takes a week. If you give yourself a day, it takes a day. If you say to yourself, “I have to get this done in two hours,” it will take the entire two hours. The same kind of thing happens in meetings—unless you set expectations up front.
Whenever I meet with people, I communicate a time frame that we will be together, and express what I would like to accomplish during that time. This helps make them time conscious, causes them to set their priorities, and allows us to accomplish what is needed in the time allotted.
When you practice the disciplined use of time, you have an edge. Start setting expectations for yourself and others up front. Once you make this a regular practice, you can begin compressing the time you allot and keep compressing it until you figure out how efficient you truly can be with your time. Then you’ll know how quickly you can get things done and set aggressive yet realistic time frames for meetings and tasks.
So much of what we do in life has no deadline. As a result, many things get put off and float from day to day on our to-do lists. That’s why I give myself external deadlines for nearly everything I want to get done. These visible deadlines create an awareness of time for me.
Every week, I look at my schedule, determine what I need to get done, and give myself deadlines. Right now I have deadlines for writing this book, for developing teaching materials for the volunteer associate trainers at my nonprofit organization EQUIP, and for thinking about what material I will want to teach at the next John Maxwell Team coaching certification event. I also have a deadline for planning the time I need to set aside for rest and recreation.
Every day I keep these deadlines in front of me. I keep a piece of paper on my desk where I can always see it. The deadlines keep me moving mentally.
A friend once told me, “Every moment you stay in dreamland is a moment you lose in working for that dream.” How true. Discipline is like a muscle. The more we train it, the better we become in developing it.
Expectations and deadlines are great friends for any disciplined person. Try using them. I believe you will be amazed at how they increase your discipline capacity and your use of time.
In my book Put Your Dream to the Test I write, “The dream is free but the journey isn’t.” People usually don’t quit striving for their dream because the dream isn’t worthy. They quit because they aren’t willing to pay the price. They’re not willing to follow through with the daily disciplines needed to achieve the dream. To be successful, we need to do what we should, even when it hurts.
Self-discipline is the fuel that keeps you going. The willingness to hold on in spite of problems, the power to endure—this is a winner’s quality. Speaker and author Tony Robbins says, “I believe that life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life’s greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve.”
Recently I was challenging a group of young leaders to learn how to follow through and finish what they start. I encouraged them to say to themselves each morning, “Today isn’t over until I’ve finished whatever I need to do this day.” I challenged them: Don’t finish your day until what you set out to do has been done. Respect yourself enough to keep the promises you made in the morning.
When I was in my late twenties, I made it my goal to build a large church, much larger than the average-sized church in America. And I succeeded. What was my secret? Every Sunday afternoon after I’d finished my official duties for the week, I went to my office and got on the phone. My goal was to set up ten outreach appointments for the coming week. I didn’t go home until I had accomplished that goal.
Did I like being on the phone to make appointments at the end of a long week? Not really. I would have much preferred being home with Margaret. But I did it. In fact, I did it every week for seven years. Over those 350 Sundays of finishing what I started, I gained greater respect for myself, which is the best kind of respect you can have. I also developed the discipline of following through, even when it hurt. Are you willing to do that? If you are, your discipline capacity will increase greatly. And you will achieve the things you desire to do.
The bottom line is that you cannot manage your life if you do not manage yourself. You cannot maximize your capacity if you cannot increase your discipline. Life continually gets busier and more complicated. It doesn’t go the other way. If you’re older, as I am, you recognize that. Back when I was single and in college, I thought I was busy. Then I got married and started my career, and I could see that those college years were really very simple. Then Margaret and I had kids, and again the pace of life sped up. In my thirties, I started my first business, while working full time and staying engaged with my family. Even now with my children grown and with five grandchildren, I don’t have time for all the things I want to do. And if I live to be a hundred, it won’t be enough time to accomplish all the dreams I have.
I can’t have any more hours in a day. So what can I do? Two things. First, I can expand my discipline capacity, so that I make the most of the time I do have. Second, I can partner with others (which I’ll talk about in chapter 19). To increase your discipline, you don’t have to be rich. You don’t have to be a genius. You don’t need to come from a great family. You don’t need extraordinary talent. You just need to focus and follow through.
1. Self-discipline is where time and priorities meet. What would happen if you looked at your schedule and to-do list every week and allotted specific amounts of time for everything? How much time would that take? And how much time would that save you?
2. What excuses have become a “normal” part of your life? Write a list of the ones you often find yourself using, and write the counterargument to each so that you can be more self-disciplined in the future.
3. What percentage of the time do you follow through? The times when you don’t, when do you stop and why? Is there a pattern? What can you do to push through at those times?