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Intentionality Capacity—Your Choice to Deliberately Pursue Significance
One of my greatest passions is helping people live an intentional life. Why? Because I know that the greatest way for you to upgrade your life is to become intentional with it. When people increase their capacity for intentionality, everything else changes in their lives. When you become more intentional, your life can transform from successful to significant. I’ll tell you how you can do that later in this chapter. But first, I want you to know more about intentionality.
The Three Keys to Increased Intentionality
In 2015, I wrote the book Intentional Living because I was so passionate about this. After I completed the book, I began teaching extensively on the subject. That was when I developed the idea of uphill dreams and downhill habits, which I discussed in chapter 8. I also distilled intentional living down into three characteristics, which I want to share with you now. If you choose to embrace them, you can live with a much higher capacity for intentionality.
Be Deliberate
Life is not a dress rehearsal. There are no do-overs for days, weeks, or years that we waste. We get only one shot at life, and whatever we fail to do will be left undone. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to finish life with a bunch of regrets. I’d like to live in such a way that I create a list of hundreds of failed attempts rather than a list of regrets for things I’d failed to attempt. I am determined to make a difference in the time I have on earth.
How can you make sure you don’t end up with a long list of regrets? Be deliberate. Too many people think that good intentions are enough to make a difference. They’re not. Good intentions are overrated. The smallest action always surpasses the greatest intention.
When I was a kid, one of my dad’s favorite riddles was this: “Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump into the water. How many are left?” What do you think the answer is? If you said one, you missed the point. There are still five. Deciding isn’t doing. You need to act—deliberately—to accomplish anything.
Be Consistent
The second hallmark of intentional living is consistency. Whatever we continually do in life compounds. If the things we do are negative, life gets worse for us. If we continually avoid work, it compounds. If we continually speak badly of others, it compounds. If we spend more than we earn, it compounds. If we practice instant gratification, it compounds. However, if what we do continually is positive, life gets better. If we practice intentionality, it compounds and life continues to get better.
Consistency is a bit like responsibility, which I pointed out wasn’t an exciting word. But its results are exciting. And the longer we are consistent, the more the “interest” or benefits compound.
Be Willful
Living a life of intentionality is an act of the will. And it’s something you have to be determined to do daily. Most people don’t lead their lives; they accept their lives. I would rather make the choice every day to live intentionally. The Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “It’s so simple really: If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you start something, finish it.” That’s what I’m challenging you to do: finish it.
How much do you want to make a difference with your life? You can make a difference. Are you willing to fight for it?
From Success to Significance
Do you desire to cross the bridge from success over to significance? I started my journey across that bridge many years ago when my assistant Eileen Beavers gave me a book for Christmas. When I saw the title, “The Greatest Story Ever Told,” I opened the book with great excitement, because I wanted to learn what it was about. But all I saw were blank pages. Inside was a note from Eileen that said, “John, your life is before you. Fill these pages with kind acts, good thoughts, and matters of your heart. Write a great story with your life.” That day I became intentional about my life and the story it would tell.
I shared that story in Intentional Living. When a staff member read it, she suggested that I inspire others as Eileen had inspired me. That prompted me to have a journal created called The Greatest Story Ever Told that people can use to record their own acts of intentionality. Inside the journal I penned the following words:
My hope and desire is for others to live with intentionality and not only make a difference themselves, but also inspire others to strive for a life of significance.
I’m already starting to hear back from people about this. Just this week I received this e-mail:
Hello Mr. Maxwell,
My name is Jared Orth. I am 15 years old and I am a sophomore in high school. My grandfather showed me your books about a year ago and I’ve been reading them ever since. I absolutely love your books and I can honestly say I wouldn’t be the person I am today without them. I just finished Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn and I absolutely loved it.
My grandfather always talks to me about you and your speaking. He just recently came back from Fort Lauderdale from one of your meetings and told me everything about it. It really has changed my life.
I went over to see him today and he gave me another book. It was titled The Greatest Story Ever Told. When he showed it to me, he began to cry. He told me that he knew I was going to do great things and that he wants me to record all of it in this book. I got so emotional at that time. He also gave me another one titled Intentional Living. I plan to start reading it soon.
I want to say thank you for everything your books have taught me. I wish peace to you and your family. Have a great day.
Your Friend, Jared
When I read Jared’s words, it made me smile. That’s why I write books! But my smile will be even bigger if you become intentional and choose to live for significance.
Everyday Essentials for Intentional Significance
Significance is all about adding value to others. That’s an uphill journey. Why? Because we are naturally selfish. We automatically think of ourselves first. If you don’t believe that, let me ask you a question. When someone takes a photo of a group that you’re in, and then shows it to you, who is the first person you look for? Case dismissed! You look for yourself. That’s not an accusation. I look for myself, too. It’s proof that we’re all selfish. But selfishness is a downhill habit. Significance is an uphill trait. But it is achievable for you and for me.
I want to teach you my five everyday essentials for adding value to people. If you do these things every day, you will make a difference and you will immediately feel the significance of your life.
1. Every Day Add Value to People
In chapter 6 on people capacity, I talked to you about valuing people. This is the foundation for being able to add value to people. People don’t add value to others when they don’t value them.
So why should you value them? Because they’re people. You don’t need any other reason. Listen, human beings are human. They make mistakes. They say the wrong things. They hurt our feelings. Many people treat us poorly and are not very lovable. Love them anyway.
If you’re wondering what I do to keep valuing people and treat them well no matter what, I can tell you.
I Take a Long, Hard, Realistic Look at Myself
Nothing helps give me greater incentive to extend someone else grace than for me to look at myself. I’ve said and done a lot of dumb stuff over the years. In the moments when I do something wrong, my greatest desire is for others to overlook my stupidity, extend me grace, and forgive me. Only they can do that for me.
If that’s what I long for, it’s only fair for me to turn the tables and give that to others. We’re all flawed. We all make mistakes. We all hurt one another. We all need grace. It’s this simple: I will do for others what I desire for them to do for me.
I Choose to Value People Based on Their Best Moments, Not Their Worst Ones
My worst moments include doing things I should not have done, thinking things I should not have thought, and saying things I should not have said. Is this the same for you? If you can’t identify with this, read no further. Instead, stop and book an appointment with a counselor. Because you need help getting a realistic view of yourself.
I have my bad moments, but I also have some great moments. And I do the things I should do, think the things I should think, and say the things I should say. Here’s what I know about me—and about you. We are not as good as our best moments and we are not as bad as our worst moments. I’d like to have others give me the benefit of the doubt and see me at my best. So my decision is to value others based on their best moments. When others have done that for me, I’ve always been grateful. It’s the least I can do for somebody else.
I Believe People Have the Capacity to Grow and Get Better
You already know that I believe people have the potential to grow and increase their capacity, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have written this book. Why is this belief so strong in me? Because I know how much I’ve grown. Oh how I wish you could have seen me when I started. You would be greatly encouraged. I wasn’t very good. I’ve had years to learn, change, practice, and grow.
My belief that others can grow moves me not only to value them as they are, but also to see the increased value they can attain. When I see others just starting out and sometimes messing up, I remember where I started, and I smile. I see myself in them. And I keep in mind that they have great potential and need to be valued.
You know how you feel when others devalue you, and how you feel when they value you. Doesn’t it make a difference to you? How you’re treated impacts how you feel about yourself and how you treat others. Keep that in mind as you interact with people. When you value others, you start creating a cycle of positive interaction that makes life better for everyone.
2. Every Day Think of Ways to Add Value to People
If I said I had a five-minute thinking exercise for you that would give you a huge return in your relationships, would you be interested? Of course you would. What I am about to share with you is exactly that. Doing this has created memories for me and for others that we will never forget, ideas we will continually use, and resources that we will always cherish.
Here’s what I want you to do. Spend five minutes every evening thinking about who you will see the next day, and ask yourself, “What can I say to them, give to them, or do for them that will make our time together memorable, be unexpected, and add value to them?”
That sounds too simple, doesn’t it? But trust me, this exercise will set you apart from 99 percent of all the other people in the world. And if you’ll do this every evening, and then revisit the ideas you come up with the next morning to potentially improve them, you will be amazed by the difference you can make for other people.
I try to do this every day. For example, Margaret and I had dinner last night with Jack and Marsha Countryman. Jack is the founder of J. Countryman Gift Books. For twenty years he has helped me think of ideas for books and also published and distributed many of them. He has been a great asset in my life.
The night before our dinner, I did my five-minute thinking exercise and came up with three things I could do during our dinner time to add value to him and Marsha. That night, the first thing I did was talk about the books we had done together, and how much Jack helped me grow as an author. For example, Jack gave me the title Talent Is Never Enough. Why would I go out of my way to talk about that? Because I wanted Jack to know that I remembered it was his idea and I was grateful to him.
Second, I acknowledged and praised a quality that I admired in both of them: their eagerness to learn. Whenever they attended one of my conferences, they would sit in the front row and take notes. I saw their eagerness to learn then and every other time I was with them, despite the fact that they were already highly successful.
Third, I asked Jack if we could do another project together. I wanted Jack to know that I still valued his ability to contribute in my life.
Jack is eighty-two—a beautiful man. As we separated, I gave him a big hug. It was a special night, and it was made more memorable because I thought ahead of ways to add value to him.
People who make a difference think about ways to add value to people ahead of time. Take a look at your day’s calendar. Where will you be going? Who will you be meeting? In what ways might you add value to someone else? It only takes five minutes, but the opportunities to make a difference are endless.
3. Every Day Look for Ways to Add Value to People
Last year Greg Brooks became the executive director of my nonprofit organization EQUIP. Before that, he was a staff member. The thing that stood out to me about Greg was that if something needed to be done, he was the first to help. He was always winning the race when it came to adding value to people. I once asked him how he was able to do this on such a consistent basis. I will never forget his reply. “I’m always looking for ways to help people.” And guess what. Because he’s always looking for ways, he’s always finding them.
Since I spend so much time speaking and writing to help others, I’m always looking for ideas and information I can use to help me help others. It has become part of my mind-set. And when I do find something useful to pass on, I ask myself, “Where can I use this? When can I use this? Who needs to know this?”
As you go through your day, what is your mind-set? Are you intentionally looking for ways to add value to others? If not, you can. It’s a capacity choice. If you choose to look for ways, you’ll find them.
4. Every Day Do Things That Add Value to People
It’s not enough to just look for ways to help people. You have to follow through if you want to make a difference. Intentional living requires intentional doing.
How do I know I’ve had a good day? When I say yes to the question I ask myself every night: “Did I add value to someone today?” My ultimate goal in adding value to others is to do something for them that they cannot do for themselves.
Mother Teresa said, “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be a living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.” That’s something all of us can strive for.
5. Every Day Encourage Others to Add Value to People
I believe nothing is as common as the desire to make our lives count, to make a difference. And there are needs all around us waiting to be met by intentional people. Yet so many never live a significant life. Why? Because doing the right thing is more difficult than knowing the right thing. That’s why we need to encourage others to act.
As a young leader, it was my goal to have people follow me. I thought that the more followers I recruited, the more I could get done. The good news was that I was fairly successful. The bad news was that after a while I discovered that the best leaders challenge and encourage people to follow a cause or mission greater than themselves.
Today, as a leader, I don’t recruit people to follow me. Instead, I point to significance and challenge people to intentionally add value to others to make a positive difference in the world. I want to do more than be successful by leaving an inheritance for others. I want to create a legacy by leaving an inheritance in others.
Recently, I was talking with Alan Mulally, the former chairman of the Ford Motor Company. I told him I was writing this book, and I wanted to know what capacity meant to him. He said, “To reach maximum capacity, you have to serve others and add value to them.” He is so right. Significance begins with you, but it’s meant to be shared.
As you make the choice to add value to others and develop the first four habits I outline in the chapter, don’t forget the fifth and final step of encouraging others to do the same. You’ll be amazed at what can happen when like-minded and like-valued people work together to add value to others and make a difference.
Spreading the Message of Intentionality to a Nation
I want to follow my own advice and encourage you to add value to others by telling you the story of someone who increases her capacity to make a difference by being highly intentional. Her name is Gaby Teasdale, and she is having an impact on an entire country.
Gaby is one of my certified coaches. She’s from Paraguay. In 2013, she was one of the coaches who volunteered to go to Guatemala to train facilitators to lead roundtables. She says that she came away from that event feeling certain that what was happening there would also happen someday in Paraguay.
The next year, Gaby was at the John Maxwell Team event to attend the mentoring sessions, and she stood in line while I was signing books to say hello. After she and I talked, she dug in her bag and pulled out her passport. It was the only paper she had with her, and she said, “John, give me a word for the coming year. Write it here.” She handed me her passport, and in the back of it on one of the blank pages, I wrote the first word that came to mind: transformation, and then I signed it.
Gaby later told me that this prompted her to start being intentional about her desire to bring the coaches to her country to teach values and intentional living.
Her first step was to get me to sign a copy of my book Intentional Living for the president of Paraguay. But the problem was that she didn’t know the president. She didn’t let that stop her. She began talking to people, looking for someone who could get her a meeting, and eventually she found one. She met with the president, gave him the book, and told him about her experience in Guatemala.
A few weeks later, I received a letter from President Horacio Cartes inviting me and my organization to come to Paraguay and teach values in roundtables. The process had begun.
Over the next two years, Gaby, her husband Tim, and a team of people in Paraguay worked tirelessly to build relationships and prepare for the launch that I wrote about in chapter 9 on leadership capacity. And the result was huge. Tens of thousands of people have been helped to live a better life, and they have been encouraged to become intentional in the way they live. As I write this, it’s still too early to tell what the results of her efforts will be. But I guarantee a lot of people will have had value added to them.
Gaby could take a lot of the credit for all of this, but she’s too humble to do that. She loves the people in her country and simply sees it as a way to help them. She says, “When you’re in a better situation, you start asking yourself, ‘What can I do to help them, to add value to them, to show them there is a better way?’” I’d say she’s done a great job of that.
You can be someone who makes a difference, just as Gaby is. You don’t have to try to help a whole country. You just need to try to help someone every day. That’s what intentional living is. Every time you think about ways to help others and take action, you’re increasing your intentionality capacity, making a difference, and achieving significance with your life.
Intentionality Capacity Questions
1. How do you most enjoy adding value to people? What could you do that you would enjoy but haven’t done yet? When can you start doing it?
2. How will you add value to people in the next twenty-four hours? Try anticipating ways you could add value to people on your schedule. You should also look for opportunities in the moment as you go through your day.
3. Who could you encourage to add value to people? What could you do to encourage them?