Part 4:
A Swingin’
Party
Sex between two people is a beautiful thing;
between five, it’s fantastic.
—Woody Allen
You might think it’s safe to assume that all the information you need for group sex can be found in Part 3 on threesomes, and it’s true that a lot of the rules and caveats overlap. But there are lots of things we haven’t covered yet in the world of multiple sexual partners, and lots of things from the previous section won’t apply to swinging.
LISTEN UP, THIS IS IMPORTANT
Moving from one-on-one sex or even threesomes to group sex is like leaving your Cape Cod house in the suburbs for Vegas.
In general, the vibe surrounding swinging and swapping is very different from that associated with threesomes. For one thing, swinging usually occurs among two or more couples, which means that there’s less of a chance that someone will end up being the odd man (or woman) out.
Plus there are couples who would never consider adding more than one other person to their sex life and couples that think just one extra person wouldn’t be fair.
SECRETS TO MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD
See, adding extra people to the bed just means you’re being thoughtful.
The differences between threesomes and larger groups will be investigated a little later in this part, but for now, let’s just celebrate the fact that there are so many options.
SNAP OF THE FINGER
Feeling left out in threesomes? Simply even out the number of participants.
This section touches on some of the preliminary stages of acquainting yourself with the lifestyle but generally takes the tack that if you’re getting into swinging and swapping, you may already be pretty well acquainted. If that’s not the case or if there are more questions than we’ve provided answers for here, go back and look at Part 3 again.
First some basics and then a quick history of swinging and swapping before we move on to the juicer stuff.
A SWINGIN’ GLOSSARY
There are a few terms to add to the glossary in Part 3, too. The following will help further your understanding of the swinging lifestyle:
BUKKAKE: A sexual practice in which several men take turns ejaculating on one person, usually a woman who is kneeling in the center of the circle.
EXHIBITIONISM: Engaging in sexual activity alone or with someone other than your partner while your partner and/or others watch.
FULL SWAP: Engaging in penetrative intercourse with a person or people besides your partner in a swinging situation.
GANGBANG: A sexual situation in which one person has sex with many other people; the main person may be a man or a woman, and the people he or she has sex with generally do not engage in sexual contact with one another.
GROUP SEX: A general term for multiple sexual encounters occurring in the same location.
HOT WIFE: Describes a practice in which a woman has sex with a partner or partners who are not her husband while her husband and perhaps others watch.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR THE TIP
It’s fine and dandy to brag about your spouse by calling her your hot wife; however, just make sure you’re not in a swinger’s bar first.
POLYAMORY: A term used to describe a situation in which more than two people are involved in a love relationship; polyamorous folks generally object to being called swingers.
SOFT SWAP: Sexual activity with multiple partners involving kissing, touching, and oral sex.
SWINGING: A BRIEF HISTORY
Lots of folks in “the lifestyle” credit the ancient Romans and Greeks as the inspiration for their multipartnered sexual proclivities, but the actual practice of swinging as we know it today began in the twentieth century.
STRETCHING THE TRUTH
The ancient Greeks held órgia (where the word “orgy” comes from), which were religious ceremonies that only initiates could attend. The fact that these rites were held at night and were secretive led to speculation that all sorts of naughtiness were afoot.
Folks who’ve done extensive research on the subject believe that swinging began in the 1950s in military communities. This relatively small community practice, called simply wife swapping at the time, gave way to the explosion of the sexual revolution in the 1960s, and then all bets were off.
Suddenly, organizations dedicated to the practice of swinging started popping up. The first was the Sexual Freedom League, which was founded in 1963 in New York City with the advertised purpose of promoting sexuality among its members and advocating for change in the way the government dealt with sexual issues. They often had “nude parties,” but that was really just a euphemism for orgies.
From there it was a short step to the North American Swing Club Association, now known as NASCA International, a California organization dedicated to providing accurate information about the lifestyle and clubs and events you can go to. They even publish a guide you can buy at your local bookstore (but the store may have to order it) or purchase online.
Depending on what study you look at, anywhere between 5 and 50 percent of married couples engage in swinging of some sort. Indeed, reported figures of the lifestyle community are that anywhere between 3 million and 4 million people practice swinging worldwide.
BARE FACTS
If up to 50 percent of married couples are into swinging, we’ve been hanging out at the wrong dinner parties.
Swingers’ ages average in the forties, and a majority who choose to talk about the practice generally report that it improves their relationships either by making the participants more open about sex with one another or by curbing cheating behavior. Swingers are generally middle class, white, and married.
There is a new practice afoot among swingers, called selective swinging, which tends to feature younger, more attractive people in more upscale venues. Instead of 1980s hair and 1970s morality, which is what most of us picture when we think of swinging—admit it—think elegant, sophisticated, social sexuality with gourmet food and expensive liquor. As happens with all things, marketing folks have gotten involved, which means that even swinging is fashionable somewhere. If it’s your thing, celebrate!
THREESOMES VERSUS LARGER GROUPS
Although threesomes fall under the umbrella of group sex, they are very different from the practice generally known as swinging, in which mainly couples participate. Swinging has more of a playful, party feel to it than threesome play does, and not only because there are more participants. Threesomes seem to be taken more seriously in a relationship, whereas swing parties are just that: the play is celebratory, and there isn’t too much worry—at least on the surface—about the consequences group sex will have on couples’ relationships. There is a strong community atmosphere with swinging and larger groups; indeed, folks who participate in large couples’ parties are there for the sex, but they’re also there for the companionship and the laughs.
Unlike with threesomes, in which it is helpful to be bisexual or at least bicurious, with swinging in larger groups you needn’t have any bisexual encounters at all. That’s not to say it doesn’t happen; it’s just rarer. And if it does happen, it’s generally between or among women.
There is certainly a fundamental numerical divide between swinger play and threesome play, too: the numbers just don’t work out the same. Whereas with swing clubs and parties it is generally all couples, threesome events don’t work if there aren’t singles as well. Singles are sometimes accepted at swingers’ parties, and whether they are or not should usually be specified explicitly in whatever literature you have about the event.
Don’t worry, though: whichever you participate in, there’s no shortage of places to go to meet interested partners or couples. NASCA reports events in forty-three of the fifty United States, and some of those venues are even threesome-centric.
Make no mistake, though; swing events are the more publicized of the two, and you can basically pick any niche you want and find other folks who’ll go to a party for it with you. From enormous events such as “SwingFest: the world’s largest swingers party and convention” to more outdoorsy parties such as SwingStock (a four-day campout event that attracts hundreds of people to Minnesota every summer), there’s bound to be something that fits your group sex needs.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR THE TIP
SwingStock parties include no swimsuit competitions, but do offer theme dances, games, barbecues, and a chance to catch up with old friends and have sex with them.
But before you screw up your courage, so to speak, and register for an event, you might want to ask yourself a few questions.
SHOULD YOU SWING?
If you’re considering a trip to Swingertown, safety needs to be your primary concern. We’re talking here about physical safety as well as the emotional kind, which we’ll get to in a minute. Ensuring your physical safety means you must always use condoms to prevent AIDS and other STDs as well as unwanted pregnancies. For this second consideration, a backup method should also be used unless all the female participants are past menopause. (This kind of party happens more often than you might think.)
Also make sure you go to a club or party that is vouched for in some way either by NASCA or another organization or by a friend or acquaintance to make sure the folks you’re meeting aren’t into drugs or violent behavior. They are strangers, after all, and you’re at your most vulnerable when you are naked, never mind how open you are when you’re about to have an orgasm! Just play it safe.
LISTEN UP, THIS IS IMPORTANT
Take care of yourself at swinger functions and clubs the way you would at any event, only more so, since you probably won’t be wearing any underwear … or clothing, for that matter.
Those are the practical, tangible things you need to be sure about before you take the plunge into group sex, and they’re pretty easy to tackle. What might not be so easy are the intangible considerations that must go into your decision whether to go this route. Within your relationship, you must be able to discuss sex openly and honestly. If you’re unable to talk frankly about what goes on between you when you’re nude together, don’t even think about swinging. If the level of openness required is completely beyond you, you should try reading erotica aloud together or watching porn or talking about fantasies or reading Part 2 of this book to each other or any number of things to get you comfortable with your sex life before even considering adding other people to it.
COMMUNICATION
Assuming you and your partner are comfortable chatting it up on all things sexual, move on to asking yourselves some questions.
Quiz for Couples Who Are Contemplating Swinging
We are committed to each other and secure in our relationship.
We are open about our sexual fantasies and share them with each other.
One or both of us fantasizes about having sex with multiple partners.
Neither of us is a jealous person.
We can separate our loving relationship from sex.
Experimenting sexually is very important to both of us.
Each of us would enjoy seeing our partner being pleased by someone else.
If we try something new sexually and it’s not great for one or both of us, we can get past it.
We are both able to have sex without getting emotionally involved.
We have no trouble communicating with each other about what we want in the bedroom.
The more of these statements you checked off, the more ready you are to get involved with the lifestyle, but no quiz in a book can really tell you if you’re ready to open your relationship to this type of sexual encounter. What you must do is really talk to each other, do some research, and make sure it’s something you both want to do. Keep in mind these considerations as you discuss it:
Both members of the couple must be into swinging or having group sex. Neither should have to talk the other into the experience.
Though some studies report that a majority of swingers say the group thing is beneficial to their marriages or even that swinging has saved their marriages, there is no definitive proof of this. It may help, but it may not.
There’s no going back after you do it. Once you and your partner have had sex with other people at a swing party or another couple’s home, it’s done, and your relationship will be different.
Other Considerations
Of course your first thoughts when considering a foray into group sex should be how it will affect your relationship with your partner and how you will stay physically safe, but there are other considerations as well.
Practicality is one of them. There’s a reason swinging is often referred to as “the lifestyle.” It is, in fact, a way of living for many of those who participate in it, which means it takes up a lot of time and energy. Because of this, you may need to be able to tell people about it, such as family members or coworkers, and even in these progressive times, there will be those who will not be understanding and/or supportive. If you have children, as many swingers do, you may need to consider what you will tell them or what you will do with them when you go to events or clubs or when you want to have a grown-up play date in your home.
A woman’s role in group sex and its social implications is another consideration for those about to swing. Many argue that women are objectified in an objectionable way in group sexual practices, especially activities such as bukkake and gangbanging, in which one woman is often the central sexual outlet for several different men.
Others say swinging empowers women sexually by allowing couples to engage in sexual fact-finding together in a way that makes sex not so gender-specific; that is, they are able to engage in sexual practices they find appealing or satisfying solely on the basis of arousal and not on any standards set by society (for example, others’ morality or spousal duty). Those who are in favor of swinging say it levels the playing field for men and women, so to speak.
Either way, some women might like to surrender control or might find it liberating in its own way to be the centerpiece of a sexual encounter for so many men, and some might not. Some women who swing might not engage in gangbanging or bukkake, preferring instead a regular swap or filling the role of a hot wife in that scenario. Regardless, it must be up to the woman herself to decide, and she needn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do.
DON’T BE A JERK
A central tenet of swinging for men and women is to do what you want as long as no one gets hurt who doesn’t want to. “No” means “no” all the time.
YES!
After you’ve discussed all the pros and cons and decided you and your partner would like to try group sex, you’ll have to figure out what kind of situation you want and what kind of couple or group you’ll be most comfortable with or attracted to or any other criteria you may have. You’ll also need to decide how many other people you want to swing with, and that’s a very personal decision. It seems prudent to start small and then work your way up, but really, it’s up to you and your partner. But once that’s done, there are several ways you can go about meeting other couples with whom to get naked. You’ll just need to find willing folks. Here’s where to look:
Your friends and neighbors. Lots of folks get started in swinging fairly innocently with friends they get together with socially. Drinks lead to flirting, which leads to naked fun together. Do it if you’re comfortable with it, but your relationship will change, no doubt about it.
SECRET TIP
Swinging with friends and neighbors can get dicey if only because you might never again want to look them in the eye after you’ve looked them in the crotch.
Lifestyle clubs. These are swingers’ clubs in which couples can go to check one another out and then all play together. Not all clubs allow sex, though, so make sure you know which kind you are in: on-premises (for the sex) or off-premises (for just the meeting). The major bonus with these clubs is that your first introduction is face to face; you won’t have to worry that they won’t show up. The drawback is that there isn’t a lifestyle club in every city or town, so you might have to travel a bit to find one. Luckily, NASCA International can keep you apprised of events in your area. Which brings us to …
NASCA’s published guide. This provides comprehensive listings of clubs, parties, conventions, publications, and holidays for “those who want more than just one bite.” It’s really your first stop on the road to finding your ideal swinging situation.
Swing publications. This is where you’ll find personal ads detailing any situation you could wish for. This is a good resource for a couple that wants to swing with just one other couple in a private setting because, for example, they are not comfortable in a club with all that nudity. Often the publication will have photos and other useful information to help you decide on the Smiths or the Joneses.
The Internet. There are so many adult dating sites online it would take years to list them, but those such as adultfriendfinder.com and adultfindout.com are popular and allow you to specify exactly what you want. They’re also generally free. If you want to keep it very local and you’re in a fairly large metropolitan area, a good place to try is your city’s alternative newsweekly’s personals page. These pages have tons of ads for folks seeking all manner of kinky fun. The drawbacks with adult personal ads are the same as those with regular ones: People lie. The couple you choose might not be “extremely attractive” or even passable, or they might not show up. It might also take some time to find a couple because there are apparently millions of swingers out there looking to play. But you’ve already committed to spending quite a bit of time on this, so don’t let that deter you.
BOUNDARIES
Although the swinging community is a pretty open one, boundaries must be set and respected, just as in threesomes. There is perhaps less of this in larger groups, mainly because a couple is not sharing one other person, so jealousy may be less of an issue.
COMMUNICATION
Swinging couples do have jealousy issues, of course; however, it’s just that he or she may be too busy also having sex with another person at the very same time, and so he or she will be pleasantly distracted.
Before you and your partner attend a club, event, or party or before you meet a couple you’ve selected in another way, discuss what you want to happen, what each of you is allowed to do, anything you might not be comfortable seeing your partner doing, and any other concerns you may have about the specific acts that will be performed. You might feel that this takes the fun or playfulness out of the experience, but it’s important to remember what Germaine Greer said: “No sex is better than bad sex.” Not respecting other people’s boundaries, including those of your partner, can make for some pretty bad sex. So set boundaries before your first swinging experience—and adjust them on subsequent experiences—and follow those rules.
ESSENTIAL SWINGING ETIQUETTE
Some helpful hints to make your first—and subsequent, should you so choose—group sex party a smashing success:
If you’re going to a club, make sure you know whether it’s on- or off-premises. That’s really important. If you’re not supposed to get naked and have sex in the club, you shouldn’t do it, and you’ll feel like a real jerk if you do. Likewise, if you think you’re just going to a place to get a feel for what happens and end up getting an actual feel, you might also feel like a jerk.
If you’re going to someone’s home for a party, ask in advance what kinds of activities will occur or if there is a theme of some sort and if you can bring anything—just like at a regular dinner party or potluck.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR THE TIP
If attending a swinging potluck, your dish will be the only thing in the room that’s covered.
Arrive showered and well groomed. For obvious reasons, fingernails and pubic hair should be trimmed.
Arrive with your partner at a couples-only party. You might also decide that the two of you will stay together the whole time at your first party. It’s not a bad idea, especially the first time. It’s up to you to decide how you will handle future parties if you choose to keep going with the lifestyle.
Apprise yourself of the alcohol policy at a particular event, whether it’s at a club or a private party, and abide by that policy.
Bring your own personal items, such as towels or lubricants, or ask if they will be provided. A robe might not be a bad idea, either.
As with any sexual situation, toys and accessories can be a welcome addition. These may include vibrators, lubricants (highly recommended), blindfolds, or any other accoutrements you might enjoy. Just make sure everyone’s on board.
It cannot be stressed enough: Condoms and dental dams are a must!
Keep liquor to a minimum. Avoid drugs entirely.
You’re allowed to turn people down, but try to be sensitive about it. They’re swinging people, sure, but they still have feelings.
If something happens that you don’t enjoy or that makes you feel uncomfortable, let it be known without unnecessarily hurting someone’s feelings or spoiling the mood. In other words, try to be frank and polite at the same time. Everyone’s needs at and expectations of a party are different, so it is best not to assume anything about the other guests.
SNAP OF THE FINGER
Remember these items whether you’re going to a party or hosting your own:
Lube
Open mind
Sense of humor
Respect
More lube
Healthy body image
Adventurous spirit
Condoms
Energy
Lube
LUBE REVISITED
You’ll need a lot of lubrication for an evening or weekend of group sex. No matter how much natural lubrication a woman may produce, even if she’s above average, you will need more. This is an unequivocal fact. See here for the whole scoop on lubrication.
AFTER THE FIRST TIME
Sometime after your first swing or group sex party (though probably not immediately afterward because you’re likely to fall asleep thirty seconds after your last orgasm), you and your partner must talk about the encounter.
Here are some questions to ask yourself and each other:
Did both of us get what we wanted out of it?
Did we enjoy ourselves?
Did any part of it make us feel uncomfortable or bad?
What feelings besides arousal did we experience?
If we were to do it again, are there things we would do differently?
Do we want to do it again?
What did we learn about own sexuality?
What did each of us learn about his or her partner’s sexuality?
The answers to these questions will help you decide if you want to make group sex a regular part of your sexual repertoire or if once was enough to satisfy your urge and curiosity. Your feelings about the experience may change, so keep talking about it as that happens. If nothing else comes of your swinging experience, you will have learned to talk openly about sex with your partner, and that is an extremely important skill.
Assuming you’ve met some folks you like playing with and you’ve decided after your first encounter that you’d like to swing some more—and you enjoy entertaining, of course—you might want to host your own parties.
TIPS FOR HOSTING YOUR OWN PARTY
Don’t spend so much time hosting that you forget that you’re there to have a good time, too. At a certain point, relinquish your duties, strip off that G-string, and join the fun!
Designate certain rooms for certain activities. For example, your living room can be the social room, where guests eat and drink and talk but don’t necessarily have sex. Your den could serve as the open-play room, where folks can feel free to get it on with other folks watching. You might designate your guest room as a private room for those with less exhibitionistic tendencies. Make sure to let your guests know if any rooms are off limits, such as your bedroom or your kids’ bedrooms.
BARE FACTS
Speaking of your kids, it might be best if they weren’t home for this. Make arrangements for them to spend the night elsewhere, preferably in the next county.
Clean up. This should go without saying, right? It’s like any other party, right? You want to make a good impression. But since guests will often be naked and doing very personal things with one another, cleanliness is even more of an issue.
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Use antibacterial disinfectant for the cleanup and have fresh sheets on hand for when it’s time to actually sleep.
Make sure your guests know what your policy is on hot-button issues such as alcohol, drugs, and condoms.
Have a theme party. Sure, swinging is a fine theme in itself, but it might be fun to come up with a creative concept to distinguish yourself as a premier party host and hostess.
SECRETS TO MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD
Avoid throwing a Halloween-themed swinging bash on the actual night of Halloween. You may be opening the door not to a couple you can’t wait to get your your hands on but instead to a nine-year-old kid dressed as Pocahontas who will need therapy afterward.
FIVE FUN PARTIES TO HOST
Speaking of theme parties, here are five of the easiest and most fun to host.
Costume Party
This isn’t too tough: just inform your guests that the party is “fancy-dress,” which can mean evening gowns and tuxes or dressing up in costume, whichever you prefer. You can have a masquerade ball, with masks, too.
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For extra fun, leave the masks on when you take everything else off!
As far as costumes go, you can let it be a free-for-all or designate a genre if you want. How about a 1980s party? Or 1960s? If all your guests are interested in similar things, it shouldn’t be too difficult to find one for your theme. Renaissance or gothic clothing makes for interesting, sexy costumes. If everyone loves Lord of the Rings, try that (though cross your fingers that folks favor elves over trolls). Or have a famous faces of the 1950s party at which guests can be old-time movie stars such as James Dean and Marilyn Monroe. You might decide that the costumes should be limited to people’s undies so that no one knows who anyone is dressed as until later in the evening, after the regular clothes come off. The possibilities are endless. Just think of your guests and their interests and brainstorm. As with the sex, the only limit is your imagination.
Around-the-World Party
This is a swinging take on a favorite college dormitory game. Make each room in your home a different country, with nationality-specific refreshments and atmosphere in each—plus a sexy twist.
In France, guests sip French martinis and French kiss. Maybe there are even escargots. (Or maybe not, if slimy gastropods are not sexy to you.) Add some French pop music for a real—and amusing—treat.
In Russia, guests lounge on a luxurious faux-fur (or real, if you like) rug while drinking White Russians. They’ll be lining up to use this room privately later on—there’s nothing like naked skin against fur.
Travel to Mexico: take off that warm muffler (and some other clothing, if you want), don a serape, and enjoy a refreshing glass of sangria.
You get the idea. Pick your favorite countries and set them up in your own home. You needn’t spend much money or time on props; a sketch of the Eiffel Tower is sufficient for France, maybe some orangey lighting and mariachi music for Mexico. The real fun is in the sexy details. But remember, you don’t want any of your swingers to get too toasted, so keep the drinks weak.
SECRET TIP
If you don’t want your swingers getting tipsy or drunk, be ironic and serve only virgin cocktails.
Old-School Key Party
You may remember that in the 1997 Ang Lee movie The Ice Storm, there was a key party after which Joan Allen has some very uncomfortable-looking sex in a tiny car to get back at her husband, Kevin Kline, who has been having an affair with Sigourney Weaver. Your key party needn’t be anything like that, though if you can swing the swinging 1970s decor and outfits, go for it. (And if you can get movie stars to attend, more power to you!)
A key party basically works like this: each man puts his keys in a jar, and each woman chooses a set and goes home with that man. Or you might put each man’s watch in the jar the way they did in that episode of The O.C. Or how about cell phones? The difference with your key party will be that no one will go home with anyone—the sex can happen right there! And ideally no one will have uncomfortable sex in a car (unless that’s what they’re into).
A party that is a throwback to the generation that started it all in terms of swinging—a homage to back in the day, if you will—doesn’t need to seem dated or stale even if you decide the guests should dress in their best bell bottoms and platform shoes. It’s entirely up to you. You can take the basic idea that everyone randomly selects and keeps a partner for the evening and do whatever you want with it. But for groups that have swung together before—and in which all the members are attracted to one another—this can add a spicy wild card to the party.
Potluck Party
Because swinging is a sexual activity and a social one, you might decide a swinging party is also a good time to enjoy wonderful homemade food. There’s no reason for the only main course to be sex, right? You’ll need your sustenance if you’re going to keep going for hours anyway, and hors d’oeuvres alone won’t cut it.
As far as the food goes, you can pick a theme for that if you want, too. You can do all vegetarian if your group goes that way, or tapas, or Asian fusion. Choose anything you like but make sure all the guests communicate what they’re bringing so you don’t have ten appetizers and no desserts or five different shrimp dishes. Dig in and enjoy—you’ll need all the energy you can get!
QUICK FIX
If you are serving food, set up some ground rules about whether it can be used for sex play. Either that or reserve a steam cleaner for the following day.
Aromatherapy Massage Party
For a laid-back evening, why not try an aromatherapy massage party? It’s easy. Ask each couple or person to bring a different essential oil. Popular ones include grapefruit (for cleansing and purifying), lavender (for calming and balancing), peppermint (for stimulating), and jasmine (an aphrodisiac).
Each couple can take turns giving each other a massage using the oil—choices of massage include full-body, feet, hands, back, and head, but try to avoid genitals, at least at first. As everyone watches and you and your partner rub each other, everyone’s sexual tension will build as they all become relaxed in their muscles and minds, which will make the sexual encounters to come truly explosive.
SECRETS TO MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD
Look online for instructions on the proper way to dilute essential oils for massage before throwing an aromatherapy party. A group sex encounter is a really bad time to get a skin rash.
PARTY GAMES AND ICEBREAKERS
A theme for your party should diffuse any nervousness or tension on the part of your guests. However, if you think themes are too much work, too kitschy, or not your style but you’d like to liven things up a bit, try any of these exciting, enticing games and icebreakers:
Dance. It eases tension and gets you loosened up. It can also make you feel sexy as you move your hips and sway to music.
Play truth or dare. Start with truth questions and move on to more suggestive dares. Or play spin the bottle, starting with kissing and then moving on to more grown-up activities for a twist on everyone’s favorite teenage party game.
If you’re in a group of seasoned swingers but they haven’t all swung together before, go around the room for story time. Have each tag team tell the story of their first time swinging. That should get everyone laughing and comfortable sharing with one another.
Play strip poker or strip something else. Strip Trivial Pursuit is a good one, since it is usually played with teams, so you and your partner will get undressed at the same pace—all the while showing off your knowledge of sports and leisure.
Try some karaoke. Sure, it’s embarrassing, but if folks are uncomfortable taking their clothes off right off the bat, perhaps some humiliation of the nonnaked variety will make the transition a little more palatable.
Watch a sexy movie. When all else fails, try some porn.
QUICK FIX
If your guests are having trouble getting in the swinging mood, ask the exhibitionists in the group to put on a show for the rest of the guests. They will probably jump at the chance, and before you know it, a few hours later they all will be looking under couch cushions for their underwear.
WELL, LOOK WHO FINALLY MADE THE
Rodeo
A lot of the information about threesomes is the same as that for group sex, but there are some DIFFERENCES. One of these is the vibe: swinging has more of a sense of COMMUNITY, whereas threesomes seem to be a more PRIVATE endeavor. Group sex is often referred to as “the lifestyle” for a reason: it takes up a lot of time in your life, and not everyone will be pleased to learn of your choice. In other words, it’s not easy explaining your love of group sex at the family holiday reunion.