OPERATION:
LIBERATE
Can you remember a moment from your childhood when the world seemed big, bright, and exciting? Maybe it was when you went out into your back yard, or rode your bike down the street, or climbed that big pine tree in the forest. You felt alive, present, and totally free.
Guess what? I have good news! It is possible to feel that way again. You can retrieve that sense of excitement, freedom, and joy while talking with others, sharing time with your partner, or even being at work.
It’s time to get free. It’s time for Operation: Liberate.
You’re about to discover exactly how to break free from the nice-person patterns that have been holding you back for years or decades. You’re going to learn practical, specific tools and strategies to make those changes quickly. And you’ll get a very clear understanding of exactly how to not be nice. How to upgrade your mindset, perception of others, and behaviors so you can more freely be yourself, and attract what you really want as a result.
Whether you want more freedom, better relationships, more dates, more sales, more success, more income, or just to be more comfortable in your own skin no matter who you’re talking to, shedding niceness is the answer. If you read each chapter that follows, and apply what you learn, there is no end to the quality of life you can create for yourself.
And, to remind you, this section is not about making you a “self-centered asshole who just takes whatever you can get from others.” This is the common misconception about breaking out of nice: That you will automatically just flip to being some sort of terrible sociopath who hurts others.
The reality is that making these changes will make you a better person. You will become more powerful, more direct, and more assertive. Others will notice your strength and authenticity and be drawn to you, which will open doors in your business and personal life. Because you know yourself, can ask for what you want, and can say “no” when you need to, you are not overtaxed, overwhelmed, and resentful. You can actually give more joyously, connect more easily, and love much more fully.
Not only that, but shedding your excessive niceness and being more authentic actually brings out the best in others as well. It frees them up to be more genuine, encourages them to advocate for their needs, and treats them like the powerful creators they are in their lives. It creates clearer communications, more productive meetings, and better resolutions for conflicts and disagreements. You being less nice truly does make the world a better place.
I’m like you. I want to be successful, but I also want to be happy. I want to be loving and patient with my kids instead of cold, angry, or irritable. I want to have harmony, intimacy, deep sharing, and passionate sex with my wife. I don’t want to be distant, live like roommates, bicker, criticize, or have hurtful fights that involve attacking each other’s vulnerabilities. I want to be an inspiring leader in my business. I want my team to speak freely, challenge me, support me, and have fun working with me. I don’t want them to fear me, secretly dislike me, degrade me behind my back, and wish they had a better job. I want my clients and customers to feel cared about, inspired, challenged, and respected. I want them to feel like they got so much value out of their investment that they can’t put a dollar amount on how much better their lives are now. I don’t want them to feel let down, uncared for, like a bother, and that their growth and success is irrelevant to me. In short, I want to be a “good person” too. However you define that in your world, I’d imagine it’s pretty similar.
And here’s the big secret: The path to doing all the stuff I just mentioned is different than what you’ve been taught. Going down nice-guy or nice-girl lane will not get you there. It’s counterintuitive, but being less nice will actually create a more positive impact in your life and in the lives of everyone you touch.
For example, I have more boundaries, more directness, and speak up for myself in my relationship with my wife more than I ever have in any other relationship. I speak my mind, share my perspective, bring up things that are bothering me, and ask for what I want. I’m more aware of my own needs and I find ways to prioritize taking care of myself, even though we have two small children. And in spite all of this assertiveness, which in the past I would have thought of as “mean,” “pushy,” or even “selfish,” 3 we have a truly extraordinary relationship filled with love, sweetness, passion, growth, and mutual support.
And that’s not just me saying this, Candace would agree. Watch:
Me: Honey, do we have an amazing relationship?
Candace . Yes. Yes we do, Aziz.
There you have it. Indisputable evidence. If you would like to find out what she says in more detail, go to NotNiceBook.com . There you will find an interview with Candace about niceness, authenticity, and extraordinary romantic relationships.
Trust me, this path truly will completely change your life for the better, and I am so glad you are joining me on it. Let’s begin by describing the 30,000 foot view of how this whole process works.
3 . Ahh! The dreaded “S” word. More on this in chapter 10. Look out.