I want to thank you for reading the introduction to this book. I know you’d prefer to jump right into it, so good for you. Good reading. I’m hoping it’s just as funny as the rest of the book and I’m feeling pretty good about our chances, so here we go.
In many ways this book is mostly about you. I’m not sure if we’ve met. I’m Tom, but even if we haven’t, I want you to know that I’ve really been thinking a lot about you and I have to say, you’re doing great.
I mean it. Everyone feels like they should be doing more with their lives, that they’re not good enough or skinny enough, smart, rich, or successful enough. I get it, but stop beating yourself up already. You’re doing fine. I’ll go one better and say that you’re peaking right now.
You really are. If you’re living your busy life, dealing with your family, figuring out what to feed them next, and you were still able to find a couple minutes to read this, and enjoy yourself, this is as good as it’s going to get. You’re not stuck under a truck tire, no one needs to throw you a rope from a helicopter. Trust me, you’re killing it.
It’s hard being a person. It really is. Just the physical maintenance of you alone, is endless. Just the brushing, cleaning, and wiping—hopefully every day—of you, is a major project. Throw in the needs of the rest of your family and things get really tricky. So stop beating yourself up. You’re doing great.
This isn’t to say that your life is struggle-free. Everyone has their battles to fight. There may be slight differences in what they are, but no one lives a life without them. There will be sickness, money problems, and clogged toilets, but that’s okay, it’s all part of the package, so don’t be a baby. As my grandmother would say, “Get over yourself!” You do the best you can, try to remember to floss, and have some laughs along the way.
The main source of these laughs is the people around you. Like you, I didn’t choose the people in my family, but I knew from an early age that these people were hilarious. After performing, traveling, and meeting all of you, I’ve learned that your families are hysterical too.
Now, I know you’re busy with all the important stuff you have to do. You have to draft players for your fantasy league, get your toes done before that thing you have to go to, so maybe you don’t have the time to recognize what exactly makes your family so ridiculous. That’s okay, that’s my job. It’s all I do.
That’s why I wrote this book. To point out some of the absurd things that you might have missed and help you realize that you’re not alone. We’re all doing the best we can and that’s truly enough. I hope you enjoy it.
Look at that, you got through the introduction! Nice job. You’re doing great!