contents
Call Your Mother Before She’s Dead
Your Children Should at Least Think You Might Spank Them
Welcome to Plain Pasta, Can I Take Your Order?
Your Baby Doesn’t Want to Go Anywhere with You
In Defense of Family Vacations
Stay Out of the Emergency Room
Birthday Parties Belong at Home
Don’t Drag Him to an Art Gallery While on Vacation
You Aren’t Marrying Who You Think You Are
The Importance of the Forced Romantic Getaway
What Men Think Their Wives Do in the Bathroom
There’s No Such Thing as a Soul Mate
Your Cat Thinks You’re Too Needy
Your Dog Doesn’t Want to Go to a Restaurant with You
Perfect Gift Ideas for Grandma
Your Father-in-Law Doesn’t Like You Either
Best Places to Bring Your Daughter’s Boyfriend
Cool Things to Do with Your Uncle When You’re Young
Your Cousins Will Ruin Your Life
The Angry, Middle-Aged White Guy