Reinvent Me

Definition: to form a mental image of something incapable of being viewed or not at that moment visible.

In a sense we are jumping from ‘Now’ to the future because this chapter is all about visualizing your reinvention – imagining that reinvented you! I also like to think of V as standing for ‘Venture’. Put the two Vs together and they make a perfect team – by the end of this chapter you will be visualizing your daring new venture!

Visualizing is such a powerful tool and one I use a lot. I truly believe that if you can visualize yourself after your reinvention it will help to bring the goal closer to you. When we can see something clearly in our minds, it helps it to become more tangible, which motivates us to keep believing we can achieve it. For example, if you are looking to reinvent your relationship, you might have an image of how it would look and feel to improve things with your partner. If spending more quality time with each other is part of your reinvention, maybe you could visualize a wonderful vacation together or a situation at home where you are enjoying cooking together. Simply picturing these positive scenarios will help you feel better about your relationship.

If you are single and feel ready to settle down, you might want to visualize your ideal partner. Sounds crazy, eh?! Well I did it, and am now happily married to the guy! When someone suggested that I write down the qualities I was looking for in my ideal man and then visualize having that person in my life, I was like ‘Yeah, right, as if that’s going to work!’ Well, how wrong I was. It was like by doing so I made an agreement with myself and with the universe that I would focus on what I really wanted. It wasn’t until a few months into the relationship that I thought to myself, ‘OMG, he actually has all the qualities I wrote down and visualized’ – that was a pretty cool moment. Since then I have held many workshops sharing these tools and they totally work.

If your reinvention is about losing weight or becoming fitter, you might picture yourself eating healthy food and exercising. You could visualize how you look and feel once you have achieved your goal, perhaps imagining yourself feeling happy and confident about your body, and eating a healthy meal at a favourite restaurant. Many famous athletes swear by visualization to improve their game and skills – they may be physically fit, but be held back mentally because they don’t see themselves as winners. Visualizing achieving their goals gives them self-belief and the mental strength to succeed. I used visualization successfully throughout my dancing career, and I have used this awesome tool with so many different clients to help them overcome nerves in all sort of situations, from public speaking to taking part in competitions.

Visualizing is something that comes quite naturally to us as children, but then somehow, as we grow up, we forget how to do it, or we write it off as a waste of time. As a child you may have imagined future things, such as what it would feel like to ride a bike, to get married or to drive a car. This kind of daydreaming is not that different from purposely imagining how we would like a change or goal to turn out, but as adults we stop ourselves having this kind of childish fun. We simply don’t dare to dream. We stand in the way of our own creativity and intuition, thinking that our goal is silly. But why? What if visualizing something helps make it happen? Have you thought about that? How cool would that be?!

Remember that visualizing is free and a playful experience – don’t get caught up in the how to, such as not having the money to achieve some of your dreams, but rather allow your imagination to flow freely. I have heard so many amazing stories of people who have achieved their dreams and goals against all the odds. A friend of mine would regularly walk around the area where he wanted to live, but couldn’t afford. He would visualize what it would be like and feel like to drive up and park at a particular house that he loved and for that to be his home – and after some time, it became a reality! I used to walk past a fancy couture shop in Knightsbridge, London, dreaming about one day wearing one of those very expensive dresses. I knew it was not going to happen with my hourly pay of £6.50, but it didn’t stop me from visualizing what it would feel like and look like – and I did many years later wear many dresses from that shop!

I think there is a reason why we have been given such a powerful tool – we can use our imagination to go anywhere in the world, to picture any situation just by thinking of a memory, a new situation or a goal. I’m so excited about you trying the exercises in this chapter and allowing yourself to connect with that child-like, creative part of you. Let your imagination take you anywhere you want to go as you visualize the future you!

My first experience of visualization was when I was 13 years old. I remember it so clearly. I was struggling to perfect a step in a dance routine and the more frustrated I got, the more I couldn’t do it. My dance coach asked me to stop what I was doing and take a break. He told me to sit down, close my eyes and become aware of my breath, and then when I felt relaxed to start imagining myself doing the step correctly. I found it really challenging; at first it was so much easier to visualize it going wrong than right. But each time I closed my eyes and imagined a step, it became slightly easier.

As my dancing career progressed, I visualized other things, such as what it would look, sound and feel like to win a specific competition. Later on I visualized living in another country and, just like that, active visualization became a part of my life. I used to dream about living in California. I would walk along the seafront in Denmark and visualize the difference in temperature between Denmark and California, imagining the trees, flowers and smells there. It was surreal when I finally moved to Los Angeles and took my first trip to the beach; it felt like I had walked there before. I had visualized it in my mind for so long that I felt completely at home when I got there.

Another great visualization tool I’ve used to support my dreams and goals, and that you can learn in this chapter, is a vision board (see Exercise 2 on pages 100–101). Make a board of pictures and thoughts and feelings that exactly describe and show how you would like your life to look after your reinvention. I have literally put everything on my vision boards I wanted to achieve, from meeting my ideal partner to buying my first house to connecting to my Zen within and, of course, for manifesting my dream jobs

One thing I’ve learnt when using vision boards is that you have to be specific. I remember doing a fabulous vision board in 2007, one that made me feel full of joy and excitement when I looked at it. It was all about how I wanted to feel in that series of Strictly Come Dancing and what I wanted to achieve, so there were pictures that made me feel energized, happy and creative. I even drew a trophy and visualized holding it, imagining how good it would feel to have led a partner all the way to winning the final, knowing that I had accomplished my task successfully. However, I had not been specific enough. I put the vision board at the bottom of my cupboard and found it four months later, by which time I had come third in that series of Strictly Come Dancing. When I found the board, I realized I hadn’t put a year on it, so I wrote 2008 next to the photo of the trophy and threw it back in the cupboard. Then 2008 was the year that Tom Chambers and I won. Of course it couldn’t have happened just by visualizing it or writing it down; it took for me to create routines, gain the audience’s support and, of course, meet a partner who was capable and who had the same goal, but I’m convinced that the vision board played a big part too.

‘First you imagine it,
then you dream of it,
then you take action
and then you achieve it.’

In 2011 I created a new vision board about becoming one of the judges on Strictly Come Dancing. I wrote down how it would feel and what I would wear – I even cut out the judging panel from the show and stuck my picture on it! However, the picture I used was from the tour programme, not the TV show, and then in 2015

Before I wrote my first book, Strictly Inspirational, I visualized a strong image of my husband cooking inside a house that we owned (at the time we were living in an apartment and had no deposit saved), and me in the garden writing my book. Then, five years later, that exact scenario happened! I also created a pretend book cover and wrapped it around one of the books on my shelf, so I would notice it every day when I was working in my office. I visualized what it would be like to see it in the bookstore for the first time and what it would feel like holding it in my hand. I can honestly tell you that actually holding the finished copy of my book in my hand was far more emotional than I ever imagined.

I think mainly because writing in a second language wasn’t something that I immediately thought I could do, so I achieved a big personal goal.

This simple meditation helps you to visualize yourself after your reinvention. Practise as often as you can until you have achieved your goal. The more you can visualize yourself after you have achieved your goal or reinvention, either by recalling an image or by imagining feeling a certain way, the more real the visualization will become and the more your mind will get used to feeling this way. This will help you to stay motivated to keep taking action toward it. This works in the same way as the law of attraction. You will attract more of what you focus on.

Although many people tell me they can’t visualize, I know that with practice anyone can; even if you only hear sounds or are aware of feelings rather than seeing an actual image, it’s still visualizing! It can help to enlist the help of a friend to talk you through the visualization – sharing your dreams with someone else helps to keep you accountable. Or you can head on over to my website where I’ve recorded an example of a visualization that you can listen to for free. Go to http://www.zenme.tv/reinventme/.

1. Sit somewhere comfortable where you won’t be disturbed. Relax with your eyes closed and take three deep breaths to allow you to be present in the moment. Then get ready to let your imagination flow.

2. Spend a few minutes focusing on your breath by imagining saying the word ‘calm’ on each in-breath, and the word ‘relax’ on each exhalation, until you notice every muscle in your body is relaxing. Literally imagine you are breathing calmness into each muscle.

3. Once you are fully relaxed, bring to mind an image of you after your reinvention, or bring to mind a sound or a feeling. Notice as many details as you can:

What are you wearing?

Where are you?

What sounds can you hear?

What are you doing?

Are you alone or with someone?

Pay attention to the emotions you are experiencing. Are you relaxed, happy, excited, proud? The more we can attach positive feelings to the visualization, the more the mind will believe it is achievable.

4. When you have a firm image or feeling, take three deep breaths in and as you exhale imagine you are exhaling positive energy into that vision or emotion. If you have a clear image, then turn up the colours in it and turn up the feelings too, just the way you would turn up the volume on the TV or radio. Then seal it with one more deep breath and open your eyes.

5. If a negative thought pops into your mind, then switch it for a positive one immediately. It’s important to stick with making this a really positive experience for the mind.

6. Once you have done this and still with your eyes shut, imagine floating into the future above yourself, looking down onto your life and the timeline running through it and drop this visualization down into your future somewhere along the timeline at the exact date and year you would like to achieve your reinvention by. That way you are giving yourself a deadline too – most people get things done when they have a deadline.

Did you find it difficult to visualize? If so, don’t worry. You may not get a strong image straight away – some people hear sounds or have strong feelings instead. Allow the visualization to come in whatever form is natural for you. There is no right or wrong way – there is just practising training your mind and allowing it to get used to this new way of imagining your future. In time visualization will become easier and feel more natural.

Sometimes a visualization is more like watching yourself in a movie – playing out what will happen, instead of seeing a single image. It can be helpful to imagine actually being in the movie so you are looking through your own eyes instead of observing from afar. Actually step into that screen and feel, see and hear everything as if it’s happening for real.

This is hand on heart one of my favourite creative exercises to do for myself and with my clients, whether it’s one-to-one or in a group. It’s a great project to do with your partner or kids, too, for common goals.

Making vision boards really gets the creative flow going and as I mentioned in my story (see page 94) they have a magical way of working! You may want to make separate vision boards: for example, one for your personal goals, one for work and one for your love life. For now let’s look at one for the reinvention you have been focusing on throughout this book.

1. Get a large piece of cardboard or use a journal if you prefer to be able to carry your visualization around with you.

2. Grab a pile of magazines, or search for images online, and find photos of yourself that reflect some of the emotions that you are trying to achieve. For example, if you are thriving to become more Zen, find photos of you relaxing. If your goal is to travel, find lots of photos representing the places you’d like to see or past photos of you on vacation. Rip out as many photos as you need from the magazines and add inspirational words and quotes that motivate and inspire you. Stick everything you’ve found on the board or in your journal. There are no right or wrong images or phrases, as long as they are positive ones – just choose whatever instinctively feels right and ‘speaks’ to you. Each time you look at your board, you should feel inspired and be able to imagine yourself once you’ve achieved your goal.

3. Put your creation where you will notice it. Or drop it in your cupboard like I did. We know it still worked, even from the bottom of my cupboard, because the intention had been set!

Were you surprised by what you discovered from your vision board? Is your reinvention goal clearer to you now?

I knew it wasn’t the greatest timing to break up with a long-term partner aged 36, especially given that I wanted to have children. However, that was not reason enough for me to stay in the relationship. There wasn’t anything majorly wrong, but I had started making decisions that took me further away from my partner. I never thought twice about taking a job far from home, even one where I had to live in a different country. This seemed normal to me and I didn’t really consider that it was not an ideal situation for him.

I suppose I should have noticed that my actions were speaking for themselves, but it wasn’t until one day when I sat down in silence imagining and visualizing myself in the future that I realized that I couldn’t see my partner in any of the images that came to my mind. I knew, in that moment, that deep down it was time to move on. I had a huge desire to travel and explore new things, but my partner was happiest at home with the dog. While I wanted to try new things, he felt more comfortable with what he knew. And although it’s fine to do things apart as well as together in a relationship, I wanted something different for myself and I did not want to settle for something that was almost right. Of course the fearful thoughts set in: Will I fall in love again? Will I meet someone special in time to have children together? What will it be like to be single again at this age?

Even though I was the one who broke off the relationship, being single took some getting used to or rather it took my best friend to ask me, ‘Are you going to sit there and feel sorry for yourself for much longer or are you going to get on the online dating and put yourself out there?’ That was the kick in the butt I needed, my motivation if you like. Rather than just heading straight in, I started thinking about and visualizing my future partner – I felt that next time it would be even more important to ensure I’d found someone with all the qualities that were important to me. Then, reluctantly, I joined a few dating sites and, although I was single for a year, I met some really lovely men. Finally, I met my now husband and I had my first child when I was 42. I’m so glad that I held out for what I wanted, and that I didn’t let the fear of being alone or running out of time to have children stand in the way of my happiness. I’m so grateful that I trusted what I’d seen in my visualization and took action to change what was in my power. Although what I did was scary and a gamble, it was one worth taking.

I’m not entirely sure what I want to reinvent so how can visualization help me?

Even when you don’t know what changes you want to make, using visualization allows you to connect with your intuition. You can do what I call a free-flow vision board, cutting out images that come to mind or that jump out at you from magazines. As you sit down to create, the images you choose may surprise you at first. I have worked with people who thought they wanted to buy a new house, but then made a vision board all about travelling. Making a vision board helped guide them toward what they actually wanted to do more than anything else. From that vision they could start taking action to make changes and fulfil their dreams. So I’d say to you just try some of the techniques in this chapter and be open-minded – who knows where it will take you?!

Visualizing doesn’t always have to be a big, scheduled task. Once you have practised a few times and created a strong image or feeling in your mind you can recall it anytime, even just for a couple of minutes. Visualizing can easily become part of your day if you just practise it little by little. For example, if you are dreaming of one day being the boss at work, every time you walk past the boardroom or your boss’s office, take a moment to visualize what it would feel like to sit in that seat or be the chair of the boardroom meetings. Imagine what things you’d be dealing with. How would you dress? Would your posture be different? What would your day entail?

One friend of mine used visualization when she was going through the long process of IVF. She started with meditation, visualizing the eggs developing and being fertilized and then the embryo implanting and growing. Once she had these positive images in mind, she would recall them whenever she could – when going for a walk, while sitting on a train, just for a few minutes each day. She’d also visualize herself as a new mother, showing the baby to her neighbours and friends. I’m happy to say that, against all the odds, her IVF worked for her and she now has a wonderful little boy. How much the visualization helped she’ll never know, but it certainly made the IVF process a more positive experience for her, which was really important.