CONTENTS

Title Page

Dedication

Epigraph

Author’s Note

How This Book Became an Official Oprah’s Book Club^™Pick
(Not that You Asked)

Dear Oprah

Why I Crush on Vonnegut
(Not that You Asked)

Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt, Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Postscript

About My Sexual Failure
(Not that You Asked)

Shame on Me

Chestfro Agoniste

My First Fake Tits

How to Write Sex Scenes: The 12-Step Program

Why, Upon Publication of This Book, I Will Have to Leave the City of Boston Under Cover of Night
(Not that You Asked)

Red Sox Anti-Christ

Concerning the Laughable Nature of Literary Fame
(Not that You Asked)

How Reality TV Ate My Life

Blog Love

Heart Radical

Pretty Authors Make Graves

A Recipe to Die for, A Band to Worship
(Not that You Asked)

Death by Lobster Pad Thai

Tesla Matters (Dude)

In Tribute to My Republican Homeys
(Not that You Asked)

Cash Cowed

Where’d You Hide the Body?

Demagogue Days

How I Became a Baby Daddy
(Not that You Asked)

You’re What?

10 Ways I Killed My Daughter Within Her First 72 Hours of Life

Ham for Chanukah

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Also by STEVE ALMOND

Copyright