THINGS NOT TO SAY WHEN APOLOGIZING

When do you tune out of an apology and decide the other person is insincere? Often, we reject an apology as soon as we hear words that blame, excuse, or deny. Do you want to use best practices for apologies that actually work? If so, omit these phrases. When I am sitting in my counselor chair and I hear these phrases being spoken to a partner, I often stop the action and say, “You are heading in the WRONG direction. Proceed only if you intend to wreck this relationship.”

• Haven’t you gotten over that yet?

• I am sorry that you were offended.

• I asked for and received forgiveness from God.

• I should be excused because I …

• You’re too sensitive. I was only joking.

• Why do you always … ?

• If you hadn’t …

• You sound like your mother.

• That’s just silly.

• That’s life.

• What’s the big deal?

• To the extent that you were offended …

• Give me a break.

• You just need to get over it.

• There is nothing I can do about that now. I can’t take away the past!

• Why can’t you let bygones be bygones?