Guilt is a terrible place to be. The worst of it is that you don’t need a key to get into the guilt factory—it has the key to get into you.
After our trip through guilt, what we need now is a lighter look at motherhood. Ready for the next door?
Go ahead and open it. Sitting in the center of the floor are three small children. Their laughter rises on the air as if hitching a ride on the hundreds of rainbow bubbles escaping from the children’s bubble pipes.
Colorful balloon bouquets wave in the gentle stir of the air as they wait to be bounced, bopped, and popped. Three porcelain-faced clown dolls smile beneath their fake frowns. Teddy bears and toy soldiers peek from an open toy chest in the corner.
Rain slashes against the window, the sky hovers in shades of gray. Outside there is a storm, yet in this room lies a treasure more valuable than a golden sun—happiness, laughter, and fun.
Kids need a mom who will teach them to laugh. A joyful heart can overcome nearly all obstacles.
The Key to a Happy Heart
Few people in this world have ever found the key to happiness. It is such a simple thing really. We receive hints from people who encourage us to “stop and smell the roses.” Sometimes in fleeting moments we think we have found it, only to have the joy squashed out of us by the crushing realities of life.
Many try to uncover happiness by surrounding themselves with treasures such as newer cars, bigger houses, furs, and jewelry, or by changing the people around them. “If only I had a maid … if only I had an obedient child … if only I had a job … if only I could stay home and raise my kids instead of working … then I would be happy.”
The key is a simple one. It’s given to everyone. Your happiness depends on whether you decide to use the key to unlock a treasure house of joy or leave it hidden under the mat.
What is the key? Simply this:
When life hands you lemons … make lemonade.
Too simple? Then perhaps you will want to read about growing positive attitudes in yourself and your kids in chapter 12. But for now, let’s hear it for laughter.
Loving Enough to Laugh
In Proverbs, wise King Solomon tells us, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a downcast spirit dries up the bones” (Prov. 17:22 RSV). Did you know there is medical evidence to prove that theory?
Research suggests that laughter releases morphinelike substances called endorphins in the brain that cause pleasure and relieve pain. Many in the medical profession now recognize laughter as a very real medicine—a mood elevator and an analgesic.
Laughter is also a boon to physical fitness. A hearty belly laugh will match jogging time for time. In other words, twenty minutes laughing and twenty minutes jogging can have the same physical benefit.
My children learned how to laugh. My husband used to tell the children that if they grew any taller their feet wouldn’t touch the ground and other tall tales. We’d make up crazy puns and tell jokes.
Laughter is a natural spring that bubbles up inside us. Having been created in the image of God, we are born with the ability to laugh. But often it is stifled at an early age, when we show children displeasure at their giggling. Can you remember the last time you laughed so hard you cried, fell to the floor, and rolled from side to side, holding your aching tummy? If you can’t, it’s been too long.
There’s only one catch to teaching the art of joyfulness to your children: You have to know how to have fun.
Having Fun
When was the last time you had fun? So often we adults fall into the role of proper, straitlaced, dignified, boring grown-ups. Somewhere on the path to growing up we lose our childlike wonder. We become goal oriented and focused on the routine and mundane. We may focus so hard on rearing our children, we forget to enjoy them.
I think if I could do one thing over again as a mom, it might be to commit myself to having even more fun. I often took life too seriously. I sometimes wish I’d used my water pistol with a little more regularity. I might take life less seriously and be a little more like my son-in-law who rarely misses an opportunity to play.
My daughter and her husband, Ben, recently moved to California, and my husband and I had gone for a visit this past May—and yes, we were there on Mother’s Day. For my Mother’s Day gift they took me to Knott’s Berry Farm. What a blast. While I couldn’t stomach some of the wilder roller-coaster rides, I had a great time watching my husband and Ben, the grown-up kids, as they screamed through the park.
They went on practically everything, and I think they had more fun than my four grandchildren. I thoroughly enjoyed being a kid for the day myself just hanging out, talking, and walking with my daughter and grandchildren, watching the seal and dolphin shows, dropping out of the sky in a parachute ride, and shooting the rapids. They gave me a precious gift that day. They gave me fun.
When was the last time you gave up your adultness and let yourself slip into the hilarious, carefree role of a child? We have inside ourselves a parent and a child. I don’t think God ever intended that as we grow into adulthood, we forsake the child. Didn’t He say, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 19:14 RSV)? “Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it” (Mark 10:15 RSV).
For the sake of having fun, be frivolous for a change. It won’t mar your image. Go for a wild run on the beach with your hair flying in every direction. Create a sand castle. Write “I love you” in the sand. Fly a kite and let the wind take your soul along for the ride. Make a mud pie. Let a puppy lick your face. Climb a mountain. Drink your fill from an icy stream. Make a snow angel or a snowman.
If you’re still having trouble with your laugh life, try a little game playing. We occasionally indulge in the “What If” game. You take an ordinary person, place, or thing and let your imagination fly.
For example: The other day my husband and I were walking on the beach. I commented about how fast the sandpipers (actually plovers) scurry along the beach.
“Yeah,” my husband said, “they’re cute now, but what if they were twenty feet tall?”
“And what if they ran twenty times faster than they do now?”
Can you imagine a herd of twenty-foot-tall sandpipers zipping along the beach at a hundred miles an hour? Those plovers would pulverize every human on the beach.
Yes, the “What If” game can get ridiculous, but it’s a sure way to get you laughing.
Recently I saw a bumper sticker on a little 4x4 truck. It read, “The one with the most toys when he dies, wins.” How sad. Chances are he’ll have more toys than anyone could ever use, but is he really having fun? Real fun doesn’t cost money—it just takes a little time.
The people who have taught me the most about play are the children. If I forget, I simply think about them. I especially remember a precious moment with my granddaughter Corisa. She was four at the time. We’d gone to the park to play, and I gave her a push on the swing. I couldn’t help noticing the look of sheer delight on her face. Wondering what was going on in her head, I asked, “What’s swinging like?”
She tipped her head back and thought for a moment, then replied, “Nanna, it’s like a summer day.” I often think about her comment and try to capture the awe and magic of the world around me, delighting in life as she did for at least a few minutes out of every day.
Just as there is time for being an adult, for being wise and grown-up in one’s thinking, there is time to be a child. My poem expresses this thought.
Become like a child again?
Capture cloud creatures,
touch the breeze,
and bend rainbows?
Play hide-and-seek in giant oaks
and splash in rainy day puddles?
Absurd!
Or is it?
Perhaps we could regain
innocence …
faith …
trust.
Trust ourselves …
Our world …
To God’s grown-up hands.
A kid needs a mom who still knows how to be a kid and have fun.