Appendix III

DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE

Divorce and remarriage are such complicated issues that there is no way we can do the subjects justice in anything short of a book devoted entirely to the topic. Our basic position is that while God loves the divorced person, God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16) because of all the pain of sin that causes it to occur and results from it. This pain includes both spouses, their children, friends, extended family, and future generations who endure emotional, financial, and other consequences. For these reasons, divorcees also agree that they, too, hate divorce.

In an effort to be of some help, however, we will briefly answer some of the most common questions regarding divorce and remarriage.

What constitutes the legitimate ending of a marriage?

The following are biblical grounds for divorce:

1. Death (Rom. 7:2–4; 1 Cor. 7:39)

2. Adultery (Deut. 22:22; Matt. 5:32)

3. Non-Christian files for divorce and leaves (1 Cor. 7:10–24)

4. Sexual immorality/porneia (Matt. 5:32; 19:9)

5. Treachery or treasonous betrayal (Mal. 2:14–16)

6. Hardness of heart (Matt. 19:8; Mark 10:5)

What should church leaders do if my Christian spouse insists on divorcing me?

Investigate grounds, possible discipline, with the goal of saving the marriage.

• He [Jesus] said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:11–12)

• The woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he is lives. (Romans 7:2–3)

• Now to the married, I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10–11)

• Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. (1 Corinthians 7:27)

Does this mean people must endure abusive relationships?

No. In places like 1 Peter 3:7, the Bible commands men to love their wives and not be harsh with them. If there is abuse, the victim(s) must be separated from the abuser to a safe place. If the abuser does not get help and show complete change of mind and behavior, then divorce on grounds 5 and 6 above would be met for a possible divorce.

Am I required to take back my spouse after they have committed adultery?

No, in light of grounds 2 and 4 above. If someone does reconcile with an adulterating spouse, they are extending much grace, which by definition is not required but is noble.

Can I remarry if my spouse dies?

Yes. (Rom. 7:2–4; 1 Cor. 7:39)

Can I remarry after a divorce that occurred because my spouse was an adulterer?

The parameters for remarriage are as follows:

• The innocent party of a divorce due to adultery may remarry but not the person guilty of adultery.

Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not commit adultery.’” (Matt. 19:18)

In the house His disciples also asked Him [Jesus] about the same mat-ter. So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:10–12)

Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery. (Luke 16:18)

• A believer is divorced by an unbeliever who leaves him or her.

But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. (1 Cor. 7:15)

• Lastly, if someone was divorced as a non-Christian and later became a Christian, it is possible for them to marry another Christian.

What if I divorced my spouse because of domestic violence, child abuse, or abandonment—can I remarry?

While you may be free to remarry, you first will require pastoral or professional help or both. You need to recover from your previous marriage and be careful not to enter into another unhealthy relationship.

In closing, these are very complicated issues. Any attempt to put a neat and tidy set of rules in place is invariably abused by sinful people who find ways to make their sin fit such grids. Therefore, God gives wisdom to the church leaders who, along with governmental laws, can help make these decisions. Ultimately, none of these kinds of questions can be answered for an individual case unless spiritual leaders are involved, getting both sides of the story, to carefully and prayerfully come to a wise decision. We have done this many times in our years of ministry together and rarely counsel someone to seek a divorce. We always work toward repentance and reconciliation while acknowledging that sometimes those things simply do not occur and we have to do the best with the situation we have.