CHAPTER 6
NEVER GAMBLE WITH A FEMBOT
CLAUDIA
Athena rules the Fembots Ed. Note: Fembots are: -Athena -Clarissa Parker -Ling Chen -Meredith Timms + 5-8 wannabes by fear. She tries to rule the rest of the sixth grade that way, too, but most kids don’t buy into it. Although enough of them do that Athena THINKS she rules the whole grade.
And she can smell weakness like a shark can smell blood. Whenever somebody’s feeling sad, or small, or spun out, Athena notices. Then she attacks them.
This is pretty much what she did to me in the cafeteria that morning.
SOPHIE
You were just sitting there, minding your own business. And all of a sudden, Athena was like, “EVERYBODY LOOK AT CLAUDIA! SHE’S SOOOO UPSET!”
CLAUDIA
For the record, I was NOT “upset” about how much attention Reese’s Blurt was getting. I was “annoyed.” Which is totally different.
But when Athena yelled that, everybody stopped watching the Blurt and started watching ME. And Athena said something like, “You BEGGED people for WEEKS to watch your lame video… and in five seconds, Reese made something A HUNDRED TIMES as popular! AHAHAHAHAHA!”
Which was ridiculous. Because my most popular Blurt had gotten over 2,000 Blips. And at that point, Reese’s MetaWorld Blurt still only had 600.
REESE
It was actually more like 1,000 by then. It was going up pretty fast.
CLAUDIA
Whatever. The point is, I was NOT upset… until Athena tried to humiliate me in front of everybody. And even then I didn’t get upset. I got ANGRY.
I actually got so angry I couldn’t think straight. So instead of just laughing at Athena—which is what I SHOULD have done—I took the bait. I can’t remember exactly what I said—
SOPHIE
It was something like, “Oh, please! My songs are going to be around a LOT longer than Reese’s stupid Blurt.”
CLAUDIA
I definitely should not have said that. Because I wasn’t even mad at Reese! I was mad at Athena! But then it somehow turned into this whole me-against-my-brother situation, and EVERYBODY got involved—the Fembots, Reese’s friends, my friends—everybody.
CARMEN
We were trying to stick up for you! That’s the only reason Parvati mentioned Blurt followers.
PARVATI
I was like, “Claudia’s got two hundred Blurt followers, and Reese only has ten! That makes her two hundred times more popular than him!”
I got the math wrong, but whatever.
REESE
I didn’t even want to get involved. But when Parvati was all, “You only have ten followers!” I said, “No way! I got twenty! That’s, like, ten more than I had an hour ago!”
SOPHIE
Then Clarissa Ed. Note: (Fembot vice-dictator) Parker was all, “I’d bet a thousand dollars Reese ends up with more followers than Claudia.”
And Athena heard that and just ran with it.
CLAUDIA
Before I knew it, Athena was all up in my face, sticking her hand out and going, “Bet me! A thousand dollars! Or do you want to just admit you’re a LOSER?”
EVERYBODY was watching us. And all I could think was, “There is NO WAY I am letting Athena bully me in front of everybody.”
But I also didn’t have a thousand dollars. I didn’t even have ten dollars. Ed. Note: Mom + Dad don’t give me or Reese allowance, which is v. unfair
CARMEN
Of course not! Nobody has that kind of money except Athena. But your comeback was SO great.
CLAUDIA
I can’t remember my exact words. But they were something like, “I’m sorry, Athena. I’m just not rich and spoiled enough to waste a thousand dollars of my daddy’s money on a totally pointless bet. And if I DID have a thousand dollars? I’d use it to make the world a better place. I wouldn’t throw it in people’s faces like you do.”
REESE
Athena was ripped when you said that. People were all, “WHOOOO! BURRRRN!” Ed. Note: Reese actually v. supportive of me against Athena, which was cool of him
CLAUDIA
Then Athena said something like, “My bad—I TOTALLY forgot you’re poor!” But nobody laughed except a couple of Fembots.
After that, she was quiet for a second. But you could practically see the evil little wheels turning in her evil little brain.
And then she said, “Fine. You don’t have to bet a dime. If you win, I’ll give you a thousand dollars to make your little world a better place.
“But if I win… you have to post a Blurt saying, ‘I’M CLAUDIA TAPPER, AND I’M THE LAMEST, STUPIDEST, MOST BASIC [PERSON] Ed. Note: had to edit this b/c Athena’s language was NOT appropriate WHO EVER LIVED.’”
REESE
Everybody was like, “YEAH! DO IT, CLAUDIA! TAKE THE BET!”
I was cheering for it, and I couldn’t even remember what the bet was.
CLAUDIA
At that point, I couldn’t remember what it was, either. I just knew I couldn’t let Athena win.
SOPHIE
You were like, “What are we even betting on here?” And Athena said, “Whether Reese ends up with more Blurt followers than you.”
Then you guys argued for a while about how long the bet should last, and what the rules should be, and stuff like that.
And then before you shook on it, Athena made Toby type the whole thing up.
CLAUDIA
Here is the exact bet that Toby Zimmerman sent to everybody right after Athena and I shook hands on it in front of the whole sixth grade:
CLAUDIA
It’s very important to understand that when I made that bet with Athena, it did NOT seem like the dumbest thing I’d ever done in my life.
REESE
It totally didn’t! ’Cause it was me against you—except I wanted you to win! So even though I had to swear I wouldn’t help you, it’s not like I was going to help Athena.
CLAUDIA
Also, when Athena and I shook hands on it in front of everybody, I was CRUSHING Reese in Blurt followers. I had 208. And Reese only had 23.
REESE
Right! So it didn’t seem like the dumbest thing you’d ever done until at least a couple hours later.