CHAPTER 16
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
CLAUDIA
When I found out at breakfast on Thursday that Mom and Dad had kicked Reese off the Internet for a week, I felt bad for my brother. Not only was his dream of being a Blurt star crumbling into dust, but after staying up all night fighting trolls, he looked like he’d been run over by a truck.
REESE
I did NOT feel good at breakfast that day. I thought I was going to pass out into my cereal.
CLAUDIA
Bet-wise, I wasn’t sure if Reese’s situation was good or bad for me. On the one hand, it meant he couldn’t post any more Blurts that might go viral. But on the other hand, he also couldn’t post any more Blurts that’d drive his followers away like rats fleeing a sinking ship.
Either way, though, I was feeling good about my odds. I’d gotten almost 600 more followers overnight, and my best Blurts hadn’t even posted yet.
I was especially excited about #13, which I was going to put up right after school.
When I got to school, there was serious buzz in the cafeteria about The Furry Menace.
SOPHIE
It was like that first morning after Reese’s Blurt posted. EVERYBODY was watching your Blurts. And they loved them!
JENS
My friends say to me things like, “DOOOOOD, these Blurts are off a hook!”
And the pain on my head was gone by then. So I start to think, “After all, maybe this was good to do.”
JAMES
I was really tempted to out myself as the director. It was so annoying having to listen to people talk about how crazy your imaginary cousin was. That was MY crazy!
CLAUDIA
The absolutely best part of that morning was watching Athena and the Fembots react to the Blurts.
PARVATI
Can I just say, it was HILARIOUS when Athena accused you of cheating?
She was like, “You can’t post Blurts that aren’t you!”
And you were like, “That’s me in the Flubby costume!”
And she was like, “YOU CAN’T BE A FLUBBY!”
CARMEN
So you took out the rules Toby typed up and you were like, “I don’t see anything in here about Flubbies.”
And the whole cafeteria was like, “You lose, Athena!”
The look on her face after that was SO GREAT.
CLAUDIA
Athena was so furious that she and the other Fembots spent the rest of the day trying to shame me for looking overweight in the Flubby costume.
ATHENA
Excuse me, but I was just stating a fact. I mean, it’s, like, BEYOND obvious you don’t care about your appearance. But tbh? That costume was NOT flattering. You looked like a blue cow.
PARVATI
Ugh! I hate Athena so much. When she and Meredith and Ling “moo’d” at you after third period? DISGUSTING.
CLAUDIA
It really was. But it also felt like a victory. Athena was clearly lashing out because she was worried she was going to lose the bet.
Also, FYI, that costume was padded. But even if it wasn’t, no one should EVER have to feel uncomfortable in their own body. Even a Flubby body. Making people feel bad about the way they look is just totally wrong and evil.
But the Flubby-shaming just made me even more psyched to come home after school and post more Blurts. When I checked the app from my phone on the bus home from school, I was at 2,600 followers, and The Furry Menace #6 had racked up over 150,000 Blips.
Considering how awesome and hilarious Blurts #13–16 were, I felt sure my numbers were about to take off like a rocket. I was so excited that when I got home, I didn’t even stop in the kitchen for a snack. I went straight to my bedroom to post The Furry Menace #13 from my laptop.
And that’s when I realized something had gone horribly, terribly wrong.
Blurts #1 through 12 had all disappeared from my page. In their place was this ugly black box:
ASHLEY
I seriously have NEVER heard a human being scream that loud in my life. I was in the kitchen when I heard you, and all I could think was, “Claude has DEFINITELY cut off all her fingers. Or maybe her whole hand.”
CLAUDIA
By the time Ashley got to my bedroom, I’d found the notice from Blurt Legal in my Direct Messages:
@BLURTLEGAL TO @CLAUDAROO (Blurt Direct Message)
ATTENTION
We have received a trademark infringement complaint regarding a Blurt(s) you posted, as follows:
Complaint from Children’s Television Laboratory regarding inappropriate use of trademarked content FLUBBY™ CHARACTER COSTUME
Further incidents of trademark infringement will result in the deletion of your account. Please delete any Blurts for which you have not obtained the necessary rights and refrain from posting future Blurts containing unlicensed material.
If your Blurt(s) has been misrepresented, you may submit a counter-notification. Be aware that under section 512(c) of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, willful misrepresentation may expose you to civil liability for damages suffered by the rights holder.
The Blurt Legal Department
CLAUDIA
The first thing I did was contact a lawyer.
CLAUDIA AND DAD (text messages)
CLAUDIA
When he called, Dad was VERY kind and supportive. Which I realize was not easy, because I was basically a hot mess. And it took him a while to calm me down.
So as a parent, he was totally awesome.
But as a lawyer, I was VERY disappointed in him.
Because what I really needed him to do was to sue somebody and/or get a judge to issue a court order so I could keep posting Furry Menace Blurts.
And he basically took the Children’s Television Laboratory’s side.
ERIC S. TAPPER (aka “DAD”), father/lawyer of Claudia
The law’s the law, kiddo. And let me tell you, the Children’s Television Lab is AGGRESSIVE in protecting their trademarks. If they don’t want Flubby™ Ed. Note: TM = trademark (Dad says to be on legal safe side, I have to use this when talking about Flubby™ from now on) going on a crazy homicidal rampage, he’s not going. End of story.
But I have to say—as a parent, I’m incredibly proud of you. There aren’t too many 12-year-olds out there who’ve gotten a cease and desist order from a major corporation. That’s a real accomplishment.
CLAUDIA
Thanks, Dad. Sorry about all the crying in the middle of your work day.
DAD
Don’t sweat it, kiddo. That’s what I’m here for.