CHAPTER 17
NEVER GIVE YOUR PASSWORD TO XANDER Ed. Note: (OR ANYBODY) (BUT ESPECIALLY XANDER)
CLAUDIA
While the Children’s Television Lab was ruining my entire Blurt strategy, Xander was busy ruining Reese’s entire life.
REESE
He didn’t ruin my WHOLE life. Just some parts of it.
CLAUDIA
Whatever. You still shouldn’t have given him your Blurt password.
XANDER
I coulda guessed it, yo. Bruh’s password wuz “password”!
REESE
It wasn’t “password”! It was “Password123”!
And “Password” was capitalized!
CLAUDIA
Wow, Reese. That is just… REALLY not smart.
REESE
I know! Okay? Geez! Just let me tell the story.
So after our last couple Blurts had crashed and burned, Xander figured out the way to get huge was to do a collab with a famous Blurt star.
XANDER
Collabs is where it’s at! If Skronkmonster did a collab with BewBewBoy, we’d get dem twenty million BewBewBoy eyeballs on us!
REESE
It seemed like a really good idea.
CLAUDIA
For YOU, sure. But not for BewBewBoy. Because he had A THOUSAND TIMES as many followers as you did. So there was literally nothing in it for him.
REESE
Do you want me to tell the story? Or do you just want to make me feel bad?
CLAUDIA
I’m sorry. Keep going.
REESE
So Xander DM’ed BewBewBoy to see if he was up for a collab.
@SKRONKMONSTER_X TO @BEWBEWBOY (Blurt Ed. Note: Xander’s 1st DM to BewBewBoy DM)
REESE
I was hyped to do it. BewBewBoy’s my idol!
But he didn’t answer. So Xander DM’ed him again.
And he still didn’t answer.
Then Xander DM’ed him, like, ten more times.
@SKRONKMONSTER_X TO @BEWBEWBOY (Blurt DM) Ed. Note: Xander’s 14th DM to BewBewBoy (in one day)
REESE
Then BewBewBoy blocked Xander, so he couldn’t send any more DMs.
And Xander got seriously grumpfed. He was all, “Let’s just kick his butt without him!!!!”
I didn’t really think that was possible. ’Cause if you’re going to kick somebody’s butt, it seems like their butt has to BE there.
But Xander was like, “We’ll fake him.”
And he created this MetaWorld account called “.Ed. Note: note added periodBewBewBoy.” Then he made the avatar look EXACTLY like BewBewBoy’s avatar.
The idea was that I’d kill the fake BewBewBoy in a deathmatch, and I’d Blurt that and be like, “I KICKED BEWBEWBOY’S BUTT!”
But I wasn’t really into doing it. I mean, if somebody made a fake Skronkmonster, and killed him, and then Blurted that they’d kicked MY butt? I’d be all kinds of mad.
Plus by then, Mom and Dad had taken all my electronics away. So I told Xander I couldn’t do it, ’cause I couldn’t go online.
And he was like, “No worries. Just gimme your password.”
Then Xander logged in as me and got Wyatt to be the fake BewBewBoy.
WYATT
I didn’t think it was a good idea, either. ’Cause I was worried if I pretended to be BewBewBoy, all his Bewbees would come after me.
REESE
The Bewbees are this huge group of BewBewBoy fans. They’re kind of like an online gang. And they’re pretty scary. Like, if you ever say anything bad about BewBewBoy in a comment section, the Bewbees will come at you HARD.
Plus a bunch of them are hackers. So they know how to doxx people.
Which means they can actually mess with you in real life. Not just online.
CLAUDIA
If you’re reading this and wondering, “Is Xander about to enrage a giant army of evil trolls with terrifying powers who will descend on my brother and attempt to destroy him by any means possible?” the answer is YES.
REESE
Who’s telling the story here, Claudia?
CLAUDIA
Sorry! Go on.
REESE
Xander told Wyatt there was no way the Bewbees could trace the .BewBewBoy account back to him. So Wyatt was like, “Fine.”
And they made this Blurt of me killing BewBewBoy. Except it wasn’t me, and it wasn’t BewBewBoy. Then they Blurted it from my Skronkmonster account.
Just to make sure BewBewBoy and the Bewbees all saw it, Xander tagged a bunch of them in the comment section.
BLURT COMMENT SECTION
XANDER
I ain’t sayin’ it was a good idea. But that Blurt wuz gettin MAD Blips at the beginning! Tons of eyeballs on that bad boy!
REESE
Yeah—from people who all wanted to kill me after they saw it!
XANDER
I ain’t sayin’ it was a good idea! I’m just sayin’ it wuz popular.
Plus, I ain’t the one with dem baby-weak passwords.