The wisdom of nature can give us all the answers to our day-to-day problems and show us the way to heal ourselves.
—Gerald G. Jampolsky, MD, and Diane Cirincione
If you are anything like me, you are anxious to discover the quickest solutions to any problem or question. But the first thing I have to tell you is not to be in too much of a hurry. At the same time, don't lose your passion to get better. You are already on your way. You've realized that something isn't right inside, and you are reading books about healing.
Your mind and body are in the process of shifting from the old way of thinking, feeling, and being into a new way—and the key word here is “process.” I've always hated that word. It means there are going to be different stages and that relief from the pain is going to take time. But that is what we must accept on the healing journey.
Asking your Higher Power for help is very important. Simply ask each day that you continue to have the strength, courage, and desire to grow out of the old pain and into freedom.
Many of us get stuck because we lack courage. We fear change and the unknown. Who will we be, after we get rid of the old stories, the old way of thinking and reacting? Will people still like us if we turn in our victim roles to find freedom for ourselves? You may have already encountered people who will do everything they can to keep you the way you are even though you want to change. Your getting well may very well threaten those closest to you. But you don't need to get caught in this trap.
Write the following words on a piece of paper:
This is my journey, my turn for freedom. My time for healing.
Keep these words close to you—pinned on your bulletin board at work, folded in your wallet, or tacked to your refrigerator. Recite these words as your mantra, or incorporate them into your daily meditation practice, if you have one. Let them remind you that it is time to focus on your freedom, peace of mind, and health.
Following are ten solutions to help you heal—but remember, healing can only begin if you give yourself permission to focus on yourself. If you can do that—if you can remember how important you are—healing your emotions will have a tremendous effect on your body, your mind, your soul, your relationships, your work, your spirituality, your life!
The first step, if you are in physical pain, is to find a good doctor. Do you have one who listens to you and who will spend quality time with you? One who returns your calls? One who treats you with respect? If you don't have a wonderful doctor, it is time to shop around. Don't get caught up in false loyalty. You don't have to go to a doctor just because your parents did or because she is your neighbor. Remember, this is your body. It runs like a magnificent machine when all systems are go. When all systems aren't go, you need help! Take your body to someone you really trust. You need someone who will listen to what you have to say.
Being sick is hard enough without an insensitive doctor telling you that your symptoms are in your head. Please don't think you need to put up with a doctor who makes you feel bad about yourself. There are many qualified physicians out there who went into medicine because they want to help people. Remember, if your body hurts, something is wrong! Don't just wait for days or weeks for the pain to go away. If it persists, your body is talking to you. It wants you to listen!
Here are some suggestions concerning doctors and your health.
You have been asked throughout this book to look at and write down all of your feelings, beliefs, memories, and pain. This has helped you to release the emotional blocks and confront many of them for the first time. A therapist can help you work through the final stages of healing.
Ask friends, relatives, or your doctor to recommend someone who is not judgmental or shaming. You need someone who believes that your health problems are connected to emotional issues. You need someone who believes that your past does affect your future and who will encourage you to go back as often as necessary to get it all out.
Look for a therapist who is relatively busy, and who will not hang on to you simply because he needs the business. You also need someone who will help you as quickly as possible. Ask God or the Universe to direct you to just the right person. You also need to do your part in looking. But you will be amazed at how easily you will be led to the right person if you just ask.
Above all, don't let money or pride keep you stuck. Your body's health and healing process should be at the top of your list of priorities! Don't get stuck in worrying about whether or not your insurance will cover the costs. It isn't as if you can turn this body in and get another one. Get what your body needs in the way of help, and if you end up with a bill, slowly pay it off. Bills are a fact of life. They motivate us to go to work, so don't let bills be your excuse for not getting well. This is your healing process. Many therapists have a sliding fee scale, which means that they charge according to your income. Many government offices provide free counseling. Don't sabotage your healing process because of money issues! Ask for help.
Once you enter therapy, take all that you have written from the exercises in this book and share it with your therapist. Sort through it all, feel it, talk it out, and, hopefully, leave all of your pain there. That's the therapist's job. A therapist's office is like the emotional sanitation department. Dump it all at the emotional garbage station!
When I left my therapist's office each week, I would ask her for an assignment, something that I could work on in between visits. Even though I didn't always want to do what she suggested, I forced myself, and it always helped. For example, her suggestion that I share one of my feelings each day with at least one person was a difficult task for me, but she said it would help me feel more connected to people and life, and she was right.
Ask your therapist for ideas about what you can do in between visits, so that you feel more in charge of your healing process and be sure that it is progressing. Make a series of appointments, so you can stay in the flow. Remember, even though you now have help, you are still responsible for your own healing.
Lifeworks is a program designed to help people discover and work through their self-defeating patterns of living, and I can't say enough good things about it. It provides help and a safe environment where you can take a good, hard look at your family of origin—your roots. It is especially helpful for those who are: (1) struggling with issues of compulsive, addictive, or self-defeating coping patterns; (2) struggling with codependency and related intimacy issues; (3) adult children of alcoholics or from other types of dysfunctional family backgrounds; and (4) survivors of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse or neglect.
Lifeworks creates a unique and safe environment where you can allow yourself to feel your feelings, let the inner volcanoes explode if they need to, and feel good about it. My experiences at a Lifeworks clinic saved my life, helping me break free of old, destructive patterns to live a freer, more healthful life.
If you are feeling stuck and are tired of it, I strongly suggest that you go to www.clearlife.com and find out their schedule for upcoming clinics. If you are not able to travel to them, ask if they know of a similar program in your area.
I've talked about the importance of finding a personal therapist to help you with emotional issues. I've talked about finding a competent doctor to help with the physical symptoms. What we need to look at next are the spiritual needs of your body and soul. It's important that you not try to do all of this work by yourself. Consider getting involved in a support group. The twelvestep programs are a great beginning.
The Twelve Steps of AA are relatively simple, straightforward guidelines that can help us work through almost any kind of habit or behavior that has us stuck:
Twelve-step groups, based on these guidelines, are spiritual in nature. You do not need to be an alcoholic to live these steps, as they have been adopted by all kinds of groups with different needs. Check online or in your local white pages for the twelvestep group that sounds as if it would fit your needs best. If you can't find anything listed in your area, I would suggest you look up the number for your local Alcoholics Anonymous Central Intergroup Office. They usually have the numbers of other twelve-step groups in their area. Here's the latest list:
You will want to check a group out first before going in and telling your whole life story. First, get a sense of how the group feels. Ask for literature. Most twelve-step groups run strictly on one-dollar donations from each member weekly. There are no dues or fees. If you can't afford a dollar, no one will hassle you or judge you. There are no memberships. There is no test to take in order to get in. As a matter of fact, all that you need is a desire to get better.
The reason for the word “anonymous” is that in true twelvestep groups your anonymity is protected. Everything you say stays at the meeting.
Groups set up by gender (only for men or only for women) can also be really helpful, and I highly recommend attending one. You will learn more about yourself by listening to other people of the same gender talk about themselves. It's scary to sit in with a group of strangers and talk about who you are. But, remember, newcomers are strangers for only a short time.
This solution is different from the rest in that there is very little you need to do other than to reach out for help and then allow it to come to you.
Laying-on-of-hands healing, the type of healing I do and which I have referred to throughout this book, is very straightforward. I've been doing it for forty-two years, and it's so simple that most people have trouble believing it works. They try to complicate it with rituals, sounds, methods, or step-by-step instructions—as if God's amazing healing energy isn't enough on it's own! My first book, Hands That Heal, gives complete instructions for channeling healing energy.
Over the years, I've also become familiar with a form of healing called absentee healing. In this type of healing, the healer does not need to be in the same room with a person in order to heal. The healer prays for the person to be healed, and a healing takes place. One example of such a healing is the Bible story in which a father goes to Jesus and asks him to come to his home and heal his daughter. Jesus tells the man that because of his faith, his daughter has been healed and that all he needs to do is go home and be with her.
At www.Echobodine.com, I have developed an absentee healing program called Healing Pen Pals. You simply email us your name, location, and the type of healing you request. Our coordinators then assign one of our hundred healers the task of sending you healing energy every day for two weeks. If at the end of two weeks you still need more, the healer will send healing for another two weeks. There is no charge for this service. All we ask is that you let us know after the first two weeks how you're doing. In the past two years, we have served close to four thousand people, and, as the testimonials on the site reveal, the results have been amazing.
If you don't have email, you can still take advantage of this service. Send a letter with your name, age, city that you live in, and what you would like a healing for, to:
Healing Pen Pals
c/o Echo Bodine
P.O. Box 19488
Minneapolis, MN 55419
United States
Let us help you to heal that pain.
Another solution I especially like is to t.t.G. (talk to God). I don't even want to say the p-word (prayer) because so many people get stuck there. They see the word and immediately stiffen up and think of some formalized, ritualistic prayer they learned as a child.
I don't believe God wants to hear some formalized prayer. I believe God wants to hear from you—your thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, wants, fears, tears, and anxieties. I believe that whatever you have to say, God wants to hear it!
When I first got into recovery, the idea of talking to God was a little scary for me, as it is for a lot of other newcomers to a spiritual way of life. At my church, someone came up with the idea of a God Box. Whenever any of us had a need to talk to God or had a prayer request, we would write it down and put it in the God Box. The youth group at our church has a God Can. I like that idea better than a God Box because it's a reminder that “God can.”
Writing letters to God has become a great way for me to share with Him all that goes on with me. It's also a good way to get to know myself. I have saved my letters to God throughout the years, and it's fun to look back at them and see my progress. It's also been a good way to build faith and to see that the prayers do get answered.
Fortunately for me, not all prayers are answered with a yes, including things that I thought I just had to have, such as relationships with men, certain jobs, or places to live. I have learned that what I think I must have is sometimes not that good for me in the long run, and in the end, God really does know best.
Step 11 of AA's twelve-step program says: “We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”
I have learned, after some resistance, to pray for knowledge of God's will for me. This has always turned out to be better than my will for myself. Sometimes my issues about unworthiness and undeservingness get in the way. What I want or see for myself often comes up short of God's will for me.
There was a man in my life that I really wanted a relationship with. I pleaded with God to please let it happen. I was sure that man was all I needed to be happy and feel complete. This went on for two years. We would date, but as soon as we would get close, he'd go away physically and emotionally. I couldn't see how bad he was for me. I look back at all of those old, pleading prayers. Thank God I didn't get what I thought I had to have! God has always had something better in mind, so I have come to a place in my prayers where I ask for God's will to be done. This doesn't mean that I don't ask for my desires, dreams, wants, and needs, but because experience has taught me that God's will is much greater, I always end my requests with, “Thy will be done, not mine.” That way, I've said what's on my mind and still sought my highest good!
People often ask me how I pray. Some seem surprised that I talk to God as I would my best friend. I need God to know me. I need to feel that connection to my Source. That oneness. All throughout the day, I talk to God about everything: decisions that need to be made, feelings that I have, fears that I bump up against. I ask for guidance all the time. No, I don't get down on my knees. I used to, but I don't think that it matters to God what position I'm in when I'm talking to Him. I think that what's most important is the communication. It helps me feel grounded, centered.
I think that it's so important to our daily peace of mind and sense of direction to talk to God. I can't imagine the chaos if I were trying to figure this out all by myself. What about you? How comfortable are you with talking to God? If you haven't talked to God for a long time or if you have never talked to Him, don't let that stop you! God didn't go away. God doesn't hold grudges or keep score. God is there for you to talk to about yourself, your life, your troubles, your dreams. Whatever concerns you, concerns God.
Some of you may only feel comfortable talking to God by starting out with a ritualistic, formalized prayer. That is fine, but please don't stop there! I know that if you haven't done this for a while, it can be scary or feel strange. Just go slowly. Be gentle with yourself. Tell God that you're afraid, nervous. Every day try to make some conversation. After a while, you will sense the presence of God. The feeling of God. You'll know God is listening. As time passes, you'll talk more and more. Developing this relationship is a process, just like everything else. Just start . . . talking to God . . . and when you're done talking, go on to the next solution, l.t.G.—Listen to God!
After you spend time talking to God, you need to give God some time to talk back. Praying is talking to God or the Universe, and meditating is listening to God or the Universe. Meditation is a means by which our minds and bodies become calm. The purpose is to get your mind on the outer world and focus on your inner world—that inner sanctuary. While it may seem impossible at times to become calm, it really isn't! There are wonderful meditation books on the market or meditation classes you can attend. Many bookstores also carry CDs that you can listen to that will teach you how to meditate. At first, I would caution you to keep it simple.
You need to take yourself away from the “busyness” of the world and become still, even if it's just for five minutes. Some people have a special place set up in their homes or offices where they meditate. Some need to go to a church or a meditation center. Some like to meditate in a natural setting, such as a garden, a park, the woods, or the seashore. Remember, whatever works for you is right.
Personally, I don't have a specific place set up for meditation. In the mornings, before I climb out of bed, I lie there in that very relaxed state and ask God what I need to know or do for that day. Images come to me. So do feelings. Inspirations, too, of people to call or places to go. Direction. Throughout the day, I keep one ear open to the world and one ear open to God. My former minister, Rev. Don Clark, said in a sermon, “God doesn't shout . . . God speaks softly, so don't expect your guidance to come thundering in from on high. Keep an open ear to God at all times.” God speaks to us through our intuition. You might feel an inner nudge to go to the grocery store, and that's where you will find the answer that you've been looking for. Our answers come in so many ways: through our thoughts, our friends, family members, and others. God certainly isn't limited in how He/She can get answers to us. That makes it fun!
People tend to make meditation more complicated than it needs to be. Simply put, it is taking the time to listen to the Universe, God, your Source, or whatever you want to call it, so that you feel centered and directed. You may find it easier in the beginning to focus on something other than yourself. Consider purchasing a CD or meditation book. Listen to the CD or read the book for that day. Periodically throughout the day, think back to the words of your meditation. Become calm again.
Some people get so intimidated by the idea of meditation that they never try it. They are afraid they won't do it right. Don't get caught up in that kind of thinking. Just take some time each day to focus on your Source—whatever you call your Higher Power. Talk, and then sit in the silence and listen. Don't worry if nothing comes; there's always tomorrow.
So much has changed in the healthcare field since the first edition of this book was published in 1993. Many hospitals today are incorporating alternative methods of healthcare, and I'm so happy to see this. Some are offering laying-on-of-hands healing, acupuncture, biofeedback, and other means of therapeutic modalities.
There is so much that the alternative healthcare field has to offer in the way of helping you heal, and I would strongly suggest you take a look at what is available to you in your area. Psychics, astrologers, healers, masseuses, chiropractors, osteopaths, numerologists, herbalists, nutritionists, rolfers, and shamans are just a few that come to mind.
I have one suggestion when seeking out alternative healthcare, and that is to ask your friends if they know of or have heard of a reputable person. I only go to people that I have been referred to, and I always get the full scoop from anyone who gives me a referral. What kind of service does this person provide? What can I expect from the session? How many sessions might it take before I see results? Do they take insurance? What is their fee?
Most people who are involved in the alternative healing arts in one form or another are on a spiritual path and truly want to be helpful in your healing process, but there are some who are not sincere and are only in it for the money or the prestige of “being a healer.” Whenever you are seeking medical help, always run it by your intuition to see if the person feels like a good fit for you. No more victim, remember?
As soon as you ask if there is another way of doing things, you are on your way to discovering other possibilities and choices. In order for us to be open to other choices or solutions, we need to be willing to let go of being victims. Thinking like, feeling like, and believing that you are a victim may be one of the most difficult beliefs you will have to work through. It is so much easier to point the finger at other people in your life and say, “It's your fault that I am the way I am,” or “It's your fault I'm having a bad day,” or, “If only my spouse would get his act together, then I would be happy.”
It's been difficult for me to admit that I play and wear the victim role very easily. It seems so automatic to start blaming as soon as something goes wrong. Why is it so much easier to point a finger of blame than to take responsibility for what happens in our lives? I think that a big part of it comes from so many of us being afraid of making mistakes. To have to admit that we made a mistake can sometimes be more than we feel we can do.
I have a friend who chooses to believe the negative side of everything. He says that then he won't be discouraged when life lets him down. I know there are plenty of people who live by that same philosophy. Unfortunately, when life is good to them, they seem disappointed too. That's how it is with my friend. Whenever something wonderful happens in his life, he can barely talk about it. When he finally does share the good news, he ends the story with, “We'll see.” This usually means, “We'll see if it is really going to be good. We'll see if this really isn't just a hassle wrapped in a pretty package. We'll see if life isn't just messing with me.”
One thing that I have learned about life is that it invariably gives me what I'm expecting. It's true. I may be praying for a new car but if I am expecting to get a used car with lots of mileage, that's what the Universe will deliver. It seems to go back to those beliefs again! What we believe to be true is how it's going to happen.
Most of us have heard the saying, “I'll believe it when I see it.” But a few years ago, while talking to my minister, I made a slip of the tongue and said, “I'll see it when I believe it.” We both had a good laugh with that one! But there was also an important truth expressed in my mistake. Our beliefs really do tend to determine what we see! If I believe that work is going to be crummy, it will be crummy. If I believe I'm going to gain weight, I will. If I believe I'm never going to get a vacation, I won't. Have you noticed how the power of belief works in your life?
The good news is that once I changed my belief that I had to be a victim, life itself changed. And as life changed, it went right around in a circle and supported my new beliefs. Honest! All you need is a willingness to turn in your victim's role and start to look for choices. Yes, choices! Every situation in life has at least two choices. Some have more.
Sometimes it's difficult to see the choices in a situation, particularly if it's painful. I want to pass on to you something that a close friend, Virginia Miller, told me. She said that whenever you are in a situation that you don't like or don't want to be in, thank it!Thank the experience!
Sounds a little bizarre, doesn't it? But here's an example of what I mean. I was in a relationship with an alcoholic. It was very painful. This man was determined not to quit drinking. I was in the beginning stages of recovery from drinking and was a little shaky myself. Ginny said to me, “Echo, you've got to thank God for this experience.” She said to thank the experience a hundred times a day, if that's what it would take for my pain to begin to ease. She said that even if my heart wasn't in it, I should thank God for the experience.
After a few days of half-heartedly doing this, my attitude started to change. I was seeing the experience in a different way. For instance, I started to see clearly how I had become lost in this man's alcoholism. I had lost myself because I totally focused on him. I realized I had to get back to myself and work on my own twelve-step program. I wanted to live differently. I slowly began to see how destructive the relationship was and was able to let him go. This was something that I had tried to do previously, but without success. Changing my attitude about that experience, the pain, the frustration, the powerlessness, giving thanks for the knowledge that I was learning—all these together helped me to heal that period of my life.
Many, many times over the years, when I have been in emotional pain, Ginny has lovingly reminded me to thank the experience until I feel peace inside. Can you see how doing this gets you to focus on the positive side of any situation? Simply give it a try and let yourself experience how it works.
When I was younger, my mom taught me to always look for the good in every situation. There have been many times when that's been pretty tough, but it sure is a blessing when you can do it! If we are in prison—whether literally or at our jobs, in our relationships, with our health, or with our addictions—we can set ourselves free every day with our own attitudes. We just need to be willing to see things differently.
The attitude we bring to the world each day is a twenty-fourhour-a-day choice. We can choose to be crabby, hateful, and downright nasty, or we can try to look at the whole situation in a different light. If you have the attitude that you choose your experiences in order to learn and grow, things will not be so glum. You will be excited about all of the possibilities for growth and learning. And you'll stop seeing them as static events that will never change, seeing them instead as opportunities that can reveal a new direction.
Unfortunately, most of us can't see the choices that are in each situation. For example, let's look at a work situation, where the boss or a fellow employee drives you crazy. The two of you may get into power struggles every day—a “who's right, who's wrong” sort of thing. Did it ever occur to you not to get into it in the first place? You don't have to fix blame one way or the other. You can walk away and bless the person or situation. I know that this may be the last thing you want to do, but try it anyway. When confronted with such lessons, just ask yourself this single question, “Would I rather be right or be at peace?” The results can be amazing!
If changing your attitude and blessing the situation doesn't help, then it is time to come up with another choice. Don't tell me that you have no choice. Life never gives us only one choice. I know there are some situations that seem incredibly bleak, as if there is no other choice, but life is too creative to offer us only one choice! And if life doesn't appear to offer a choice, create one for yourself. This goes back to being willing to let go of being a victim. Yes, as helpless children we are thrown into many situations in which we have no choices. We are at the mercy of others. As adults, we can use our creative energy to come up with choices and solutions that as children we simply couldn't even imagine.
If you have something going on in your life and can't find a different solution or choice, let me give you a couple of suggestions: (1) Write down the dilemma and look at it as objectively as possible. Think of it as your best friend's problem, not yours. See what choices you could come up with then. (2) Write down your problem. Hand it to your best friend. Ask what choices she sees as solutions.
Being a victim or feeling like one is like going through life in a straitjacket. Your arms are tied, so you have no way of protecting yourself. You're dependent on other people to bail you out when you get into trouble. It's a terrible way to live! This is your life and you have every right to experience all of the goodness that life has to offer! You are the only one who can prevent this with your attitudes, beliefs, limitations, fears, self-doubt, anger, or hatred. You can stay stuck forever, or you can start asking, “Is there another way to do this?”
That's when the journey really begins!
Affirmations are positive statements that can help to change the way we view ourselves or the world around us. Most people, upon discovering that they are holding on to negative beliefs, try to change these by saying affirmations several times a day. For example:
Through the use of repetition, affirmations can create a pattern of positive thinking in the mind. But affirmations only succeed when used in conjunction with inner work.
Messages of years past are very important to be aware of. If we are affirming what we want, but we have these messages and beliefs from the past, the results can be very mixed.
In order to change existing thinking, it's important first to understand what those beliefs really are!
For example, if you are overweight and have a belief that says, “You will always be fat because it is hereditary,” all of your affirmations that “I am thin” aren't going to change that belief! The belief and the affirmation will wrestle with each other over which is going to come out on top. Or, if you feel overweight, but every day you repeat the affirmation “I am thin,” your body is just going to feel confused. How can it trust such a statement when it knows it's not true . . . it really isn't thin! Similarly, if you are in financial trouble and are saying affirmations that “I am prosperous,” there is going to be a huge credibility gap that your body and mind are going to pick up on. The same goes for affirmations like “I am beautiful” or “I am healthy” when they are obviously not true at the present moment.
For affirmations to work well, we have to acknowledge what is true right now and allow that truth to be reflected in the positive statement. Thus, you might also say, “I am now in the process of becoming prosperous,” or “I am in the process of feeling and being attractive,” or “I am in the process of becoming healthy.”
If you have been saying affirmations but not getting the results you desire, you may have to go deeper in order to uncover beliefs that are getting in the way. Your body can't be tricked! Or, if you have been using affirmations, but fail to do so often or on a regular basis, you may have to step it up! Affirmations are very helpful whenever you are trying to change something in your life. But you need to say your affirmations every day, twenty to thirty times a day. Some people say them in the morning, at noon, and at night before they go to sleep.
Remember to do your part. You can't expect change to occur if you just say your affirmations each day but continue to act in the same old way. You've got to implement the necessary changes to bring about positive results. Examples of the wrong way to do this would be the person who munches on a Dove Bar while repeating affirmations that she is losing weight, or who purposely puts herself deeper in debt while affirming that she is becoming prosperous.
Along with making positive affirmations, take whatever action you must to bring the new reality into being. If you want to lose weight, eat less. If you want to be more prosperous, look for more money-making opportunities or look for ways of expanding your present business or profession. As your thinking changes, you will find yourself automatically doing more and more to ensure the outcome you desire.
If things don't begin to change after three weeks or so, the chances are that you are holding on to a negative belief that is preventing you from moving forward. For example, you might find that your body doesn't want to be thinner because putting on weight was once its way of protecting itself from physical or sexual abuse. If you are not prospering, you might be holding on to a belief that you shouldn't be wealthy because then you would have to be more responsible for your own life. If you continue to feel unattractive, perhaps it may be because your present way of being allows you to be invisible, providing a sort of camouflage so others won't notice you.
You will find that positive affirmations, joined with actions that support them, become most effective the moment you are able to rid yourself of your negative belief system. Use your journal work, particularly the work at the end of chapter 5, to support your efforts. For best results, combine your daily use of affirmations with some or all of the solutions recommended in this chapter.
Deep within each one of us is a calming, soft, silent voice that speaks to us throughout the day, giving us accurate advice, direction, and guidance. We aren't meant to guess our way through life. I believe God speaks directly to each one of us through our intuition.
For as long as I can remember, my mother always referred to her intuition as her “intu.” She was always saying that her “intu” told her to do this or that. My siblings and I would give her such a bad time about her “intu,” but, ironically, it was always accurate. As we grew older, she encouraged each of us to listen to our own intuition. An inner knowingness, she called it.
For me, it took lots of practice to follow my mother's advice. My intellect was always fighting to be in control. I wanted to analyze my inner nudgings. It wasn't until I took a class at Unity Church, in Minneapolis, based on the book Lessons in Truth by Dr. H. Emilie Cady, that I realized I was doing it all backward. Cady says, “Intuition and intellect are meant to travel together, intuition always holding the reins to guide the intellect.”
This seemed like an odd idea to me. I hadn't given my intuition that much credit before. When I did listen to it, its guidance was accurate. But I still did not give it much power. When I read in Cady's book, “Intuition is the open end, within one's own being, of the invisible channel ever connecting each individual with God,” I changed my opinion regarding my intuition and inner voice.
That night in class, we had a wonderful discussion about intuition. It was then I realized that intuition is the inner voice of God, always directing us. I began paying much more attention to what I was feeling inside. Shakti Gawain says in her book, Living in the Light:
It is often hard to distinguish the “voice” of our intuition from the many other voices that speak to us from within: the voice of our conscience, voices of our old programming and beliefs, other people's opinions, fears and doubts, rational head trips, and “good ideas.”
As she suggests, I began “checking in” regularly to hear what my intuition was saying to me. I would ask God a question and then wait for the inner answer. Every time I asked for an answer, something would come, even if the inner voice was telling me to wait, be patient.
At first, I had a hard time giving up the control of my life to this inner voice. My intellect kept taking over, making all the decisions and coming up with the ideas. I went back and forth for years between letting my intellect run the show and letting God or the Universe guide me, speaking to me through my intuition.
I believe that in order for us to be and stay healthy, we need to trust and follow our intuition. Gawain writes in Living in the Light:
If you are willing to allow the Universe to move through you by trusting and following your intuition, you will increase your sense of aliveness and your body will reflect this with increasing health, beauty, and vitality. Every time you don't trust yourself and don't follow your inner truth, you decrease your aliveness and your body will reflect this with a loss of vitality, numbness, pain, and eventually physical disease. Disease is a message from our bodies, telling us that somewhere we are not following our true energy or supporting our feelings. The body gives us many such signals, starting with relatively subtle feelings of tiredness and discomfort. If we don't pay attention to these cues and make the appropriate changes our bodies will give us stronger messages including aches, pains, and minor illnesses. If we still don't change, a serious or fatal illness or accident may eventually occur.
If you are physically sick, you need to quiet yourself and go to that still, small voice within for guidance. You do not need to feel as if you are at the mercy of the healthcare professionals, even if they are people you have carefully chosen and have come to trust. Whenever you are required to make a decision about your healthcare, make sure you understand the available choices. Then go off by yourself and ask for guidance. It is difficult to do this when faced with a serious health challenge, but the eventual outcome is worth it. You will be saved much unnecessary pain and expense. You will be shown what you need todo.
When we're not listening to and trusting our intuition, it feels like we're trying to swim upstream against the tide. It is an inner feeling of resistance that can be very wearing on our energy. When we are flowing with our inner knowingness, we feel totally alive. Now, daily, I ask God for direction or guidance in all matters. I check in with my intuition several times throughout the day. I am never disappointed. On that rare occasion, when my intellect wins out, I am always disappointed in myself for not trusting that inner voice. I have learned that it is always accurate. Always!
I have learned that there is a flow that moves through the Universe. When you tap into it, you are able to ride it like a surfer rides a wave. Suddenly, you feel a sense of oneness with the whole. It's an inner feeling of knowingness. Using it will change your life.
If you aren't sure what your intuition is or how to communicate with it, I suggest you get a copy of my book A Still Small Voice and read it a few times until you really get the concept of your inner voice.
Crying is an important part of anyone's healing process. It's a way that nature gave us to release our fears, our hurts, our frustrations, and our pain, whether physical or emotional. It's one of the best ways to cleanse ourselves. Yet, so many of us see crying as a sign of weakness or are embarrassed by our tears. We fear losing control or feeling vulnerable.
Many people pride themselves on not being able to cry. I have heard clients proudly say, “I can't cry. I haven't cried in years. I don't remember the last time that I cried. You'll never see me cry. I'll never give so and so the satisfaction of seeing me cry. Crying is for babies.” And then there are all the old prohibitions against boys and men crying: “Big boys don't cry. Grown men don't cry.”
Let me pass something on to you that I learned at the Lifeworks clinic about vulnerability. Most people try to stay in control of their emotions, feelings, thoughts, and expressions so they won't be vulnerable. Actually, it is just the opposite. When we are flowing with life, being spontaneous, expressing our feelings, we are being vulnerable. This actually puts us in control. People who are in control in the sense of sitting on their vulnerability are actually out of control.
The scary part of giving up control is that it means we need to allow ourselves to express our feelings, our needs, our desires, our thoughts. We need to let go and learn to be spontaneous in our everyday lives, and that means if we need to cry, we need to cry now.
How do you feel about crying? Do you allow yourself to cry when you feel like it? Do you hold back your tears? Are you afraid of your tears? Your sadness? Your hurt feelings? Do you worry about losing control or being too vulnerable?
I used to be afraid of crying. I felt that if I really let the tears out, I would never stop. I worried that I would lose control. When I got into recovery, my sponsor encouraged me to work on crying. At first, I was so blocked that I actually had to pray and ask my Higher Power to help me release the blocks. I went to sad movies and played sad songs. But once I started crying, it seemed to come quite easily.
If you are one of those people who won't let yourself cry, I want you to ask yourself why. Don't let yourself get by with an “I don't know.” Whatever block you've got about crying, you've got to get past it. The block has to be released so you can get on with this important part of your cleansing process.
If you can't figure out what your blocks to crying are, maybe you should look at how your family members expressed their sadness or hurt. If it's your pride that is keeping you from crying, consider the merits of that kind of pride!
Once you have given these questions some thought, write down in your journal whatever messages you are carrying around about crying. If you are one of those people who can't or won't let yourself cry, this exercise can be particularly important.
Finally, ask the Universe to help you cry. The answer may come in dreams, or through a friend, or in an article you read on the Internet. The Universe has a million ways of helping you overcome your blocks.
So go ahead and cry. What have you got to lose? Just lots of old, mothballed stuff that's sitting inside of your body! And who needs that?
I'm including suicide in this section, not because I believe it to be a solution but because some of you may be considering it as a solution! Let me share with you my own experience with this important issue.
Two weeks before I quit drinking and joined a recovery program, I sat down with a full bottle of Valium and a glass of water. I was tired of the ups and downs, of hopelessness and despair. Alcohol was no longer giving me the lift that I needed. The prescription drugs I was taking seemed to keep me coasting in neutral. But it seemed impossible for me to feel good about life. I just wanted to be free from pain.
I sat on my bed, determined to kill myself. As I contemplated doing this, I had a psychic vision of Limbo. I saw many souls there, grieving the loss of their lives, wanting another chance. They were full of despair and hopelessness. A voice told me that this was where I would be going. I was so angry; I didn't want the reality of suicide slapping me in the face like that. I wanted relief, answers, solutions!
I have seen this place called Limbo in many psychic readings when clients ask about a loved one who has committed suicide. Limbo is a place halfway between our earthly plane and Heaven. It's the closest thing I have ever seen, psychically, to what Hell might be like—even though there isn't any fire and brimstone in Limbo. It is full of souls who are stuck in self-pity. This is not a place God condemns us to, should we take our own life. It is our frame of mind that condemns us to Limbo.
One concern that most of my students express when I talk about Limbo is, “Do they have help there?” or, “How come no one is helping them?” They do have help. There are guardian angels to help them out of Limbo and into Heaven, but remember that there was also help for them when they were here on Earth! They chose to ignore this offer of help, and they may choose to continue to refuse it, even in Limbo.
What happens to souls in Limbo? Once they become willing to try something other than their own solutions to their problems, to let go of their strong wills, and to surrender to other solutions besides physical death, they begin to notice the higher spirits who are offering them a way to the white light of Heaven. They are willing to reach out, and as soon as they do, help is on the way.
Once we accept that suicide can't relieve our inner pain, we become open to other solutions. That's when our healing process begins. Whether you are here in your physical body or on the other side without your physical body, you will still need to address that inner pain.
People get angry when I tell them about Limbo, because for so many people the prospect of suicide seems like a real option for pain relief. But clearly, this is not so! One way or another, we still have to face our inner pain and do whatever is necessary to heal it.
For those of you who have a loved one who has committed suicide, there is something you can do for that soul. Visualize him and tell him to look for the help that is available to him. Tell him to look for the white light of Heaven and go toward it. Tell him he does not need to stay stuck where he is. Say it once or twice a day. Yes, you can say it out loud. He can hear you. After a while, you will sense a release, and this is an indication that he has moved on. The sense of release is very slight, so don't get caught up in whether or not he has gone on. Simply say it until it no longer feels necessary.
Meanwhile, be assured that you can heal from whatever pain you are in. But you cannot do it by yourself. Please, if you are thinking that suicide is a solution, reach out to as many people as you can. Someone will be there to help you!