Danny’s brother would rather Danny have sex with men than fat women. Danny’s brother thinks men having sex with other men is reprehensible, but sex with fat women is so heinous, it’s worse. Danny is not gay, and therefore, has no interest in having sex with men; for Danny it’s a moot point. He is attracted to fat women, and only fat women. He has been his entire life. Though he is not gay, he claims that he came out of the closet in high school. He borrows a good deal of language from gay culture. He speaks of himself as a heterosexual chubby chaser. It’s a term primarily used by gay men, but Danny very much relates to gay men—particularly the oppression they feel. Danny’s brother is not pleased.
Danny knew he was attracted exclusively to fat women by junior high, though he doesn’t like and doesn’t generally use the word fat. He prefers plus-size. For him it’s a sign of respect.
For some time, people in the size acceptance movement have been using the word fat to describe being fat. They have forgone euphemisms like plus-size, curvy, voluptuous, zaftig, big-boned, thick, or (the unfortunate) fluffy. They are also wary of clinical terms such as overweight and obese, and heaven forbid, morbidly obese. The rationale generally goes something like this: “Overweight. Over what weight?” “Plus-size. Plus what size?” The counter to this is simple: “Over and plus the weight that the medical profession and our culture considers healthy and normal.” But that counter is specious if you examine the underlying reality of healthy and normal. Weight and health are not necessarily correlated and cultural norms change. But regardless, politically, reclaiming the word fat from those who use it pejoratively is important to the psychology of the movement. “Sticks and stones” was never a particularly accurate adage. Words can be pretty damn hurtful.
Elizebeth Turnquist, a writer for the blog Fierce Freethinking Fatties, says we are reclaiming the word fat because we’re taking our power back. It’s a political statement. Fat isn’t a disease. BMI is bullshit. And euphemisms imply badness.
In her book FAT!SO?, Marilyn Wann says that using other terms to describe ourselves suggests that we find the truth distasteful.1 From a more analytical perspective, co-author of Lessons from the Fat-o-sphere, Marianne Kirby writes:
Fat is adipose tissue. When a noun is modified by “fat,” an adjective, it’s a descriptor; it signifies that the noun possesses comparatively more adipose tissue than a thinner version of that noun. It’s a word steeped in comparison and contrast. It’s not a binarism—fat and thin do not oppose each other, as much as some folks try to reduce the multiplicity of bodies and body types to such a simple, inaccurate head-to-head (pound-for-pound?) competition …. My fat is not bad. It isn’t morally wrong, nor is it poorly behaved. It simply is. I’m not afraid of my fat and so I am not afraid of the word. “You’re fat,” is a statement of fact, not an insult.
That said, not everyone is entirely comfortably with the word fat. Certainly not every fat person is entirely comfortable with the word fat. For many, it takes a long time to get used to saying that word out loud. F-A-T. When they are able, it’s empowering. Every time a fat person calls herself fat, and not in the context of hating her thighs, there is an implied “fuck you.” That, and an angel gets her wings.
In Danny’s junior high school, before sexual harassment laws, the boys all had pin-ups in their lockers. Magazine photos of hot babes—the standard stuff—bathing suits, flowing locks, and large but firm boobies. He displayed those same pictures. Even his locker was in the closet. Over time he was less able to hide his true desires, as he gravitated toward any picture in which the woman was even a tiny bit larger. Eventually the other boys noticed. His cover was blown and he was punished under the rules of boy-law. They gave him what he deserved for having the audacity to be attracted outside the norm. He received a sentence of relentless teasing and pummeling. Being ostracized and beaten is what you get for the crime of glancing at larger ladies. These were adolescent boys and they smelled weakness. In all likelihood, he was being punished more for that than the size of the girls he desired. It’s not like any of them had the slightest sexual connection with women outside their lockers, fantasies, and fists. But it’s a surefire way to put the fear of God into anyone who might consider being different in the future.
By high school Danny had served his time but was a typical repeat offender. He took the thin women out of his locker and he came out of the closet. He unabashedly displayed his attraction to large women. Luckily, self-confidence is boring to boys, that, or double jeopardy applied. That’s not to say he was thrown a coming out party, but he was less fun to torture.
His family graciously picked up the slack.
His brother, as we know, harbors some feelings. Additionally, his aunt and uncle took it upon themselves to be disgusted. These are people whom Danny describes as white supremacists, but not only do they hate the typical array of others whom those of this ilk hate, they also hate fat people. Needless to say they hate homosexuals as well, so they would not prefer Danny have sex with men. For them, supremacy has a wide scope. They were eager to express their complete revulsion that he would be attracted to fat women. They considered such women sub-human, or at least, sub-them. But they didn’t try to convince Danny to be gay. Small favors.
Though his aunt and uncle were the most aggressive, being supreme and all, the rest of the family were none too pleased. They all seemed to have a notion that fat people are lazy gluttons. Danny’s family is working-class. Being lazy and gluttonous is a mortal sin.
In the discussion around the American “obesity epidemic” there seems to be an obsession with fat poor people. There is much talk about how the poor are fatter than the middle and upper classes; that they are individually fatter and more of them are fatter. Also, that fat in poor communities is more acceptable and accepted. There are several sort-of-explanations for this phenomenon—but it all basically boils down to junk food, and that junk food is easier and cheaper to get. Fast food restaurants are now ubiquitous, serving large portions at cheap prices. That’s the position, anyway. There certainly is a lot of fast food, but it doesn’t seem as cheap as it used to be.
The other claim is that densely populated areas are “food deserts.” That means there is little easy access to fresh foods such as produce. People are instead shopping in convenience stores when they are not eating at MickyD and K FC. This sounds plausible, but it’s all pretty new and sparse research, and seems to apply mostly to urban areas. There are poor people in the country too. When the research first started making the rounds, Michelle Obama and other politicians, vowed to work diligently with communities to bring fresh and healthy foods into these deserts.2 Shortly thereafter, additional research suggested that perhaps food deserts weren’t such a big problem after all. Though only an observation, it seemed carting in veggies went down a notch or six on the political agenda. Or maybe something more entertaining hit the news and there are urban farmers quietly trekking through Los Angeles and New York at this very moment, funded by federal dollars.
An oldie but a goodie that links poor people and fat is that the underclass are uneducated and lazy, and the only pleasure they can get in their otherwise dismal lives is salt, sugar, and saturated fat. Though Jamie Oliver never explicitly said it was poor people he was trying to educate, rally, and bring the wholesome joy of salad greens, his first American television series took place in the very “American” Southern West Virginia. He never brought his school lunch overhauls or free cooking classes to Beverly Hills. Clearly all wealthy children carry sushi in their lunch pail. Claire from the The Breakfast Club did. A sushi bag lunch also was had by Allen Gregory, the precocious and wealthy seven-year-old in the Fox Network cartoon of the same name (likely to be long forgotten by the time you read this). He also brought white wine, but no warm sake; that kid had no class.
Back to Danny. He had just moved back to town, and hopped on the city bus. He’s not one for public gestures and generally keeps to himself, but this day he saw a woman and she looked sad. For some reason, or no reason, or because he was inextricably drawn to her, he sat down and started a conversation. They chatted; she was friendly but indeed sad. She shared a few details about her life with Danny. He was sympathetic and there seemed to be a connection. As the ride came to an end he gave her his phone number.
She never called.
Months later, Danny was sad. He had just ended an affair with a woman, which unbeknownst to him was literally an affair. She was married and didn’t happen to reveal that bit of information. A confrontation arose between Danny and this woman’s husband. Lots of drama and lots of pain ensued. Danny was heartbroken, not just because of the affair, but because he felt cosmically alone. As he did in times of anguish, he walked, and as he walked he spoke to his deceased grandmother. It comforted him to speak to her, helped him clear his head, feel less disconnected. He asked her when, when would he meet a woman who would genuinely love him? Danny wasn’t expecting a response.
He took a rest at a bus stop and along came that same woman he had met a few months earlier. She sat down next to him and started a conversation. He shared a few details about his life. She was sympathetic and there seemed to be a connection. This time, Danny and Bethany fell in love. They have been together now for 14 years.
Bethany grew up in a family in which most of the women were big. In an attempt to spare her from the life of a fat woman, they encouraged her to diet. She was brought up with notions such as “no man will ever love you if you’re fat.” And she wasn’t fat. She was a very active child and adolescent, in a home where the meals were healthy and there was an instituted prohibition on soda and sugar cereals. She was preemptively encouraged to lose weight. It was perplexing to her. Her brother, also active, ate more than she, but was considered just fine the way he was. It’s different for boys.
Over time she did start to gain weight. By high school she was large. She was still active and ate well, but she grew up in a family in which most of the women were big. Perhaps it was genetics. She didn’t have an eating disorder; she was not addicted to food. She was just big. She was taught to dislike her body, to feel shame about it, and for goodness sake if you can’t shrink it, cover it up. No one wants to see that!
The relationship between fat and genes has been confounding people for generations. In 1959, doctor and researcher Jules Hirsch performed the first major studies on fat cells to determine how they respond to lost weight.3, Did they shrink or disappear? It turns out that on extremely restrictive diets fat cells shrink. But as soon as people begin to consume the recommended calories to sustain an adult, the fat in the cells plumped back up. The study participants were people who had been fat their entire lives, and Hirsch postulated that they had a deep psychological need to be fat. He and colleagues repeated the study and the results were the same every time. Fat cells shrink, they don’t go away, and they fill right back up when not starved. Additionally, while the subjects had normal metabolisms before the diet regime—no different than individuals who had been thin their entire lives—after the weight loss, the metabolisms of those who dieted were 24 percent slower than their naturally thin counterparts. Furthermore, the dieters developed a “psychiatric syndrome, called semi-starvation neurosis, which had been noticed before in people of normal weight who had been starved. They dreamed of food, they fantasized about food or about breaking their diet. They were anxious and depressed; some had thoughts of suicide. They secreted food in their rooms. And they binged.”4
Along came Dr. Ethan Sims, who set out to examine whether this reaction to post-starvation—the slowing of metabolism and weight gain—was true for everyone or just the fat subjects studied by Hirsch. He fed naturally thin individuals 10,000 calories per day. They got fat, but when they cut their food intake back to normal, they lost weight and had no trouble maintaining it. There have been numerous other studies with similar results, including those of separated twins who remain similar in size to one another throughout life. Research concluded that “70 percent of the variation in peoples’ weight may be accounted for by inheritance, a figure that means that weight is more strongly inherited than nearly any other condition, including mental illness, breast cancer or heart disease.”5 The moral of the story: fat is genetic.
Just recently, as a result of new research, there has been a wave of stories about how to “fight the fat gene.” Researchers in the UK conclude “a gene found in fat tissue acts as a ‘master regulator,’ controlling the effect of a bunch of other genes that are linked to obesity, cholesterol and diabetes.” A flurry of media attention has focused on the notion that those with a genetic predisposition are not doomed to be fat. The fact of the matter is, while this research may be scientifically interesting, the media is exaggerating the significance of these findings just a tad. The researchers themselves only “hope their discovery will spur further research and someday help improve medical treatments for obesity and its associated metabolic diseases.”6
In 2007, research by Dr. Soren Snitker concluded that the genetic predisposition to fat can be countered with three to four hours of moderate exercise per day.7 Studying the Amish, who maintain a 19th century rural lifestyle in which they perform physical labor nearly all day and don’t use cars or modern appliances,8 Dr. Snitker found that many of those with a strong predisposition to fat (as the Amish have) were able to remain a “normal” weight.9 So apparently, it’s not about willpower, it’s about living like the Amish. It is not particularly surprising that for many people, hard physical work all day long, fends off weight gain. For better or worse, that has little relevance to modern life.
Bethany got attention from boys anyway. In particular, they thought she had a great ass. She grew up in a strictly religious family. She thinks perhaps their obsession with fat was somehow tied to religion and sexuality and repression. She’s not certain about that, but eventually, she did leave her close-knit religious group, and her own body image and attitudes about sexuality changed dramatically.
Several times in her twenties Bethany managed to shrink her body, temporarily. NutriSystem and the Beverly Hills Diet were quite effective at making her smaller for as long as she paid for the programs. Of course she gained the weight back, and more, and managed to completely screw up her metabolism. After that damage was done, she decided never to diet again. Bethany still ate healthily and got plenty of exercise. She was determined to accept who she was—a large woman—just like all the other large women in her family.
Danny was the first heterosexual chubby chaser she had been involved with. Before him, she never sensed that any man truly appreciated her body. Sex was just sex. It took quite some time and a lot of convincing to believe that Danny really did love her shape. Finally, certain that he valued her body exactly as it was, she began to appreciate it more herself. She dared to wear forbidden clothes—the ones that weren’t slimming and that showed off her curves—even the curves with fat on them. She dared to buy outrageous, sexy underwear. She had never owned a pretty bra; she didn’t even know pretty bras were made for fat woman. It never occurred to her anyone would want to see one on a fat woman. Over the course of 14 years being with a heterosexual chubby chaser, she has built quite the provocative wardrobe, which they both appreciate very much.
In decades past, there was little for plus-size women to wear except polyester muumuus. But demand drives commerce. By 2004, the plus-size clothing market reached close to $32 billion. By 2006, plus-size clothing for women and girls, and big and tall clothing for men and boys, reached $76 billion.10 In just five years, the industry segment has posted close to 50 percent revenue growth. In 2012, plus sizes and big and tall is estimated to shatter the $100 billion mark. Additionally, the plus-size market is growing three times faster than other women’s apparel categories.11
Thin may be in, but in fashion, fat is where it’s at. New York and other major Fashion Weeks around the world are now including plus-size fashion shows—something not even conceived of a decade ago. According to AllBusiness.com, “there’s hardly anyone in this business who is not appealing to the plus-size customer. There has been tremendous growth in the market. The profit curve shows no signs of stopping. The size range has achieved the respect of the industry.”12 Respect? The designers on Project Runway still hate the fat-lady challenges. But if you define respect in dollars that’s something else; in free-market capitalism, money has an astonishing way of changing cultural attitudes.
Not only does Bethany now have a wardrobe, she has the pictures to prove it. Wanting to give her husband an extra special gift, she had boudoir photographs taken. Soft lighting, lacy negligee, seductive lounging—nothing too racy, just the suggestion of amour. On TV, Roseanne Connor had boudoir photographs taken for her husband Dan. It was the first time a large woman got sexy on primetime. Dan liked his photographs, and so did Danny.
Delighted by his wife, Danny kept copies of the pics on his cell phone, which he proudly showed to his buddies at work. From that began an odd hazing that Danny experiences to this day. Of course his co-workers know about his affection for large women, or as he calls it, his orientation. Besides being out of the closet, he has been with Bethany a long time. His co-workers, all very much adults, at least in terms of biological age, still spend a great deal of time talking about hot babes. Their version of which is identical to those of the boys from junior high. If any of them have individual preferences, or independent thought, they don’t express it. In a peculiar boys-will-be-boys sort of way, anytime a larger woman is mentioned, or one happens to walk by in the cafeteria, they feel the need to inform Danny: “That is your kind of woman.” Then they ask him if he would “do her.”
Juvenile antics aside, they truly have no concept that just because he is attracted to large women, it doesn’t mean he is attracted to every large woman. It’s very much like the way some people view gay men; if a man wants to screw men, he wants to screw all men. The whole thing is insulting to everyone involved. But boys will be boys, right?
Danny believes some of these men are actually attracted to large women themselves, but still in the closet. Those men make the biggest noise. One guy in particular shows keen interest in Danny’s pictures when no one else is around. Actually, he shows much more than an interest. He admitted to Danny that he is attracted to large women, but would never date or sleep with one if anyone could possibly find out. Bethany has experienced this sort of thing. Men were openly attracted to her until she reached a certain size. At that point, it was not so much that they were less attracted, but less willing to be open about it, though she has been told numerous times that fat women are more generous and sensuous in bed.
“If we admit we like big women, we are a sexual deviant, worse than homosexuals,” Danny says. But neither Danny nor Bethany is willing to live in the underground. Deviant that he proudly is, not only does Danny have Bethany’s sweet, modest photographs on his phone, he has quite a collection of large women in photos of a far more adult nature. He collects these. Has for years. Bethany knows all about it. She is glad he loves the large female form.
Bethany had also experienced some hazing—girl-style. To begin with, there is a haze of subtle judgment that permeates any group of women. Body evaluations and comparisons, dieting tips, plans for dieting, lamenting failed dieting, and plans for more dieting. Then there is the thoughtful policing. Should you eat that? Should you wear that? Should you do that?
Bethany shared her boudoir photos with her own co-workers as well. It prompted the world’s most backhanded compliment: “You are so brave!” Bethany is beyond caring what society deems beautiful; she simply no longer sees beauty in the same way. That sounds less like brave and more like enlightened.
These women also know that Bethany’s husband has a collection of large ladies in the buff. Girls talk. Their response suggests her husband may be looking for something a little different—little being the operative word. “Doesn’t it bother you that he likes to look at other women naked?” Ignoring the absurd naiveté—every straight man on earth looks at other women naked, except my husband—Bethany responds: “It would only bother me if the naked women were skinny.” They aren’t.
Danny, and now Bethany, have not totally escaped Danny’s family. When she is with them, they look right through her, as if she were invisible. It’s intolerable, and it also makes no sense. Danny and Bethany are a genuinely happy couple, in love for many years, in a stable, healthy, and fun marriage. For what reason is the world out to get them? Perhaps it’s envy. They are sweet, kind, warm, and clearly the type of well-matched pairing you don’t find every day. Danny calls Bethany his gift. They are also a force to be reckoned with. All of that hassling they receive when apart, people don’t dare do when they are together. Both in their caring and their strength, these two renew your faith in love. Perhaps they are both a gift. If people are responding with envy, it’s difficult to blame them. Not everyone can appreciate it when Prince Charming meets his princess by getting out of the closet.
1 Wann, Marilyn. FAT!SO?: Because You Don’t Have to Apologize for Your Size. New York: Ten Speed Press, 1998. 20.
2 Tareen, Sophia. “Michelle Obama Discusses Food Access in Chicago.” Huffington Post. October 25, 2011. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/25/michelle-obama-discusses-_1_n_1031498.html.
3 “Bringing Science to the Study of Obesity: The Number of Fat Cells and Their Size.” The Rockefeller University. http://centennial.rucares.org/index.php?page=Obesity.
4 Hirsch, Jules, Jerome L Knittle, and Lester B Salans. “Cell Lipid Content and Cell Number in Obese and Nonobese Human Adipose Tissue.” The Journal of Clinical Investigation. http://www.jci.org/articles/view/105414/scanned-page/1023.
5 Kolata, Gina. “Genes Take Charge, and Diets Fall by the Wayside.” The New York Times. May 8, 2007. http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/08/health/08fat.html?pagewanted=all.
6 Melnick, Meredith. “Study: How a ‘Fat Gene’ Affects Cholesterol and Diabetes.” Time. May 18, 2011. http://healthland.time.com/2011/05/18/study-how-a-fat-gene-affects-cholesterol-and-diabetes/
7 Snitker, Soren. “Physical Activity and the Association of Common FTO Gene Variants with Body Mass Index and Obesity.” American Medical Association. September 8, 2008.
8 Lindt, Susan E. “Amish Can Outsmart Fat Genes, Study Says.” Lancaster Online. September 11, 2013. http://lancasteronline.com/news/amishcan-outsmart-fat-genes-study-says/article_e0fdbb86-5de7-548c-96a7-61a10ae7f4a1.html?mode=jqm.
9 Heisey, Marty. “Got a Fat Gene? Get Active for 3–4 Hours a Day.” USA Today. September 8, 2008. http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/weightloss/2008-09-08-obesity-gene_N.htm.
10 “$32 Billion Plus-Size Clothing Movement Flourishes.” Business Wire. March 23, 2006. http://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20060323005173/en/32-Billion-Plus-Size-Clothing-Movement-Flourishes-Mintel#.VDQifmddU3U.
11 Tsao, Amy. “Aiming for Plus-Size Growth.” Bloomberg Business Week. February 13, 2002. http://www.businessweek.com/stories/2002-02-13/aiming-for-plus-size-growth.
12 Barr, Vilma. “The Lucrative Plus-Size Market.” Highbeam Business. July 1, 2001. http://business.highbeam.com/294/article-1G1-77378743/lucrative-plussize-market.