Several years ago, following a morning workshop and lunch with his host, Babiak took advantage of a free afternoon to tour a large metropolitan city, new to him. Tourists and locals filled the streets, and the weather was fine. He recalls:
At one point, the flow of the crowd slowed down when a group had bunched up ahead. As I moved toward the front, I witnessed the three-card monte game in progress that we described in Chapter 3. Although I had heard of them, I had never seen one in action and I was amazed at how professional the operation seemed to be. I was amazed further still at the gullibility of the tourists, in particular the poor young woman, with her child, who had lost her rent money.
I continued my walk and enjoyed stopping in boutiques, art galleries, coffee shops, and tourist stores, all the while taking in the unique architecture of the downtown section. As evening approached, I had to head back to attend a banquet for attendees and speakers given by my host. Taking a different route, I was able to see more of the city until the crowd, swollen by dinner-seekers, slowed down the pace. Getting past most, I came upon a scene all too familiar. The three-card monte gang was back on the street and enticing unsuspecting tourists with their card table scheme. Quickly, one after another, tourists lost their dollars to the fast-handed dealer. I was amused until I made it to the front and saw a young woman, holding her baby in her arms, step up and offer a hundred-dollar bill—her rent money—to play.
The reader can guess what happened next: She lost, the gang disappeared into the crowd, and she teared up. An elderly woman in an old blue coat, the same one I had seen do this earlier, emerged from the crowd, patted the baby on the head and handed our “victim” a ten-dollar bill. Several in the crowd also handed the crying girl money; she received at least a hundred dollars in total or more in my estimation.
Excited by my find, I rushed back to the hotel, took a seat at the bar, ordered a drink, and proceeded to write up this case. Two of the workshop attendees, both in federal law enforcement, joined me and I excitedly recounted my tale. They glanced at each other, turned back to me, and smiled.
We receive many questions from the public about how to handle a psychopath in the workplace, whether they be a boss, peer, subordinate, or coworker. Without a lot more information than we typically receive, it is impossible to determine whether the individual described is truly psychopathic, although many times we believe it may be so.
In Chapter 11, we addressed how a company can strengthen its procedures for hiring and promotion to prevent hiring or promoting corporate psychopaths. In Chapter 12, we described the many ways you can fall victim to their manipulations. We believe that knowing how they operate makes them more transparent to you and thus somewhat easier for you to avoid, or at least to defend yourself against. We also described some general steps to take when a psychopath has already traumatized you in your personal life.
In this chapter, we will first focus on what you can do to minimize their ability to hurt you on the job, and then offer general steps to take if you have been unsuccessful.
Understand and Manage Your Reputation
Your reputation is your most prized possession on the job. Therefore, it is the most vulnerable to psychopathic attack because it is so visible to others and so fragile. Some researchers have said that it takes twelve “good” things said about you to counter just one “bad” thing. By stabbing you in the back vis-à-vis your competence and loyalty, the psychopath can neutralize any threat you pose and effect your ultimate demotion or termination. Hardening your reputation from attack is your first line of personal defense.
Competence
When your ability to perform tasks well suits their purpose, psychopaths will charm and groom you into helping them succeed in their own jobs. As long as you still have value, your competence does not pose a direct threat. However, if a psychopath sees you as too competent, that is, a rival, or if you balk at helping her, you will be attacked, often by being disparaged behind your back or, more formally, if your boss, in written performance reviews.
Because of the power differential and role expectations of managers versus subordinates, your company will take your boss’s side in most disagreements over your performance. The best defense is always to perform up to your capabilities and do whatever tasks are assigned to you, unless they are clearly illegal, unethical, or violate safety or security procedures. In the hands of a psychopathic boss, your own less-than-optimal performance is a tool that can (and will) be used against you, and without additional support (see below) you will be left defenseless.
Loyalty
Companies build and maintain loyalty by increasing feelings of pride (such as celebrating a major success in the marketplace), feelings of personal belongingness (through things like team achievement awards and company picnics), opportunities for personal and professional growth (through company-sponsored training programs and challenging assignments), or personal recognition (as in salary increases, promotions, and achievement bonuses). Psychopaths, on the other hand, just expect and demand loyalty and they offer nothing in return. Once they perceive you as disloyal, they will view you as a threat and will discard or attack you; you’ll be “thrown under the bus,” as they say. They do this by disparaging you to others in management, claiming you are disloyal to the company itself.
Should you try to complain about your psychopathic boss, you would find that she has poisoned the waters against you. Others will see every effort you make to remedy the situation as confirmation of the “disloyal” reputation that you now have. It is therefore incumbent on you to take preventative measures to assure that no one can question your competence and loyalty. Here are some suggestions:
Build and Maintain Relationships with Upper Management
Take every opportunity to foster a reputation as a friendly, talented, competent, and loyal person. Seek out opportunities to interact with members of upper management. While they may not routinely visit your workplace, they will make occasional appearances to “mingle” with employees, where they are constantly on the lookout for talent. Take advantage of these impromptu meetings by preparing yourself with a serious question that is not embarrassing, confrontational, or self-serving; ask about the business, the competition, or a new product line.
The more maturity and practical understanding of business you demonstrate by your question, the more favorably the executives will remember you in a positive light. This will enhance your reputation and put you on their radar for the good. This can only help your career; it communicates competence and loyalty to someone who really matters and (most importantly) will raise doubts about any negative press you may receive from the psychopath.
With Your Boss
Having a strong relationship with your own boss is necessary in order to deal with psychopathic coworkers and peers. Base this relationship on ready sharing of information about what is going on in the department and on projects. Make every effort to keep your boss in the loop: it is the loyal thing to do and it demonstrates competence.
There are many ways to keep the lines of communication open. Some bosses like to meet weekly with their staff members to review progress, project status, or issues, while others take a more relaxed approach, having lunch occasionally, or stopping by your desk to get the latest information. Take advantage of these opportunities to give and receive information, particularly information about any potential problems.
With Your Staff
While this is also part of being a good manager, it is so important to handling psychopathic manipulation that it deserves mention on its own. Psychopaths are good at setting people against each other, particularly when the lines of communication are inadequate. The more that you can keep open lines of communication between you and your staff members, the more likely they will come to you when they observe behaviors of the sort described in this book. This is the heads-up needed to stay one step ahead of the psychopath.
You must keep an open mind, though. Sometimes subordinates blow things out of proportion because they are important to them but not necessarily to you. Nevertheless, it is just as likely that your subordinates’ reports are accurate because they have more contact with their peers than you do. It is important to take all reports seriously and investigate to the best of your ability. At the very least, you should keep detailed notes of all issues that come to your attention and review them with your own boss during private meetings.
Understand the Rules
If you have not read your company policy manual, then do so! Many companies distribute copies to their staff and may even offer orientation programs to answer questions. Be familiar with your obligations to the company, as well as any policies or procedures in place to handle complaints and issues. For example, many American companies have policies against sexual harassment and some have anti-bullying provisions that you should also note. Do not be afraid to ask questions about policies and procedures you do not understand. You do not want anyone to say you violated a company policy, and you want to know your options should you have to use a policy to deal with an abusive, psychopathic boss or coworker.
Document Everything
This is tedious, indeed! However, experience tells us that access to contemporaneous notes of every interaction you have had on the job is invaluable should you eventually succumb to a psychopath’s wrath. Certainly your lawyer (and you eventually might need one) will agree.
Meetings and Telephone Calls
This need not be an onerous task, but instead can be part of your daily routine. Good notes include the following: Date, Names of participants, Issues discussed, Decisions agreed to, and Next Steps. Although you can probably do this on your smartphone, it is best to keep notes either in longhand or on your personal computer at home, where you can also add specific details about what the psychopath has said or done to you. Exact quotes are important to keep, especially if you were dressed down in front of others or otherwise verbally abused. This information will be invaluable when you want to reconstruct “what went wrong” after a corporate psychopath has targeted you.
Goals and Objectives
Many companies give assignments and objectives in writing. If this is not the case where you work, then you can always follow up each verbal directive with a written “memo of understanding.” This memo should be short, well written, and focused. Simply state what you understand the assignment to be, the timetable, resource requirements, and assistance you expect from the boss or others working on the project. If possible, ask to meet with your boss to review it, take notes, and, of course, keep a copy of all documents for yourself.
Other Things
You should document other things as well. For example, note in your calendar or datebook any positive or negative feedback you receive from your boss. A simple note that documents the meeting, what people said, and your response should be sufficient. Note threats your boss or coworker makes, either in your datebook or in a “memo to file,” which you should keep at home.
Make Good Use of Your Performance Appraisal
Most supervisors do not like writing or giving performance appraisals. Some find them time-consuming (especially if the supervisor has many employees to review), others find them hard to write properly, and still others do not like to give negative feedback to their staff members, even if it is valid. Because the performance review becomes a part of your written record, its contents are very critical to your career.
Unscrupulous bosses can use the review as a way to derail your career by including inaccuracies and distortions. Take the process seriously and try to participate as much as possible. For example, some companies allow employees to submit information to the supervisor—a self-assessment—to be used as notes as the supervisor writes the review. While no supervisor is required to accept a self-report of performance, it does help many to remember details they might have forgotten and may enlighten them to differences in understanding about objectives. Take advantage of this opportunity if it becomes available to you. However, remember to keep your self-evaluation focused, balanced, accurate, and succinct. This is also a good time to reflect on your developmental needs and be open to hearing about them during your review.
When you receive your performance review (face-to-face is typical), you will be better prepared to participate in the discussion if you have carefully reviewed your own performance. If something on your review is not clear, ask your boss to give you actual examples of any incidents or behaviors that it mentions. To the degree that your review is an accurate reflection of your true performance, the official record will better support your reputation for being competent and loyal.
Some performance review systems allow the employee to add written comments or submit an addendum for inclusion in the personnel file. Even if your review is outstanding, you should add a note. If your review contains inaccuracies, and especially if your boss does not want to modify the final document, then this may be your only chance to correct the record. Do not write something in haste. Instead, carefully write down your view of the events in question. Make sure your note is professional and without emotion or inflammatory language; stick to the facts. You may wish to have a friend read it and offer suggestions for improvement before you send it to human resources. Should anyone call into question your performance, reputation, or credibility, your performance reviews are the record the company will turn to first.
For Supervisors
In some cases, performance reviews may be the only way to deal with a psychopathic subordinate. If you are a supervisor who has wanted to discipline or terminate an employee, human resources no doubt has asked you to demonstrate the employee’s poor performance in a performance review. If you have not completed a review or have neglected to document performance deficiencies, you may not be able to move forward as quickly as you would like. In the case of psychopathic subordinates, the official performance record—written review and face-to-face discussion—is vital to managing them and, if necessary, terminating them.
Keep Improving Your Leadership and Management Skills
The more you know about leading and managing people, the better off you will be when handling a psychopath. There are two reasons for this. First, your informed management style will serve you in good stead when applied to others on your staff. They will be productive and quality conscious, deliver what you ask, and have your back. Second, your own boss will notice this, and it will go a long way toward building and maintaining your reputation as a good leader or manager. Remember that the psychopathic employee will attack your reputation, spread disinformation about your effectiveness and style, and sabotage your efforts to build and manage your team. If you can forestall this negative press by having a record of accomplishment and good management practices, you will receive better support from those above you in the organization.
Avoid Confrontations
Having a blowout with your boss in public is never a good idea; taking on a psychopathic boss can only lead to disaster. Psychopaths will set you up to explode—by pushing your hot buttons—when it suits their purpose. Do not take the bait. As hard as it may be, you should always remain cool and calm when being attacked, however unfairly. We are not suggesting that you be submissive, but rather that you rely on your strengths—through assertiveness, not aggressiveness—when confronted.
The safest, although not always practical, position is to minimize or avoid all contact with a boss you believe to be a psychopath. When you must interact, make sure there are others in the area who can witness your calm, professional stance while the psychopath is ranting. Then document the interaction in your datebook in accurate, unemotional terms.
Psychopaths will sometimes berate their subordinates in front of their superiors to demonstrate their own “leadership.” Because they are uninformed about true leadership, they think that this will help their careers; in most cases, it does not. Seasoned executives know that berating subordinates in public is bad management. It shows them that the boss is not in control of himself or the situation, and this sign of weakness is not lost on those higher up. However, you should never get angry and retaliate against your boss (that is, take the bait) in these situations. Rather, defend your decisions, judgments, or results by stating the facts. If you are in the wrong, admit it, apologize, and ask for a chance to try again. If others are clearly at fault (for example, another department did not deliver material on time), mention it but do not come across as shifting blame to others. Make sure to note that you made every effort within your power (including asking for your boss’s help) to achieve the goal or objective. To the best of your ability, you should come across as competent and loyal, even to the boss who just berated you in public.
You should also take good notes of what your boss says. Some non-psychopathic bosses and many psychopathic ones will use profanity. Many corporations do not tolerate this form of verbal abuse; it is almost never appropriate, except perhaps when someone is about to do something dangerous on the job (for example, push the wrong button on a nuclear reactor). In the majority of cases, however, the use of profane language works against the speaker, and you should note it verbatim in your datebook for future reference.
What to Do Once You Have Been Victimized
Collect the Data
Collect all of the documents you have related to your situation. This may include emails, texts or memos to/from the psychopath, transcriptions of telephone calls, your formal and informal performance appraisals, any other performance documents such as reports on goals and objectives, the human resources handbook, the company’s Code of Conduct, organization charts, your Day-Timer or calendar, and any and all personal notes you’ve made during this time.
If your antagonist is a business partner (a not uncommon occurrence), then collect all corporate records and documents, emails, texts, and other correspondence between you and the psychopath as well as with other investors/partners or employees.
If any of this information is on your smartphone, download it onto your personal computer at home.
Assess the Damage
Assess your employment situation, answering these questions: Do you have a poor performance review? Is your career derailed? Are you on probation? Have they given you notice?
The big questions are: Can you repair your reputation on the job, and what will it take to accomplish this? If others have suffered the same abuse from the psychopath, will they support you? Will management side with you or your antagonist? What are your career options with your current company? Is your résumé up to date, just in case?
Assess Your Colleagues
Get a copy of your company’s organization chart. If not available, make one, starting with yourself, adding in your peers, superiors (up to about three levels), and subordinates. Then assess each person according to your level of trust in them, whether they are a friend or associate of the psychopath, whether they are themselves victims, whether they socialize with the psychopath outside of work, whether there are any hidden intimate relationships in play, and so forth. Some areas of concern would be whether some coworkers stopped talking to you or started distancing themselves from you. Have others started spending more time (at the office and off-work hours) with the psychopath?
Write Out Your Story
This advice is similar to that for a psychopath in your personal life: Assemble all of your documentation in chronological order and organized by category (e.g., financial, social). Referring to your notes and documents, write out the entire story of your experiences with the psychopath. The first draft necessarily will be a “stream of consciousness” report, rambling, vague at times, and filled with emotion. Edit your story, perhaps with the help of a friend, or better yet, your spouse or partner. The goal is to make your story “readable” to the lay reader, which might include upper management, human resources, or your legal counsel. The purpose at this point is to have a complete and accurate documentation of your experiences that informs the reader in a convincing manner.
Plan a Strategy and Take the Next Steps
Visit a support group of psychopathy victims that includes information about corporate psychopaths (such as www.Aftermath-Surviving-Psychopathy.org) and read the stories of other victims as well as the well-researched support materials. If you post questions, do so anonymously, without any details that your company can use to identify you. Speak with a lawyer with expertise in employment law. Seek help from a mental health professional knowledgeable about psychopathy, especially if your dealings with the psychopath have affected your personal life. Also, speak with your closest friends, your spouse or partner, your life coach, or your religious/spiritual leader.
Consider Making a Complaint About Your Boss
Before you make a formal complaint, you should assess your situation very carefully. What is the perception, reputation, and connection with the company’s power hierarchy of the psychopathic boss? Do others report the same difficulties?
Understand and anticipate that the psychopath has already disparaged your reputation in the eyes of those same people. Now, consider your options. You may have to accept the fact that you cannot prevail in this situation. Your organization may have provisions for employees bringing issues to the attention of human resources or upper management. Read and understand these procedures carefully and weigh them against the abuse you have received. Some companies have anonymous hotlines or tip lines that encourage employees to call should they witness any illegal (such as stealing company funds or lying on production records) or abusive behavior (such as sexual harassment or bullying). Learn more about these options and the proper way to take advantage of them should the need arise for you to make a report.
It is important to understand that just because you complain, the company need not take action, or the action it takes may not be what you expected. Prepare yourself for the fact that the company has put trust in the boss’s supervisory judgment. It will take a lot to change this. If you are dealing with a psychopath, he or she may be better entrenched (through a personal influence network) than you think. Your complaint may bring to the surface a history of your own poor performance or disloyalty, as carefully and consistently fabricated by your psychopathic boss. You may end up losing your own job in the process.
If you have been personally abused, seek advice from family, friends, or professionals outside the company (this is also a form of documentation), and then report the abuse to human resources or other avenues available at your company. Make sure you fully understand the proper procedure to use and the ramifications for yourself. Proceed with caution.
An Anonymous Complaint
Confidentiality is an important part of organizational life. However, it is important to understand that your record may not remain confidential should you complain about your boss or coworker. If you feel threatened or fear retribution, you should make your report anonymously; you can always come forward later if you choose. However, keep in mind that some companies do not place much credence on anonymous complaints, considering them rumors or hearsay; your complaint may go unheard in these cases. Yet, sometimes multiple complaints about the same boss get attention.
If you observe illegal behavior or flagrant abuse of others, bring it to the attention of your (non-psychopathic) boss, but only if you have a strong, supportive relationship with the boss. Otherwise, send an anonymous letter to the boss. You may choose to make use of the company’s reporting procedures, but do so anonymously, if you can. Many companies view the reporting of illegal, immoral, and abusive behaviors as a form of loyalty to the company, the industry, and in major cases, the country. However, do not assume that others will herald you as a hero, because psychopaths are constantly managing the perceptions of those around them. Recall that a successful corporate psychopath will already have established a strong influence network and will already have planted seeds of doubt about you.
Consider Other Career Options
In the days of the psychological contract, employees expected to have jobs for life or at least until their retirement. Times have changed, and so should your approach to employment. It is wise to keep your résumé up-to-date, with a list of your completed projects, achievements, and performance reviews on hand. It is your security blanket. It might be fruitful to check the Internet occasionally for openings elsewhere. You do not have to be actively looking or even thinking of leaving; this is just good career management.
If you truly are working for a psychopathic boss, your best recourse may be to distance yourself by applying for a transfer. Many companies have job-posting bulletin boards on which they advertise positions in other departments and locations. Learn about the posting process and take advantage of it early. Should you apply for an internal transfer, keep in mind that the hiring manager will read your past performance reviews and seek a reference from your boss. It behooves you to try to maintain a good relationship with your boss—psychopath or not—for the length of your tenure. You may be surprised that your psychopathic boss may help you get the new job, especially if it seems to be an easy way to take care of a rival or threat. If you worked on interdepartmental teams, you should ask individuals from other areas to be internal references. If you received commendations for doing a good job, for instance, an employee-of-the-month award or a gain-share award, make sure these are in your personnel file. When you weigh your options—and only you know how you feel about your situation—you may opt for a lateral move rather than wait for a promotional position. If you have taken courses in a new field—for example, you currently work in the accounting department but are working toward a master’s degree in marketing—then a junior-level position in the marketing department may be a good choice for you as well as for the company. The key is to keep your options open at all times and to keep tuned to changes in the perception that others have of you because of the machinations of your boss.
Seek Advice from Human Resources
Many of the businesspeople who attend our talks and seminars are human resources professionals. Virtually all of them have recognized the traits and characteristics of the psychopath in one or more of their employees, in their current companies or in past jobs. They tell us that their hands “are tied” because of supervisors who do not come to them with issues early on. Others note that performance reviews are poorly written and do not measure up to the level of detail they need in order to handle (in their words) “disruptive,” “counterproductive,” “dysfunctional,” or “problem” employees.
After your direct supervisor, the human resources professional is perhaps the best person to talk to about questionable or suspicious behavior. You need not label someone a psychopath, but you can document and report behavior that is abusive, counterproductive, or does not live up to the standards of performance, job requirements, or code of conduct expected of all employees. However, keep in mind that the human resources staff works for the company and their loyalty is to their employer. Ask your coworkers what they think about human resources before you give them a call.
Bite the Bullet
If you cannot move to another job, department, or location, or if it is unlikely that the psychopath will move, then there may come a time when you decide that the best course of action is to leave your employer. Because this decision concerns your spouse and family as well, make sure you cover all bases before you act. The ideal situation is to have a new job lined up before you announce your intent to leave.
If asked to leave, then it is important that you understand the benefits due you at your termination. Things like termination pay, health insurance coverage, unemployment insurance, accrued vacation, and sick time pay may be due you. Your human resources representative has the responsibility to apprise you of these things.
You may be given the opportunity to resign, or you may ask for this opportunity, because having been fired can be problematic down your career road. In that event, the company likely will ask you to sign a release form. Always seek legal counsel before you sign anything, so that you fully understand to what you are agreeing.
They may ask you to give your reasons for leaving, usually during an exit interview. Here you must use good judgment, so seeking the advice of legal counsel is not out of the question. It is always appropriate to state “personal reasons” and leave it at that. However, you may feel the need to inform the company of the difficulties you have had with your boss, subordinate, or peer. You may find that human resources already knows about their behavior; they may even offer you an incentive to stay if they realize that you have been competent, loyal, and an asset to the company (do not count on this, however). Always leave on good terms; do not burn any bridges.
Get On with Your Life and Career
Once you are out of the grips of the psychopathic relationship, you will feel many things, some of which we described earlier. Most of all you will feel relief, free of the burden on your back. Put your previous situation and the psychopath behind you. Seek counseling if you need to, but move on with your life. Consider the experience as one of life’s hard lessons, and take on this new phase with enthusiasm and eyes wide open.
Many types of people make up the world. Unfortunately, some are psychopaths. In an ideal world, we would be able to get along with others, and accept them as equals; our gut feeling tells us that this is the right path to take. However, reality is often less than ideal and our desires for an enlightened approach to business and professional relationships are often frustrated. It is our hope that this book will help readers avoid psychopathic manipulation on and off the job, and can assist those who have become embroiled in the psychopathic fiction to break free and get back on the path of a normal, happy, and productive life.