Great Expectations: The Toddler Years

Not so long ago, your baby strained to climb upward and balance herself into a standing position. She used every ounce of strength she could muster to get upright and take her first steps. She pulled on couch pillows, the coffee table, her brother’s hair, your clothes or earrings. She used anything.

Once she is able to walk on two feet, it will become abundantly clear that your child is leaving babyhood behind and is now compelled to control her body. It’s called “mastery motivation.”

Even though she probably still can’t pronounce the word gravity, over the next two years your little Newton will be intensely researching how the forces of gravity work and its effects on her body or anything she can grasp, pick up, or throw. Her mastery motivation will move on to running, jumping, hopping, twisting, turning, and hoisting. She’ll also handle and mouth hundreds, if not thousands, of objects.

No matter the bruises, bumps, and swollen welts on her face and body. Like an obsessed rock climber or Olympic snowboarder, your toddler will be waging her fight to overcome gravity, again and again. Once she succeeds in becoming a biped, you will get (or have already gotten) to experience her swelling with pride, her eyes shining with delight at having finally achieved what was just beyond her reach for so long!

This chapter sheds light on your toddler’s quest for body mastery. You’ll find lots of ways to channel your child’s natural exuberance into positive outlets while she transforms herself from a dependent baby into a 3-year-old who can talk in sentences, run, dance, jump, feed herself, and even dabble in art.

Looking back over her baby pictures, you can definitely see how your little one’s appearance has undergone a gradual transformation. Although her body is still fleshy and soft, now it is less babyish and more childlike. Between 18 and 36 months, her “baby fat” or body padding will start to diminish. Overall, she will begin to look more lean and muscular. (Boys will be generally slightly larger and heavier than girls.)

When your toddler’s first-year growth spurt tapers off, she will continue to grow at a slow and steady pace, mixed in with occasional growth spurts, until she’s well into her teens. During the first year of her life, she tripled her weight, but during toddlerhood, she will grow an average of two and a half inches per year and will gain about five pounds of body weight. Every child follows her own growth curve, but when it comes to acquiring and perfecting physical skills, the old saying “practice makes perfect” definitely applies.

Cultures that encourage unrestricted movement for their children and offer early skills practice tend to produce children with more advanced body skills than those that don’t. Research shows that children who have daily chances to exercise and play freely develop skills faster than those who lead passive, sedentary lives or who don’t get many opportunities for active movement.

While she’s learning to move her body through three-dimensional space, she will be constantly practicing and repeating actions. She will wonder, “What happens when I throw this? Can I climb up on that? Can I balance on this? How can I get down? Can I pull this down?”

Your toddler will also be trying to make sense of what her eyes and her visual feedback systems are telling her as she mentally calculates the dimensions and characteristics of objects and their position in space: What’s longer and what’s shorter? What’s heavier and what’s lighter? What’s in back and what’s in front? What’s on top and what’s underneath?

Your toddler’s physical accomplishments in this short two-year span will be simply amazing!

When child-development experts look at children’s body abilities they refer to gross motor skills, or the way children coordinate large muscles such as those used for walking, reaching, sitting, walking, running, keeping balance, and changing positions. Sometimes the term refers to a child’s awareness of her posture and control, the parts and sides of her body, and how everything moves in space.

Fine motor skills refers to the delicate movements of smaller, more refined muscles, such as those in a child’s wrists, hands, and fingers. These affect her ability to manipulate objects, feed herself, handle toys, put on and take off clothes and shoes, draw, hold onto a crayon, squeeze and shape clay, or fit together blocks and puzzle pieces.

Body skills don’t develop uniformly like trains arrive at the station, so this chart shows broad-brush guidelines. Each child’s physical skills will unfold uniquely to her and her body’s readiness.

12—17 MONTHS GROSS MOTOR SKILLS	FINE MOTOR SKILLS
Cruises along standing upright while holding onto furniture.	Uses pincer grasp (thumb and index finger) to pick up tiny things.
Stands alone without support for at least a few seconds.	Finger-feeds herself small, soft food pieces.
Bends to pick up objects from the floor while holding onto something else.	Grasps 2 small toys in one hand.
Takes 2 to 3 unsteady steps unsupported.	Places tiny objects in and out of containers.
Sits down backward from a standing position.	Uses hands to poke, bang, pull, turn, and twist toys and objects.
Tries to crawl up stairs.	Gives and takes toys.
Sits and pushes a ball back and forth with another person.	Drops things to see and listen to what happens.
	Balances 1 block on top of another.
	Pulls lids off boxes and containers.
	Pushes wheeled toys and may make vroom-vroom sounds.
	Tries to turn doorknobs and open drawers.
	Fits large pegs into a pegboard.
	Tries throwing a ball, but without much aim or direction.
	Attempts to pick up balls as they roll.
	Holds crayons with whole fist, thumb up, while scribbling on paper.
	Drinks (and dribbles) holding cup with 2 hands.
	Makes noise by pounding on table, toy drum, or with spoons on pots.
	Enjoys using a finger to poke play-dough balls placed in an egg carton or ice cube tray.
	Tries to wash hands and toys with soap.
	Tries to squeeze water out of a sponge or washcloth while bathing.
	Activates toy sound makers with push buttons and twisting knobs.

18—20 MONTHS GROSS MOTOR SKILLS	FINE MOTOR SKILLS
Enjoys climbing.	Opens and closes things: doors, drawers, books.
Runs stiffly.	Turns book pages, 2 or 3 together at a time.
Tries walking backward.	Uses index finger to point to something she wants.
Backs into a small chair to sit down.	Inserts large, simple shapes into a puzzle.
Crawls up stairs and creeps down backward.	Dumps objects out of a container.
Tries to climb stairs holding the handrail.	Likes carrying things around in both hands.
Rides on a foot-propelled, wheeled toy.	Builds tower of 3 or 4 blocks.
Scrambles into an adult chair and turns around to be seated.	Uses spoon or fork well.
Walks into a ball but can’t kick it yet.	Throws ball overhand or tosses it backward over her shoulder.
Quickly wanders away from caregivers.	Scribbles with a crayon and tries to imitate the way others make strokes.
Likes to explore and move containers: laundry baskets, drawers, wastebaskets.	Pulls off hats, mittens, socks, and shoes.
Helps with undressing and tries to remove clothes herself.	Enjoys taking things apart.
Likes moving to music.
Might fall out of the crib trying to climb over the rails.

21—24 MONTHS GROSS MOTOR SKILLS	FINE MOTOR SKILLS
Moves constantly, then tires easily.	Takes apart and puts together simple puzzles.
Walks with fewer falls.	Holds crayon with thumb and all fingers, forearm turned to point thumb down.
Walks up and down stairs putting 2 feet on each step.	Imitates lines or circles with a crayon or marker.
Attempts awkward jumps with both feet.	Uses whole hand to smear paint or pudding on paper.
Likes climbing on furniture.	Builds a tower of 3 to 4 blocks.
Tries walking backward and on tiptoes.	Makes a “train” of 4 to 5 blocks.
Kicks a ball forward.	Imitates paper folding.
Catches a slightly deflated ball (8 to 10 inches in diameter) tossed at chest level when arms are out and ready.	Opens boxes, drawers, and lids.
Puts on pieces of large clothing.	Totes things around in a basket or purse.
Balances in a bottom-down squatting position.	Makes shapes or molds things in wet sand.
Dumps things into trash cans.	Rolls play dough into a snake shape.
Imitates sweeping and cleaning.	Pounds toy “nails” with a hammer on a play carpenter’s bench.
	Turns 1 page of a picture book at a time.
	Tries to put on socks and shoes (sometimes on the wrong foot).
	Drinks from a glass using 2 hands.

25—30 MONTHS GROSS MOTOR SKILLS	FINE MOTOR SKILLS
Walks with a smooth heel-to-toe motion.	Picks up cup, drinks from it, and places it back on a table.
Briefly stands on 1 foot.	Unfastens large buttons.
Jumps up and down with both feet.	Recaps markers when asked.
Opens doors.	Attempts to use a napkin or tissue.
Makes a tower of 6 blocks.	Names what she’s drawing (even if it’s unrecognizable to others).
Catches and throws a ball.	Turns pages in a book at the right time in a story.
Rides a tricycle with supervision.	Holds spoon with a palm-up grasp.

30—36 MONTHS GROSS MOTOR SKILLS	FINE MOTOR SKILLS
Has a steady, foot-forward gait with arms at her side.	Builds a tower of 9 or 10 blocks.
Alternates feet while walking up and down stairs.	Holds crayons with fingers like an adult.
Can stand briefly on 1 foot.	Imitates drawing a cross and circle with a crayon or marker.
Makes sharp turns without falling.	Cuts fringe with scissors.
Makes broad jumps with both feet.	Likes to pound on boards.
Tries running on tiptoes.	Pulls apart and puts together puzzles with knobbed pieces.
Dresses and undresses with marginal success.	Rarely spills when feeding herself with a spoon or fork.
	Zips and unzips a coat once it’s fastened together.
	Unscrews caps.
	Washes and dries hands.
	Puts on shoes, but sometimes on the wrong foot.
	Turns spigot on and off.
	Imitates hand movements for songs such as “If You’re Happy and You Know It.”

BE CONCERNED IF:

Your 12-to-17-month-old:

• Can’t stand unsupported or hasn’t attempted to pull up to stand.

• Crawls favoring one side.

• Doesn’t point to show you things, doesn’t use her thumb and forefinger to pick up things, or is unable to transfer objects from hand to hand.

• Doesn’t try to search for something you’ve just hidden.

Your 18-to-20-month-old:

• Hasn’t started walking by 18 months.

• Isn’t interested in playing simple games with others.

• Doesn’t attempt to put objects in containers or take them out.

Your 21-to-24-month-old:

• Can’t point to body parts on request.

• Doesn’t play simple pretend games with herself or toys.

• Can’t grasp how simple objects are used, such as a spoon, a toothbrush, or a telephone.

Your 25-to-30-month-old:

• Isn’t interested in trying to climb up and down stairs.

• Doesn’t try to imitate others’ actions.

• Is unable to stack blocks one on top of the other.

Your 30-to-36-month-old:

• Can’t stand on one foot momentarily.

• Is still using a fisted grasp or grip rather than her finger and thumb or can’t draw a straight line or imitate a circle with a marker or crayon.

• Can’t sit still for a few minutes to look at a high-interest picture book.

• Is unable to follow simple, 2-step commands, such as: “Pick up the ball and put it in the basket.”

Starting to walk is a major human achievement, but not even the nation’s top locomotion experts can predict precisely when that happens. Those first, shaky steps are typically taken sometime between 8 and 17 months, but even children in the same family may walk at entirely different ages. As a general rule, girls tend to walk sooner than boys.

Some children attempt a few lurching steps only to decide that trying to walk is just too awkward and slow for getting somewhere. Or they may fall, become scared of the feat, and decide it’s easier (or safer) to scramble around on all fours, at least for a while. (Husky or loose-jointed babies generally tend take longer to walk.)

Since your toddler’s legs don’t have strong muscles, her early steps will be fairly wobbly and tentative, resulting in a quick collapse onto her bottom. She will rapidly shift weight from one foot to the other, lurching and almost losing balance while trying to lift the opposite leg off the ground. In between each step, she will frequently pause to attempt to regain balance.

When she starts walking, you will notice that she appears sway-backed and her stomach will stick out in front. Her belly and back muscles simply aren’t strong enough to support her in a rigidly upright position. As she grows stronger, she will become more erect. Over time, her chubby, ankleless legs will gradually become more defined and muscular.

A new walker’s arms are held high, almost at shoulder level, which helps her maintain her balance like a tightrope walker. Within the next 4 to 6 months, walking will become steadier as she gains more confidence and her leg and back muscles have gotten stronger from practice. Around 24 months of age, the stiff, wide-legged gait will turn into a flexible, steady walking pattern with adultlike leg swinging and heel-to-toe movements.

Practice is one of the most important parts of learning to walk, and your toddler will be driven to engage in endless hours of doing it every day while she’s mastering the intricacies of balancing and getting her stepping skills smoothed out. One study found that if toddlers weren’t held back by their parents or restricted in space, they would walk as much as 6 hours a day and take between 500 and 1,500 steps per hour, comparable to traveling the length of twenty-nine football fields!¹

Once she masters the basics, your toddler will then negotiate new or different surfaces, such as grass, sidewalks, and slick floors. And she will try making more sophisticated movements, such as turning corners, speeding up and slowing down, or stopping and reversing her body. By 36 months your toddler will be walking more steadily, will be much more graceful, and might even be able to run. (Brace yourself!)

Between 12 and 16 months of age, your toddler’s understanding of spatial relations will be limited at best. Until her body and the neural pathways from her brain and spinal cord become more mature, you can expect a lot of spills, tripping over her own feet, and lurching around.

Between 18 to 24 months, it will be literally a case of your toddler’s head not knowing what her feet are doing. Her walking will be smoother, and her hands and arms will be in a lower position, and her coordination and timing will rapidly improve. During this transition, how graceful your toddler is may change from one day to the next. She could perfectly execute a maneuver one day, only to seem clumsy and fall more the next.

Sometimes your toddler’s trips and falls will simply be a case of poor judgment. When descending the stairs, your toddler might carefully watch where she’s going, slowly putting one foot down at a time. But then another time she could misjudge and stumble, especially if she gets distracted, such as by focusing on a toy she wants at the bottom of the stairs or when she tries to speed up to follow you.

Later, a 24-month-old may cruise around the house without any problems, only to crash into the wall because she’s looking over her shoulder while propelling herself forward at the same time. She will still be refining her ability to stop once she gets started, and she may lose balance when one foot doesn’t hit in the right place, or if she leans too far forward or lists too far to one side.

It may be reassuring to know that all these clumsy twists, waddles, sways, and tumbles have little bearing on how graceful an athlete she might turn out to be later.

Toes and feet are complex organs. There are more than a dozen major joints used for standing, keeping balance, and walking. Unusual walking patterns can develop, but typically, what seems to be unusual works itself out by the time your child is in preschool.

Flat feet are normal for toddlers, and true flat-footedness that lasts beyond toddlerhood is usually an inherited trait. (About 15 percent of adults have flat feet.) Often toddlers look positively pigeon-toed when they walk. Toes-in gives more stability than when feet point straight ahead. But neither outward- nor inward-toeing feet are problematic and are usually outgrown within a few years.

Some toddlers appear bowlegged, seem knock-kneed, or walk on their tiptoes. Almost all babies are bowlegged at birth but usually outgrow it before they reach 24 months.² As they near the 36-month mark many toddlers appear to be knock-kneed, but this problem, too, usually corrects itself by the time a child reaches age 4. Toe walking usually corrects itself, too. These and most other gait problems completely resolve by age 8, including clumsiness and frequent falls.

You can keep an eye out for the following conditions: If your toddler starts out as a heel walker and later becomes a toe walker, or if she walks on tiptoes solely on one foot but not the other, she might have tight tendons or other leg problems that orthopedic specialist should see and treat. Rigid and inflexible feet, tight heel cords or stiff muscles in the calves, feet that won’t easily flex upward or don’t immediately bend at the ankle, and feet that draw up into an awkward position need to be checked out, too, first by your child’s health-care provider, and possibly by an orthopedist.

Even though your toddler has started walking, there’s no need to race out to buy a pair of miniature track shoes, or those with thick, crepe soles or artificial arches. Nonslip soles can lead to stumbling, especially when they snag on carpet fibers. Fake arches in shoes make balancing more difficult and can lead to impediments, since your toddler relies on feedback from the bottom of her feet and her toes pressing into the floor to help her adjust for her swaying body and develop her arch naturally.

Shoes are primarily for protecting feet at this stage (and keeping socks clean). The best option is to allow your toddler to roam around barefooted indoors or use soft, flexible moccasins. Though toddlers go through shoes really quickly because their feet are growing fast, the good news is that children this age really need only a few pairs at a time: an everyday pair, possibly a spare pair, and specialized or seasonal shoes, such as snow boots or water shoes for the pool.

Too-small shoes will hurt and too-big shoes will be hard to walk in, so you should have your child’s feet measured at a shoe store every couple of months. You can also buy handy home shoe sizers for $20 or less (search “children’s shoe sizer” on the Web). Having your own home sizer comes in handy if you plan to buy shoes online or through mail-order catalogs.

When venturing outdoors, your toddler will need sturdier shoes with flexible but protective soles. One good option is thick, leather booties with easy-on Velcro or elastic closures that are easy to put on and take off. Old-fashioned, ankle-high, baby lace-up shoes with stiff soles are simply too clunky and impede walking instead of helping it.

Inspect your toddler’s shoes frequently to make sure her big toe isn’t getting squeezed in the front (called the “box”) of the shoe, and take a moment to examine your child’s feet each time you remove her shoes and socks to make sure there’s no redness from chafing or pressure points. If your toddler insists on taking her shoes off all the time, consider that they may be too small or uncomfortable, or perhaps she’s afraid that if you know it, you’ll require her to “retire” her favorite shoes.

Cotton-knit socks are a better choice than those made with tightly knit manmade fibers since cotton absorbs moisture. Socks should be a little longer than your toddler’s foot to allow some wiggle room. If they’re too tight, they could cause her toes to curl, affecting the use of her foot muscles and her gait. Seams should be smooth with no stitched edges that could chafe or loose threads that could wrap around small toes and cut off circulation.

Inevitably, socks disappear, but no one has proven that washing machines really do eat them. To prevent mismatched pairs, consider buying multiple pairs in the same color or all in basic white.

To keep pairs together while laundering them, tie them together with one sock knotted over the other or fold one cuff over the other, or wash them all in a mesh laundry bag so they’re easier to sort when they’re done.

Some toddlers will climb every chance they get. You may not know that your toddler has the mountaineer drive in her until you encounter her perched on the bathroom sink, trying to get into the medicine cabinet, or up on top of the refrigerator, peering down at you, like a cat waiting to pounce on its prey.

Being an avid climber just means that your toddler is an ambitious and curious kid. As you’ll quickly discover if you have a climber in your house, you won’t be able to turn your back on her, even for a few minutes! Most parents who are gifted with these highly active explorers develop a second sense, like finely honed radar, that sets off an alarm in their heads when there’s too much silence and they don’t know where their toddler is.

Never leave a climber in a room by herself. If there’s a way to scale to the top of something, she will quickly find it. In rare cases, curious climbers have fallen out of windows, crashed television sets on top of themselves, tugged chests and bookshelves over on themselves, gotten into locked gun cabinets, or sustained head injuries from falling off of tabletops.

• Batten down the hatches. Secure freestanding shelves and chests to the wall with L-shaped brackets (available at hardware stores). Appliance cords should be covered or unplugged and removed from reach. Floor lamps should be placed so that they’re not used for pulling up or climbing. Put the television up high or mount it on the wall so your tot won’t be tempted to pull on it for balancing or climbing. The room housing your computer, keyboard, small flash drives, and all those tempting wires should be completely off-limits.

• Give her safe places to climb. Just like supplying your cat with a climbing tower, a toddler-sized indoor climber with a slide may be just the thing for your child. If you don’t want to buy a new one, consider shopping online or in thrift stores for one, or stack up a couple sofa cushions or pillows for her to wrestle with.

• Lock her out. Install unreachable latches high up on the outside of the bathroom door, basement door, and any door that you don’t want your little explorer to open. Make sure medications, razors, cleaning products, and so on are not stored in any cabinet she can access. Make it a habit to move chairs away from the dining room table so she can’t use them as ladders for climbing up.

• Use safety gates, but don’t completely trust them. Climbers find children’s safety gates a wonderful challenge and will quickly learn to scale them using their arms and toes to vault themselves over and tumble down the stairs on the other side.

Once your child is a confident walker, she’ll discover the joy of dragging or pushing toys along. She’ll love wheeled noisemakers with pull strings, toy vacuums and lawnmowers, doll strollers, and wheeled, wooden-handled corn popper push toys.

You also can tie a twelve-inch string (no longer than that, to avoid strangulation) onto a toy car for pulling, or invite her to propel an overturned plastic laundry basket. Pushing and pulling while standing helps to improve coordination and balance and encourages her not only to move forward, but also to attempt walking backward.

It takes time for toddlers to learn how to squat down, balance, and rise, instead of bending down at the waist to pick things up off the ground. But once they master how to do it, they’re much better at doing the butt-down position than adults, who have trouble balancing once they’re down.

Next time your toddler starts to bend at the waist for an object, try showing her how to bend at the knees to squat and invite her to practice. Unlike many adults, she’ll be able to lower her butt with her knees and ankles aligned while keeping her feet flat on the ground. Line up a few small handheld toys on the floor and get her to squat to pick them up and drop them in a basket for you.

Around the end of their first year, most babies are eager to master stair climbing and are fearless about them. They don’t grasp that a fall down a flight of stairs could cause bruises or a serious head injury. You might discover your toddler teetering on the top step as she peers down, nearly losing her balance trying to decide whether to scramble down after a toy she’s thrown below.

Staircases loom for your toddler like Mt. Everest, and conquering them will be an important learning process that could help protect her from falls and injuries later. Basic stair negotiation skills could be useful if someone forgets to close a door or latch a safety gate.

It will take about six months from starting to learn how to crawl up the stairs until your toddler will be able to climb up or down in an upright position while holding your hand. By 36 months, she will likely be able to negotiate the stairs by herself.

The safest way to start stair-climbing practice is to teach your toddler to crawl from the bottom of the stairs upward, one step at a time. It’s important to stay right beside your aspiring little climber, since she may assume that she can crawl down the same way she crawled up, or she may try to stand and take giant steps facing forward as she’s watched adults and children do, not realizing she doesn’t have the strength or stability to do so without losing her balance.

The safest way for your little novice to go from top to bottom is to back down, diaper leading the way. But she will need to be taught how to do that one step at a time. You may need to take her body and put her in the “go-down-backward” position, over and over, until she gets the idea that she has to blindly feel her way down.

Stair falls are major hazards for people of all ages. Not all stairs are the same: Some are wide and covered with soft carpet, which can help soften falls. Others are narrow, steep, or made with slats that are open in the back, which could allow your toddler to slide through or capture her head while her body dangles below.

Stair railings are typically placed about 32 inches above the stair tread, which works for adults, but aren’t the right height for toddlers and young children. Too-high railings force children to adopt an awkward posture that throws them off balance. A second, lower set of railings installed at child height, about 24 inches above the tread, will help to make stairs safer for your child over the next few years. A smaller railing—less than 2 inches in diameter—will work best for small hands.

Fortunately, the most stair falls don’t result in serious injury. If a fall happens, as it inevitably does, it’s not necessarily a huge calamity. However, watch her closely for a few hours after a fall, especially if her head hit a hard surface at the bottom of the stairs or you detect any swelling, redness, or bruising of the head.

Seek help immediately if she becomes unusually sluggish, vomits, has breathing problems, or acts oddly. In those cases, she may have an internal head injury that needs emergency intervention.

• Stay close. Stay within grabbing distance when your toddler is practicing her climbing skills so you can jump to the rescue if she decides to do a U-turn midway. The safest place is to sit next to her on each step with your hand on her back, especially when she’s still a beginner.

• No play zone. Don’t let your toddler use the stairs for playing—it’s simply too risky. Teach her that she has to either be moving up or down the stairs, but she can’t stop in the middle to sit and play.

• Keep stairs clear. Don’t let toys, shoes, books or other clutter pile up on the stairs, which could pose a tripping danger for everyone. The stairwell should also be well lit, and non-carpeted steps may need stick-on, slip-resistant treads available at hardware stores. If you are carrying a toddler up or down in your arms, move slowly, watching every step, since a fall could injure both of you.

• Close off dangerous staircases. Stairs to the outdoors, basement, or garage, especially if there’s a concrete floor at the bottom, could cause serious head injuries if there is a fall. Keep access doors shut, install latches on both sides of these doors beyond your toddler’s reach, and, just in case, cushion the flooring at the landing with a padded rug or mat.

There’s no need to try to buff up your toddler’s abs and pecs at this stage. Simply offer her lots of encouragement and challenge her with feats to stimulate her physical awareness.

Here are forty fun things to do with your toddler to build on her physical skills. Use these ideas based on your toddler’s current skill level:

1. Go for a walk! Try exploring different textures and angles: on gravel, sand, and grass; up and down hills.

2. Blow up an inflatable mattress and gently jump up and down on it. (Keep your toddler’s fingers away from the pump fan.)

4. Try crossing a path of stacked books without letting pretend alligators (dolls and stuffed animals) “eat” you.

11. Play a gentle game of tag: Chase and get chased on sand or grass so a fall-down won’t hurt.

12. Holding hands, hop down from the first step to the landing of the stairs; then, try hopping down from the second.

13. Give your toddler a “bucking bronco” ride on your leg while you’re in a seated position.

17. Do clean-up together, picking up small things and putting them in a box or trash can.

19. With another adult’s help, hold a blanket or sheet as a big sling, with your toddler nestled inside.

20. Ask your toddler to help with lightweight, unbreakable grocery items using a satchel or sturdy grocery sack.

24. Make an obstacle course for your toddler to ride through on a wheeled, foot-powered toy vehicle.

26. Toss paper balls into a trash can, cardboard milk carton, or a hoop made from an old lamp shade.

28. Demonstrate, then ask for help in sweeping, mopping, sponging, and scrubbing.

31. Put blocks on the floor, then build a tower by bending down to pick up each block.

Buttoning a shirt, tying a shoelace, and writing with a pen are a few of the daily fine-motor skills that older children and grown-ups have learned to do with ease. Mastering them takes years and lots of practice. As with walking, hand skills follow a predictable progression.

The part of your toddler’s brain that controls hand movements is separate from the areas that control standing, balance, and walking. Although her vision and her sense of touch affect the accuracy and dexterity of her hand movements, mental maturity plays a strong role, too, since spatial awareness is important, too.

Eye movements still aren’t very well coordinated or precise since the vision center in your toddler’s brain is still learning how to process incoming visual signals. This brain immaturity could make your toddler appear clumsy and unteachable when it comes to fine-motor skills, such as cutting with children’s scissors, tying shoes, or throwing a ball toward a target. It’s not because she’s not trying or is destined to be uncoordinated, it’s just that her body isn’t ready yet.

Between 8 and 12 months, your child’s magnificent pincer grasp is likely to emerge. This is a uniquely human skill. From a neurological point of view, the pincer grasp marks a huge milestone in the synchronization of the brain, the nervous system, and the large and small muscles that control arm, hand, and finger movements.

Once your toddler masters the finger-thumb position, everything within grasp is fair game, from peas to strings on the floor. Each small item is eagerly plucked up, examined, then mouthed for further scrutiny. Caution is advised! Once your former fumbler masters the pincer trick, Aunt Edna could be in for a retaliatory cheek pinch as a greeting.

Around 18 months of age, your toddler is apt to become very interested in stacking, emptying, gathering, and nesting objects. She’ll be able to hold writing instruments and attempt to draw lines and scribbles. Hands and arms will move separately and cooperatively: one hand will stabilize an object while the other hand manipulates it.

More complex hand skills include pushing, pulling, twisting, pounding things, and stringing a few fat, wooden beads onto a shoelace tied at one end. Even more refined are turning the individual pages of a book, putting a key in a lock, closing snaps, turning doorknobs, buttoning and unbuttoning, and forming shapes with clay. Even more difficult coordinated movements such as being able to fully dress herself or use scissors won’t be mastered until about age 4, when her brain wiring is more complete.

Studies have shown that children’s hand skills typically improve through show-and-tell. They learn quicker when they are shown and told what comes next. As with other body skills, coordination improves slowly with guidance and lots of trial and error.

Deciding whether your toddler is destined to be right-handed or left-handed isn’t as simple as it might appear. When it comes to how hands are used, babies, toddlers, and, in fact, people of any age don’t always fall into neat categories. Some will use one hand for throwing and another for writing or doing other tasks. Typically, most toddlers change back and forth between hands, or they use both hands equally well, depending upon what they’re trying to do.

By 36 months, three out of five toddlers show a hand preference, and those that don’t may not show a clear preference until they are nearly school age. This is particularly true when children perform two-handed tasks, and they use their hands interchangeably with one hand serving as the leader and the other as the supporter.

Once handedness becomes clearer, about 60 percent of children are clearly right-handed, 36 percent use different hands depending upon the task, and 4 percent are primarily left-handed. Less than 1 percent of people are truly ambidextrous throughout life with no marked preference for either hand and equally skilled in using both for all tasks.³

Meanwhile there’s no reason to push your toddler to use one hand instead of the other. Handedness appears to mostly be built into the brain and is an outward sign of which side of the brain dominates—the left side for right-handed people, the right side for lefties.

Be aware, though, if your 30- to 36-month-old constantly switches back and forth between hands without being able to coordinate either hand very well. That could be a sign that she’s having coordination problems and needs an assessment of her fine-motor skills. Early intervention could help to improve dexterity.

Between 18 and 36 months, toddlers love dropping and throwing things. Unfortunately, they have trouble telling the difference between what’s “throwable” and what isn’t. So not only will balls become airborne, but so will books, toys, and anything else that can be picked up and sent flying.

If you haven’t already done so, now is the time to toddlerproof your home. At the same time, you might consider establishing a “no throwing” rule in your household or a toddler “safe zone” where there are no breakables and where it would be okay (at your discretion) for your child to burn off some energy by tossing soft, light items.

Even though your toddler’s mischief may not seem very educational, in fact, she will be teaching herself important spatial skills, about the weight and heft of things, how gravity works, and the way objects move through space and water. She’s also learning how her body works.

Your toddler will almost instantly forget your instructions not to throw. Model what you’re asking her to do, give just a couple steps, and be consistent in enforcing the “house rules.”

• Offer alternatives. It’s hard to control a toddler’s urge to throw things, but you can help to teach her what she’s allowed to throw and where she can throw it. Having lots of harmless things she can throw can help to decrease the temptation to throw things you don’t want her to.

• Redirect. If your toddler throws something indoors she shouldn’t, such as a shoe or book, calmly remove it, saying, “Shoes are for wearing, balls are for throwing.”

• Make it easier for yourself. Fasten items such as pacifiers, teething rings, and small toys to your toddler’s high chair, car seat, and stroller, so they’re more easily retrieved.

• Play the “Pick-up Game.” Try making a game of clean-up time. Get down on your hands and knees together to see how fast the two of you can pick things up and throw them into a box or basket. Playfully demonstrate how you toss socks in the hamper, throw junk mail in the wastebasket, and toss toys into the tub when it’s bath time.

• Halt aggressive throwing. If she comes close to hurting someone else or a pet by throwing things, be consistent. Declare a firm “No throwing,” and warn her of the consequence of doing it again. If she does it again, follow through on the consequence…every time.

• Promote other physical activities. Let her sometimes be in situations where hitting and throwing are okay, typically outdoors. A toddlers’ toy golf set of an oversized golf ball and fat clubs, or a toddler-height ball stand with a fat bat may work.

Most toddlers follow a similar progression as they learn how to kick, throw, catch, or hit balls, but children differ in how skilled they are at it at any given time, or how deftly they perform these skills. Young toddlers nearly always appear quite awkward, and it will take repeated attempts to learn how to capture a slow or partially deflated ball with both hands, more practice learning how to let go at the right time when throwing, and even more to catch and throw with just one hand rather than using both.

In addition to lacking the motor skills and arm strength for graceful ball handling, children at this stage also have trouble tracking moving objects because of the imprecise movement of their eyes and poor eye-hand coordination.

Minor farsightedness makes it easier for most toddlers to focus on nearby objects rather than those at a distance; plus, the immature vision centers in their brains simply are not very efficient at processing incoming visual information. In addition, your toddler’s visual tracking skills, a brain function, are still immature. She will have problems zeroing in on a ball (or other object moving toward her) or judging how fast or slow it is going. Even though your ball toss may be dead center, her arms and hands will be too slow to close around and capture it.

Most toddlers love to throw and catch, but even the most eager ball player has a limited attention span. For that reason, you might consider keeping ball games short, working on rolling the ball before throwing it, and celebrating every throw and catch.

At 12 months, your toddler might sit on the floor and roll a ball back and forth with an adult or another child. She might try to throw the ball but with poor aim and direction. At 18 months, she can throw the ball overhand and enjoys flinging it to someone else. At 24 months, she kicks and dribbles the ball with her feet like a small soccer player. At 36 months, she is able to catch a large ball, and perhaps kick the ball in a defined direction.

Ball handling is a learned skill, and it works best to introduce it to your toddler in gradual stages. The larger the ball, the slower it will roll and the easier it will be to capture and throw. Softballs and baseballs are too hard and could hurt if your toddler gets struck by one. Later on, you can gradually reduce the ball size and make it go faster once her eye-hand coordination improves.

Good beginner toss-’ems include beach balls, air-filled bouncing balls, soft foam balls, small cloth beanbags, socks stuffed with tissue paper, and air-filled Mylar balloons. (Latex can cause allergic reactions, and latex balloons are a suffocating hazard if they are chewed or popped.)

One way to begin ball practice is to sit on the floor facing your toddler with both her and your legs stretched into a “V” shape. Gently roll the ball to her, and have her push the ball to you, moving your bodies farther apart each time. Next, try rolling a ball to your toddler while she is standing across the room and invite her to retrieve it and bring it back to you.

• Appeal to touch. Introduce your toddler to balls with different surface textures—bumpy, shiny, squeezable—and different sizes and weights so that she has to adjust her hand and arm muscles to use them.

• Practice with targets. Build a small block or empty soda can tower and invite your toddler to knock it down using two hands or by rolling a ball across the floor.

• Try an over-the-shoulder throw. Your toddler may be able to toss a ball backward over her shoulder more easily than a forward throw. That’s because most toddlers have trouble letting go in front, while her fingers naturally unfold when she raises her arm and tosses backward.

• Model simple catching. Move in close and have her try throwing the ball into your cupped arms. Teach her to hold her arms in the same position, and direct the ball to her chest using use a slightly deflated ball 8 to 10 inches in diameter.

Team sports are virtually impossible for toddlers. Like little bees, they will all swarm around a ball to kick it or pick it up and be totally oblivious to their “coach” (or parents) yelling what to do. That’s because toddlers are very concrete thinkers and don’t yet have the ability to process instructions or think abstractly: “Here’s what I need to do now (or next).”

You might be surprised if you could hear what’s going in your toddler’s brain. While others are yelling, “Get the ball! Get the ball!” she’s probably thinking, “Don’t fall down! Don’t fall down!”

Overloading your toddler with too many signals while she’s concentrating on walking, running, or pursuing a ball just makes it harder for her to do it. Later on, when she no longer has to try so hard just to keep her balance and not trip or crash, running, jumping, batting, and throwing will come much easier and she’ll be able to process multiple directions.

By the time your child reaches age 5, practicing pre-sports skills will be more of a possibility and coaching will be more likely to pay off. Before then, there’s really no need to try to press her into skills her body and brain aren’t ready to achieve yet.

Meanwhile, your primary goal should be to provide her with lots of fun and playtime. (See more about toddler play in Chapter 6.)

Toddlers should never be unsupervised around water, and keep in mind that “swimming” for them has more to do with play than with trying to learn formal swim strokes. Your toddler won’t be able to accomplish that until around 4 years old or older, and only after she’s gotten the basics down, such as bubble blowing and breath holding under water.

Most toddlers enjoy splashing around in water, but it may take a while for your child to try putting her head under the water. Before she can hit the swimming pool, lake, or ocean, she’ll need to get used to having water on her face, something that can be practiced as a game during your toddler’s bathtime play.

She can learn to flutter-kick while you tow her around in the water, but don’t expect your toddler to be able to operate her arms and legs very gracefully. Kicking can be practiced in a bathtub or a shallow wading pool, but in a regular pool, she will need you to support her at all times.

Once she’s had water on her face and she’s a confident kicker—that progression will be different for every child—then you can gradually teach her how to hold her breath, but head submersion should not be rushed. That’s something she needs to master herself, and possibly much later, perhaps with a certified American Red Cross swimming instructor.

Trying to float on her back can initially be scary to your toddler, just as she might dislike lying back to have her hair washed. Short, frequent swim lessons over an uninterrupted period seem to be more productive than longer but short-term or sporadic sessions.

If you’d like more information, numerous books and videos can be found online that teach techniques to help babies and toddlers how to swim. Local YMCA and recreation centers also offer swim lessons for tots.

Unfortunately, swimming isn’t always about happy playtime. If you swim around others, particularly at a public pool, you’ll need to be aware of swimming-related illnesses, as they are becoming more widespread.

Germs can be spread by breathing or swallowing contaminated water in swimming pools, hot tubs, water parks, water play areas, interactive fountains, lakes, rivers, or oceans. Illnesses caused by contaminated water, called Recreational Water Illnesses (RWIs), include a wide variety infections, such as those that affect the intestinal tract, and can lead to vomiting, severe diarrhea, skin rashes and infections, and ear and eye infections.

The most common waterborne illness is diarrhea caused by a virus or bacteria. Examples include Crypto (short for Cryptosporidium), Giardia, Shigella, norovirus, and a specific type of E. coli. Illnesses are spread by swallowing water that carries germs, usually from other people’s feces. Sunlight, dirt and debris, and material from swimmers’ bodies can reduce chlorine levels in pool water, which is why chlorine levels have to be repeatedly measured. Sometimes germs can survive for days, even in a well-maintained, chlorinated pool.

A pool’s pH level is also important. If pool water isn’t kept at the proper levels, then chlorine’s ability to kill germs decreases and swimmers will have skin and eye irritations.

Use some of your senses to determine whether a swimming pool, hot tub, or water park is being properly maintained:

• Smell. When chemicals are well balanced, there should be no strong chemical smell, including a chlorine odor, which indicates a maintenance problem.

• Hear. Pumps and filtration systems make a noise, and you should be able to hear them running.

• Touch. The sides of the pool or hot tub should be smooth, not sticky or slippery. You should also feel water coming out of water vents.

• Look. You can test the pool’s water yourself. Test strips are available at local home improvement stores, discount retailers, and pool supply shops. Chlorine or bromine levels should be 2 to 5 parts per million and the pH level between 7.2 and 7.8. (Follow the product’s directions.)

• Ask. Don’t hesitate to ask what the health inspector’s grade was for the pool at its last inspection, and inquire how often pH levels are checked (should be twice per day, including weekends when the pool is likely to be used the most).

Beaches can become contaminated with waterborne illnesses, too. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommend that families avoid swimming after a heavy rain, when storm drains are more likely to be carrying microorganisms into the ocean. Trash or other signs of pollution, such as oil slicks in the water, are also signs that conditions are unhealthy for swimming. Local health and environmental agencies often monitor beaches for water quality, and the Environmental Protection Agency maintains a Web site to notify swimmers about beach quality. Visit
http://iaspub.epa.gov/waters10/beacon_national_page.main.

• Stay home. Don’t take your child swimming if she has diarrhea or other illnesses, or if you see any fecal matter in the pool.

• Be a good citizen. Teach your child about showering before entering the pool and after leaving it.

• Don’t swallow water. Caution your toddler about swallowing water and keeping her mouth closed when she swims or plays in a public pool, at a water park, or at the beach.

• Protect others. Check swimming diapers often or give your toddler frequent potty breaks. If you hear “I have to go potty,” it’s probably too late. Change diapers in a bathroom or diaper-changing area, not poolside. Germs can spread to surfaces and objects in and around the pool and spread illness. Wash your child thoroughly, especially her diaper area, with soap and water before re-entering the pool.

• Take other precautions. Use eye goggles to protect your toddler’s eyes from irritations. Use sunscreen, and don’t swim in the middle of the day, when sunburn is more likely. Shower thoroughly with soap and water after swimming. Dry ears thoroughly and use vinegar or alcohol drops to prevent “swimmer’s ear,” a bacterial or fungal infection from moisture trapped in the ear canal.

Q: I wonder if our 18-month-old daughter is hyperactive. She walked early, and now from the minute she wakes up she’s running around grabbling everything, fiddling with the DVD, or pestering the dog. She gets into trouble over and over, falling into things and breaking stuff. I’m exhausted from just having to watch her all the time. What can I do to make life livable again?

A: Most likely, your daughter isn’t hyperactive; she’s simply very energetic. Perhaps she feels confined, bored, or even trapped indoors. Consider getting her outside at least once or twice a day to a safe area where she can explore to her heart’s content. Props can help, such as a big ball, a play lawnmower, or a wagon that’ll encourage her to get moving. Childproofing your house is essential.

If you can, turn a bedroom or another area in your home into a safe play place. Equip it with a tot-sized gym and slide for rainy days when she can’t get outside. (Big cardboard boxes make great playthings, too.) When you want to help her calm down, put on soothing music, spread a “quiet” quilt and pillows on the floor, and give her your full attention while pulling out a basket of interesting toys, such as a plastic bottle with blocks to drop in or a stack of magazines or thrift-store books that she can pretend to read. Sharing gentle time with her, if only for 5 to 10 minutes at a time, may give you a moment’s rest while teaching her self-calming skills.