Great Expectations: The Toddler Years

Learning how to improve communication is a major task for a toddler. How your child uses facial expressions, gestures, sounds, and words to communicate with you and express his needs and wants are part of his personality and his burgeoning social skills. In this chapter, you’ll find lots of practical suggestions for building your relationship together with words, including a brief section on baby sign language to help those parents who are interested in helping their toddlers learn how to do it.

Sometime between 12 months and 15 months most toddlers utter their first word, typically “Dada,” followed later, with coaching, “Mama.” Beyond that lies a whole new world of learning and exploring sounds and meanings. Suddenly your toddler will be interested in everything: babies, daddies and mommies, birds, bugs, trucks, dogs, rain and snow, and he will approach everything as a first-time traveler in the world.

Single words are your toddler’s version of whole sentences. His utterances will carry their own unique spin, such as “nana” for banana, or “kiki” for kitty. It isn’t perfect English, but he will use his words consistently over and over for the object or the person he’s referring to. After that come two-word sentences, using only the two most important words that are needed, such as “Bye Dada,” and “All done.” At the same time your toddler will be developing his vocabulary, he’s increasingly more interested in listening to what adults are saying.

Since every child’s speaking and language skills develop in different ways, use this chart as a general guideline for toddler communication.

AGE	LANGUAGE SKILL
12 months	Tries to use words or word fragments to communicate. May understand simple instructions, especially when parents’ words and actions go with them. Practices making sounds. May gesture, such as pointing to a bottle or book. Mimics play actions, such as covering eyes when playing peekaboo.
18 months	Vocabulary of approximately 5 to 20 words. Uses mostly nouns: “doggie,” “milk,” “cookie.” May repeat words over and over. Can follow simple commands when there is a gesture, such when you point and say, “Please bring me the cup.” Mumbles to himself and uses nonsense jargon with feeling.
24 months	Vocabulary of about 150 to 300 words, and adds new words almost daily. Can follow simple directions and respond to “Show me your eyes” (nose, mouth, hair). Likes to look at books. Rhythm, volume, and pitch of words aren’t well developed yet. May stutter when trying to talk too fast or lisp when trying to pronounce words that have “s” and “z,” both usually disappear around age 4 ½.
36 months	Understands more than he can articulate. Vocabulary is 900 to 1,000 words. Says short, three-word sentences: “Me want juice!” Carries on brief conversations with playmates and tries to tell simple stories. Tries using plurals and past tenses, such as “Doggies gone.”

When you think about it, it’s truly remarkable how elegantly a toddler masters his native tongue in such a short time—whether he is learning the complexities and peculiarities of English, Spanish, Chinese, Japanese, or Urdu.

Some experts suggest that the toddlerhood is the best time for learning a second language (when fluency is the goal). Though this is not yet a widely held belief, many parents choose this time to begin teaching a second language. Our thought is that you don’t need to worry yourself if you’re not actively coaching your toddler on anything but his native tongue. That’s optional, and extra language skills can readily be mastered anytime during childhood (or later).

What may surprise you is that the foundation of your child’s language skills was being built long before he was born. We now know that the capacity for human communication is built into babies’ brains during pregnancy. Even as early as 24 weeks’ gestation, some fetuses react to sounds: The sharper the sound, the stronger the baby’s reaction. Three months before they arrive, a fetus is already tuned into his mother’s voice, language, and rhythms.

Newborns arrive already preprogrammed to react more to higher-pitched female voices than to the deeper sounds of male voices, perhaps because that’s what they’ve been listening to in utero. And they naturally gravitate toward the sounds of human voices. They know the difference between tones that mimic human sounds, gibberish, and real language.

Even very young babies move in response to their parents’ language, and slow-motion cameras show that babies’ movements synchronize to each word they hear at times when they are alert. Their movements are so rapid (measured in hundredths of a second) as to be unnoticeable to sleepy parents. For example, at the sound of a single word, a baby’s head may move slightly to one side, his hip may shift positions, a shoulder may rotate inward, or a big toe may curl.

During the first month of life, babies begin with gentle cooing noises. Four-month-olds can detect statistical patterns in the way sounds go together in languages—theirs and others’—to determine the beginnings and endings of words. They will quickly get bored and stop listening to made-up or unfamiliar languages unless presented with new combinations of sounds. At about 6 months, they start babbling and repeating the same sounds over and over, such as “ba, ba, ba” or “da, da, da.” Babbling soon turns into riffs of speech that sound a lot like your baby carrying on a conversation, followed by real words using clear consonant and vowel sequences that are unique to his native language.

Whether you know it or not, you’ve been a natural language teacher. The singsong way parents talk with their babies by slowing down their speech or stretching out and enunciating sounds melodically over two octaves is perfect for engaging babies and communicating emotions to them. And the way you have sequenced words and coupled words with pointing and gesturing are both a part of the elegant way you’ve already enhanced your baby’s language learning.¹

As we mentioned earlier, a toddler’s “real” words typically are uttered between 12 months and 15 months of age, though each toddler is different. Between 18 months and 24 months, his vocabulary will literally explode. Some precocious tots even master as many as twelve words a day!

Something really incredible is happening inside your toddler’s head: He is beginning to understand language and symbolic communication, which allows him to convey thoughts to you through words. With a greater understanding of language, his sense of self as an individual, separate from you and others, starts to change, too, which is expressed by words such as “me” and “mine.”

By 24 months, or 2 years, toddlers typically have a vocabulary of about 150 to 200 words.

While most 2-year-olds are pretty much on the same level when it comes to decoding language being spoken to them, the size of each child’s vocabulary can vary widely. The majority of children this age will have roughly a fifty-word vocabulary, some may have as many as two hundred words at their disposal, talk in simple sentences, or even sing the ABC song, but there’s no need to fret if your toddler isn’t that proficient yet. Language skills will even out over the long haul.

No matter how many words your toddler uses to speak, you’re bound to find it exciting and sometimes humorous to observe his powers of expression. He may see his first caterpillar and tell you it’s a “doggie,” or he may consistently recognize the street where Nana lives.

Between 20 and 30 months, you can expect a huge burst in your toddler’s vocabulary and communication skills—more rapid language development than any other time in his life!

During this remarkable phase, his vocabulary will suddenly leap from about 200 words to 1,200 by the time he reaches age 3. At that time, your burgeoning linguist will start applying grammar rules, using plurals and other complex language skills with the fury of a college student cramming for a language exam. Nearly everything he expresses will be understandable by you and others.

By age 4 your child will be remarkably adept at using his native language with everyone, including strangers, who will readily understand his communication.

Although babies and young toddlers may acknowledge one another, their communications are mostly limited to gestures and facial expressions. During play, communication between toddlers ages 16 months to 32 months is more likely to be unspoken. They imitate one another to create mutual understanding. They communicate by using exaggerated movements, facial gestures, and voice inflections, and, occasionally, brief word exchanges.

Sometime between 18 months and 24 months your toddler may cue into the crying of another child, especially if the child is a companion. He may have a growing awareness of others’ needs and intentions, but that will seldom be related to anything more than what’s going on right at the moment.

By 29 months to 38 months, your toddler will start to carry on conversations that seem more mature, but as in the past, he will be more likely to use actions and gestures rather than words. As his language ability increases, his understanding of others’ feelings and intentions will deepen, too, and you may glimpse moments when he seems to be processing experiences or memories beyond just what’s happening in the here and now.

When it comes to mastering language, girls have a distinct advantage. In fact, at birth girls have about 11 percent more brain cells than boys do. The part of the brain devoted to language also matures faster in girls than in boys, too, so little girls typically start talking sooner. And, regardless of gender, firstborns tend to talk slightly sooner than their younger siblings, perhaps because parents have more time to coach them.

By 16 months of age, most boys can use about thirty words, while girls may be using nearly double that number. While your son will point and say, “Doggie,” his twin sister could well be expressing, “Look, Mommy, it’s a big dog!”

Preschool girls also tend to score better on tests that focus on expressive language, and they are more likely to use emotion words sooner, such as “love,” “happy,” and “sad.” They’re also are more likely to use language as a way of collaborating or solving problems. Boys, on the other hand, tend to be more action-oriented, although their passive understanding of language is roughly the same.

Parents appear to play a part in the language differences between girls and boys. When parents, mostly moms, were studied about how they interacted with their 2- and 3-year-old children, it was found that they used different language for boys than for girls. Moms of 2-year-olds tended to ask their daughters more open-ended questions and used longer, more complicated sentences with them.

When parents talked with their sons, they tended to be more directive and used simpler words. Parents of 3-year-olds have also been found to be more likely to limit their conversations to what’s happening in the moment with their sons, but they’ll start non-play conversations with their daughters, especially in situations that required help.

Are these communications styles different because parents have gender biases? Maybe. But it could also be that their ways of communicating worked best with the genders of their children.

When it comes to starting up conversations with other children, girls seem ahead of the game. A British study of children casually talking with one another in homes found that half of 30-month-old girls participated in conversational exchanges, but only one in three boys did so at the same age. By 36 months, 89 percent of girls were carrying on brief conversations compared to 60 percent of boys.²

There are lots of easy things you can do to help build your toddler’s vocabulary. Most parents do them quite naturally in the process of everyday interactions. They repeat words over and over, ask their children to verbalize what they want (rather than throwing a fit), and correct his grammatical errors or offer instructions: “Open the door, Jason. Turn the knob. Push the door open. Thank you!”

Each day offers hundreds of opportunities for helping your toddler expand children’s language skills. Here are some ideas for enriching your toddler’s expressive skills:

• Offer a running dialogue. Simply talk naturally when you’re together. He’ll start picking up words and how language sounds from exposure to your steady stream of speech.

• Go eye-to-eye. Conversing with your child at his level—eye to eye—will send him a message that he’s captured your complete attention. Frequently doing that will help to build his confidence, and, at the same time, it might help you to pay closer attention to his cues and what he has to say.

• Label things. Name objects and describe your activities as you go along. “Mommy is washing clothes. I am putting the detergent in the washing machine. Okay, now I’m turning the knob. Can you hear the washing machine?”

• Help connect language and gestures. Combine gestures with words. When he points at something he wants, help him by expressing what you think he’s asking: “You want to drink from your cup?”

• Expand his words. Use his words and expand them. If your toddler points to a dog, you respond with, “I see! It’s a big, white doggy.” He points and says, “Get ball,” you follow his model and rephrase in a whole sentence: “You want me to get the big, red ball?” Phrasing your response as a question invites him to express more to you.

• Give advance notice. Announce to your toddler what you’re planning to do with him before you do it. “I am going to put you in your car seat. We are going to the store to buy groceries.”

• Express feelings. Learning the words such as “happy,” “sad,” “mad,” or “frustrated” can help your child use language instead of flailing or screaming to express himself. The best way to do that is by openly expressing feeling words: “Mommy feels very happy right now,” “You must be feeling angry,” and so on.

When you read to your toddler and share stories with him, you’re helping to develop his love for language and how it sounds. Learning to listen to stories takes time and practice. As a baby, your toddler probably was more interested in throwing the book on the floor, grabbing it and holding the pages down so you couldn’t turn them, talking over you while you were trying to read, and listening for a minute or less. As he ages, hopefully he will let you get on with the story, even if it’s only four pages at one sitting.

Books for toddlers come in all shapes and sizes. There are cloth and board books for the transition months between babyhood and toddlerhood, activity books, pop-ups, bedtime favorites, object-naming books, alphabet and number books, and all varieties of newfangled tomes and old classics to interest even the most restless read-to-me kids.

The best book selections for toddlers have minimal words and lots of clear and realistic drawings. Pages aren’t too busy or complicated, and stories are about easily identifiable people, animals, or objects. Dialog is brisk and lively and characters develop by what they do.

Humor is something toddlers love, but it needs be very literal, since children this age don’t appreciate sarcasm or subtle humor. And it’s simply too early for long, drawn-out fairy tales since your toddler’s patience and imagination ability remain quite limited.

Some stories are destined to become your child’s favorites, and he will demand that you read them a hundred times before they’re (finally) set aside for another option.

Here’s a list of some time-honored classics that parents like and children ask for again and again:

• Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin Jr. (Eric Carle, Illustrator): Gentle, rhythmic repetition propels this board-book story through a menagerie of colorful animals, from a white dog to a black sheep.

• Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin Jr. and John Archambault (Lois Ehlert, Illustrator): Brilliant colors fill each polka-dot-bordered page on this alphabet journey. The rhymes are irresistible and fun: “A told B, and B told C, ‘I’ll meet you at the top of the coconut tree.’”

• Good Night, Gorilla by Peggy Rathman: Conveyed mostly in pictures, this story follows a weary watchman as he walks by the gorilla cage on his nightly rounds at the zoo. The gorilla answers with lots of mischief.

• Go, Dog. Go! by P. D. Eastman: Children love the simple, silly phrases about dogs of all kinds, including green dogs, dogs who like skis, and puppy love.

• Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown (Clement Hurd, Illustrator): This enduring (and endearing) childhood bedtime classic centers upon a young rabbit’s good-night wishes for every object he sees. Also recommended by this author: The Train to Timbuctoo.

• How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight? by Jane Yolen (Mark Teague, Illustrator): An enjoyable story follows dinosaur children and their bedtime trials.

• Moo, Baa, La La La! by Sandra Boynton: Whimsical funny animals carry on with oddball antics, including three dancing pigs who sing “La La La.” Also recommended by this author: Hippos Go Berserk.

• Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You? by Dr. Seuss: The very serious and squinty Mr. Brown imitates everything from popping corks to klopping horses and invites everyone to join him in the fun.

• Owl Babies by Martin Waddell (Patrick Benson, Illustrator): Three little owls worry that their mama won’t come back, but she does. This sweet story helps reinforce to kids that mama might not be there, but she’ll be back soon!

• Pat the Bunny by Dorothy Kunhardt: A touchy-feely classic for babies through preschoolers that invites petting the bunny’s soft fur on one page, feeling daddy’s scratchy face on another, and other textural experiences.

• The Napping House by Audrey Wood (Don Wood, Illustrator): A granny sleeps in her cozy little bed. She is joined by her grandson, a dozing dog, a snoozing cat, a slumbering mouse, and a flea that causes quite a commotion.

• The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle: A ravenous caterpillar eats his way through the days of the week, from Monday to Sunday, then he spins a cocoon and is transformed to a beautiful butterfly after two weeks.

Here are some playful things to do with your toddler to help prepare him for reading on his own later:

• Use your finger. If you follow along with your finger as you read, your toddler will start to notice the text, and you may soon discover him “reading” books using his own repetitive sounds while dutifully pointing out the words as he tries to mimic how they sound.

• Make the book his. Toddlers love their own names. Write “this book belongs to” with your child’s name at the front of his book and read that at the beginning of every reading session. Or buy books, available by mail and online, that print your child’s name into the story.

• Use pregnant pauses. Once your toddler has insisted on having the same book read to him over and over, pause occasionally and invite him to fill in the blanks. Don’t correct him if his words aren’t completely on target. The idea is just to keep him involved in the story.

• Ask good questions. Rather than reading a book from start to finish, consider stopping to ask questions that will prompt your older toddler to provide answers: “What does the cow say?” “Where did the dog go?” “Where is his mommy?” “Is it daytime or nighttime?” Help him start thinking about cause and effect: “What’s going to happen next?”

• Look for rhymes. Your child may enjoy learning sound words like “boom” or “moon.” Copy the word on a card, draw a simple picture of it, and invite your child to compare the word on the card with the word in his book.

• Follow story obsessions. Whether your toddler becomes obsessed with the moon, fairies, or bears, help him expand his repertoire by asking the children’s librarian at your local library for other book titles that go with his favorite theme.

Telling stories is a great way to promote your child’s language abilities. Parents have been telling their children stories of one kind or another since beginning of civilization.

It’s easy to see why: Storytelling can stimulate, educate, entertain, and reassure toddlers and young children. And it’s a pleasant, relaxed way for busy parents to set the tone for bedtime.

Bedtime tales mean a great deal to a child. Made-up stories don’t need to be long or elaborate. What really matters is the undivided attention your toddler gets from you, despite your busy life.

There are many folktales and stories from the past that are so good in the retelling that they can be pulled out and used over and over. With toddlers’ limited attention span, bedtime stories need to be simple, short tales. Consider making up a story about an animal with the same name as your child then build a continuing saga about the main character and his friends. Or try making up adventures of various farm animals with clever names. Your child can supply the sound effects. What matters most to your child is your willingness to spend a few extra minutes of together time with him each night, creating fun, imaginative adventures.

Here’s one way to start your story: “Once upon a time there was a little rabbit who decided to go for a hop in the woods because it was such a lovely day. No sooner had he started out than Mr. Squirrel scampered down a tree and said, ‘May I come, too?’ Well, Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Squirrel soon met Mr. Raccoon, who said, ‘Maybe there will be good things to eat along the way. May I come along?’ …” and you’re off and running.

The child who hears custom, just-for-you stories eventually will jump in and start adding details as his language abilities improve, and in time he may start making up stories on his own with you as his audience. You can invite others in the family to help you in the storytelling. You might be surprised at what he’ll come up with! Be sure to write them down for posterity’s sake.

Storytelling is fun both for you and your children, but you also are learning a lot about your child’s individual qualities. Stories also give you a chance to learn more about your child’s sense of humor and also what scares him. Ultimately, there will come a day when your young one will proudly say, “Let me tell you a story this time.”

One way to have fun with your 2- or 3-year-old is to create homemade books together—one-of-a-kind originals. Early books can be made of pictures that you’ve clipped from magazines or images you’ve printed out from the Internet. Invite your toddler to glue them onto hole-punched pages that can be tied together with colorful yarn.

Once your toddler acquires better scribbling skills, you can invite him to add his own artful creations using crayons or nontoxic markers. Toddlers are so proud of these early creations, and they can make great keepsakes for relatives.

Snap candid photographs of your toddler peeking out from under the bed, peering out from behind a chair, wrapped in clothes in the closet, or doing other silly things. Show him playing hide-and-seek with other family members, petting the dog, having a picnic together, sitting on Grandpa’s lap. Create hand-printed or computer-generated captions to go with the snapshots.

You can use these homemade books the same way you would use a traditional book to prepare your toddler for the arrival of a new baby, for instance, or a move to a new home, an upcoming vacation, or other change. If possible, illustrate the book with your own drawings while your toddler watches, or use photographs you find in magazines or printed from the Internet.

If you enjoy scrapbooking, consider creating an enduring, personalized book for your toddler to look at over and over. For a fee, online sites such as Kodak (www.kodak.com) and Shutterfly (www.shutterfly.com) create library-quality, bound photo books that are available in a huge array of colors, patterns, sizes, and formats, such as preformatted ABC books that use pictures of your toddler with your unique captions.

Later on, you may be able to nudge your child to use story making as a way of processing life events. He may thrive on creating and repeating stories that circle around events that have frightened him, about making new friends, or describing the imaginary world of monsters that live in the closet at night that could help him feel less afraid.

The Internet is filled with written accounts and videos by parents bragging about how their little Jennifers and Jasons have memorized words using multimedia programs purchased from infomercials: “Look how my 3-year-old can now read a whole book by himself!” Other parents are disappointed by the programs, when they invested $50 to more than $200 only to discover that toddlers refused to cooperate or found them boring.

Whether or not to coach young toddlers to read is hotly debated among parents and early childhood teachers.

One of the concerns expressed by reading experts is that children using these programs are only learning to “perform” memorized words to get approval and praise from parents, but that the same children could become flummoxed or anxious when they later encounter unfamiliar words and haven’t acquired the skills for decoding them.

Parents who use early-reading programs argue that young children are more open to learning at this stage when their behavior is so moldable, and reading now will give them a leg up later when they enter formal education.

If you want to start your toddler on the road to reading but don’t want to invest in pricey programs, borrow free materials to enrich your child’s pre-reading experiences from your local library. (Your library also may have electronic versions of books that have a read-to-me option). You can also access no-cost, online videos and podcasts that combine graphics, alphabets, and animal sounds in brief phonics lessons.

While babies and toddlers ardently want to communicate their needs and wishes to their parents, sometimes they can’t do it very easily because their ability to speak lags behind their ability to think and visualize what they want. (Your toddler’s hand-eye coordination also develops earlier than his ability to speak does.) One way to help your child communicate is to teach him some basic sign language to help him express himself, particularly if he is experiencing any communication delays.

Just as toddlers “talk” with one another using gestures and body language, you can communicate with your toddler in a similar way—not just with words. Hand gestures, body language, and other expressions work well. (Throughout this book we suggest coupling simple hand gestures with words to deliver important messages to your toddler, such as “Stop” and “Don’t bite.”)

Learning baby signs, starting as early as 8 months of age, usually begins with a basic vocabulary of three to five signs. Words are usually used along with the signing to encourage the child to practice speaking the words for the signs. For starters, simple signs are used to represent common words such as “eat,” “sleep,” “play,” and “cookie.”

Some parents believe that giving their toddlers this physical outlet for communication helps to lower their children’s levels of frustration and reduces tantrums. They also say that by enabling their children to communicate more precisely, their toddlers seemed to feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction over their improved relational skills.

Some studies appear to demonstrate that babies and children taught to sign end up with larger vocabularies and more advanced learning skills than their peers, and better parent-child communication and better focus. What’s not clear, though, is whether children who spent the same amount of time doing enriching, fun activities and actively sharing conversations with their parents might show similar gains.³

A variety of books and DVDs are available for parents for teaching signing, and most libraries carry a few titles. Video signing demonstrations with babies and toddlers can also be found online.

Q: Our daughter is about to turn 3, and she has a huge vocabulary, but she has trouble saying the letter S. She uses her tongue instead of her teeth to make the sound, and it comes out like a “th” sound, like “thnake” for “snake.” Should I worry?

A: The S sound often takes the longest to figure out, and some children don’t master it until they are 6 or 7 years old. If she can correctly pronounce other sounds, such as “ch” (as in chocolate), “sh” (as in should), and “th” (as in this and that), the chances are very good that she will outgrow it. The “s” and “th” sounds are really almost the same sounds except for tongue position. It’s better not to make her say it right, as it might only make her self-conscious. She’ll figure it out on her own. (Some children at this age also stutter, and they’ll usually outgrow that, too.)

Q: My son is 18 months old and he seems really frustrated when he tries to talk. He’ll try to get the words out and then just clam up and not talk at all. I’ve tried to help him learn new words, but he just shakes his head “no!” and doesn’t want to have anything to do with it. Is this typical, and at what point should I speak to my pediatrician about language delays?

A: Not to worry! How quickly each child masters language skills is unique to the child. Some children appear to invest all their energy in mastering physical skills at the cost of slowing down to learn words and speaking. It’s important not to pressure him into expressing language if he’s not ready. Instead, just keep a running dialog going with him about what you’re doing—“I’m going to cook dinner,” “Here’s your milk,” “We’re going to ride in the car”—so that he’s constantly surrounded by words and intonations. Also, instead of watching television, spend “talking” time with him, such as by joining him on the floor while he’s playing with toys or getting outside to look at the world of nature. If he doesn’t seem to hear you or respond to his name when you call, and he can’t see you, your pediatrician needs to check out his hearing and responsiveness to ensure he’s still on track.

AGE	BEHAVIOR
12 months	Views books as objects—something hard or soft, to be chewed, thrown, patted, and to entice grownups to make sounds. Able to listen to only one or two pages being read before getting distracted. May listen better while tooling around the room. Attempts to hold the page when parent tries to turn it. Babbles over parent’s voice while being read to or tries to fiddle with parent’s mouth. Board books may be manipulated like a toy and may distract while riding in the car or waiting for appointments.
18 months	Though outgrowing cloth and board baby books and ready to enjoy heartier fare, may sometimes still want the Pat-the-Bunny experience. Enjoys books as objects to carry around. Wants the same book read over and over. Enjoys books with animal sounds or those with recurring themes, such as the moon, a dog, or balls. May want to “read” to adult in gibberish, even if book is upside down or multiple pages are turned at once.
24 months	Wants to choose bedtime story. Enjoys books with simple rhymes, or story lines about other small children or animals. Responds to simple questions about pictures in a book: “Where’s the cow?” May enjoy “reading” catalogs and junk mail inserts. May respond to simple stories to help with separation anxiety.
36 months	May be able to sit still for brief story times at the library or bookstore. Fills in the blanks for nursery rhymes. Asking toddler questions, such as “What do you think happened next?” may spark responses. May catch small reading “tricks,” like giving a character the wrong name to see if he is paying attention. Books may be used to help in preparing for separations, dental appointments, travel, moving, and other life experiences.