PROBLEM/OPPORTUNITY INDEX
The index that appeared in the print version of this title does not match the pages in your eBook. Please use the search function on your eReading device to search for terms of interest. For your reference, the terms that appear in the print index are listed below.
As I’ve said, the power of the 7 Habits is not in the individual habits but in how they work together as a whole. Nevertheless, you may find some material more directly applicable and helpful in dealing with specific questions or concerns. This index has therefore been designed as a resource to help you access material that deals directly with specific problems and opportunities.
I’ve divided this index into six areas: personal, marriage, family, parenting, intergenerational and extended family, and societal issues. CAPITALIZED entries represent entire chapters or sections that either completely include or introduce the referenced material. Italicized entries represent stories (which are also italicized in the book if they’re told by someone else, or are in normal text if they’re told by me). Entries in normal text refer to ideas on the specified pages.
It’s my hope that this index will help you refer more quickly to the material that will help with your challenges.* In addition, I suggest that, as with any challenge, you go through the 7 Habits Family Worksheet.
PERSONAL
How can I create change? How can I be a principle-centered influence in my family?
The inside-out approach: the basic principle of change
A COMPASS
INVOLVE YOUR FAMILY NOW
HABIT 1: BE PROACTIVE
The power of vision
Working with a group of parents on the East Coast
I used to find myself being gruff
MAKING THE COMMITMENT
Dividing possessions after the funeral
I had a vision in my mind at seventeen
DRIVING AND RESTRAINING FORCES
SO WHERE DO I BEGIN?
What can I do when I’ve been handed a bad script?
HABIT 1: BE PROACTIVE
How can I stop negative family cycles?
For years I fought with my children
FORGIVING
Sally and Paul; co-missioning
As a child, I watched the wars between Mom and Dad
TRADITIONS BRING FAMILY HEALING
My sister gave me the courage
My father-in-law left an incredible impression on me
How can I stop being so reactive?
HABIT 1: BE PROACTIVE
Dad, I am a hardworking man!
The power of vision
I used to find myself being gruff
THE “BIG PICTURE”—THE KEY TO THINKING WIN-WIN
How do I handle guilt feelings?
For years I fought with my children
Laughing at your mistakes
Anger is guilt overflowing
How can I deal with negative “baggage”?
Vision is greater than baggage
DEALING WITH NEGATIVE BAGGAGE
I had a vision in my mind at seventeen
How can I handle anger?
Sean’s story: family trips
APOLOGIZING
FORGIVING
Anger is guilt overflowing
OVERCOMING ANGER AND OFFENSE
What do I do when I feel impatient?
THE MIRACLE OF THE CHINESE BAMBOO TREE
Separating the person from the behavior
Dad, I am a hardworking man!
REMEMBER THE CHINESE BAMBOO TREE
THE “BIG PICTURE”—THE KEY TO THINKING WIN-WIN
How can I gain greater self-understanding in order to better help the family?
YOUR FOUR UNIQUE HUMAN GIFTS
DEVELOPING YOUR UNIQUE HUMAN GIFTS
LISTEN TO YOUR LANGUAGE
Working with a group of parents on the East Coast
Developing a personal mission statement
What do I do when I feel overwhelmed?
A “FIFTH” HUMAN GIFT
HAVING FUN TOGETHER
LETTING GO
MAKING “COURAGE” A VERB
How can I balance work and family?
HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
Dealing with the disability and death of a spouse
What can I do to make family a priority?
Working with a group of parents on the East Coast
HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
Dealing with the disability and death of a spouse
What do I do when I get off track?
Sean’s story: family trips
Late for dinner—and reactive
APOLOGIZING
MARRIAGE
What can we do to make our marriage strong?
BUILDING THE EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT
Memory Grove
A MISSION STATEMENT FOR TWO
LAWS
ONE-ON-ONES IN MARRIAGE
Win-lose/lose-win/win-win in marriage
The hardest thing about marriage
Frigidaire
Valuing the differences in marriage
Buying the couch we could afford
A DIFFERENT KIND OF SYNERGY
Entropy in marriage
Intimacy in marriage
SO WHERE DO I BEGIN?
We’ve always had a really volatile marriage
Dealing with the disability and death of a spouse
How do we build intimacy in marriage?
HABITS 4, 5, and 6
Intimacy in marriage
How do we deal with problems and differences?
Sally and Paul; co-missioning
HABITS 4, 5, and 6
We’ve always had a really volatile marriage
What do we do when there’s no communication?
HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND …
What if you’re in a marriage where one spouse dominates?
THE CONSEQUENCE OF LOSE-WIN
What do we do if we’re falling out of love?
Love her
Entropy in marriage
We’ve always had a really volatile marriage
How do we (or I) handle divorce?
We needed a new vision
LAWS
What can I do to make my second marriage more successful than the first?
A list on the refrigerator door
DEALING WITH NEGATIVE BAGGAGE
FAMILY
How can we build trust and unconditional love?
BUILDING THE EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT
A mission statement will create a powerful bonding
“LOVE” IS A COMMITMENT
ONE-ON-ONE BONDING TIMES
HABITS 4, 5, AND 6
HABIT 7: SHARPEN THE SAW
SO WHERE DO I BEGIN?
How do we become a principle-centered family?
The fundamental principle of respect
Alfred North Whitehead quote
THE END IN MIND: A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY CULTURE
HABIT 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
SO WHERE DO I BEGIN?
Families get caught in one of two extremes
How do we get everybody heading in the same direction?
A CLEAR VISION OF YOUR DESTINATION
HABIT 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
What do we do if we’re off track?
Sean’s story: family trips
SHARING THIS CHAPTER: YOU’RE GOING TO BE “OFF TRACK” …
Late for dinner—and reactive
APOLOGIZING
Turning your four unique gifts into a “compass”
STEP THREE: USE IT TO STAY ON TRACK
TURNING YOUR MISSION STATEMENT INTO YOUR CONSTITUTION …
How can we make time for the family?
HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
HABIT 7: SHARPEN THE SAW
How do we build unity?
THE END IN MIND: A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY CULTURE
Endowments can be collectivized
HABIT 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
Admiral Stockdale’s Vietnam experience
HABITS 4, 5, and 6
HABIT 7: SHARPEN THE SAW
Families get caught in one of two extremes
What do we do when family members don’t cooperate?
HABITS 4, 5, and 6
What do we do when there’s a spirit of criticism and judgment?
When you understand, you don’t judge
When we’re in the role of judge and jury
DEALING WITH NEGATIVE BAGGAGE
If the history of the relationship is one of judging
My first observation was negative
How do we get rid of competition and put downs?
HABITS 4, 5, and 6
How do we create a spirit of fun, adventure, and excitement in the family?
A “FIFTH” HUMAN GIFT
A TIME TO HAVE FUN
HABIT 7: SHARPEN THE SAW
(especially HAVING FUN TOGETHER)
How do we create a nurturing environment?
BUILDING THE EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT
THE “BIG PICTURE”—THE KEY TO THINKING WIN-WIN
The most important thing you can do for your family
SO WHERE DO I BEGIN?
How do we handle economic challenges?
ECONOMY
One time my husband lost his job
My husband and I didn’t see eye to eye
Buying the couch we could afford
SURVIVAL
Economics have little to do with achieving significance
How do we build family commitment?
Our marriage was much more than a contractual relationship
“LOVE” IS A COMMITMENT
Traditions build a feeling of commitment
When one child is off, how do we keep the rest on track?
REMEMBER THE CHINESE BAMBOO TREE
While a foster boy was in the hospital
How do we keep family members from being so selfish?
TURNING YOUR MISSION STATEMENT INTO YOUR CONSTITUTION …
SERVING TOGETHER
FROM SURVIVAL … TO SIGNIFICANCE
How can we build a sense of spirituality in our home?
HABIT 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
WORSHIPING TOGETHER
What do we do when there’s no understanding and poor communication?
HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND …
The 7 Habits gives you a language
How can we make mealtimes more than microwave dinners and TV?
Mealtimes should always be pleasant
FAMILY DINNERS
How can we make personal comments without offending?
Feedback tells us when we’re off course
GIVING FEEDBACK
How can we improve our problem-solving skills?
EVERY PROBLEM IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE A DEPOSIT
A TIME TO SOLVE PROBLEMS
HABITS 4, 5, and 6
FROM PROBLEM-SOLVING TO CREATING
LETTING GO
How do we handle confusion and disorganization?
HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
ORGANIZING
How do we get everyone’s activities on the same schedule?
Many ways to apply the principle of vision
A TIME TO PLAN
PUT THE BIG ROCKS IN FIRST
SHARING THIS CHAPTER: HABIT 3
What do we do when we try but things seem to fall apart?
Family time disasters
Vacation disasters
Traditions don’t always work out perfectly
PARENTING
Although I recognize that many single parents must deal with these issues alone, I’ve used “we” in the following questions to acknowledge the value of synergy as well as proactivity, and to encourage synergy when appropriate—whether it be with a spouse, an extended family member, or an interested friend.
What do we do when we don’t have a good relationship with a child?
BUILDING THE EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT
“LOVE” IS A COMMITMENT
A MISSION STATEMENT FOR THREE—OR MORE
REMEMBER THE CHINESE BAMBOO TREE
PARENTHOOD: A UNIQUE ROLE
WEEKLY FAMILY TIME
ONE-ON-ONES WITH CHILDREN
THE “BIG PICTURE”—THE KEY TO THINKING WIN-WIN
HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND …
HABIT 7: SHARPEN THE SAW
MENTORING
When is the right teaching moment for a child—and what do we teach?
Dad, I am a hardworking man!
What strengths and abilities will our children need?
REMEMBER THE CHINESE BAMBOO TREE
THE METAPHOR OF THE COMPASS
The first time my dad shared a principle of life
A TIME TO TEACH
ONE-ON-ONES WITH CHILDREN
YOU CAN TAKE STEPS TO OFFSET THE COMPETITION FOCUS
Discipline versus punishment
I DON’T CARE HOW MUCH YOU KNOW
Teaching Habit 5 in the home
UNDERSTANDING DEVELOPMENTAL STAGES
Wow, this really works!
Building mental renewal into family dinners
A bicentennial motor home trip
TEACHING
SHARING THIS CHAPTER
What do we do when a child doesn’t talk to us?
I found my son again
HOW TO DO IT: PRINCIPLES OF EMPATHIC LISTENING
What do we do when a child has difficulty in school?
We wanted our children to learn to pay the price
I’m cheating in math!
She didn’t understand “subtraction”
Building mental renewal into family dinners
Favorite teacher dinners
LEARNING TOGETHER
An hour together in the library every night
How do we teach children to do their jobs cheerfully, without being asked?
Who wants to earn the money?
LET THE AGREEMENT GOVERN
WORKING TOGETHER
Our young son kept throwing his clothes on the floor
How do we know what to expect of a child?
Expectations are the basis for our judgments
UNDERSTANDING DEVELOPMENTAL STAGES
What do we do when a child misbehaves?
My daughter demolished her room
Separating the person from the behavior
A mission statement for a nine-year-old boy
Dealing with your most difficult child
THE “BIG PICTURE”—THE KEY TO THINKING WIN-WIN
Our young son kept throwing his clothes on the floor
Should we be authoritative or permissive with a child?
THE CONSEQUENCE OF WIN-LOSE
WIN-WIN—THE ONLY LONG-TERM VIABLE ALTERNATIVE
Discipline versus punishment
What if children don’t like our decisions?
A mission statement has a profound impact on parents
WIN-WIN—THE ONLY LONG-TERM VIABLE ALTERNATIVE
Parenting is not about being popular
What do we do when a child is disobedient?
Separating the person from the behavior
Discipline versus punishment
My little girl’s third birthday party
What does “corner” mean, Daddy?
Our young son kept throwing his clothes on the floor
What do we do when children fight and argue?
Teaching Habit 5 in the home
Our weaknesses reappear in the lives of our children
How do we handle a teenager who is sullen, rebellious, or disrespectful?
I found my son again
Never give up!
The other side of the card
Five deposits a day—and no withdrawals
Separating the person from the behavior
A decision to go to school
REMEMBER THE CHINESE BAMBOO TREE
When Karen turned sixteen
Stephen, come home fast!
How do we deal with sibling rivalry?
Asking Sean to help David learn to read
What do we do when a child gets off track?
REMEMBER THE CHINESE BAMBOO TREE
Separating the person from the behavior
I’m cheating in math!
A smart girl who started to go down an unhealthy path
Giving feedback to a son
A support system at family dinner time
“Adopting” our children’s friends
What do we do when a child pesters us to make exceptions?
LET THE AGREEMENT GOVERN
Building principles into the structures and systems
INVOLVE PEOPLE IN THE PROBLEM …
How do we get our children involved in a family mission statement?
A MISSION STATEMENT FOR THREE—OR MORE
We created our mission statement over several weeks
THREE “WATCH OUTS”
REMEMBER THE CHINESE BAMBOO TREE
What do we do when we both have to work?
THE FAMILY: SIDESHOW OR MAIN TENT?
What do we do about day care?
PARENTHOOD: A UNIQUE ROLE
How can I best handle being a single parent?
For years I fought with my children
We needed a new vision
A win-win agreement with a son on drugs
We lived in a timeless world
INTERGENERATIONAL AND EXTENDED FAMILY
What can we do to make our extended family strong?
Visit a relative (SHARING THIS CHAPTER: HABIT 3)
Visit a family member (SHARING THIS CHAPTER: HABIT 5)
Dividing possessions after the funeral
STRENGTHENING THE EXTENDED FAMILY
An intergenerational vacation place
Making our nieces’ and nephews’ birthdays fun
A ten-seat table and chairs
EXTENDED AND INTERGENERATIONAL FAMILY ACTIVITIES
Meeting special intergenerational family needs
We must never think our work is done
SWEET LOVE REMEMBERED
Prisoners touched by ancestors’ legacy
Is it too late to help grown children and their children?
A mission statement for grandparents
Building a three-generation home
EXTENDED AND INTERGENERATIONAL FAMILY ACTIVITES
We must never think our work is done
I’m not a parent; how can I influence?
After four years—I’m sorry
Writing an extended family mission statement on a vacation
Dividing possessions after the funeral
Making our nieces’ and nephews’ birthdays fun
A ten-seat table and chairs
My sister gave me the courage
My father-in-law left an incredible impression on me
How can grown siblings create change in family?
After four years—I’m sorry
Writing an extended family mission statement on a vacation
Dividing possessions after the funeral
My sister gave me the courage
How do I deal with my parents’ divorce?
This is your parents’ problem—not yours
A major turning point in my life
SOCIETY
Society is anti-family—what can we do?
Inside-out versus outside-in
HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
MAKING “COURAGE” A VERB
What can we do about the negative influence of TV in our home?
Seven hours of TV a day—and five minutes with Dad
TECHNOLOGY
WHO’S GOING TO RAISE OUR CHILDREN?
INVOLVE PEOPLE IN THE PROBLEM …
Determine your own guidelines (SHARING THIS CHAPTER: HABIT 6)
How can we protect our children against such things as pornography, drugs, and gang involvement?
Governor’s story: a seven-year-old addicted to pornography
Religions united against pornography
WHO’S GOING TO RAISE OUR CHILDREN?
A win-win agreement with a son on drugs
How can we change society?
The inside-out approach: the basic principle of change
FROM SURVIVAL … TO SIGNIFICANCE