I, Me, Mine, Divine
In the previous chapter, we explored the main obstacle that stands between us and enlightenment. It is forgetting there is such a thing as enlightenment! In other words, our perspectives, beliefs, and sense of connection dictate our experience of the divine in everyday life. The tradition of yoga does not carve a single path to enlightenment, nor does it specifically teach what divine presence is. For the purpose of this book, we are relating spirituality and the divine to the creative soul; ergo, the previous chapter helped open a deeper sense of meaning in and engagement with everyday life. Now that you are developing a pattern of connecting to spiritual purpose, we shall examine how your individuality fits into the great mystery of life. This chapter explores the klesa of egoism, describes an ancient philosophy of human makeup, and offers you experiences to unite your personality self with your creative soul.
When We, Ourselves, Are the Obstacle
According to the Yoga Sutras, the second hindrance, or obstacle, between you and your creative soul is “egoism” (asmita): confusing your body and mind for the divine mind. We all give too much power to our passing thoughts, at times, believing that story we weave is the entire truth of a situation. In reality, there are many perspectives outside of our own, including a vast divine perspective that may be beyond our human comprehension. A more obvious form of egoism is being too self-focused. In modern life, we often think of egoism as pomposity or arrogance, but in this case it simply means giving ourselves too much attention. The person who is preoccupied with self-loathing and despair is just as egocentric as the insensitive narcissist. When our thoughts are caught up in ourselves—the “selves” we think we are, anyway—we are indulging the hindrance of egoism. Ultimately, this klesa also arises from an ignorance, or disparity between perception and reality.
There are a great many things we are physically unable to perceive, which plays into our lack of understanding. Our eyes can only see a certain frequency range within the light spectrum; similarly, our ears can only hear a given range of sound. Along with missing the big-picture truth of a situation, we also misidentify what our highly limited sense organs tell us about the world. This egoistic point of view has us thinking that what we perceive and believe is the be-all and end-all of who or what we are. We act as if our own egoistic thinking is pure consciousness, when in truth the subtle essence of our true nature is barely perceptible within the cacophony of thoughts and all that we see, hear, and feel.
The Identity Center
What our yoga practice eventually teaches us is that there is a gap between who we think we are and who we truly are. We tend to identify with our personality attributes, appearance, talents, and other qualities, when our true essence is ineffable. In fact, the ways we tend to recognize ourselves can actually interfere with our awareness of our true nature.
This concept is reflected in the name of the chakra, or energy center, associated with ego and sense of Self: manipura. Chakras are an energetic construct based on the circulatory system of our “subtle body.” Where thousands of energy meridians intersect, we find major and minor chakras. The energy body is discussed more later in this chapter when you learn about the layers of being.
The ego’s energy center, located at the solar plexus, is associated with our personality and reason for being, along with determination and motivation. It is a prime harmonizing place of who we think we are and who we really are, or where our individual gifts meet our spiritual purpose. The solar plexus, as its name indicates, is also associated with the sun and element of fire. This is a fire of purpose, as just mentioned, and fire of purification, where we burn off egoistic impressions and unite with the creative Self. Manipura translates as “hidden gem.”
Perhaps you hold the idea of your creative soul as the sparkle and color that’s encased within your personality, aptitudes, and interests. The more we align with those true parts of ourselves—what we inexplicably came to this world with, free from external programming and our own tightly held beliefs—the more we allow ourselves to shine. The following practice supports you in aligning your material and spiritual selves.
Exercise: Yoga Posture Practice: Balance the Ego Center (Manipura Chakra)
Let this sample practice be a guide to your own exploration. Most of the postures listed below are energetically or archetypically aligned with the solar plexus associations listed above. There are no firm lines drawn around our interconnected chakra system. Each chakra has its own associations, for example the joy and love of the heart or clarity and insight of the third eye or creative feeling of the sacrum. Chakras are connected with one another as part of an energetic system and, like the body, their home cannot be parsed into separate, unrelated segments. Thus, you can play with this and other practices in this book.
What happens if you perform the same sequence with a different intention or chakra focus, such as the root, throat, and crown? How about doing other posture sequences in this book guided by the solar plexus? If you wish to explore more about your asana practice and the chakra system, archetypes, or intention, see The Pure Heart of Yoga by Robert Butera.
Step 1: Warm up your body. You can do this by walking, swinging your arms and legs, or dancing a little soft shoe. Once you are ready for asana practice, face the long edge of your mat. Hold the lower body still, as if you were on the beach buried in sand up to your hips. Initiate movement from the solar plexus as you revolve your torso methodically from side to side. Hold your arms out to the sides, palms up or down, and look around with the head and eyes in the same direction you are twisting. You may experiment with linking the movement to the breath, so each time you twist you inhale then exhale back to center, or vice versa. Now, face the front, raise your arms overhead, and side bend left and right. Be sure to initiate the movement from the solar plexus and stay connected to what is happening at the base of your rib cage (solar plexus area) in the front and back of the body. You may practice the following sequence all on one side, then switch to the other or, as indicated in the instructions, do each pose on both sides before moving on to the next posture.
Step 2: Warrior II (Virabhadrasana II)—Still facing the long edge of your yoga mat, step your legs from two to three feet apart. Turn your left foot ninety degrees, so your toes and knee point to the left short edge of the mat. For balance and in order to keep your whole foot on the mat, your right foot may also angle inward (toward the left short edge of the mat) roughly fifteen degrees. Keep your chest/back facing the long edges of the mat as your arms stretch out to each side (left and right short edges of the mat), hands at shoulder height. Gaze over your left hand and bend into the left knee, keeping that knee above or behind the left ankle. Keep the right leg straight. Feel the fire of confidence warming you from that sunny center as you press strength through your legs and hold your core firm. Be aware of strength and confidence, holding the pose for thirty seconds up to three minutes. Repeat on the other side. Remain aware of the effects of these movements on manipura.
Step 3: Exalted Warrior—From Warrior II posture, shift into a backbend. First, revolve so that your chest now faces your bent (left) knee and the short edge of your mat. You may need to adjust your feet wider (imagine standing on railroad ties) for balance. Reach your left hand up, keeping the left knee bent, and lower your right hand toward your right leg. The right leg is straight and the entire right foot presses into the mat. Your intention moves from being one of forward-focused determination to that of exaltation and gratitude. Imagine connecting your personality to the divine cocreator and lift your solar plexus forward and up. Spread this opening sense upward and downward from that centered point. Repeat on the other side.
Step 4: Humble Warrior—Next, still in a Warrior base with your chest facing your bent left knee, interlace your fingers behind you or grip your front thigh for support as you twist toward it and fold forward, bringing your head toward the bent left knee. As you bow, imagine surrendering your ego to divine perspective. Feel humbled and soothed by the great mystery of creation. After a few breaths, rise carefully and repeat on the other side.
You may end the practice there or continue on with a mind-quieting technique. The more we practice quieting our mental chatter and changeable emotions, the better we are able to sense the voice of the true Self. The following exercise allows you to explore the subtle differences between your mind and your creative soul.
Exercise: Mindfulness Practice to Transcend the Ego
Spend the next two to thirty minutes moving through this mindfulness practice. Remember that your ego may resist the process: your mind may become jumpier, your emotions might unsettle, you may wonder about the point of it all or feel like you are wasting time. You might not “get it.” Those are all normal reactions. Don’t dwell on them. All you have to do is watch the play within your mind and body; just because it exists does not mean you need to act upon it in that moment (or at all).
Step 1: Settle into a comfortable standing or seated position. I recommend the latter because lying down typically leads to falling asleep and missing the final steps of the exercise. As you settle, notice how your body feels. Where are your muscles tight and where are they loose? Which parts of you rest into gravity and which ones resist? Acknowledge pain, restfulness, and any other notable feelings without trying to change anything.
Step 2: Allow your awareness to shift to your breath. Again, do not change it, simply witness how your body moves the air. Notice if the breath itself seems to adopt a pattern, depth, and timing.
Step 3: Witness the thoughts that you are thinking. You don’t have to change or act on these, either. Simply notice the content and quality of the things your mind thinks of. Do not judge these things; no matter what they are, these thought patterns contain a great deal of information for you. Watch them flow and also acknowledge any emotions that may flow alongside them.
Step 4: Move to a more subtle layer and notice the part of you that is doing the noticing. Connect to this object witness self. Does this connection to the witness create some distance between your sense of Self and the thoughts that move through your mind?
Step 5: The discerning internal witness resides close to your creative soul. Invite the presence of your spiritual Self to join the witness. Another way to think of this is to turn your witness away from the externally driven inputs of body, breath, and mind; instead turn inward to the essential Self. Although you may not be able to tell if you are actually watching your true Self or simply attending another layer of your mind, it is enough to intend to perceive your deepest Self. Once that part of you knows you are paying attention, it will reveal itself more and more clearly. Ask your creative Self to reveal some form of support or encouragement to you. Your ego may jump in and scoff at this idea or what is revealed—it can even interfere with transmission—but all you have to do is trust yourself and ask again. Remain open to what appears, even if you don’t get it or it seems weird.
Step 6: Carry this encouragement from your creative Self with you. Witness your thoughts again without trying to change them, only this time allow the support of your essential Self to color those thoughts. Shift your awareness to your breath and, similarly, allow the breath to find its own depth and pace while you intend to breathe the encouragement. After a comfortable number of rounds, bring your awareness to your body and feel the presence of spiritual support within your physical self. Perceive how this divine creative presence can exist through all your layers of being.
Step 7: Acknowledge what you noticed as you moved your awareness inward from body to breath, mind, witness, and soul. What were some reoccurring themes, sensations, beliefs, or emotions? When you connected with your creative Self and received encouragement and support, did you notice different things as you came back out through the same layers? Did the layers themselves impact one another? For example, did your breath affect your thoughts? Did your thoughts affect your body? Using pastels, sand, or a tub full of water, express the inward journey. Use the nebulous nature of these media to relate to the interconnectedness of your own inner layers. In the following section, we relate those layers to ancient yoga philosophy.
What You’re Made Of
During that exercise, you traveled through five layers of existence. A number of Upanishads (ancient Indian writings espousing the nature of the soul) speak of humans as possessing five layers, or sheaths (koshas). This concept is not so foreign when we consider the modern body-mind-soul paradigm. The Upanishads indicate that the body is home for the breath-energy (prana), and within that is the mind (our wandering thoughts, sense impressions, passing emotions, etc.). Within the mind is the more subtle intellect, which houses our entrenched beliefs, programming, and some karmic impressions but is also able to discern between matter and spirit. Most subtle of all, within the intellect, is the “bliss sheath” (anandamaya kosha). The true, creative Self shines from this place through the other layers of our being.
When we get caught up in the level of the body, energy, mind, or even the discerning intellect, we have fallen prey to the hindrance of egoism. Similar to the chakra system, the koshas are interconnected, synergistic layers. Please remember that the breath is part of the body and the mind is a part of them both. The intellect can be seen in those layers and spirit radiates through all of them. The following exercise helps you befriend the power of intellect’s discernment and steer your mind in the direction of the subtle, creative soul.
Exercise: Expressing, Exploring & Connecting to Your Craft
When we reflect upon the yoga philosophy of the koshas, we see that there are many layers to who we think we are. In the previous mindfulness exercise, did you notice how your thoughts and feelings changed depending upon which layer your mind was set to? This is experiential evidence that our point of view can quickly change what we believe and how we relate to the world. Try this adaptation experiment:
Step 1: Pick a creative outlet that is important to you. It can be something simple, such as cooking, cleaning, or coloring, or bigger tasks, such as screenwriting, composing, or carving. Hold the tools of your trade, such as spoons, pens, staff paper, or whatever they may be. (If you don’t have the necessary instruments yet, just imagine yourself with them.) Notice, without trying to change anything, the thoughts, emotions, breathing patterns, and bodily responses that are present as you interact with these creative instruments. Set the tools aside for a moment and express the layers of what came up for you. What did you observe within yourself? You may use sculpture, drawing, or writing; whichever medium you select is to be used, on a fresh sheet or with new materials, in each of the following steps of this exercise. When your expressive work is complete, give yourself a few deep, clearing breaths.
Step 2: Hold the implements again. Move your body as an artist in this field would wield the instruments or mime using them. In what ways does this feel freeing and natural? In what ways is it foreign or ominous? Where is there tension or relaxation in your body as you pretend to use the tools? How is the depth, pace, and location of your breath? What thoughts are with you? Are they similar or do some thoughts contradict others? Can you discern the nay-sayers from your authentic voice? What emotions are present? Allow yourself to feel their range. Set the implements aside so you can use the same expressive modality you chose in step 1 to express what you observed here in step 2. Take a few deep breaths and let this step go.
Step 3: As you hold the tools of the trade again, imagine the energy a true artist in this field embodies. You may call to mind a mentor or an artist in this field you admire or resonate with. You may picture a version of yourself living as this kind of artist. Feel this way of being fill you. Breathe the breath of such an artist! After a couple of minutes imagining, embodying, and breathing, express your observations with the same medium. Take a few deep, natural breaths to clear yourself before moving on to step 4.
Step 4: Hold the instruments again or set them on a table in front of you and rest your hands upon them. Gaze at your hands holding or touching these tools. Fill your mind with thoughts of their use, of creating with them. Allow your gaze to be a soft focus—it may even blur—as your mind absorbs a sense of internal and external relationship with these tools. What emotions arise? After gazing and contemplating for a couple of minutes, set the tools aside and express the thoughts and mental impressions you had as you gazed at the instruments in your hands, then cleanse yourself with conscious breath.
Step 5: Imagine this craft has a guide, patron saint, or great master that you can pray or plug in to. In whatever way is meaningful to you, whether it’s through pure imagination, writing a letter, having a conversation, contemplating, meditating, or some other form of reaching out, rest in the pure, kind company of wisdom and mastery. If your mind wanders, simply bring it back to your chosen manner of connecting to a great awareness and support of your craft. Sense the presence of a compassionate teacher who has practiced this craft for many years. Imagine that consciousness and discernment. It may take a few minutes to connect to this idea. Spend a few more exploring the insights that may be available. Then, express what you may have learned about how a master thinks or acts. Be creative!
Step 6: Bring the tools close to you and imagine that you have been working with them for years. They feel so comfortable in your hands it is almost as if they are a part of you. Encounter them as a familiar comfort. Feel at once enthused and relaxed by them. Imagine yourself a wizened old master of this art as you move and play with the implements. When you are ready, express this experience in the same medium you have been using throughout the exercise.
Step 7: Set your first expressive work, from step 1, next to the last, from step 6. In what ways are they similar? How do they differ? Did shifting the layer of focus also shift your perspective or experience about becoming this type of artist? In what way? Did it feel different in your body, breath, thoughts, emotions, or sense of Self?
Revisit this exercise any time your ego gets too noisy and judgmental. This exercise is a practice to regain confidence, spiritual support, and connection to the legacy of your craft. When we are humble, there is room to make mistakes and spend time learning about our craft before expecting it to come out well. The following externally driven exercise also helps you connect to your creative Self.
Exercise: Power Songs & Experimenting with Creating Life
This reflection-and-selection exercise supports you in gathering your inner sensibilities together, drawing them near, and applying them to create a better life. Follow these steps to shed the ego-chatter and connect to a deeper sense of knowing and faith. Enjoy a game of creating life.
Step 1: There is a song (at least one) where every time you hear it there is a visceral impact. Your body responds: it needs to air drum, sing, or make silly faces; your feet want to tap or hands gesture; the music and lyrics make you feel seen and understood. Think of a song that makes you feel emboldened and strong. This piece of music should have an immediate and consistent effect on your state of mind, sense of Self, or perception of reality. It might shift your inner world because it reminds you of something or someone, it contains a lyric that touches you, or the rhythm/melody is unstoppable.
Step 2 (optional): If you can’t think of a power song right away, don’t worry. Now that you are curious about it, it will randomly show up in your world over the next few days. Keep an ear out! You can experiment this way if you already know your power song, as well. Notice how long it takes before you randomly encounter it in your everyday life. Some people believe the sooner it happens, the more you are living in alignment with your creative abilities. Consider that we create many aspects of our lives.
Step 3: As you listen to your power song, doodle silly sketches of the most outlandish things that are truly possible for you. You might come up with a cartoon about turning smog into diamonds, draw stick figures building wells outside African schools, or sketch yourself at your own book launch or opening night gala. Creativity and prospects come in all forms. Anything is possible for you.
Step 4: Come up with little experiments to create your ideal life. What happens if you intend to find change on the sidewalk, bump into an old friend, or catch a string of green lights? How about when you wish for a rainy day, a political outcome, or someone’s health to improve? It might be important, on this path of egoism, to understand what is ours, what is not ours, and what requires a community effort. Power songs and conscious creation connect us to our creative soul and so can the following exercise.
Dance parties are important. They uplift us, offer whole-health benefits to many of the body’s systems, and help blow off steam. Most dance parties happen in the living room; the kitchen is a close rival for dancing space. I have even heard that some people go out dancing—a rare event for introverted or busy people. Practice the following exercise often and with joy.
Holding the idea of your multilayered Self, put on your power song from the previous exercise, or some other catchy ditty, and let each layer of your being express itself through movement. You can systematically let each chorus and verse explore a layer, ensure that you are moving through all five consistently, or let each kosha decide when it wants to express itself as you trust the process. Remember to play with height, interacting with earth and sky, and move in all directions (ensuring there are no obstacles nearby).
Return to this exercise any time you need to move, get inspired, or shake off the stress of the day.
Now that you have explored your I sense, let’s look at some of the more apparent ways the obstacles hinder the connection with your creative true Self. Seeking what we want and avoiding what we don’t seem like natural aspects of the path to self-realization. The trick is discerning what level of self the desire or disgust is coming from: egoism or truth. The following chapter investigates how externally driven choices hinder true connection.