Grown-ups have a very annoying habit of not listening to children even though CHILDREN KNOW BEST. This is because when you grow up your brain shrinks to the size of a pea and that is a scientifically proven fact.1

I think grown-ups know that they are very stupid. But if we told them that there is utterly no point to them and that they are just a big lumbering waste of space, it might make them feel sad. Instead we all have to pretend grown-ups know things and are good at things. And we have to smile and nod when they say things like, “Your shoes are on the wrong feet,” as though it was the cleverest thing anyone has ever said.

Wilf’s mom DID NOT LISTEN when Wilf said he didn’t think going on a vacation with Alan and Pam was a very good idea. She just said it was a great idea and it was already booked and that Wilf had his shoes on the wrong feet. Aaargh! Grown-ups! They’re so annoying!

Meanwhile, next door, Alan was delighted when Pam told him they were going on a yoga vacation to Africa with Wilf’s mom. Not because Alan likes yoga, but because he had a plan. Not a plan to do lots of yoga—a scary evil plan to do badness.

Wilf packed his bag with some vests and some sensible shoes and some warm sweaters in case it got cold. He packed his best pajamas and his favorite pants and his knitting and some felt-tip pens. Dot packed her bag with some stones and a spoon and a tractor and her filthy stinking wonky-eared raggedy old toy Pig.

Wilf also packed Stuart, his pet woodlouse, in his pocket, with Stuart’s favorite crumb.

Next door, Alan packed his bag with weapons and explodey things and also lots of teabags and jam and Marmite and biscuits because he didn’t like strange foreign food.

Kevin packed his bag with a squeaky toy, half a tennis ball, and one of Alan’s socks that he liked to sleep with.

And the next day, Wilf, Dot, their mom, Stuart, Alan, Pam, and Kevin were all on a great big plane on their way to Africa. More specifically, Zambia, a country in Africa. And more specifically, Livingstone, a town in Zambia. And more specifically, the Abba Hotel, a hotel in Livingstone. And more specifically, Rooms 5 and 6, some rooms in the Abba Hotel. And more specifically . . . Well, you get the idea.

1 I imagine.