Over at the Finzel household, we’ve always loved Discovery Channel’s hit show MythBusters, in which a team of experts put common adages and folklore to the test of science (and have a lot of fun doing it). In the episode “Dog Myths,” the team successfully taught two old and notoriously difficult-to-train dogs a series of new tricks, definitively busting the myth once and for all: you really can teach an old dog new tricks. And we are so glad that they proved that one for us.
Thomas Jefferson observed, “Though an old man I am but a young gardener.”1 After all his public glory, he learned new tricks in his later, quiet years out of the public eye, including gardening. At this encore stage of our life, we more than likely have to learn new life skills. If we want to make the best of our encore, we need to learn some new tricks. Sometimes the new skills we learn are very close to things we did in our career, but even then there are some new developmental tasks we all have to deal with.
The other day I, Hans, was shopping at Trader Joe’s in Chicago while traveling. The gentleman helping me check out was obviously in his mid- to late seventies. He exuded confidence and dignity. I struck up a conversation with him. I asked him, “What did you do in your former life?” I don’t usually go around asking people that, but he seemed very friendly and I wondered about his life story. I could just tell there was an interesting story here. He said, “I was an engineer and a consultant for my whole career. After I retired I became bored; now I work here for golf money. I couldn’t stand just being around the house all the time, and I love working here. And my wife is happy to have me gone for some of the time each week. The company encourages us to relate to customers and to not just hurry people through the checkout line. I never thought I would love coming to work at a grocery store!” Here was a dignified old dog who had learned some great new tricks.
Every life stage has developmental tasks that have to be mastered. As teenagers, we had to learn what it meant to navigate adolescence and learn new tasks, such as how to drive. Now, at this stage, we have to become familiar and at home in elderlescence. It can be done, but it does take intentionality. We don’t need to fear what lies ahead as long as we realistically approach life aware of our new limitations. The best defense is a great offense.
We have noticed that in our sixties we are having new life issues thrown at us that we have to cope with. Many of us are dealing with elderly, ailing parents. We’re also seeing our children leave the nest and start their own families. We become in-laws to our kids’ spouses and grandparents. Physical issues begin to show up, related to our health and vitality. Then some of us struggle with cognitive issues as we find our minds are not as sharp as they were when we were younger. I have a good friend, Scott, in his early sixties, who bumped his head and endured a brain injury that set him back for two years. “I felt like a kid starting over in life, and my mouth could not keep up with my brain as I tried to talk,” he told me. Scott struggled a lot with his own self-worth as he struggled to learn how to talk again. At this stage of life such limitations have a double impact because people start treating us like the fragile elderly—not how we want to be treated!
We find that we have dear life friends and family members struggling with terrible diseases. We lose peers and family members to death. Of course financial realities change dramatically for many of us. Are you getting the picture of the train coming down the tracks toward us whether we like it or not? There is no stopping these realities; the issue is coping, adjusting, and learning new life skills.
We all want to grow old happy. Happiness is important to maintain in our later years, and can be greatly affected by expectations. After reviewing the results of a major research project by the Pew Research Center, scientists strongly suspect that expectations and the ability to adapt to changing life circumstances greatly influence happiness. “People who adjust their expectations as their social networks and lifestyles change may avoid feelings of loneliness and isolation, which are linked to illness and earlier death.”2
New Life Skills to Explore
Let’s explore a list of life stage tasks we have come up with for ages sixty to eighty, and answer a few questions such as: How do I fit into life now? What new skills do I need for this stage of my life? What decisions are out there staring at us?
This is a question we all face. Do we move into a smaller home? Donna and I were discussing this with our family not long ago, and they were all against it. Our children love our home where they grew up, and have a great sentimental attachment to it. But we have to think about accessibility and mobility as we grow older. Do we get a house that will be more manageable when we are more physically restrained? And do we stay in the same city where we have been, or do we move closer to our children and grandchildren? Most people say you shouldn’t chase your children around the country to live near them, because they keep moving. However, that’s not always the best advice. It’s a good idea in the later years of your life to be near family who can be there for you. This is a big decision that all of us face sooner or later.
Where we will choose to locate later in life revolves around many issues. The big three that we see driving us to move are being near our children and grandchildren, finding a better climate, and living in an area with a lower cost of living.
How Do We Adjust Our Lifestyle Based on Our Financial Realities?
Of course we have to talk about money. We bring it up again since it is such a critical life stage task for us. When we reach those retirement income years, what sort of a budget will we be able to live on? What will our income and our expenses be? How will that affect our lifestyle? I know you’re probably getting tired of all these questions, but they are real. The train is on the tracks, heading straight for us. Again, we believe that a good offense is the best defense.
According to the Employee Benefit Research Institute, 13 percent of workers who delayed retirement in 2011 said they did so because of “inadequate finances or can’t afford to retire” and 6 percent did so because of “needing to make up for losses in the stock market.”3 The results of the 2013 Retirement Confidence Survey, the nation’s longest-running annual retirement survey, put on by the Employee Benefit Research Institute, illustrated different numbers but similar trends in attitudes when its results were released in March 2013. This survey is a random, nationally representative survey of one thousand individuals age twenty-five and over, and it too reported “a sharp decline in Americans’ confidence about their ability to secure a financially comfortable retirement.”4
What Is Our Relationship with Our Family Now?
The empty nest provides the opportunity to change our relationship with our children. How do we relate to them now? What do they want and need from us? There are those horror stories like Bill and Diane’s, but there are more great stories of success in this arena. Donna and I are blessed to have four children. They are choosing wonderful spouses and their marriages are giving us a growing group of grandchildren (five and counting). But we often discuss the question, “How can we be involved in the lives of our children and grandchildren without invading their privacy as they raise their own families?” We want to be in their lives, but our role is different. Navigating our relationships with our children, our grandchildren, and our aging parents is very much a part of the new skills of this life stage. It wouldn’t hurt to discuss these expectations with our family members, just as Bill and Diane finally had to do after damage had been done. Just have the talk at a moment that is right.
How Is My Self-Esteem at This Time in My Life?
As we’ve already observed, many people in our society judge and value us based on our position. So when that position is gone, where’s the value? Depending on your wiring, this may be a big issue or no issue at all. We have friends who love doing chores around the house and hanging out with their grandchildren, and find that is all they aspire to in their retirement years. They don’t struggle with personal value and self-esteem. I, Hans, recently met a couple in their fifties who spend most of their time touring the country in their massive RV and seem to love it. They sold their business and love roaming the country with no thought of waning self-esteem.
But many of us do struggle with self-esteem issues because of our personalities. Rick and I are “driven” personalities, with an enormous need to make a difference with our lives. We have to be involved with things that have great meaning and purpose. Our lives need to continue to count and have significance. So for people wired like we are, there is a quest to find that new self-esteem and value in our encore.
Where Will I Find Creative Outlets to Make the Contributions I Still Want to Make?
Our desire is that you find a creative outlet that will give you meaning and purpose, as did my new friend at the grocery store who found his at Trader Joe’s. But no matter what your outlet, one thing is certain: you have to look for it. Generally, the opportunities will not come to your door. This is a time to seek, to knock, to experiment, and to investigate. This is a time when we might consider taking classes at our community center or community college. I, Hans, wanted to learn how to become a podcaster as part of my new career of teaching on leadership, and I took an intensive month-long course and learned all the new skills related to podcasting on iTunes (check out the Leadership Answerman podcast). There are so many outlets waiting for the person willing to search.
What Lifestyle Changes Do I Need to Make Based on My Changing Medical Situation?
This issue is closely associated with where you will live. Senior living is an exploding industry in our country. Elder care and long-term care insurance is growing by leaps and bounds with the aging boomer population. We will have to make changes based on our medical situation, if our bodies and minds are beginning to give out on us. It’s not a good idea to wait until a crisis hits to make lifestyle changes. Many of us are dealing with these very realities as we are caring for our elderly parents. The more decisions we can make about our own lifestyle situation now, the less we’ll have to leave up to our children to make for us.
It’s Never Too Late for Success
To finish this chapter, we want to share some success stories of people who accomplished their greatest life achievements during the years of the 60–80 Window. These are all well-known people, and that is why we are using them as examples. Most of us will not have their prominence, but there are great lessons to be learned from them as we write our own story.
People who have reached any significant level of success agree there are a few things successful people have in common: desire, determination, and a spirit that never gives up.
Ray Kroc.5 At age fifty-two, Ray Kroc had suffered for years from arthritis and diabetes. Although Ray had poor health, and his bladder and most of his thyroid had been removed, he never stopped believing in himself and his biggest idea. It led to the start of McDonald’s in 1955. By 1961, 228 McDonald’s restaurants had been established and sales had reached $37 million. When Ray passed away in 1984 at age eighty-one, there were 7,500 McDonald’s outlets around the world, and the number of outlets and sales is still growing. Ray Kroc was described as a simple man with a simple plan:
- Never give up.
- Always persevere.
- Don’t forget part 1 of the plan.
Alan Mulally. At age sixty-three, he took over the ailing Ford Motor Company in 2006. As of this writing he is in his late sixties and has led the company to new heights as the CEO of Ford. And along the way he has learned a lot of new tricks, having come from the airline industry, where he worked for Boeing in charge of the development of the Boeing 777.
Clint Eastwood. At age eighty and beyond, he is making some of his best, even Oscar-winning, movies. If you observe his body of work, it appears that his seventies and eighties are truly an amazing encore. “As we grow older,” he says, “we must discipline ourselves to continue expanding, broadening, learning, keeping our minds active and open.”6
Grandma Moses. She began painting at age seventy-six, after arthritis forced her to give up embroidery. She continued painting until 101.
Laura Ingalls Wilder. She published the first book in the Little House on the Prairie series at age sixty-five.
Benjamin Franklin. At age seventy, in 1776, he played an instrumental role in drafting and signing the Declaration of Independence. At eighty-one he signed the Constitution for the United States of America. That is what we would call meaning and purpose in your 60–80 Window!
Ronald Reagan. He became a governor of California at age sixty-one, after his career in Hollywood, and later served as the oldest sitting United States president, elected at age sixty-nine and serving until he was seventy-seven.
Colonel Sanders. The founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken was turned down over a thousand times when he tried to interest others in his recipe for chicken. He drove from town to town, often sleeping in his car, calling on restaurant owners. He strongly believed that the secret recipe would eventually pay off. His persistence and belief in himself and his recipe finally did pay off—in a big way! His tenacity is inspiring, especially when you consider that he found his success when he was sixty-five years of age. By 1976, Colonel Sanders was ranked the world’s second most recognized celebrity by an independent survey. And in 1980, at the age of ninety, he traveled 250,000 miles a year visiting Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurants across the world before he was seriously slowed down by leukemia.
Colonel Sanders kept his chicken recipe a secret, but he was willing to share his recipe for success:
- Never quit.
- Always believe in yourself.
- Be patient.
- Be positive.
Nelson Mandela. As we are writing these pages, the world is mourning the death of this great world leader. The stunning thing to realize is that he was seventy-two years of age when he was released after twenty-six years in prison. He was elected to the presidency of South Africa two years later, at age seventy-four, and served for five years. Then he enjoyed another decade of prominence and influence before his health forced a full retirement.
There are countless stories of people from all walks of life who achieved remarkable success in their encore years. The same types of characteristics can usually be found in almost every story about success. Being patient and persistent, having a positive attitude, and never giving up are the traits that are essential for success at any stage of life, especially in the 60–80 Window.