“The human mind may be likened to an electric battery. It may be positive or it may be negative. Self-confidence is the quality with which the mind is recharged and made positive.”
– Napoleon Hill, The Law of Success
Before you get ready to start my program, you need to learn how to develop outstanding self-confidence. Self-doubt is the one thing that will, without fail, kill your dreams before they are even fully thought out.
Think it’s impossible for you to develop huge amounts of self-confidence and achieve your goals? Think again! Times change, and there’s no reason you can’t change too. Although a huge, deep-rooted oak tree starts out as an acorn, it doesn’t look or “act” anything like an acorn as it grows. Tony Robbins often says: “The past doesn’t equal the future.” Wayne Dyer puts it another way, saying, “The wake of your life is like the wake of a boat. It’s nothing more than the trail that’s left behind. The wake doesn’t drive the boat. The wake is not driving your life.” Consider all that is now possible that once wasn’t. Items that were once science fiction are now real. Cars are faster than ever and are becoming more and more energy efficient. Imagine what a coal miner of the 1800s would have thought if someone had taken him on a tour of a modern-day nuclear power plant, or explained to him that we can now use energy from the sun and from the ground to provide electricity and heat. Technology is improving and changing at an exponential rate. We can program our appliances to work while we are away; there are high-definition movies and TV; the new version of 3D and incredibly realistic computer graphics that would have excited even Walt Disney. We can even water our real gardens via the Internet. Speaking of the Internet, just the other day I talked with a client via webcam. This client wasn’t just in a different state; he was in Israel – all the way across the globe! What do you think people of the 19th century would have thought if you had told them you could both see and talk to someone over 7,000 miles away on a contraption as thick as a small notebook? You would likely have been carted off in a straitjacket and locked up for being insane, and yet here we are in this reality.
Despite all the strides we’ve made in technology, few people have mastered the one thing that in my opinion makes all the difference to their happiness – their own thinking. Taking control of your emotions so they do not influence your behavior in a negative way is a must. What if Rosa Parks had never stood up and refused to accept the way she was treated because she didn’t think herself worthy, or because she was too afraid? When we doubt ourselves, we halt our drive to succeed, in turn creating instant defeat.
I’m sure at some point in your life you have stopped yourself from doing something you wanted to because of fear. At one point fear controlled me. I stopped talking to people and didn’t even attempt to socialize because my history was riddled with such painful experiences. I had let fear take charge of my life. It wasn’t until I decided I deserved better that everything changed.
To take charge of your weight like I did, and to keep it off long term, you must take control of this and all other destructive emotions. Researchers say that worry (another form of fear) is worse for your body and nervous system than a terrible event actually happening. Because worry creates the chemical thunderstorm fear elicits, each time you worry about something, even though it hasn’t happened, you are creating the result in your body over and over again. It’s like experiencing a loved one’s death, over and over again, even though that person never died! Sometimes we become fearful of what others are going to say if we try another diet or exercise regimen. Maybe we’re afraid because we’ve been criticized for not following through before.
Creating your vision is one thing – putting a plan into action consistently is entirely different and requires you to control your fears. Here I offer to you your contract for unstoppable self-confidence:
I AGREE:
To realize that the way I think has an impact on my behaviors and in turn on my quality of life. Therefore I admit that I am where I am because of the thoughts I’ve held consistently and my focus on them. Through this admission, I realize that by shifting my thoughts and focusing on my ability to take charge of my life, I am in complete control of achieving my goals. I will concentrate on maintaining that positive outlook each day, upon waking, at lunch and before bed.
I will write out a vivid, compelling, precise and clear outline of my goals, and I will read them daily – out loud and with confidence! When I go to the bathroom first thing in the morning, I will look in my own eyes and say, “I love you!” because I realize that if I don’t love myself, I can’t expect others to love me.
I will learn, understand and follow the diet plan Charles outlines in this book or I will find another healthy plan I feel works well for me, a plan that sets out the times I will eat and the food choices I will make at each of those times. I will also follow an exercise routine I enjoy.
I understand that if it’s going to be, it’s up to me! I will put everything I have into this. No matter how many times I’ve tried before, this time is different. I will not eat or drink anything that does not agree with the successful quality of life I’m pursuing. I choose to not consume foods or drinks that do not nourish me.
I will keep a positive attitude and make eliminating fear a priority. I will stay on task no matter what the scale reads, or what others say or do. Through my actions, it will be evident that I truly am the person I want to be!
HABITS
My successful clients and I have all managed to remain confident by developing habits that support our goals. Habits are patterns, and when we form a habit we do so because we’ve practiced the same “skill” over and over again. At that point, the completion of the action becomes unconscious – we don’t have to think about it anymore; we just do it.
As a piano player, I can sit and play my favorite songs while talking and laughing with friends. My mind is so locked into the pattern of playing those songs that I don’t have to think about playing them. I just play unconsciously. When you begin my program, you have to be willing to establish new habits and patterns. And, yes, this will be challenging at first – no one expects to sit down at the piano the first time and play Rachmaninoff’s Concerto No. 3 right off the bat – but with practice it eventually can be done. You may have heard of the “21 Day Habit Theory” developed by Dr. Maxwell Maltz. Dr. Maltz discovered that if you engage in an activity or behavior a few minutes a day for 21 consecutive days, it becomes a habit. And let me assure you, whether it takes 21 days or 200 days, forming new, healthy habits to the point where they just become a part of your personality (and you don’t even know you’re doing them) is one of the most exciting and invigorating things you can do.
When you start my program or any other, I recommend making the decision to eat the same set of nourishing foods, day in and day out, for at least the first two weeks. Through repetition, you will be training your mind, your taste buds and your body to desire these foods. (You do have to choose a program that consists of nourishing meals.) Once you have both established these habits and reaped a positive reward (e.g., you’ve lost weight in those first two weeks and your clothes are loose, people are complimenting you, you’re full of energy, you’re sleeping better) you will become addicted to the behavior.
Think about how an alcoholic becomes one. Sure there is a genetic component, but would a person with an “alcoholic” gene or family background choose to drink if her first experience was a horrible time that ended with getting her stomach pumped in the emergency room? And if she did try again and the alcohol made her behave in ways that went against her morals and she woke up filled with pain and regret, would she keep drinking? Likely not, because drinking alcohol would have negative and painful associations for her. If, on the other hand, a person spent quality time with his friends, had a great night and met the love of his life the first time he drank alcohol, it’s easy to see how this guy could associate good feelings with drinking, even though cognitively we understand that it was the good times with his friends and not the booze that made the evening fun and enjoyable.
“By gaining control of our emotions, we can see things in a clearer, calmer way and react more rationally to whatever challenges life throws our way.”
The overweight person can replace “alcohol” with “junk food.” If you had negative experiences when you first began eating junk food, you would likely not eat it now. What if your first experience involved watching your parents fight or getting violently ill? If, as is more likely, your first experience eating junk food was a nice time with your family that involved getting a fun new toy, then in your subconscious junk food will continue to be associated with these positive experiences.
To change our habits and thereby gain self-confidence, we have to gain insight into our behaviors and, more importantly, our psychology. Our habits are not always acquired out of desire or out of judgment. Our habits often come about unconsciously because of association, and we react emotionally. By gaining control of our emotions, we can see things in a clearer, calmer way and react more rationally to whatever challenges life throws our way. By the way, I always recommend enlisting a counselor or psychologist who can help you see things in a way you may not have seen them before, if you are in a position to do so. A counselor can also provide you with a positive outlook when you do get caught up in a slump.
Self-confidence comes from a true understanding of yourself. You realize that while you’re not perfect, no one is! You recognize what you know and don’t know, and then you find out how you are going to gain the knowledge to get what you’re after. Think of a confident person you admire. Close your eyes and visualize how that person walks, sounds, dresses, stands and moves. I bet you picture that person striding into a room with purpose, head held high, back straight, shoulders broad, his or her eyes meeting the eyes of those already in the room. When I think of a confident person, the first person that comes to mind is former US President Bill Clinton. One of my goals after losing weight was to meet him and share my story. I finally had the unique privilege of doing just that. President Clinton walks into a room and he owns it. He makes every individual feel important. He smiles, offers compliments and listens intently while making eye contact. You might think, “Well of course Clinton’s got confidence, he was the president. If I was that successful, I’d have confidence too!” But this thinking is backward. Clinton wasn’t always the president. He was able to become the president in part because he had confidence. The truth is, you are what you think you are. Or as Buddha put it, “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.”
SHARING MY STORY (AND A COPY OF THIS MANUSCRIPT) WITH A MAN I TRULY RESPECT, PRESIDENT CLINTON.
“President Clinton walks into a room and he owns it. He makes every individual feel important. He smiles, offers compliments and listens intently while making eye contact.”
One of the most important things you can do is get serious and start expecting more from yourself than anyone else expects of you. While others are out eating fattening foods and drinking, I’m at the gym, knowing that I am going the extra mile and will reap the reward for my sacrifice.
“While others are out eating fattening foods and drinking, I’m at the gym, knowing that I am going the extra mile and will reap the reward for my sacrifice.”
If you look at yourself as just average or, worse, below average, you will go about your life in such a way that supports this belief. Why would you work hard if you don’t think your efforts will pay off? When you have a belief, your brain goes to work to support that belief, whether positive or negative. As Napoleon Hill put it, “There are millions of people who believe themselves ‘doomed’ to poverty and failure, because of some strange force over which they believe they have no control. They are the creators of their own ‘misfortunes’ because of their negative belief, which is picked up by subconscious mind and translated into its physical equivalent.”
If you believe the economy is terrible, you’ll find support for that belief. Everywhere you look you will see the unemployed, you’ll see red arrows pointing down, you’ll see businesses closing down and people losing their houses. But even in the worst economic times people are thriving and businesses are booming. Even a terrible unemployment rate of 15 percent means 85 percent of people are working. This is not making light of those who are struggling, but it demonstrates how easy it is for your mind to get cluttered when you don’t control and direct it. If you choose to focus on how you always mess up or how you never follow through, your brain will go to work to find past experiences that support that belief. And because your brain wants to substantiate its beliefs, it will try to make you behave in ways that prove its case. In other words, you will sabotage yourself without even knowing you are doing so because you’re not taking control of your subconscious. Stop allowing your subconscious to choose what you focus on! Take control! Choose to focus on good things about yourself and your confidence can be as high as President Clinton’s.
The first step to becoming a success, in weight loss or in any other area, is to realize just how unique and special you are, and expect more from yourself than anyone else could dream. Know that you are so much more than you are allowing yourself to be.
With that outlook, you’ll start to talk to yourself in a much more positive way and behave in a way that supports your goals instead of sabotaging them!
Self-confidence brings success, not the other way around. And the path to success in any area is the same as in any other area – the same rules apply. If you wanted to be a successful guitarist, for example, you would go through these steps:
Consider your goal. To play guitar well. This goal is more powerful if you choose a specific advanced piece of music as your benchmark.
Break this goal into smaller units. This week you will learn the strings, their names, the sound they make, how to tune the guitar, and possibly the scales. Next week you might learn some easy chords. The week after you might learn a song that contains two or three simple chords.
Make practicing part of your life. If you “forget” to practice or make excuses to avoid practicing, then you will not achieve the goal of playing the piece of music you’d like to play. This is your brain trying to convince you to behave in a way that supports failure. According to Malcolm Gladwell and accepted the world over, the magic number to become an expert at anything is 10,000 hours. No matter what a person’s natural ability is in a given area, if that person spends 10,000 hours working toward it, he or she becomes an expert. The world’s greatest violinists, for example, are often spoken of as if they were born with this greatness, but studies show that they have each played for more than 10,000 hours. Violinists who have played for 5,000 hours are considered good, regardless of their natural ability. In his book, The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell hypothesizes that famous musicians were able to magnify their gifts through countless hours of practicing and performing the same songs, hour after hour, long before they ever became famous. So knowing that, ask yourself: “How many hours have I put into practicing healthy living and weight loss?”
“Self-confidence brings success, not the other way around.”
Stay focused. If one day you decide to learn guitar, the next day you decide to learn piano and the next you start learning saxophone, you’ll end up playing none of these instruments. You may be able to learn all of them over time, but first you will have to focus on one to learn it well.
Have confidence in your ability. If you go to each lesson/practice session saying, “I’ll never be able to do this,” then you never will. If you approach each session with the confidence that you will succeed, then you will, no matter the setbacks. As Henry Ford said, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”
If you take a good look at these steps, you will see that they apply to any area of your life that you want to improve. Want to earn a better income or have a nest egg to fall back on? Make a goal, figure out the steps you need to get there, carry out these steps every day without getting distracted from your goal and approach it from the start with the confidence that it’s already waiting for you!
The simple notion that your goal occurred to you should be proof enough that you deserve it and it’s searching for you. Act as if you’re already in possession of what you want. This will naturally cause you to do the things that are in alignment with your goal. Want to lose weight? You guessed it. You need to start to act as if you are already in shape. What does that mean, you ask? Eat healthy foods and get off your butt and move! As Tony Robbins has said, “The person who uses the word ‘but’ all of the time usually has a big one!” You have to believe in order to achieve.
THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-CONFIDENCE
Self-confidence is a big problem for those who are overweight, and the more overweight you are the less likely you are to feel confident. It’s a vicious spiral, spinning downward faster than you can say McNugget. You gain weight and feel bad about yourself, so you hide away, overeating and avoiding people, and thus gain more weight, so you hide yourself away more, becoming increasingly miserable with each additional pound!
To lose weight, you have to get yourself out of this downward spiral. To do this successfully, you need to develop enough self-confidence to break out of this pattern. So, how do you start? Here’s the first step in gaining self-confidence:
Fake it until you make it!
That’s right. Think back to all of those confident people you’ve encountered throughout your life. Want to know a secret? Most of them were probably faking it! For example, most people are terrified of giving speeches or engaging in other types of public speaking. They appear confident in that ability because they fake it. But here’s the funny thing: The more they fake it, the more confident they become – and not just in the area of public speaking, but in life in general. So, what you need to do is let the world know that you believe in yourself, not by telling them what you’re capable of, but by showing them! Here’s how:
Perfect posture. People who are hunched over look like they’re trying to protect themselves from the harsh blows of the world; they don’t look like they’re facing the world head-on. If possible, get someone to take a video of you walking the way you normally do. Note the position of your head and shoulders in particular. Keep your head in line with your spine, keep your shoulders back and yet relaxed and hold your stomach in. Don’t look down, but rather ahead of you. Changing your physiology will change your emotions. When you feel depressed, where are you typically looking? Down, of course. Start looking up, not only philosophically, but also physically!
Stride! Those with self-confidence walk with energy and purpose. Those without confidence walk meekly, slowly, quietly and painfully. They walk like they don’t want to be noticed, which is probably true (but it’s not what confident people do!). Walk as if you want to be seen, even if you don’t.
Dress appropriately. You may not be able to wear the clothes you really want to at this point, but please don’t walk around in sweats and other baggy, shapeless articles of clothing. People often think they look smaller if they wear baggy clothes, but this is not true – they look larger. More importantly, baggy sweats give the impression that you just don’t care about how you look – and that screams lack of self-confidence. Conversely, don’t wear a size 14 if in reality you wear a size 18. Wearing clothing that doesn’t fit you might make you feel better when you look at the tag, but the resulting bulges make you look fatter, and just … well, worse. Find a few good pieces of clothing in sizes that fit you. If you are too big to find clothing that fits, get a couple of items tailor made. If you feel embarrassed to do this, then use that feeling to spur you on to greater success. Tell yourself: “This is the last time I will ever buy clothing in this size. Next time I buy clothes they will be two sizes smaller because I will have lost that much weight.”
Exercise. Yes, exercise contributes to weight loss, but exercise also contributes to feelings of self-confidence, as long as you don’t go in expecting too much too soon. First, exercise produces endorphins, otherwise known as the feel-good hormones. Second, as long as you start exercising at an appropriate level for you and gradually increase the intensity, then every time you exercise you will accomplish more and more, which will make you feel very good indeed! Third, every time you exercise you know you are doing something that brings you closer to your goal, and that makes you feel great about yourself.
Get out of yourself. Ironically, truly self-confident people are not obsessed with themselves. They don’t need to spend all that time thinking about themselves, because they aren’t all that worried about what other people think of them. Instead, they spend their time accomplishing things and helping others. As Napoleon Hill said, “It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed.” Look at the people around you. Help them feel good about themselves. Stop complaining. Complaining about things, along with belittling others, gossiping and other negative behavior all stem from a lack of self-confidence. Egomaniacs are often hounded by the thing they fear most: criticism. We attract what we focus on. If you keep thinking you will never keep your weight down, pretty soon you’ll be doing the very things that will make that fear a reality. Guard your mind and stay focused on helping others. It works!
“Don’t wear a size 14 if in reality you wear a size 18. Wearing clothing that doesn’t fit you might make you feel better when you look at the tag, but the resulting bulges make you look fatter, and just … well, worse.”
Stop hiding. This can be a tough habit to break. If you don’t feel good about yourself, chances are you hide in many ways: you wear baggy clothes, you walk with bad posture, you look at the ground. You may not go to events you would like to because you don’t want to be seen or because you will feel uncomfortable around others who are not overweight. You might not want to go the beach with friends, for example, because you think they’ll look good and you won’t, and you assume that you’ll be too uncomfortable to enjoy yourself. But confident people get out there. They go where they want to go and do the things they want to do, and you have to do this too because it’s what makes life worth living. Hiding is another form of wallowing in your misery, and just as sitting there thinking about how miserable you feel makes you feel more miserable, hiding away because you’re overweight makes you gain more weight. You eat more, binge more, do less physical activity and think depressing thoughts, which can cause you to eat to make yourself feel better. Once you start taking part in enjoyable activities instead of hiding away, you’ll feel good! Your confidence will grow and your weight will decrease. Just like you have to fake confidence until you feel it, you have to make yourself get out there, smile and have fun even if you’re telling yourself you’d rather stay home and watch TV.
“When I decided to transform my life, the biggest change I made was in my confidence. I decided to have some.”
TIMES SQUARE, NYC
If you doubt the difference a little confidence makes, think about Kenan Thompson, Zach Galifianakis, Elizabeth Taylor, Roseanne Barr, John Goodman, Queen Latifah, Aretha Franklin and even Anna Nicole Smith. Large? Yes. Confident? You’d better believe it! Now picture the same people in baggy sweats, slumped over, looking at the ground, shuffling as they walk and mumbling when they speak. All of a sudden they don’t look, sound or act like stars anymore, do they? Now, maybe some of these people have made a choice to stay overweight and some have gone up and down on the scale, but their charisma comes from their confidence, their focus on their own unique good qualities and from their belief in themselves and what they want to accomplish. Did you know that Marilyn Monroe (whose own weight went up and down considerably) would choose whether or not people paid attention to her? If she wanted to be recognized she would stand tall and stride confidently, and throngs of people would surround her asking for her autograph. If she wanted to be left alone she would look to the ground, hunch her body inwards and shuffle along, and no one would even recognize her! If people ignored Marilyn Monroe because she didn’t look confident, imagine what happens with the rest of us?
When I decided to transform my life, the biggest change I made was in my confidence. I decided to have some. I decided I would be popular, and not because of how great I looked, but because I believed I looked great. I would walk around with a smile, knowing with complete conviction that I was in control of my destiny. No other person’s thoughts could negatively affect me unless I allowed them to by accepting their limiting beliefs. I decided that my decisions would determine how far I go in life and how much I would contribute. Only after I stopped blaming other people for my unhappiness and lack of confidence could I take credit for all the wonderful things I’ve been blessed to achieve and contribute. When you take the responsibility for your future, your actions and your happiness, then your confidence can truly shine.
SUCCESS STORY
“I neglected the most important person – myself.”
NAME: Sandy Crancer
AGE: 51
HEIGHT: 5'6"
WEIGHT BEFORE: 240 lbs
WEIGHT AFTER: 147 lbs
WEIGHT LOSS: 93 lbs
AFTER TWO PREGNANCIES, DURING THE SECOND OF WHICH HER WEIGHT ESCALATED TO ITS PEAK OF 240 POUNDS, SANDY CRANCER SUFFERED FROM A SEVERE CASE OF MOMMY TUMMY. And she is the first to admit that the combination of an unhealthy diet, lack of exercise and poor self-care is what got her there. As she explains, “I was always taking care of my family and I neglected the most important person – myself.” Although Sandy was lucky enough to have not suffered from any serious weight-related health issues, she was always tired and was experiencing constant back pain. She also couldn’t indulge in her passion for fashion because shopping for stylish clothes that fit became a depressing exercise in self-loathing.
It was the relentless lethargy that finally prompted Sandy to seek change. She had tried fad diets in the past, but nothing ever stuck. She would find herself losing 20 to 25 pounds and then gaining back all of the weight she had lost – and then some. One of her biggest obstacles was her skewed perception of the relationship between diet and exercise. “I would change my eating habits but didn’t exercise,” Sandy says. “Then I would exercise and eat whatever I wanted.”
It was Charles D’Angelo who was able to finally help Sandy change her perspective by getting her to realize that exercising and practicing good nutrition – simultaneously – are necessary to create a slim and healthy physique. Charles also made it very clear that he expected Sandy to stick to the plan. Accountability for her actions was key to her success. And what a success! Sandy was able to drop an incredible 93 pounds and now wears a slim size 6. Her back pain has disappeared and her energy levels have gone through the roof. With her newfound spark for life, Sandy is motivated to exercise every day. She has even discovered that she prefers the taste of nutritious foods to their processed, junky counterparts. Sandy fully believes that “there is nothing that tastes as good as thin feels,” and this keeps her focused on maintaining her healthy lifestyle. Sandy can also enjoy shopping again and has filled her closet with the latest fashions. She says, “I don’t have to hang my clothes to dry in fear they will shrink.”
“Sandy fully believes that there is nothing that tastes as good as thin feels.”
Sandy stays on track with Charles’ continued support. She says his no-nonsense attitude is exactly what she needs. In fact, she believes she would not have been able to achieve her remarkable weight-loss results without Charles’ help. “Over my adult life nothing has worked,” Sandy says, “Charles’ program is the best I have ever done and it really works!”