“Everything She Desires”

A Lesbian Romance

Christine L’Amour

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This book is intended for Adults (ages 18+) only. The contents may be offensive to some readers. It may contain graphic language, explicit sexual content, and adult situations. May contain scenes of unprotected sex. Please do not read this book if you are offended by content as mentioned above or if you are under the age of 18. Please educate yourself on safe sex practices before making potentially life-changing decisions about sex in real life.

This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner & are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Products or brand names mentioned are trademarks of their respective holders or companies. The cover uses licensed images & are shown for illustrative purposes only. Any person(s) that may be depicted on the cover are simply models.

Edition v1.00 (2020.07.08)

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Table of Contents

Chapter One

Catarina slammed her fingers against her keyboard. Both the “W” and the “D” keys sank in and didn’t pop back out. She cursed, digging her fingers into them as much as she could—the game was still happening and she needed those keys to be able to move, and she was the healer so how were they going to win if she couldn’t get to people and heal them—

“Haha, loser,” came the voice on her headset, too joyful for it to sound like an actual insult. “You fucked up your keyboard again, didn’t you? I’m going to win again!”

“Shut up!” Catarina shouted, even though a smile was creeping into her face. It was fun to play, even when she was losing. “I told you I don’t have the money; I won’t get paid ‘till next week. It’s not my fault! I’m still better than you.”

She watched as her friend’s avatar dashed into her field of vision on the screen and mercilessly killed her while she was trying to move away. A huge message appeared on the screen: TEAM BLUE WINS. Catarina eyed her own red-colored avatar, dead and unmoving, as Al’s blue-clad one danced in victory, and sighed.

“All right, you win,” she said, resigned. “And let’s not play again,” she added before her friend could challenge her. “I’ll just lose again, with my keyboard like this. Didn’t you have to do something for your sister, anyway?”

Al sighed. “Let’s leave the game first, then, I’ll video-call you.”

Catarina lifted her knees to her chair and hooked her chin over them. She didn’t bother closing the game on her computer, just got her phone and lifted it to her face. When Al’s call came, she accepted it immediately. He was a white boy with a few freckles around his face and bright blue eyes, though they were mostly hidden by his huge mop of dark blond hair. He was her best friend, and she smiled to see him. He grinned back at her.

“You’re being surprisingly okay with losing today,” he commented instead of saying hello.

“It’s not my fault, it was the keyboard’s,” she said.

His smile got bigger. “I see. So, you’re not accepting responsibility for it.”

“The other people in my team were already dragging us down,” she muttered. “Do you really have to go help your sister pack? I thought she still had a week before she left.”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t know why she’s asking for help. She always wants to know precisely where things are, which means I can’t put shit anywhere without asking her before I do it—”

“Abandon her and come play another match with me.”

“I can’t,” he said with a frown. “We can do it after I help her. I mean… she is leaving the country. It’s going to be weird being without her for a full year. I don’t actually mind spending some time with her, you know?”

Catarina shrugged; she didn’t have any siblings, so she didn’t know what that felt like. “Where is she going, anyway? I don’t know where I’d go, as an exchange student. France? Ooh, Japan?”

“You would have to know Japanese,” Al said dryly. “Probably Portugal? She knows Portuguese…”

“Seriously?” Cat asked, brightening up. “Dude, how did I not know that? What if she’s coming here?”

“She would have told me if she were going to Brazil; she knows you live there!” Al said. “Shit, man, I’m going to ask her. What if, right? Wait a moment.”

Catarina laughed to herself and set her phone down, tired of looking at the bright light. She squinted at the clock on her wall; the room was so dark she couldn’t really see anything. She wasn’t worried, though—she knew by the fact that she hadn’t heard her mother banging pans together in the kitchen that it wasn’t lunch time yet, much less time for her to leave for work.

“Dude!”

The shout startled her, making her yelp and almost fall off the chair. Al laughed at her, unrepentant, and Cat scowled at him.

“She is going to Brazil!” he exclaimed before she could complain, effectively shutting her up. “Dude, she’s going to USP! The University of São Paulo! That’s close to your city, right? Cat, she’s going there! To where you are! You’ll be able to meet her!”

Cat cringed away from her phone, retreating into her chair like a snail into its shell.

“Why would I want to meet your sister?” she asked, defensive, even as a part of her rejoiced. Al’s sister coming here was the closest she could get to Al himself—they lived all the way in USA, and neither she nor Al had the funds to travel. But his sister still wasn’t him, and Catarina felt her shyness rear up its ugly head.

Al’s smile dimmed. “Come on, Cat. Could it hurt, just meeting her for a day? Helping her around? You know she’s blind, and until she memorizes some stuff like where the bus stops are around her apartment, it’s going to be hard for her to move. Would you just do that for me?”

“She’s an adult, she can deal,” Catarina muttered.

“Well, all right,” Al said, lines appearing between his brows. “It’s not like you have to.”

They sat in silence for a moment, until Catarina sighed.

“I’m sorry, I’m just—meeting new people is scary! You know how I get,” she said apologetically, sending him an awkward smile. “Of course, I’ll meet her. I mean, I can’t give her your gifts without meeting her?”

“Gifts?” he asked, eyebrows raising.

“Dude, I finally have the opportunity to send you stuff without paying a million dollars in postage. Of course, I’ll send you gifts.”

“All right,” he said, then more excited: “All right! Awesome! I’ll tell her—can you believe she didn’t bother telling me where she was going because she thought your city wasn’t close to São Paulo? Don’t you live like two hours away?”

Catarina rolled her eyes. “It’s not exactly a trip I’m going to make every day,” she said. “Unless she pays for my gas!”

“I’ll tell her,” Al said with a laugh.

Catarina smiled at him and told herself there was no reason to feel so anxious—if Teresa were anything like Al and her, then they would probably have no issues between them. They would hit it off right away.

***

Cat took a shower a few hours later and felt revived. The rest of the house was nothing like her room; it was all open spaces and white and windows and mirrors. It was beautiful, but she couldn’t stand to sit in the living room for too long before she wanted to go back to her own space, small and dark and comfortable. But now, after her shower and ready to work, she thought it was very beautiful.

She went to the kitchen and opened the fridge—maybe they had something she could snack on before going to work.

“Here,” came a half-amused, half-exasperated voice, along with a nudge to her shoulder.

Catarina turned around. Her mother had a smile on her face and a covered bowl in her hand. Cat grinned at her and accepted the bowl.

“You made lunch for me?” she asked.

“It’s leftovers,” her mother told her. “How many times do I have to tell you to put together your own lunch before you leave? I’m not going to be here forever to do it for you, Cat.”

“Mom, you’re forty,” Catarina said dryly. “Thanks! I’ll make dinner when I get home, okay?”

Her mother’s expression softened. Her face was full of lines, her hair nearly all grey from stress. It wasn’t easy, being a single mother. But Catarina was working now—she was going to pay back everything her mother had done for her.

“All right, thanks. And go! You’re already late!”

“I’m not late!” Catarina said, but rushed out anyway. As she was opening the door, she felt her cellphone buzz, but didn’t actually check on it until she was standing at the bus stop, waiting.

It was a text message.

[Unknown]: Hi, it’s Teresa! Al told me you offered to show me around São Paulo once I arrive. Thank you very much.

Catarina stared at it for a long time and couldn’t scrounge up the courage to answer it.

***

Work was long, boring, and both physically and mentally exhausting. Catarina came home with a few new blisters in her hands and a woefully emptier wallet, as she couldn’t resist buying some candy during her break. The house was—

Lit up?

Catarina’s eyebrows furrowed. Her mother was a nurse, and on the days she was on shift, she arrived very, very late. It was why Cat made dinner even though she normally got home after ten, sometimes—like today—at almost eleven at night. She peered into the house as she walked in, stepping lightly.

When she got to the kitchen, she froze.

“Hi,” her mother said, voice low and resigned.

She was sitting at their small, 4-person table, her hands clenched together and her face pale. There was coffee in front of her, as well as another person.

“Hi,” Catarina’s father said, hesitant.

Catarina swiveled around on a heel and marched out.

“Wait!” he called.

She didn’t wait. She nearly ran to her room then slammed the door shut, locking it for good measure. She wasn’t going to hear whatever bullshit he had come here to say. She wasn’t going to give him any attention. She curled up in bed, sneakers and all, and got under her blanket even though it was February. She waited for hands slamming on the door.

A soft knock came instead.

“Cat?” his soft, pleading voice came. “Please. I just want to talk, to see how you are. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.”

And whose fault is that? she thought to herself bitterly.

“I’m going to leave my phone number with your mother,” he said after a few moments of silence. “Please call me.”

You never answered when I called, she thought.

She strained her ears and heard his footsteps as he walked out, as well as her mother’s “Leave her be.” Catarina closed her eyes tightly and braced herself; she knew she was going to come out eventually, after he was gone, and make dinner for her mom, and that her mom would want to talk.

There was nothing to talk about. Her mother may be willing to indulge him, but Catarina wasn’t.

Chapter Two

Teresa arranged her comforter and the two nice cushions on each side of her pillow, feeling inordinately proud about her perfect bed. It was a new day, and though she had only arrived in Brazil after a solid ten hours in a plane (that after three more hours she took to get to Atlanta!) she didn’t feel tired at all. It was February and her body expected cold, and the cheerful sunlight hitting her face and warming up the room was simply delightful.

“You are happy about the sun,” one of her new housemates said, voice obviously amused, coming from the doorway. “It’s winter—where you live, right?”

“Awful winter,” Teresa agreed, even though it really wasn’t compared to some places; it hadn’t even really snowed this year. “I still can’t believe it’s summer!”

Her housemate laughed. “It will be summer in June! …so—I came here to say, I made, uh morning coffee? Oh, breakfast. If you want some?”

“Thank you,” Teresa said with a grin. “You’re Veronica, right?”

“Yes! And you are Tereza?”

“Teressa,” Teresa corrected easily. “With an s sound, not a z. It’s nice to meet you. I met Paula and Cristina yesterday, and they mentioned you lived here too.”

“Ahh, I don’t study on USP like them, and like you,” Veronica said, sounding a bit embarrassed. “I don’t go to the university or study languages like you three. That’s why my English is a bit—clunky? But rent is cheaper when sharing. I was working yesterday.”

The ringing of the intercom interrupted Teresa’s answer.

“It’s probably for me,” Teresa admitted. “If it’s Catarina, please let her in.”

“Okay,” Veronica said, then shouted to the rest of the house in Portuguese: “If it’s some Catarina woman, let her in! She’s here for Teresa!”

“Thanks,” Teresa said in Portuguese too, her grin widening.

She heard Veronica’s gasp. “You speak Portuguese? And you let me embarrass myself trying out English like that? Shame on you!”

“Your English is amazing!” Veronica told her. It was very nice to speak in Portuguese—although she was fluent, she had no friends in real life to practice with, so most of her training was in writing and reading. Now she could actually speak!

“It’s Catarina!” Paula shouted in English. “She’s coming up!”

“All right, thanks,” Veronica called, then started to shuffle out of her room. She grabbed her cane from beside the door as she went; soon she would learn how to navigate this apartment without it, but for now she wanted to avoid knocking her hip against every table and counter on her way.

“Do you… want some help?” Veronica asked, clearly awkward. She seemed much more comfortable with her own language and Veronica wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to train, so she vowed to speak in Portuguese to her from now on.

“Thanks,” she said honestly. “But I’m okay.”

She really appreciated it and would probably accept it later on if she offered again, but by her awkwardness Veronica had never really lived with a blind person before and wouldn’t know how to properly guide her. Teresa didn’t feel like stubbing her toe five times on her way to the door today.

She heard steps echoing in the hallway and the front door unlocking as she walked into the living room, and when she got closer to the door, it was clear Catarina had arrived. Paula was greeting her easily, but Catarina didn’t really say anything… and didn’t call out to her, either. Maybe she just didn’t know which of the four women was her.

“Catarina?” Teresa asked, cocking her head.

“Hi?” came a timid voice. “Uh… sorry, I didn’t know there were going to be so many people. Um. Are you ready to go, or…?”

“I haven’t finished unpacking, actually,” Teresa said apologetically, making as much of a pleading face as she could. “I’m really sorry. It shouldn’t take too long! Then we can go check out the nearby bus stops?”

“It’s okay,” Catarina said vaguely. She sounded… timid, but also a bit embarrassed. She had a nice voice—her Brazilian accent made her words sharper, her t’s and k’s strong. “I can help you unpack, if you want?”

“All right, thanks!” Teresa said, pleased. “Thanks for letting her in, guys.”

“Welcome,” Paula said easily.

“I’ll leave some coffee for you, then,” Veronica told her.

Teresa thanked her, then waited. People started moving, going back to what they had been doing.

“So, which room is yours?” Catarina asked, suddenly very close.

“This one!” Teresa said, and when she knew Catarina was beside her, started to walk. She grinned once they were past the threshold. “What do you think? It’s small, but at least I don’t share it. I’m just not sure about the sheets on the bed—I thought I’d packed my blue ones, but Cristina—one of the roommates here—said it’s yellow instead. Yellow is the worst! Maybe we can go out to buy some later? Do you know any stores around here?”

Catarina laughed. The sound was small, like she was afraid of being loud, but it was cute—more a giggle than not. When she spoke, she seemed decidedly amused, though she tried to speak with mock outrage:

“Yellow is the worst? I’m telling Al there’s no way we’re going to get along after this. It’s my favorite color! It’s the color of the sun!”

“And sunflowers,” Teresa said with mock disdain. “Blue is the color of the sky, which is much better.”

Catarina laughed again, and Teresa grinned at her. She had such a nice laugh.

“What’s wrong with sunflowers?”

“Flowers shouldn’t be as tall as a person, Cat! It’s not natural!”

Catarina fell prey to a fit of the giggles, the sound of them muffled; she was probably covering her mouth with her hand. Teresa felt almost smug at having conquered the woman’s shyness so quickly.

“You’re just grumpy because they’re taller than you. You’re five foot nothing,” Catarina said.

Teresa gasped, swinging her cane widely. She heard a satisfying thwack and Cat yelped, more in surprise than pain.

“Hey! Abuse!”

“Don’t call me short! I’m five foot two.”

“A veritable giant,” Catarina said dryly.

Teresa swung her cane again, hearing the satisfying sounds of Catarina scrambling to get out of range.

“Come on, help me unpack,” Teresa said with a grin.

She didn’t need to have vision to know Catarina was grinning back.

***

Catarina was, surprisingly, a much better help than Teresa had thought she would be. Teresa had asked her to help her unpack because she would appreciate some time with her little brother’s friend, to get to know her better, to make friends. She hadn’t actually thought Catarina would be much help. Teresa needed her things in their very specific places so she would remember where they were and be able to easily get them, and people had a tendency to set things down without thinking… but Catarina was quiet and easy with her assistance, always asking where to put things, pointing out when Teresa had set things too close to the edge of the nightstand or the bathroom counter and they could fall, not complaining when Teresa took 10 minutes to decide where exactly so-and-so would go.

“I can’t believe I’m already unpacked,” Teresa said with a satisfied sight. She sat down on the bed with relish, kicking the empty bag in front of her. “This is my first proper day here and I’m already all done!”

“Yay!” Catarina said, plopping down beside her. “And it’s not even lunch time.”

“Are you free for lunch?” Teresa asked, cocking her head slightly to the side Teresa was sitting. “I know you said you go to work at two in the afternoon, but how close is it to here? Can you get there in time if we go out for a bit?”

Catarina hesitated, then said: “Probably? I just wasn’t planning on eating out, I guess.”

“Oh.”

“But—I can—It’s cool if you want to go,” she added in a hurry, her shyness coming back a bit. “I mean, I didn’t mean to say that I didn’t want to do it. Um. Hey, there’s this lamen place not too far away…”

“Lamen?” Teresa said, perking up.

“I don’t know if it’ll be easy for you to eat,” Catarina added, awkward. “Since it’s noodles and broth and depending on what you get there’s a lot of tiny things in the broth for you to pick with chopsticks…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get the hang of it,” Teresa reassured. “And… thanks, really. It’s really kind of you to show me around. I could have asked one of my new housemates, but I did want to meet you! You’ve known Al for so long, it’s really nice to have the opportunity to meet you. You know how parents are with online friends… They’ll feel better once I call them and tell them you’re not actually a 40-year-old pedophile or something.”

Catarina snorted. “The joke’s on you. I may not be 40 years old, but I am still trying to lure Al to Brazil. He has to visit me sometime. But… yeah. I’m happy to meet you too. I don’t really know much about you, Al never talks about you, but it’s the closest I can get to him, you know? It feels sort of magical that you’re here.”

Teresa was silent for a moment. Catarina’s sentiment was so sweet and so sad, maybe she would tell the woman that she was planning to give her brother a plane ticket to come here as a birthday gift.

“It should be awkward, shouldn’t it?” she said. “That you’re my little brother’s best friend. But I guess I’m not an awkward sort of person.”

“You seem… extroverted.”

Teresa had to laugh at the way she said it, not like it was something bad, but certainly not something she could really understand.

“Life for me is much easier if I’m not too shy to ask for help,” Teresa admitted. “Sometimes I gotta stand at roads and wait until someone comes to help me cross the street, you know? It’s much easier if I’m not timid and awkward about it.”

“Oh,” Catarina said. “Um. I’m sort of timid and awkward. I guess.”

“It’s all right,” Teresa said with a smile, knocking her elbow against Catarina’s ribs. “I’m extroverted enough for both of us.”

“If you need anything, I’m here,” Catarina said, then added honestly: “I’d appreciate an excuse to get out of the house sometimes. I don’t really do anything besides work and play games with Al. And now my asshole dad has been trying to visit…”

Teresa’s eyebrows furrowed. “Is everything all right?”

“Oh, yeah,” Catarina said, sounding surprised but pleased that she had asked. “I just don’t want to talk to him.”

“Well, if you need an excuse, feel free to use me,” Teresa offered. “I’ll try to be there, even though I don’t know how my schedule will be, what with classes and the wild party life I want to cultivate here.”

There was a moment of silence, then Catarina made a sound of disgust. Teresa snorted; she had probably grimaced before remembering Teresa couldn’t see it.

“I’ll drag you with me to a party someday, Cat,” Teresa promised.

Catarina made another sound of disgust, this one louder.

***

Catarina went with her to USP, two days later, but quickly had to leave: she had been called to cover the shift of someone who had called in sick. That was okay with Teresa, since she was too occupied marveling at the university to care much about anything else. The TA for her first class of the day met her outside the building and helped her in, showing her to the room where she would have this first class. It was a class on translation, specifically Portuguese to English and vise-versa.

The place seemed so big. She felt almost overwhelmed by how many people she could hear walking around the hallways and chatting inside the classrooms around her. Her own university, back at home, was smaller, and her familiarity with it made it seem like home. This was new, and big, and she walked into class with a smile already on her face.

“Oh, is that Teresa Stewart? Thanks, Pedro,” a voice said, probably directed at the TA beside her. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you, Teresa,” they continued. “I’m Marcus Gunji, the professor for this class. We kind of shift between English and Portuguese, since it’s a class on translation, I hope that’s all right?”

“It’s perfect, it’s good training,” she said. “It’s nice to meet you, sir.”

“Oh, uh,” he said, then coughed. “No sir, please, and just Marcus is fine. Anything you need, you can talk to me, all right? Where do you want to sit? Would it be easier for you to stay closer to the door?”

“Please,” Teresa said, pleased at the thoughtfulness.

“All right, Pedro can lead you,” he said. “Also, someone from the department is coming by to talk to you soon, to show you around. You’re probably going to miss the first few minutes of class, but that’s all right. Speaking of,” he added before she could say anything, “I might as well talk to you now, since you’re not going to be here to hear it with the others: I had a project last semester where students revised and edited some of their papers, and we’re organizing it in a book. We’re thinking about doing it again this year and launching them all together. Are you interested at all? I’m just asking to get a feel for how people—”

“Yes,” Teresa said, managing not to exclaim in joy. “Yes, that sounds amazing! I actually am really interested in participating in research about translation, maybe about the translation of some specific Brazilian books—?”

“Oh?” he prompted, seemingly pleased that a student was being so proactive so early in the semester. “Do you have any in mind?”

“There aren’t many Brazilian books available in the US, much less in braille or audiobook format,” she admitted. “I’ve read some of the classics—Bras Cubas, for example…”

“Hm… we need to see what to do about that,” he said. “I’ll look into it, maybe we have some audiobooks around our libraries. How about that? I’m very happy to hear you’re interested! I think this is going to be a good year.”

Teresa smiled like the cat who got the canary, feeling like her plan to attach herself to a professor who could guide her in her research was going wonderfully and on the first day.

“I think so too!”

Chapter Three

Catarina sat on the floor and waited, trying to calm her nerves. It was Sunday, so Teresa didn’t have any classes and she didn’t have work, so they had scheduled to meet at one of the subway stations at the Paulista Avenue station. They would spend the day here, checking out one of São Paulo’s major attractions, and Catarina had perhaps gotten so anxious about being late that she arrived too early. Perhaps over twenty minutes too early.

So she sat on the floor of the station and played random games on her phone, trying not to care about the shirt she was wearing. It was yellow. Teresa disliked yellow. But maybe that was a good conversation starter? Christ, why did Catarina care? It wasn’t like Teresa was going to see it! She was blind! Catarina could just not mention it!

She dropped her forehead to her knees. She liked Teresa—she was a fun, easy person to be around, and Catarina had promised to show her around the city. But this didn’t feel like she was acting like a tour guide, it felt like…

Don’t think the word date, she hissed at herself, covering her eyes with her hands. Don’t think it. We’re not thinking about it. We’re not getting a crush on Al’s stupid older sister. This isn’t a date!

Catarina really hoped Teresa would like what she had planned for today.

“There you are! Catarina, right? Dude, lift your face up—I must have passed you three times before I realized that it was you.”

Catarina blinked up. Teresa and a friend were standing right beside her, and Catarina thought she recognized the woman—it was Veronica, one of her roommates, the one who preferred to speak in Portuguese. She had Teresa’s hand on her elbow and a polite smile on her face, and Catarina tried not to feel something tie itself into a knot in her heart.

Maybe next time she could go to Teresa’s place pick her up instead of Veronica bringing her. It felt like Veronica was infringing on their day.

Catarina smiled and stood up, casting those thoughts out. Stop that, she told herself. She’s not infringing on anything. She’s not staying.

“Sorry,” she said.

“Hi!” Teresa said, beaming at her.

“Hi,” Catarina said, awkwardness dimming as she smiled back. “Was your trip all right?”

“The voice announcing which station we’re stopping at and whatnot speaks in English too,” Teresa said, apparently really amused by the fact.

“They did that because of the Olympics,” Catarina told her.

“Well, I will go back now,” Veronica said, scratching the back of her neck. “Hope you have fun.”

“All right, thanks! See you later,” Teresa said easily. She took her hand from Veronica’s elbow and then reached out for Catarina easily, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Catarina felt her face burn and tried to remind herself that it was a very natural thing, for Teresa. This was how she walked with people! It didn’t mean anything regarding Catarina herself! She walked forward and turned, taking Veronica’s place. Teresa stood very close. God, Teresa was so short. It wouldn’t be hard at all for Catarina to hook her chin over her head.

“So, where do you want to go?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” Teresa mused. “Let’s just take a walk, maybe go to a café?”

Catarina started to walk out into the street. It was Sunday, so the avenue was closed to cars, and all around people were walking on the asphalt, riding their bikes and walking their dogs.

“I have a superpower,” Catarina said. “I can see the future. And I can see that nine times out of ten, we’ll end up leaving the house and getting to a café.”

“What else is there to do out of the house?” Teresa asked very seriously. “Absolutely nothing. Might as well stay in and make coffee at home instead of spending money on it. Oh! Could we do that, actually? We could watch a movie. I’m not too fond of going to the movies, but…”

Catarina walked out to the asphalt as well, enjoying having so much space. The sun was bright and warm, and they would need to get under the shade in a while, but for now it was okay. Teresa leaned her weight against her nonchalantly, and Catarina wondered if it was common practice to stand so close.

“We could watch a movie,” Catarina said, a bit bashful. “But—there are a lot of things to do out here. We don’t have to stay in if you don’t want to.”

“Why do you think I don’t want to?” Teresa asked.

“I don’t know. You just seem like someone who would rather be out there doing things instead of staying in,” Catarina said.

“I guess I would rather be out there doing things,” Teresa admitted. “I hate to be cooped up inside the house… but it’s also got to do with the fact that it’s much easier to stay at home, so I tend to not leave the house much.”

“Why?” Catarina asked curiously.

“Well, if the sidewalks are broken up or cracked or too small, it’s harder for me to navigate, then I have to walk really slowly which is a bore, and also I get a bit afraid of being robbed? And I have to wait for people to help me cross roads…”

“Oh. I guess I never really think about that stuff.”

“It’s life,” Teresa said easily, swinging her cane slightly. It was in her other hand, held loosely since she wasn’t using it. “Parts of it are harder than for someone with sight, yeah, but… it’s life. I’m glad you’re cool about it, Cat.”

Catarina flushed. “I just—I try? I’m… afraid of getting anything wrong, honestly.”

Teresa hummed in agreement. “As long as you don’t think I’m stupid or incapable of doing shit or start acting patronizing, we’re cool.”

They were silent for a moment.

“My dad is diabetic,” Catarina said after a moment, then winced at herself—she didn’t want to talk about him. But she did understand some of what Teresa was talking about, if only by proxy of him, and she suddenly felt the need to show her that. That she got it, even if only a little bit. “I guess that’s not like being blind at all. Um.”

“Well, he’s disabled too,” Teresa allowed with a smile, seemingly happy that Catarina was trying to reach out.

“I remember when I was small, before he left us,” Catarina continued. “How even my mom kept saying things like if you hadn’t eaten so much sugar maybe you’d be okay even though it’s a family thing, all his brothers are diabetic too. But—um—anyway! We can totally watch a movie. Somewhen? I’m free on Sundays and Mondays, I told you, and mornings the other days…”

“Wait, we’re in Brazil,” Teresa said. “Let’s not watch movies, let’s watch soap operas!”

“I resent that!” Catarina said with a laugh, glad that the mood was lighter. “Not every single one of us watch soap operas.”

Teresa slowly lifted one eyebrow.

“…only most of us,” Catarina grumbled. “Anyway, what are we going to do? Turn on the TV and watch five different episodes of five different soap operas as they play, understanding nothing? It’s not like there’s a way to watch from the beginning.”

“That sounds hilarious,” Teresa said with delight.

“Let’s not do that,” Catarina said with a laugh.

They walked on, and slowly Catarina moved them back to the sidewalks, where there was shade. She spotted many cafés and little diners as they walked; when Teresa said so, Catarina would take them to the closest one.

“I’m sorry,” Teresa said suddenly. “About your dad. I mean, I assume you don’t want to talk about it and I don’t want to push! But I wanted to say—sorry. That sucks.”

It warmed her heart. A part of Catarina felt that she should be upset that Teresa had mentioned it, but she just felt glad instead.

“There’s not much to talk about,” she said, because she knew that Teresa had to be curious, even if she was polite enough to know she shouldn’t ask. “He had a mistress, then he left us, then he came back with his tail between his legs, and now he’s trying to act like just because he apologized, I need to forgive him.”

“That sucks.”

For some reason, it made Catarina laugh.

“Yeah,” she agreed heartily. “It sucks!”

Teresa laughed too, and they leaned against each other.

“Life sucks sometimes!” Teresa said cheerfully. “Let’s get that coffee and drown our sorrows, then I hear there’s a rose garden around here somewhere we could visit.”

“You can’t touch the roses,” Catarina said apologetically.

“Of course I can.”

“You shouldn’t touch the roses,” Catarina corrected herself, bumping her hip against Teresa’s.

Teresa bumped back. “Try to stop me! I’m going to touch at least one.”

“You’re going to get us kicked out,” Catarina said, and though usually the thought would make her anxious, Teresa just made her feel amused—a soft, warm feeling, like the things that worried Catarina were manageable, that things would be all right.

***

“You know, when you said we could watch movies, I didn’t think you wanted to do it today,” Catarina admitted, accepting the can of soda Teresa handed her. She watched as Teresa grinned at her and plopped down on the bed beside her—they were on Teresa’s room, Teresa’s laptop on Catarina’s lap as she got comfortable on the bed.

“No time like today,” she said easily. She slid the laptop until it was half on her lap too, leaning her weight against Catarina. “Tell me if it gets too late for you, all right?”

“It’s cool, there’s a bus here that takes me close to my house.”

“All right! Maybe you can sleep over, even,” Teresa offered with a grin, making Catarina blush. “Though I warn that I wake up at five and a half in the morning.”

Catarina gaped. “Why the fuck do you do that? Are you insane? Or—do classes start so early?”

“It’s so I have time to take a shower and have a nice breakfast,” Teresa said, handing Catarina one of her earbuds. “Let me guess, you wake up at noon and have to rush out of the house?”

“Five and a half,” Catarina grumbled. She blinked in surprise when she put the earbud on—Teresa had a screen reader on and it was odd, the weird electronic voice it spoke with, and how fast it was reading things. “I’d just not wake up. Honestly.”

“I’m really liking my classes, so it’s not like it’s hard for me to wake up,” Teresa said with a grin. “Hey, what about you? I don’t remember you mentioning classes. Do you go to the university?”

“No,” Catarina admitted, embarrassed. “I don’t know what I want to do, and I’m really not smart enough to, like, pass on the exams for the public universities here, they’re so hard. So, I’m saving money to pay for college, once I figure out what I want. It’s really not as expensive as it is in the US,” she added.

“Do you really have no idea what you want?”

Catarina looked down, silent for a moment. Teresa was just scrolling through her social media accounts for now, and there wasn’t anything interesting to catch her attention on the screen.

“It’s stupid,” she muttered. “But I do love video games, and I’ve always thought… I don’t know. I could try and make my own. But it’s not realistic. I’ve got no talent for programming, much less creativity for storytelling, or the money, or… I’m probably going to do something sensible. I don’t know. Accounting?”

“Doesn’t sound sensible to do accounting when you don’t want to,” Teresa said quietly.

“I have to think of my mom,” Catarina said. “I’ll have to take care of her in a few years, and her family has a history of cancer and she’s already got high blood pressure and… I just need to figure things out, I guess.”

Teresa’s hand on top of hers almost made her jolt. She looked up at the other woman with wide eyes; Teresa’s gaze was far away, her blue eyes staring at the wall, her face tilted slightly toward Catarina… but there was no doubt Catarina held the whole of her attention.

“I get it,” she said. “But, speaking as blind person who decided to, in a world where almost nothing is available in braille and little is available in audio format, go into Brazilian literature… you can do it. You can carve yourself a place in any profession. Today, it’s easier for indie video games to launch. And just liking video games means you know how they work! You don’t have to be perfect at programming to start.”

Catarina felt like Teresa was being a bit naïve, but it was true that her own situation was in a way worse than Catarina’s, and she was here doing it, wasn’t she? Catarina also had her mom’s support, even if they didn’t have money. And there were resources for free online so she could learn… She felt warm, and a bit hopeful.

“I’d play whatever game you made,” Teresa concluded firmly.

Catarina had to laugh. “Thank you. I’ll read whatever essays you publish on Brazilian literature, too.”

Teresa grinned like a shark. “The professor of my translation class was talking about launching a book with students’ essays, and I’m definitely hopping onto that train. I’ll try to keep close to him, look for any opportunity to join a position as an assistant for any research… I want to live here, you know?”

“What?” Catarina said, shocked. “Really? In São Paulo?”

“Yep,” Teresa said. “That’s why I need to lay down some firm roots fast here. I can make everything work out. You can too.”

“Maybe I can,” Catarina said, stunned. She had never really thought about moving out, away from her mom, much less to a different country, and Teresa’s bravery made her feel like she could be brave, too.

Teresa turned more fully to her, and Catarina realized just how close they were. Thank god she can’t see my burning face right now, Catarina thought, unable to look away no matter how much she thought she should.

“Maybe you can,” Teresa murmured, still smiling softly.

Chapter Four

“There are so many paintings of naked women here,” Catarina muttered.

Teresa cackled, uninterested in being quiet. Catarina shushed her, batting a hand at her, but was laughing as well. The museum wasn’t the quiet, somber place Teresa had thought it would be—none of them had been. This is the third one they had visited today, and Teresa could not tell them all apart, much less remember their names.

But God, were they having fun.

“I don’t know why you have me describing things to you,” Catarina said, slowing her steps until they stopped. “Not only does the museum have that app that describes the paintings that you could use, all the descriptions are the same. Like this one. This amazing painting features…”

“A naked woman,” Teresa supplied with a grin.

“Hah! Wrong. It’s a half-naked woman. Her toga is artfully showing only one boob.”

Teresa snorted, trying not to laugh again. “Aren’t there any naked men around?”

“I’m not interested in that,” Catarina grumbled, but started walking again.

Teresa’s hold on her arm tightened. She wasn’t in the business of lying to herself, so she didn’t bother trying to tell herself that she wasn’t interested in what Catarina had just said. Could it be that she meant she liked women instead of men?

These days with Catarina had been bright and fun. She was sharp when she wasn’t shy and didn’t complain about Teresa dragging her out to the city no matter how much she preferred to stay indoors. She was kind. Teresa liked her.

Teresa really liked her.

“Shit, that’s Saint Sebastian! Tee, I found your naked man,” Catarina said, delighted. They sped up. “Look at that. Good ol’ Seb. Propped up against a tree looking nothing like an actual martyr, nearly naked and with one phallic arrow in his leg. Don’t you love this?”

Teresa giggled. “Seb? You sound like you really like Saint Sebastian.”

“Don’t you know him?” Catarina asked, seemingly delighted that she would get to tell her about it. “Seb here is the saint of, like, the plague or something? And at one point he became every gay painter’s excuse to draw very sexy naked young men. So, there’s like, so many paintings of poor Seb here in sexy poses.”

Teresa made a point of turning to Catarina until she would look like she was staring at her, her face scrunched up from trying not to laugh.

“Really?”

“Really!”

They both burst into laughter.

“Maybe they’ll have a small replica at the gift shop,” Teresa tried to say between her chuckles. “I’ll buy it for you.”

“There won’t be,” Catarina said sadly bumping her hip against hers. “Gift shops never have anything good around here.”

“I’ll buy you a print of Seb through the internet or something. I feel like you have to have something like that.”

Catarina chuckled, leading her forward, and Teresa couldn’t not smile. She knew Catarina was her brother’s best friend, that Al would probably hate her forever if she “stole” Cat, that she should be focusing on class and research and school and her future and not pretty women, but—

“Dude, Tee, I can see further away a part with modern art. I can see an awesome bright blue sculpture. I think you’ll like it!”

But she liked Catarina.

“Because it’s blue?” she asked with a smile.

“Among other reasons,” Catarina said after a few moments, contrary. Teresa laughed. “Come on, it’s also kind of shaped like a monkey! Don’t tell me you don’t like that. Maybe they’ll have a replica of it in the gift shop so you can actually see it.”

“Gift shops never have anything good around here,” Teresa parroted, still smiling.

“Who knows, maybe they’ll pull through this once. Dude, we have to go to the Aquarium. Aquariums always have the best gift shops.”

“Oh?”

“Best plushies in the world!” Catarina told her, excited. “I last went a couple of years back, but I hear they have polar bears now.”

“I guess we know what we’re doing this weekend.”

Catarina grew quieter, her steps slowing. “I guess we know. Um. I don’t mean to pry, but… I mean, don’t you ever want to go out with anyone else? You must be meeting so many cool people at college.”

Teresa slowed them down until they stopped. She tightened her fingers around Catarina’s arm.

“I haven’t really spoken to anybody else, really, yet,” she admitted. “It’ll be easier once the professors start assigning us group projects. I’m an extrovert, but that doesn’t mean I’m not self-conscious sometimes, you know?”

“Oh.”

“But that’s not… I really don’t want to go out with anyone else,” Teresa told her softly.

“…I guess not everyone can describe half naked women in paintings as well I as do.”

Teresa grinned, hugging Catarina’s arm to her chest. She heard the other woman’s breath hitch, and color rose to her own face.

“Cat,” she said, “believe me, I really, really wouldn’t be having as much fun if it were anyone else describing half naked women in paintings to me. Now, I’m not going to try and kiss you, because let’s be real: I’d miss your mouth.”

Catarina leaned down and kissed her while laughing, which was perhaps one of Teresa’s greatest accomplishments. Teresa went on her tiptoes and kissed back, appreciating for the first time how much taller Catarina was. Her lips were soft, and when Teresa licked them, slightly sweet. Catarina didn’t strike her as the sort of person to wear make-up, and the thought that perhaps she had worn some just because of Teresa made her heart beat faster.

Catarina set a hesitant hand on her hip.

“People are staring at us,” she murmured, leaning away.

Teresa didn’t care and was about to say so—then remembered how shy Catarina was sometimes.

“Let’s find a bench or something?” she asked.

“All right,” Catarina said quietly, dropping another lingering kiss to the corner of her mouth.

***

They found a bench, then proceeded to make out like teenagers for several minutes, until an awkward security guard came to tell them it wasn’t really allowed.

Teresa stood up and tried not to laugh, dragging Catarina behind her by the hand until Catarina had to take the lead. They sped through the rest of the exhibit, then the rest of the way home. Teresa knew her face was red and imagined Catarina’s was too, and they kept their hands entangled as they rode the subway.

“Is it weird?” Teresa asked after a while. She had her head on Catarina’s shoulder, Catarina’s hair tickling her face. “That I’m Al’s sister?”

Catarina was quiet for a moment.

“He’s going to kill me,” she muttered resignedly. “He’s going to murder me.”

“He has to get to Brazil first,” Teresa said with a wide grin.

“He’s going to swim here if he has to,” Catarina said with a groan.

“I guess we could not do this, then.”

Catarina fell into a sullen silence. Teresa laughed, burying her nose in her shoulder.

“Let’s not think about Al for now,” she whispered.

“All right,” Catarina whispered back. “Though, I’m telling you, it sounds like a bad idea.”

“We’re young adults, we’re allowed.”

She reached up and tilted Catarina’s face toward her and kissed her. She ended up hitting her nose, but Catarina sighed and kissed her properly, face burning. Teresa smiled into the kiss. Tomorrow she had classes to worry about and Catarina had work, but for now they were going home and going to watch a movie, and Teresa didn’t want to think about a single unpleasant thing.

“Al can’t say shit,” she said after a while. “Seven years he’s been hiding you from me, it’s just unfair.”

Catarina giggled. “He hasn’t been hiding me.”

“I deserve some loving,” Teresa said imperiously, and Catarina’s giggles turned louder, then muffled. “Come on, Kitten. Let’s be young.”

“Oh, don’t call me that,” Catarina said with a groan, embarrassed.

Teresa kissed her again.

***

“Hey, is anyone sitting here?”

Teresa blinked to her left, from where the voice had come.

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly after no answer had come for whoever this person was.

“Well, I’m just going to sit down then,” the person said cheerfully. “I’m Angela, by the way. I’ve been looking at you from the other side of the room since the start of class and decided to stop being stupid about it. Nice to meet you!”

Teresa grinned, turning more fully to the woman. “Hi! I’m Teresa. I’m always open to conversation, don’t be shy if you want to make friends.”

There was a beat. “Friends! Right. Speaking of, first assignment for this class is coming up. People were making groups in the class chat… do you have a group yet? Because I was thinking, we could do the work together. You look like the sort of person who won’t leave me on read one hour before the project is due.”

“You speak with the pain of someone who’s speaking from experience,” Teresa said seriously. “Fortunately—or not—I have suffered the same. It is garbage. Thanks for inviting me to your group! I’m not in the group chat. I was in there for a while, but there are so many people, and nobody writes perfectly, so my screen reader can’t read properly…”

“If you give me your number, I can keep you updated,” Angela said, a wide smile evident in her voice.

“Cool,” Teresa said with a matching grin. “I’m just… I don’t know if I’m misreading things, but I’m sort of taken right now?”

There was a pause. “Oh.”

“Not really,” Teresa added, rubbing the back of her neck. “We’re not dating. But, you know. Not that you are interested—I just thought—I don’t know! I don’t want things to be awkward.”

“Oh, no, I’m definitely—I mean, if you’re taken, I’m not going to do anything,” Angela said, visibly awkward. Oops. “I still want to be friends! You’re just, uh, really pretty.”

Teresa felt a flush rise to her face. “Thanks. But yeah.”

“Well!” Angela said, forcing some cheer into her voice. “Speaking of this group assignment—you remember the thing Marcus said in the first class? About the book? Are you interested? Because I think that if we do this right, we could have this as our chapter.”

“Hell yeah!” Teresa exclaimed. “This is the first assignment and we still have energy. If we decide to think about this later in the semester, we’ll be exhausted with finals and end up not doing it.”

“That’s what I thought!”

“I hear some girls are already planning their projects,” Marcus called out to the class, not far from them. “Nice going, Angela, Teresa, and everyone else, you guys should be thinking about putting your groups together too! I know you’ll have a month to do this, but let’s be real: you will do this in two days right at the due date. So, settle things now so it’ll be easier on everybody. I’m not giving you guys an extension.”

Teresa grinned at Angela.

“I’m getting a spot as an assistant in whatever research he’s doing right now,” Teresa vowed.

“I can hear you talking, Teresa,” Marcus said, amused.

“Professor, that’s the point!”

He laughed, and she felt her chances were good.

“Aw, no fair! I want a spot too,” Angela said. “Hey, Marcus, are you looking for assistants? Just to know our chances.”

There was a pause, then a hum. “Why don’t you two come talk to me later? I’m not available this week, but maybe after class next week?”

Teresa would have pumped the air with a fist if she weren’t in a classroom.

Chapter Five

Teresa: Hey, Cat…

Teresa: Are you free this Friday?

Cat rubbed sleep out of her eyes and squinted at the texts she had just received. She had stayed up with Al until two in the morning playing and now it was—she checked on the top right corner of her phone—seven in the morning.

Catarina: How DARE YOU

Catarina: Wake me UP at this hour I’m going back to sleep and braking up with you.

Teresa: LOL. Sorry! I forgot you’re a night owl. Come on, just answer and then you can go back to sleep!

Catarina: I don’t know, what time? I work ‘till ten.

Teresa: Then you are free. :)

Teresa: Apparently there’s going to be a party here this Friday and I wanted to go! And I was wondering if you wanted to come too.

Catarina didn’t know what to feel. In one hand, she really wasn’t interested in parties. She didn’t like alcohol, she had already damaged her eardrums enough with loud music and wasn’t keen on damaging them even more, she didn’t like being in crowded places. But Teresa was inviting her—Teresa wanted her to go with her. Maybe Teresa didn’t feel safe going alone.

Catarina thought about Teresa in a wild college party with her awesome, interesting new classmates, dancing with girls and drinking alcohol and playing drinking games and maybe flirting with other people—

Catarina: All right, I’ll go! She quickly sent. Thanks for inviting me. Is it really all right, what with me not being a student?

Teresa: Don’t worry, it’s an open thing. Or if it’s an issue, we’ll just lie. What are they going to do, ask you for your student ID?

Catarina: I hope not!

Catarina: All right, I’ll see you Friday then.

Teresa: All right. Good night, Kitten. [heart emoji]

Catarina flushed.

Catarina: Night. Or, well, morning.

***

They met at Teresa’s place, but another friend of hers was driving, so at least they wouldn’t have to worry about transport. Catarina went with skinny jeans and a tank top, and as a nice touch gelled up her short black hair into something spiky and nice. Teresa answered the front door in a top and a miniskirt and Catarina promptly choked.

Teresa patted her back and grinned like a devil.

“Do you think I look nice?” she asked sweetly.

“I—um—you—uh—”

Teresa laughed, delighted, and so did her roommates.

“I told you the miniskirt was a good idea,” Teresa said to one of them. “Come on, Cat, we’re pre-gaming with some wine before we leave. You can get me a drink in the party to pay me back,” she added with a smile.

“A-all right,” Catarina said, walking in with her eyes down and her face on fire. She couldn’t stop looking at Teresa’s legs. They were lean, long, and dotted with freckles.

The wine wasn’t bad, though it wasn’t very nice either. Catarina didn’t talk much to Teresa’s roommate, glad to stay stuck between Teresa and the arm of the couch, but they seemed like nice people. By the time Teresa’s ride arrived, she was feeling slightly tipsy—just enough that she was brave and twined her fingers with Teresa’s.

Teresa sat between Catarina and Veronica and chatted with her roommate the whole ride long, but she rested her head on Catarina’s shoulder too.

***

The party was dark, loud, and crowded. It smelled of alcohol—probably because of the amount of drinks spilled already, the ground sticky with it—and smoke, because most of the party had a cigarette in their hands. Catarina wrinkled her nose at the smell of weed and vowed to stay clear from the groups clearly smoking it. Catarina walked in and already felt tired, but Teresa was the opposite: it was like she had stuck her finger in a power outlet. She was filled with energy, excited, and immediately started dragging Catarina to the dance floor, even though she had no godly idea where that was.

Catarina went along, helpless, and they danced.

The music thrummed along their bodies, loud enough that it wasn’t heard as much as felt. Catarina felt gangly, awkward, her hands clammy as she held Teresa by the waist and tried to move her two left feet to a beat she couldn’t by god pay attention to—but Teresa just laughed, delighted, and danced with her anyway. The place was full, their elbows knocking into other elbows as they moved.

Teresa wound her arms around Catarina’s neck and kept so close that Catarina had a leg between hers; Catarina wondered what it would feel like if she had worn shorts instead of jeans and nearly swallowed her tongue. They danced for what felt like forever, like the sun should have risen, the party should have ended, and really only a few minutes went by before they were touching each other all over and kissing until their faces went red.

People whistled, amused, and Catarina’s face was aflame—her body was on fire. She didn’t protest when Teresa grabbed her hand and dragged her out, intent on getting a drink.

It was horribly overpriced and Catarina paid anyway. She would have bought Teresa a goddamn island if the woman had asked her, then and there.

She didn’t drink much, stealing sips from Teresa’s drinks instead of getting her own. She didn’t leave Teresa’s side. Teresa didn’t seem to mind, seemingly happy to attach herself to Catarina’s side as she talked to people, made friends, played games, and got free drinks from nice people, even when Catarina was mostly mute and didn’t do much.

“Hey, nice to see you here, Teresa! I didn’t know you were coming,” a voice from their left came. It was a tall woman, white with long, glossy brown hair and thick legs under very short shorts. People around them started jokingly fanning themselves as she approached. She was absolutely gorgeous. Catarina tensed.

“Hi, Angela!” Teresa said, too drunk not to be completely delighted at seeing a friend. She leaned toward the woman, who caught her hand easily, grinning widely. “I didn’t know you would be here! There are so many people here! Parties are so nice!”

“You sound like you’re enjoying yourself,” Angela said with a laugh. “Here, let me buy you another drink!”

“Awesome!”

“Maybe you’ve drunk enough already, Tee,” Catarina said, awkward, not looking at this Angela.

“Hi,” Angela said. “Are you one of our classmates, or…?”

Catarina smiled without looking at her. “I’m Teresa’s girlfriend.”

“Ah.”

“Are you my girlfriend?” Teresa asked, turning to her, so close their noses were almost touching. “Because we never said. We made out a lot but we never said. Angela, can you get me a beer?”

“Beer incoming,” Angela said, something smug about her voice.

Catarina’s eyebrows furrowed. She didn’t want to feel like this, but she couldn’t help but draw Teresa closer to her, arm tight around her waist. Teresa frowned, struggling away from her for the first time in the evening. Catarina let her go, looking down, face red with shame.

“I don’t want you to dance with her,” she whispered, shoulders drawn in.

“I only danced with you all night,” Teresa countered. “Come on, Kitten, don’t be jealous.”

“Well—I just,” Catarina tried, wringing her hands. “It’s just, I wanted to stay with you, I don’t know anyone and I’m just not—I’m not that comfortable—”

“All right,” Teresa said cheerfully, though there was an obvious strain in her voice. “I’ll dance with her once, and then we can dance again, how’s that? Come on, smile! Aren’t you having fun? You can talk to other people while I’m out. Meet new people. Just one song.”

“All right,” Catarina said quietly.

She tried not to watch as Angela danced with Teresa, hands wandering too close to places not even Catarina had gotten to touch yet. Her blood boiled for a different reason now, and she tried to stamp it down. She wasn’t a jealous person. She was going to let Teresa go and dance with whomever she wanted.

It didn’t matter how much she told herself that; she still felt pretty fucking awful when Angela returned with Teresa on her arm, both of them red faced and laughing.

They didn’t stay at the part for long after that, and thankfully Teresa fell asleep on Catarina’s shoulder in the car. Catarina buried her nose in her hair, glad.

***

Catarina was feeling pretty fucking shitty the next day. She had gotten to sleep over at Teresa’s but hadn’t lingered when Teresa woke up early to go to some study session and went straight back to bed when she got home. She hadn’t been scheduled to work this Saturday even though she usually was and it left her feeling unmoored, with no routine to cling to.

She closed her eyes and saw Angela’s hands on Teresa’s waist, then had to get up and do something to get her mind to think of anything else.

She burst out of her room sometime in the afternoon, still a bit groggy from the weird sleeping, and managed a shower. Feeling a bit more human, she went to the kitchen to make a sandwich.

Her mother was there, her mouth a firm line, making a snack for herself with the radio turned off.

Catarina froze with one foot still outside the kitchen. She couldn’t remember a time when her mom didn’t walk into the kitchen and immediately turn on the radio—she couldn’t remember the last time it had been turned off. She stared at her mother, who still hadn’t noticed her there, and remembered that her father had always complained about the noise, saying silence was golden.

Catarina’s hand tightened on the doorknob until her knuckles went white.

“He visited again,” she said.

Her mother startled, jumping and turning to her with her hand on her chest. “Catarina!” she exclaimed. “Don’t scare me like that. Did you finally wake up, then? You’ve never gone to a party like that… don’t make that into a habit, you hear me?”

“He visited again,” Catarina repeated blandly.

Her mother just looked at her before sighing. “He did,” she said, resigned. “He wanted to talk to you again, but I thought that wasn’t a very good idea. You were tired, anyway…”

Catarina felt a surge of gratitude for her mother. She felt guilty, suddenly, about acting the way she had, and walked into the kitchen fully. She sat down at their small table, looking up at her mom.

“What did he want?”

Her mother went back to her snack—she was making some sort of tuna salad, apparently, and Catarina’s stomach growled with hunger—and didn’t look at her.

“He’s out of money,” she said, voice small.

Catarina stared at her. “What?”

“He can’t pay the support anymore,” her mother said, weary; she set her hands on the counter and closed her eyes. “He said that maybe if you were studying he could have—but you’re working, I’m working, we can deal, and he’s out of money. He says he’ll start paying again once his situation at work is better.”

“That’s bullshit,” Catarina hissed. “He’s out of money? Who cares? He needs to pay the support! We should sue his ass! As if it weren’t enough that he just started doing it a couple of years ago instead of right around the time he left!”

“We can’t sue him,” her mother said, shaking. “How would we pay a lawyer? It’s… it’s best for us to hold on and wait. He’ll come around eventually—”

“We can’t afford to let him come around later,” Catarina said, despairing. “We have bills to pay, we—”

“I know we have bills more than anyone,” her mother snapped.

Catarina’s mouth snapped shut. Her mother sighed again, rubbing a hand over her face, and went back to her snack.

“We’ll manage,” she said. “We always do. We don’t need him.”

But they did, and that chafed like nothing else. Catarina felt sick with it, with him.

She had to do something.

She had to talk to him.

Chapter Six

Teresa’s classmates invited her for a day at the beach, and Teresa hesitated to ask Catarina to come with, just for a second. Just for a tiny second! She bit her lip and paused before clicking on Catarina’s name to call her, because what if Catarina got jealous again?

A part of Teresa could admit that she felt a thrill at it, at feeling Catarina’s arm tighten around her waist, obvious proof that Catarina liked her. Another part of Teresa didn’t have time for that sort of thing—she was here to make friends and live her life, and it wasn’t like she and Catarina were actually dating.

Teresa didn’t want and wasn’t going to do anything with anybody else, but Catarina still had no right to make demands on her.

She called Catarina, anyway. She wanted Catarina close, and wasn’t the sort of person to deny herself the things she wanted.

“Cat!” she said, excited, when the call connected. “How are you? Are you free this weekend? Say yes. College friends are going to the beach this Saturday and Sunday, apparently someone’s aunt has a house somewhere, and they invited me! They said I could invite someone if I wanted, there’s an extra spot, and I was wondering if you wanted to go. I know you work, but… If you have at least one day free…?”

“Hi,” Catarina said after a pause, seemingly amused at Teresa’s barrage of excited words. But Teresa thought she still sounded off under the amusement and frowned. “I’m, uh… I don’t know. I mean, I usually have Sundays and Mondays off, but I could ask my manager if I could have the weekend instead? I don’t know if she’ll accept, though. I guess we’ll see…”

“I hope it works out,” Teresa said. She crossed her ankles on top her bed, uncaring that she was wrinkling and possibly ripping the pages of homework she had spread in front of her on her bed. “Are you all right? You sound a bit off.”

Catarina sighed, and when she spoke, her voice sounded weary but resigned. “It’s my father.”

“Did he do anything? Is he there right now? Do you want me to come over and bitch-slap him?”

Catarina laughed as if it were a joke, even though Teresa actually really meant it.

“No, it’s just… there’s been a thing with the support, so now I’m going to have to talk to him, which might or might not be what he wanted all along. I don’t want to see him, Tee. But he might change his mind and start giving us our money again, so I have to try. If he stops, I don’t know how we’re going to pay the bills. It’s his fucking fault we’re stuck with a mortgage we can’t pay by ourselves.”

“I’m sorry,” Teresa said honestly, trying to stamp down on her rage. She didn’t want to overstep by showing Catarina just how much this enraged her. How dare this man cause all this trouble for them? And not pay his support? He was required by law to do that! Catarina shouldn’t be made to see him if she didn’t want to! But she kept her voice smooth and tried to gentle her voice. “If you don’t mind me asking… what exactly happened?”

Catarina laughed, though there was no humor in it. “I’m surprised you have to ask,” she said. “What else? He found another woman and the day he told my mom was the day he left, taking a bunch of shit from the house and half the income with him. He didn’t even stay with that woman, actually. He just never came back.”

“Oh,” Teresa said. “Jesus, Cat, what an awful, disgusting man.”

“He is awful and disgusting,” Catarina muttered. “It’s just, now he’s all like, oh, let me talk to you, can’t a father want to know how his baby daughter is doing? And I’m just like… I would have fucking appreciated if a father had wanted to know how his baby daughter was doing when she was six and had no idea where he was or why he left her!”

Teresa’s hand curled in a fist, knuckles going white. She wasn’t going to say anything. She wasn’t—

“Someone should bitch-slap him,” she muttered darkly.

Catarina laughed, which was a relief. “He deserves it,” she said. “I’ll, um, I’ll let you know, if the situation ever comes up. All right? And I’ll try to see about the beach thing. I mean… I’ll worry, I guess, if I don’t go…”

“I don’t know my classmates very well yet,” Teresa admitted. “I wouldn’t be too comfortable without you there. But it’s not like I don’t trust them or anything. I’ll just brace myself to tripping a lot because people don’t know how to guide me properly.”

“I promise I won’t make you trip,” Catarina said.

“Tell me if they’ll give you Saturday!”

***

They did. And since they were getting a ride with one of Teresa’s friends and staying the night at the aunt’s house, there wasn’t much to pay for, and Catarina didn’t feel too bad about it. She helped Teresa pack a small bag (which basically meant that she came over so they could lay down on the bed and make out) and Teresa helped her pack in turn (which meant the same, but in Catarina’s house) and soon they were on the road.

Catarina sat by the window and Teresa sat beside her, with Angela on her other side. Catarina kept her hand in hers the whole trip long.

It was only a couple of hours until they arrived—the city was pretty close to the coast. They all dumped their bags in the aunt’s house and ran to the beach. Catarina led her, careful with the uneven sand, until they could dip their feet in the water. Teresa stood at the water’s edge, eyes wide, and felt the smooth sand, the cold waves, the salty, salty taste in the breeze.

“Wow,” she whispered.

“You’d never seen the sea before?” Catarina asked, smile evident in her voice. Teresa’s hold was tight around her elbow, but Catarina didn’t seem to mind.

“No,” Teresa said, not daring to speak any louder. “Does it ever hit you how small you are? There’s this huge ocean in front of us and I don’t even know what it looks like and it can swallow us so easily. Don’t let go of me, I swear to god.”

“I’m not going to let go,” Catarina said with a laugh. “Come on, let me buy you some ice cream. You can contemplate the insignificance of the human experience when faced with the vastness of the ocean with some sugar in you. You didn’t have breakfast, did you?”

“I had some coffee,” Teresa told her defensively.

“Let’s get some food, then,” Catarina said.

She walked along the beach, and it took Teresa some time to get used to walking on the sand. It was scorching hot where it was dry, soothing where the ocean hit it, and it always startled when she stepped onto a shell. They stopped after a few minutes.

“Which ice cream do you want?” Catarina asked, and started to describe them.

Teresa chose the cheapest one with chocolate, half distracted; she had half an ear on a conversation happening nearby.

“You’re clearly alone, why don’t you come have some fun with us?” a man asked in a slurred, clearly tipsy Portuguese.

“I’m sorry, I have to go home and make some lunch…” a woman’s voice answered, hesitant.

“Lunch can wait a little,” he countered, grin obvious.

There was a gasp. “Please—I need to make lunch, I’m sorry, maybe later, sorry—”

“We’re having a party, just join us for a second! Christ, no need to beg like that, I’m just asking—”

Teresa’s fury rose not like a tide, but a tsunami: sudden and all-encompassing. She was angry that this man was doing this, that he was encroaching not only into that woman’s space and time, but on her own vacation, souring her first time on the beach with this sort of bullshit.

“Hey, asshole!” she shouted, turning around. Anger warped her words, making her Portuguese heavily accented. People around her went suddenly quiet and Catarina startled. “Leave her alone, can’t you see you’re being a jackass?”

“What?” Catarina asked, confused.

Teresa pointed, probably widely off, and sneered. “I can hear you, even if nobody else was paying attention.”

“I’m—we’re not doing anything,” the man said, defensively; there was a shuffling sound, and Teresa hoped it was the sound of him moving away.

“It’s fine,” the woman said, voice small.

“It’s not fucking fine, that guy’s harassing you,” Teresa said, marching forward. Catarina yelped in surprise and followed, steering her to the left of where she had been going. “He has no right to be a sleazy douchebag, even if he’s drunk. Hey, go be an idiot somewhere else! She wants to enjoy her fucking day at the beach!”

“Tee, slow down,” Catarina begged. “Come on, there’s no need to raise your voice so much. It’s all right, he’s backing off.”

“It’s not all right,” Teresa argued. “Girl, are you all right? What he was doing is not okay!”

“I’m fine,” the woman said, clearly uncomfortable. “Um. Thanks? I just…”

“I wasn’t doing anything, and it’s not any of your business! Who even are you? Fuck off!” the man exclaimed.

“Whoa, dude, back off,” Catarina said, clearly uncomfortable but stepping in front of Teresa. “She just noticed this girl didn’t seem like she was enjoying whatever you were doing, there’s no need to come charging at us like that. Let’s all just go our separate ways, all right?”

“I just noticed he was fucking harassing her,” Teresa snapped.

“I wasn’t harassing her! Jesus, can’t a guy compliment a woman anymore?”

“Let’s just all calm down,” Catarina said, elbowing Teresa in the ribs, clearly annoyed. “Nothing’s going on, so let’s all chill. Look, the woman left to make lunch, you can go to your party, we’re heading back to ours. All right?”

“It’s not right!” Teresa said, and Catarina elbowed her again, hissing at her to stop.

“…Fine,” the guy said, too drunk to deal with this. “Whatever. Fuck you two.”

“Dude, you didn’t need to be so—to come on so strongly!” Catarina told her, switching back to English and dragging her back to where they had been. “You can’t just do that out of nowhere! You didn’t even talk to me first!”

“You shouldn’t try to be so placating,” Teresa argued right back. “That just makes idiots like him think that what they’re doing is right!”

“I know you’re very—passionate,” Catarina said. “But sometimes it’s better to be, um, softer. What if he had turned violent?”

“Then I would punch him,” Teresa said promptly.

“You’d miss his face and end up hitting some random person,” Catarina said, but fondness had won over her exasperation. “Then he would punch you. Come on, let’s get our ice cream. I had already paid when you started dragging us away!”

Teresa sighed, the last of her anger fading. “Fine. All right. I won’t let that asshole ruin my day.”

“You need to learn to calm down a little,” Catarina said.

***

Aside from that, the weekend was a flurry of music, junk food, and more fun than Teresa could remember ever having. She decided she loved the beach and would do her best to return as much as she could. Catarina clearly grew tired and overstimulated when Saturday evening arrived, and the rest of the time she spent on her phone or on Teresa’s side.

Teresa was sad when the weekend ended, though Catarina was more than glad to be home. The next day meant work and class, which at least meant Teresa would get to talk to their professor.

***

“I don’t have two spots open for an assistant right now,” Marcus said apologetically, and Teresa’s mood went down like a lead balloon. She kept her smile firmly on her face.

“Aww!” Angela said, clearly disappointed. “You could have said so before building this suspense for over a week.”

They were still in the classroom, lingering after everyone had left. Marcus’ apologetic smile was clear in his voice.

“Sorry, girls, I had to check with the department and see our budget… you know how it goes. I only have one spot. But…”

“But?” Teresa asked, brightening up.

“The professor who’s partnered up with me to do this research does have a spot open,” he said cheerfully.

Teresa whooped in delight. “Awesome!”

“It’s better Teresa be the one with me, officially, because of her, uh, special circumstances,” he said. “I’ll just be more able to help her if anything comes up. I’ll give you Mirian’s contact info, okay Angela? And take you to meet her after. Just a fair warning: this comes with a lot of responsibility. You’ll have to spend a lot of hours here at USP or doing research even when you’re home, you need to show dedication. This is very important.”

“All right,” Teresa said with a wide grin. “We can do it!”

Marcus gave Angela the contact info for the other professor and sent them on their way. Angela led her out, helping her to her car; she said she would give her a ride to the subway, which was awesome. Teresa didn’t really like buses.

“Man, I hope this all works out,” Angela said. “I’ll be so happy to work with Marcus, he’s an amazing teacher. But the hours we’ll have to spend on this… I’m glad I do home office at least twice a week is all I’m saying.”

“It’s going to be all right, people seem very accommodating here,” Teresa said.

“What about your, uh, your girl?” Angela asked. “Will she be okay with having to share you with other people? Because, um…”

“She’s a bit jealous,” Teresa said with a shrug. “But she’d never stop me from doing whatever I want.”

“Really?” Angela rubbed the back of her neck. “I’m glad. I just, well, I guess I just heard her say some stuff at the party, and it got me worried…”

“At the party?” Teresa asked with a frown.

“You were a bit drunk; I don’t know if you remember? But, I don’t know, she complained a lot about how much time you were spending at the university and not with her, and how she hoped you wouldn’t start with this research nonsense because it wasn’t like you’d stay in Brazil or like it made any difference in the real world outside academics… I guess we’ve all had friends and family say this sort of stuff, haha.”

Teresa’s frown deepened. “Did she really? I’ve never heard her say that sort of thing. She’s really supportive.”

“I don’t know,” Angela said with a shrug. “You know how alcohol is. It loosens people’s tongues, makes them more honest. But—I don’t know. It’s just what I heard.”

Teresa didn’t want to believe her, feeling hurt that Teresa would say those things, but she was right, wasn’t she? Alcohol did loosen people’s tongues. So, Catarina didn’t want her focusing on research nonsense?

Well, Teresa was going to spend as much time as humanly fucking possible on research from now on… and if Catarina was really supportive, then she wouldn’t say anything. If what Angela said was true, then Catarina deserved it. Teresa had come here for this, not for Catarina.

She didn’t know, yet, how much of a liar Angela was.

Chapter Seven

Catarina breathed in slowly, then breathed out even more slowly. The building in front of her was old and nondescript, with absolutely nothing on it that called the attention. Nothing good, nothing bad either. It looked as bland as her father did, and the thought was both funny and slightly vindicating: she was glad that he had an empty life, lived in an empty, blank space.

She had her hand shoved inside her bag; her hand closed tightly around her phone. It was her line to both Al and Teresa, and even though Al was far away and Teresa was weirdly distant today, they have her strength. She squared her shoulders, then buzzed the right apartment.

The answer took a few seconds too many to come.

“Yes?” came his rough voice.

“Hello,” Catarina said evenly. “Can I come in?”

There was a pause. “Cat?” came his confused voice. “You’re—what are you doing here? You never visit. I didn’t know you knew where I lived.”

“I asked Mom.”

“This is about the support, isn’t it?” he asked, weary.

“Can I come in?” she asked again.

He paused… but a second later, the door was buzzed open. She walked in without bothering to say anything else, doing her best to keep her face straight. She didn’t want to talk to him. She didn’t want to see him. But she had to do this—for herself and for her mom. She didn’t have any college plans, but her mom had been muttering and researching specialization courses for her area.

Catarina wasn’t going to let him fuck her over again.

She went up the stairs to where he lived, on the top floor. She pretending her sweating was just from the exercise and not nerves at all.

He answered the door on the first ring. His hair was wet and combed back, and his face too, like he had washed it in a hurry and not dried it well. His shirt was crisp. He had a hesitant smile on his face. He had run to make himself more presentable when he heard she was coming in, and she really, really didn’t want it to soften her; she didn’t let it.

She had his eyes.

“Cat, it’s so nice to see you,” he said, and apparently meant it; he looked pleased. He didn’t try to hug her, just stepped aside to let her through. “I know these are not the best of circumstances, but since you weren’t even willing to see me a few weeks ago… I’m so happy you’re here.”

Catarina didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to jeopardize her goals today, no matter how much she wanted to. For a wild moment, she wished Teresa were here, because Teresa wouldn’t hesitate to fucking slap him for this.

His place was as empty and bland as she had imagined. She was almost smiling as she sat down on his couch.

“How are you?” she asked when he sat down on the other side of the couch.

“I’ve been well,” he said softly, smiling at her. “There’s been some complications at work, they’re giving me way less hours, but I guess you know that by now. It’s hard working retail, you know?”

“I work retail too,” she told him through gritted teeth. “I’m sorry they’ve been giving you less hours. I’m sure we can work something out. The support is supposed to be a percentage of your monthly income, after all, so…”

“I really, really can’t,” he told her, shaking his head. “Look, Cat, I know you hate me and that you and your mom need the help. I’m not heartless! But I’m out of money and there’s nothing I can do about that. I have bills to pay—I have debts to pay—and you’re not baby anymore and you’re working and should be able to live your life—”

“The judge said you had to pay the support until I turned twenty-one,” she told him, trying to keep her voice even and failing.

“You’re almost there! What difference does it make?”

“Dad,” she snapped, even though she didn’t want to call him that.

He winced at her tone but smiled at the word. The smile was sad. He knew he didn’t deserve it. He wanted it anyway.

He was quiet when she had expected another useless explanation, and it made her narrow her eyes.

“What is it?” she asked.

“You won’t like it…”

“If it gets me the money to pay the bills, then I’m listening,” she told him.

He looked away, then back at her. There wasn’t anything in the apartment to catch the attention, anything to distract.

“I’ve been trying to put together a business course,” he told her hesitantly. “Just some classes on economics and how to apply them to your life when you’re a freelancer… you know I have experience from back when I was—well. Back when.”

Back when I was home and hadn’t left my lucrative job to run after some random woman. He didn’t say it, but she heard it anyway, and gritted her teeth.

“And?”

“It’s hard to put everything together—the material, do research, get a camera, learn how to work it… But if I had some help, it could go much faster, and I could get some money fast.”

She stared at him.

“You want me to help you,” she said.

She hated it. That would require her coming here, her learning things that would be useful to him and not her, seeing him more, or at all (both terrible), and time spent away from Mom and Teresa that she absolutely didn’t want to spend here. With him. He didn’t deserve her time, much less her help.

But it would make it easier for him to get money, which would come to her. So, it was sort of like she was working. And she was more than used to work being very unpleasant.

“Will you do it?” he asked, earnest. “I won’t make demands on you. I swear. But the help would really speed things along. It’s not like I want to do this to you and your mom, you know?”

She stood up, unable to stay here for one second more than absolutely necessary.

“All right,” she said. “I’ll help. I’m going now. Text Mom the relevant information. Or ask her for my email, then send me stuff through there. Tell me the first things I should do and I will.”

“W-wait, I thought I could make some coffee,” he tried, standing up as well. “We could talk about it here, right now—”

“No,” she said, quiet and firm, and his mouth snapped shut.

He didn’t try to stop her again as she left.

***

When Teresa arrived at her place several hours later, Catarina nearly cried. She couldn’t have waited another minute. She hugged Teresa tightly as soon as the woman knocked on her door, uncaring that she had one of her roommates—who had been heading to this part of town anyway and had come with her—was hanging off one of her arms. Catarina barely paid attention to the woman as she laughed and said her goodbyes, grabbing Teresa’s hand and towing her to her room.

Teresa was furious, obviously.

“I can’t believe it,” she hissed, clutching Catarina’s hand just as tightly. “He has no right!”

“It’s almost like working,” Catarina said with a shrug, even though she knew she should be as furious. She was just too tired for it right now. They both sat down on her bed, shoulders knocking against each other.

“You don’t deserve this! If you let me talk to him, you’ll see, I’ll make him fucking regret this,” Teresa exclaimed, turning to her. Her eyes were wide, her brows low. It made something in Catarina’s chest swoop and grow warm, seeing Teresa so fired up because of her.

She blinked when Teresa’s expression twisted, her face turning away from her.

“I guess you’ll be stuck doing some research for him,” she said, something sardonic about her face. “And you hate that sort of nonsense, don’t you?”

Catarina frowned. “I guess? It’s not my sort of thing.”

Teresa grew quiet, looking away. Any other day, Catarina would have asked if there was anything wrong, if something had happened, but today she was tired and sad and angry and she just wanted some comfort, so she dropped her head to Teresa’s shoulder and sighed, squeezing her hand. She told herself that she would ask Teresa tomorrow.

Teresa sighed, hooking her chin over Catarina’s head. “I’m sorry about him,” she said. “I would go to him and punch him if you let me. All right? Don’t doubt me. I would. He would cry like a baby. You don’t deserve this.”

Catarina kissed her. She couldn’t not—she had been waiting all day to see her. It was Sunday and evening and her mother wasn’t home and Teresa was in her bed and kind. Catarina squeezed her hand and sighed when Teresa cupped her face with warm fingers, kissing back. She knew Teresa was holding back her anger and wasn’t surprised when it made her kisses sharp.

Catarina opened her mouth for her, deepening their kiss. Their tongues caressed each other wetly, more hotly than they had ever done before. Teresa leaned her weight against her and Catarina let herself fall back on the bed, hair splaying on her pillow. Teresa settled on top of her, drawing her knees to either side of her hips, and Catarina knew her face was on fire.

She didn’t ask anything: if Teresa was sure, if it was all right, if it was too fast. She kissed back with fervor, glad for Teresa’s passion, and shoved her hands up Teresa’s shirt. She laughed at Catarina’s cold hands, back arching against the touch. She let go of Catarina’s other hand to wind hers through her short hair, tugging lightly.

They kissed, and kissed, and kissed. Catarina caught Teresa by the hips and threw her weight to the side, shifting until she had Teresa under her. Teresa was so beautiful. She was all pale skin for her to touch, her blond hair splayed on Catarina’s bed. No one else’s. Even if just for now, Teresa was hers. Her eyes were wide, blue like a summer sky and staring sightlessly ahead, the pupils blown.

Catarina dragged her shirt up and put her lips on the space between her breasts, kissing her skin. Teresa gasped, fingers tightening on her hair, and Catarina moaned. Teresa grinned, flushed, and tugged again. She bucked her hips up, unrepentant and unashamed, so much so that Catarina felt herself lose her shyness too.

She lifted Teresa’s skirt, gladder than ever that the woman wore them so often and hooked her fingers on the elastic band of her underwear. She pushed it down and Teresa hummed in pleasure, impatient. She tugged at Catarina’s hair and brought her down for another kiss, lips lingering on hers, tongue exploring her mouth. She hooked a leg over Catarina’s knee and Catarina wanted so bad to deserve this, to make her feel good.

She palmed Teresa’s mound, fingers soft, and smiled when Teresa made another impatient noise. She parted her hair and slid a finger into her.

“You don’t need to go so slow,” she complained against Catarina’s lips.

Catarina laughed, kissing her again, driving her tongue into her mouth and another finger into her with passion. Teresa’s back arched with a gasp when Catarina curled her fingers up, right into that sweet spot, and thrust them in. Teresa hooked her other leg over her waist, hips bucking up, and Catarina loved her. She loved the noises she was making.

She rocked her own hips forward, squeezing her eyes shut, out of sheer need for friction, moaning brokenly when Teresa unashamedly shoved her hand down and started trying to undo her zippers. She retaliated with a grin, scissoring her fingers and making Teresa gasp.

Teresa came suddenly, unexpectedly, blurting out “Catarina” for the first time. Catarina felt so smug about it that she let Teresa manhandle her without complaint. Teresa shoved her until she was on her back and she settled with an oof, carding her fingers through her hair so they wouldn’t be on her eyes.

“Tee,” she said, “just use your fingers, I’m dying—”

Teresa obliged with a lot of excitement. Catarina laughed at how quickly Teresa sipped open her shorts and threw them away from them, grinning down at her. When she drew her panties aside and crooked three fingers in with ease, Catarina had to squeeze her eyes shut and bite her lips not to moan.

Teresa kissed her messily, less worried about finesse than she was about making Catarina moan her name. Catarina obliged with her face on fire; right now, it was all right, but she knew that later she wouldn’t be able to look at Teresa without blushing.

She came sweetly, hands gripping Teresa’s shoulders and being kissed by her with eager lips, obviously ready for round two. Catarina was happy to do whatever Teresa wanted, glad to have her mind emptied of anything that wasn’t the woman she loved.

Chapter Eight

Teresa didn’t know what she had thought work as a research assistant at a huge university would be like, but she probably should have expected this.

“I’m so sorry,” the librarian was saying, obviously frazzled and embarrassed, “the system tells me that the book is here, it hasn’t been checked out in months, but I can’t find it. If you give me another few minutes I can search again, but…”

Of course, Marcus had sent her to read the one braille version the university had of the book they were working on, the Brazilian classic Dom Casmurro, and it had been lost.

“It’s all right!” Teresa said with a grin, though her teeth were too sharp—her blood was boiling with anger. But it wasn’t the librarian’s fault. Her anger had nowhere to go, because if anything it was the system’s fault. Not only the library’s system that was lying about the book being there, but the system in general, that was responsible for the stupidity that was there only being one copy of this book in braille in the whole university.

“Maybe there’s an audiobook?” Angela asked. Her own hands were filled with books, not only the story itself but research and articles on different translations of it they were supposed to read. Angela was going to have to help her with them, as these definitely didn’t have braille or audiobook versions.

“I think so,” the woman said, and sighed. “I really am sorry. I’ll try to locate it for you and contact you if I find it. I’ll pull up the audiobook for you, you’ll have to download the library’s app to access it.”

“We can search in other places, too,” Angela told Teresa, patting her hand affectionately.

“I don’t think anywhere else will have it, if USP doesn’t,” Teresa said resignedly. At least there were the audiobooks, even though she didn’t like them; she could read by herself much faster.

The librarian quickly pulled up the audiobook for her and even helped her download the app, and Teresa wished there was a way to pat her in the shoulder and tell her it really was fine and it wasn’t her fault without it being awkward. As it was, they were out of the library and heading back to the study rooms they had set up their things.

“Thanks for helping, by the way,” Teresa said to Angela. “Especially with the articles.”

Angela shrugged. “Marcus is giving me extra credit for recording the audios, so it’s not like I’m being completely selfless. They’re, um, going to be a bit long, though. I don’t read very fast. Or fast at all.”

“It’s fine,” Teresa said with a shrug. “I was already going to have to spend a lot of time on this, anyway. I guess it just bothers me that other people can spend their time actually researching and working and I have to waste time trying to find audiobooks and then listening to their several hours’ worth of audio, then having to record my own audios so other people will be able to listen to what I’m working on… I guess I just didn’t want to be away from Cat even more than I was already going to,” she admitted.

Angela patted her arm again. “… did she say anything?”

“Not really,” Teresa said, biting her bottom lip. “But now she also has some personal stuff happening that’ll keep her very busy… I don’t know when we are ever going to see each other. It’s just—ugh! I wish she would just let me fucking punch her father in the face. The way things are, nothing’s happening and nobody’s doing anything…”

“Well,” Angela said after a pause, “if she really loves you, she’ll understand, and make an effort to spend time with you. It’s going to be all right.”

“Right,” Teresa said with a nod. “She will.”

***

For all that Teresa was worried that spending so much time on research and at the university would create situations with Catarina, the truth was that she loved it. She still felt lucky about being able to be here, she loved sitting down and reading about things she was actually interested in, she was glad that Angela was right there with her, getting as excited about the fact that this specific translation used this specific word for a certain thing when all her life she had gotten used to people getting annoyed with her talking so much about “tiny, stupid things” like this. So, the hours went by and she hardly noticed.

Angela took her back home in her car, giving her another ride. Teresa was honestly very glad that Angela was there and had a car and was willing to take her; she really wasn’t fond of buses.

Veronica opened the door for her.

“I have never seen someone have to stay over at university and look so happy about it as you,” she said, amused. She led Teresa in, and Teresa grinned at her.

“The professor finally gave us some material to work with, we spent the whole afternoon looking stuff over,” Teresa told her. “I’ll review some stuff here at home before finishing with the day. I need to set up an organization system, or else things will get lost really easily…”

“Good luck,” Veronica said. “You know, times like this make me glad I’m not in school. I’d take getting some solid work with my hands to reading all day long any day. But to each their own, I guess. There’s pizza, by the way.”

“Awesome,” Teresa said.

She spent all night sorting through things, her phone forgotten on silent, Catarina’s messages all unseen. When she picked up her phone to accept a call from her mom, it was too late to call Catarina back.

Chapter Nine

Catarina stared sightlessly at the ice cream boxes in front of her.

She had just had to go to São Paulo, not to see Teresa, her amazing girlfriend, but to pick up some stupid cameras that her father had bought online. She had gone halfway to Teresa’s house before she remembered that she was supposed to be heading home, not to her, and the realization had made her so sad and pissed that she decided to pass by the nearest store and get herself some ice cream.

She stared at the wall of dairy products in front of her. She was so tired. She had stayed up doing some bullshit for her father all day, then had to go to work, then had to come do this last stupid thing for her father… she rubbed at one eye.

Teresa was so slow to message her these days, ever since she had started participating in that research with that professor. Catarina knew that was to be expected, but it still chafed at her.

“Catarina?” came a slightly surprised voice.

Oh, the depth of Catarina’s disappointment when she turned and saw that it was Angela who had called her. Not that she had thought it was Teresa—the voice was clearly not hers—but a part of her had still hoped. She smiled stiltedly at the other woman.

“Hi,” she said.

“Nice to see you,” Angela said with a smile. “Are you on your way to see Teresa or something? She didn’t mention that you were visiting…”

Catarina froze.

“Didn’t she?” she asked, smile now clearly forced. “Are you just coming from there or something? She didn’t mention that you were visiting either.”

“I dropped her off from the university,” Angela told her with a smile, as if to say look at how kind I’m being. “I’ve been doing that most days, since we tend to leave the university late, and her roommates are so nice… It’s always nice to spend some time with friends, with how busy everyone always is.”

Catarina was acutely fucking aware of how busy people could be.

“Haha,” Catarina said. “Yeah. She didn’t say you were giving her rides. That’s so nice of you. Must be nice to have these little moments after a whole day of not seeing her.” Catarina wished she could have something like that, see Teresa every day even if for a little while.

Angela winced. “Oops. She didn’t tell you? I’m also a research assistant for Marcus; we’re working together. So, we’re together all day long actually, haha!”

Catarina stilled so completely that her heart stopped for a moment.

“No,” she said. “She didn’t tell me.”

“Maybe she forgot,” Angela said with a shrug, the way someone said when what they meant actually was maybe they just didn’t want to tell you for a reason. Something about her smile made Catarina narrow her eyes. “We’ve been so close these days. I think she’s glad to have someone to talk to about this stuff, the research she loves. It’s nice having a best friend again.”

“Nice,” Catarina repeated, trying not to sound like the word had come from behind gritted teeth.

“Oh, look at the time! I should be going now,” Angela said apologetically, as if Catarina weren’t murdering her with her glare. “It was no nice seeing you! I hope it all works out with your dad!”

Catarina’s expression fell into one of shock.

“What?” she asked. “Did—did Teresa tell you about—”

Angela blinked, then looked chagrined. “Oops. Well. I think she just wanted to vent to someone, you know. She told me all about it… Sorry. But again, hope it works out! See you!”

Catarina watched her leave with wide eyes. She felt awful. She felt cold, and utterly betrayed. Teresa had told Angela all about it? About something so private like her problems with her dad? All of it, Angela’s smiles, her rides for Teresa, the time they spent together, the fact Teresa didn’t tell her about it—why wouldn’t she tell Catarina about it?

What was she hiding from Catarina?

Catarina was going to do something about this. She wasn’t about to sit still and let fucking Angela steal her girlfriend. She was going to confront Teresa about everything she had done.

***

Catarina had a plan. Part of this plan involved not looking like a lunatic and like she was exaggerating and jumping to conclusions, which meant that she didn’t immediately get her phone to call Teresa. She went home, she had dinner, she took a shower. She planned to talk to Teresa the next Saturday, being that today was Monday, when they would see each other in person.

All week she held her tongue, to the point where she stopped answering Teresa’s texts out of fear that she was going to snap at her.

She didn’t want to feel this way. She didn’t want to be so fucking jealous, to hate Angela so badly, but she couldn’t stop thinking about it: about what could be the reason that Teresa was keeping her friendship with Angela from her, why Teresa wasn’t answering her texts much or spending so much time without talking to her because of research which she knew was a valid reason but still! She couldn’t be researching all the time.

And then Friday she got a call from her father.

“Please come over,” he wheezed, “some men with guns—” and she, suddenly five years old and terrified that something had happened to her Dad, went.

***

She ran into his apartment at full speed. The front door of the building and of his apartment in particular were both busted, so they offered her no resistance as she shoved them away and dashed inside. She froze at the entrance to her father’s living room, panting from how much she ran to get here, hair wild and face pale.

Her father was kneeling on the floor, crying.

“Dad?” Catarina asked, running to his side. She knelt by him and touched his shoulder gently, afraid. She couldn’t see any wounds or any blood. Thank God. “Dad, please!”

He looked up at her, still crying. “Cat,” he said, surging up to hug her to his chest. “Cat, I’m so sorry—I shouldn’t have called you; this has nothing to do with you…”

“Shut up,” she hissed, cupping his face in her hands. “What happened? You just hung up on me, I told you to stay on the line—”

“I had to call the police…”

“Where are they?!”

“Coming… you arrived first,” he told her. “They just walked in here, right in here without hesitating,” he said out of nowhere as if continuing a conversation. “Four men with guys, they knew just what they wanted, they went straight to the camera you got for me earlier this week, they took… they took everything,” he whispered. “Everything I’d got to film the lessons, the lights and sound equipment… they knew I had it all. They knew.”

“Dad, are you hurt?” Catarina asked firmly, grabbing his face and refusing to let him curl up again.

It took a second for him to look up at her. “I’m… no. They threatened, but I didn’t fight back, I just… let them take everything. I didn’t do—”

“Then you’re okay,” Catarina said faintly, letting her hand fall. “You’re okay.”

His expression softened. “Cat, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to put this weight on you, I just… I needed to call someone. You came so fast. I didn’t think… I didn’t think you’d care.”

“Stupid,” she said, still faintly, squeezing her eyes shut. “You fucking moron. You thought I wouldn’t care? You’re my dad. Just—shut up and let’s wait for the police to arrive.”

He cupped her face in a hand. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I’ve done you so wrong, and you’re helping me so much. I didn’t think you loved me anymore.”

She slapped his face away and stood up, covering her eyes with her hands for a second. The last of her panic was still cursing through her veins, and it coupled with relief was making her feel dizzy.

“Of course I care,” she told him, shaking her head and looking away. “That’s why it fucking hurt so much, you idiot, moron, bastard of an asshole. What are we going to do?”

“We’ll wait for the police,” he said.

So, they sat on the couch and waited.

***

Apparently, he had been victim of a group of men that had been targeting the area for a while now. The police couldn’t do much. The men were out there, the police trying to catch them. There was no way to get everything back, much less the money her father had spent on it all.

After the whole mess, when Cat had spoken to the police, gone with her father to the police station, helped her father back home, then gotten back to her own home and vomited the whole thing to a worried Al, she sat in bed and stared at her wall.

She had no idea how they were going to deal with the support.

Chapter Ten

Tee couldn’t stop fidgeting. She started to bounce her leg, then made herself stop. She started to click the pen she was holding, then made herself stop. Her nervous energy had nowhere to go.

“Don’t sorry,” Angela said, sounding amused. “I know Marcus calling us for a meeting out of nowhere makes you very anxious, but I’m telling you, there’s nothing wrong.”

“What if we made a terrible mistake somewhere?” Teresa asked, biting on a nail.

“Doing what? All we’ve done so far is read the thousands of things they’ve given us to read and help them edit those two articles—”

“And we’re responsible for checking their emails and sending notifications, and for scheduling meetings between them and those other authors they wanted to quote, and getting in contact with the publishing press they were planning on working with—”

“All right, all right, I get it!”

“I fucked up somewhere,” Teresa moaned. “I know it. He’s coming here to tell me I’m off the team!”

“Why would I do that?”

Teresa startled, turning to the direction the voice had come from. She flushed with embarrassment when she recognized the voice as Marcus’.

“I don’t know!” she said. “You scheduled this meeting out of nowhere, Professor, and it’s got me tense! Usually you just text us or emails us, I know you’re busy, so why this meeting? If I’ve done something wrong—”

“All right, all right,” he cut her, sounding amused. “I know your emotions run high, Teresa, but there’s no need to be nervous. Sorry, maybe I should have specified what the meeting was about. You haven’t done anything wrong, either of you. All right?”

“I told you,” Angela said evenly.

Teresa grumbled, but quieted down, reassured. Honestly, why couldn’t the man have just sent an email then?

“I actually wanted to talk only to you, Teresa,” Marcus admitted, “but it would have felt unfair to Angela if I hadn’t called her too… but it does pertain only to you. Angela, after all, is a local. You’re not even from another state—you’re from another country!”

Teresa froze. “Is there a problem with the—”

“No, no, everything’s all right, the question is time,” he said. “I wanted to ask you how long you intend on staying here, because I remember you telling me, I don’t know quite when, that you wanted to get into research and to eventually move here.”

“That’s true,” Teresa said. “I’ve loved São Paulo ever since I visited the city with my mom when I was in middle school.”

“The thing is… the department is in desperate need of interns, and we thought having you two would be the best option,” he said. “You two have been diligent and prompt and frankly we just like you. Do you know how internships work? You’re hired for a year, and the contract can be extended for another year if the employer wants it.”

Teresa grinned. “Yeah! I’m very interested!”

“The problem is… you’re an exchange student,” he continued softly. “You’re here at most for a year, or even maybe only one semester, and if the internship starts now, you’ll be gone before it’s done. And the department isn’t interested in hiring someone for just one year. It’s a hassle to go through the hiring process every year…”

“Oh,” Teresa said, stunned. “I… I’m staying here for a year, not a semester, but…”

“Even then, you’ll be gone before the first year of the internship will be done,” he repeated. “So! I wanted to talk to you about options. Since I know you’re trying to settle here eventually, I have to tell you that it’s a big opportunity. It’s a tie to the country and a source of income that will last you at least two years, small though it is. And it’s a tie to the university, and as someone who wants to be a researcher, you have to know that’s no small thing…”

Teresa’s heart was beating like a drum in her chest. She hadn’t thought things would go this well so soon into her stay in Brazil—maybe too soon. Too fast. She didn’t know what to do. She wanted it so much it felt like a sin to think about anything other than reaching out to grab it.

“I don’t know if my visa allows work,” she admitted. “And with my disability… I know everything is more complicated. And with college back at home… I’m not done with it yet. I mean, I only have one year left… is there any way you could hold this spot for me? I could go back, finish my year, and then return here?”

“I don’t know…” he said. “Maybe you could look into a way to stretch your year in Brazil to two years? You’d complete the internship here and take more classes… then return to the United States to finish your course. And then, well. If you decided to come back here, you’d have the internship under your belt to not only show on your resume, but to try and reconnect to the university.”

“Maybe,” Teresa said, biting her bottom lip. “I have to look into it.”

“We’d love to have you,” he said. “It’s also a reason for us to try and update our libraries with audio versions of our books… I think it’ll be a very good thing. Angela, the spot is open for you if you want.”

“Oh, yes,” Angela said, clearly happy.

Teresa wished it were as simple for her. She cursed the fact she was born in another country. She felt like there was so much for her to look at now, so many decisions to make. The thought of having some income was making her head spin. She wanted it. She wanted the independence it promised, she wanted the opportunity it was.

But she hadn’t planned on forming such strong bonds to this country yet. She did have her course back at home to finish, and her family…

“I’ll look into it,” she said more firmly.

“I’ll help you,” Angela said, and Teresa was very glad.

***

Angela sat with her in front of the local library’s computer researching her visa and information on her university and how internships worked in Brazil and all of that for hours. Teresa appreciated the help very much. Throughout all of it, Cat sent her texts, so many that after a while Teresa stopped answering—she kept asking her where she was and if she could come back home, that she wanted to talk.

After a while she started to talk and Teresa ignored those calls too. She was busy with something important!

Part of her thought that Catarina was just jealous of how much time she was spending with Angela and honestly… Teresa was really, really losing her patience with that.

***

Teresa got home and headed straight to the bathroom to take a shower. She took far too long there, she knew; they all shared one bathroom and other people also wanted to take a shower at the end of the day, but she needed to think and under the spray was one of her favorite places to do it.

Of course, when she left the bathroom forty minutes later, she had only thought in circles and gotten even more wound up.

“Damn, girl, you look like something’s troubling you,” Veronica commented as soon as Teresa walked out, toweling her hair and shuffling toward her room. “You took a long time there. Is everything all right?”

“Just some stuff at college,” Teresa said with a groan. “Stuff relating to internships and my visa and my university back at the States—I just need to get some sleep and think about this once I’m rested, but I can’t stop thinking about this now!”

“I get it,” Veronica said sympathetic. “Work stuff is always complicated. But do try to get some rest if you can. You’re not getting anywhere now.”

Teresa scowled. “I just—I do love the work I’m doing here and now, working on translations and having the classes and living alone... But at the same time, am I really ready to make such a commitment to this place, to leave my home back in the US?”

“It’s a lot,” Veronica agreed.

Teresa started to feel annoyed at Veronica’s lack of advice, but then it wasn’t her fault—she had never gone to college, had never left her country.

“This is what I want to do with my life,” Teresa said. “But I don’t know that I’m ready to make such a decision now! I love research…”

“I know you do.”

“It’s not like you know anything about it,” Teresa said, annoyed, waving a hand. “You don’t know what you want to do with your life. I do, and I’m standing right in front of it! And it’s so stupid that I don’t know if I should reach for it!”

There was a moment of silence.

“You’re right, I guess,” Veronica said, clearly upset. “But you don’t have to say it like that. I was only trying to help, letting you vent. I’m off to a shower anyway. Hope you find a way to deal with your thing.”

Teresa groaned, flaying her hands widely until she hit something, and then held on. It was an arm.

“Sorry,” she said. “I just—I love this, but I…”

“I know you’re passionate about stuff,” Veronica said quietly, “but there’s no reason to make me feel stupid about my own life about it, you know?”

Teresa frowned, and let her go. She didn’t think she had done anything too bad, but Veronica did seem upset. Maybe the subject was a sore one for her? She stood still and listened as Veronica’s steps went away, and the door of the bathroom closed.

She sighed. She should go to her room finally and let Catarina know that she was alive or something.

***

Catarina didn’t answer her calls, and after ten furious minutes of Teresa fuming about Catarina being a hypocrite… she remembered that the woman actually worked at night. Teresa lay back in bed with a sigh, head filled with too many things she knew she had to let rest for a while. She knew she was too fired up to sleep. Teresa wasn’t there to talk to, everyone else in the house was tired, and Teresa didn’t feel like doing much of anything.

Wait. There was one person who would definitely be awake!

She called her brother.

“Tee!” he greeted happily once their call connected. “It’s been some time since you called! I would have thought you died in a ditch somewhere if it weren’t for Cat sending me updates on what you’ve been doing.”

“Unfair,” she said, but she was smiling. She missed him. “I call Mom every couple of days.”

“But not me,” he argued. “Anyway, how are you? I haven’t heard from Cat in a few days, so I have no idea what’s going on there at the other side of the world.”

“I’ve been good, I started assisting some professors with research in the translation area… I’ve got some things to think about, but I don’t want to think about them now. Tell me about you. How have you been, Al?”

“I’m doing just fine, I’m getting spoiled to hell and back now I’m the only kid at home and our parents suddenly remembered we won’t live with them forever” he told her, then paused. “I’ve actually been worried about Cat. It’s weird for her not to talk to me for more than a couple of days. Did anything happen?”

“No,” Teresa said with a frown. Catarina hadn’t said anything.

“Are you sure?” he needled. “Maybe she hasn’t told you. Has she been acting weird?”

It had been a few days, actually, since the two of them had actually talked. It still made her angry, Al telling her that Cat could be hiding something from her. If something actually important had happened, Catarina definitely would have told her!

“She would have told me,” Teresa countered.

Al sighed. “All right, all right. Just tell her to talk to me, all right? It’s hard, being so far away.”

Chapter Eleven

Catarina made coffee while her parents spoke. Their voices were audible from the kitchen, since her mother’s place wasn’t nearly big enough for any room to have much privacy, but she had needed some time. She had stayed with her father the last couple of days just because of how rattled he had been, having his home invaded. Now they had to figure out what to do.

Catarina poured three cups of very black coffee, lingering as much as she could, and went back to the living room.

She didn’t check her phone. It depressed her, seeing how many of her calls and texts to Teresa went unanswered.

“—can’t help you,” her mother was telling her father softly. She was sitting beside him on the couch, a hand of his between hers, and Catarina winced at the sight. “We really don’t have the means. We depend on your support, you know that.”

“I had a plan, but—how can I pay the support now?” he asked her, desperate. “I don’t have anything—I spent a lot on the camera and the sound equipment, it was supposed to be an investment, but they took my TV, my phone, my microwave! They took my microwave, Carla!”

“I’ll get you another camera,” Catarina said, setting the tray of coffee on top of the coffee table and sitting down on the other side of the couch. Her parents turned to look at her with shock, but she didn’t look away from her cup as she spoke. “I can’t do anything else, but I can get you another camera. You should look into your credit card points—maybe you can get another microwave through them.”

Her father opened his mouth, then closed it, as if he had no idea what to say to that.

“Are you sure?” her mother asked quietly.

“We need to deal with this situation,” Catarina said. “You need to get steady on your feet, Dad, and I was already going to help you. With the camera, we can try and make these online classes a bit better, even if not as good as they were going to be, and maybe earn something. You can pay me back later,” she added, knowing well that her father wasn’t going to do it. “I have some money saved right now. It’s not… it won’t be too bad.”

She wished she could ask Teresa for help. Teresa, she thought, would know what to do—how to comfort her father, how to talk about the support without making things awkward, how to make these online classes work, how to market it all. But just thinking about Teresa made something in her heart hurt like it had been pierced by a knife.

“I don’t know if I can ask you to do this for me,” her father said, quiet and ashamed.

Catarina honestly, truly didn’t care about his shame.

“Dad,” she started, trying to keep her voice even, “I don’t care. I’m going to help you because we need the money. Do you understand? Me and my mom—we need the money. This is why I’m doing this. I—I stayed with you because I saw how badly this affected you, but I’m here for my mom.”

“I know you don’t forgive me,” he said with a sigh.

“Of course I don’t,” she said with a shrug. “We just need to deal with this. If we get this done, life can go back to normal.”

“Normal being… you don’t want to see me again once I can go back to paying you the support,” he said.

“Yes,” Catarina said.

Her parents both looked at her sadly.

“I’ve already spent a lot of time helping you,” she said. “I’m about to spend even more time. You should be grateful I’m not leaving you to deal with this shit alone.”

“All right,” her father said, his voice nearly a whisper.

He was sad. It was so clear on his face that it wounded her too, but she didn’t care; she felt vindictive, even, that she had managed to hurt him back.

***

When Teresa finally sent her a text asking her to come over, she was so exhausted after all this business with her father and so happy that Teresa apparently didn’t hate her and still wanted her near that she didn’t even think about it—she just went.

She didn’t ask Teresa why she hadn’t answered her texts and calls, didn’t get angry at being ignored, didn’t wonder what it was Teresa wanted now that Catarina needed to be there for, that couldn’t be said through their phone. She sighed a sigh of relief, because maybe she would get to be with her girlfriend and be comforted.

When she knocked on the door, Veronica was the one who opened it. Over her shoulder, Catarina could see Teresa sitting on the couch with Angela sitting on the arm of the couch right beside her, an arm slung across the back, over Teresa’s shoulder.

Catarina froze, expression twisting into something furious before she could stop it. Veronica froze too, looking at her.

“Cat?” Teresa asked, straightening up and turning to the door. “Is that you?”

“What is she doing here?” Catarina asked, voice too loud, hands closing in fists.

She didn’t want to be doing this. Really. She wanted to go home. She wanted comfort. But the last few days had been so long and so lonely, and Catarina looked at Angela sitting by her girlfriend so casually and knew Angela had spent the last few days with Teresa, the last few days Teresa had ignored Catarina, and it made her blood boil.

“I was just dropping her off,” Angela said, lifting her hands as if in surrender… but she didn’t move from her spot beside Teresa, and the smile on her face had an edge of something that made Catarina want to punch her.

“Cat, can you please not do this?” Teresa asked, standing up and crossing her arms. “Come on, let’s just go to my room.”

“You’ve been ignoring me for days and the first time you ask me over she’s here?” Catarina asked, her voice coming out louder than it should. “Look at her! She’s draped over you! What am I supposed to think?”

“We’re just friends!” Angela exclaimed, eyes too wide, expression far too innocent. “We haven’t done anything.”

The way she said it—her tone of voice—it made Catarina feel like she had reached inside her chest and squeezed her heart. It hurt.

“I’ve been ignoring you because I knew you were just throwing a fit about how much time I’ve been spending with Angela,” Teresa hissed. “Of course I didn’t want to deal with that!”

“I just pick her up and drop her off,” Angela continued. “And we do some research together in the afternoon, sure, but that’s nothing you need to worry about, Cat.”

So, Angela was telling her with a smile that she didn’t need to worry after detailing to her just how much time she was spending with Cat’s girlfriend. Nice.

“All right,” Catarina said. “You know what? I’m going back home.”

“Cat,” Teresa said, a warning in her voice.

“Go back to your fucking research with Angela,” Catarina hissed. “I have more important things to worry about, either way!”

She stormed out.

***

Catarina arrived home exhausted. She threw herself in bed and covered her face with a hand, the other pawing uselessly at her bag until she managed to get hold of her phone. She called Al blindly, almost surprised when she got his number right.

“Hey, Cat,” he said, happy. “Nice to hear from you! I thought you’d gone and died in a ditch somewhere.”

“Sorry,” she said, miserable.

“There, there,” he said. “What’s up? You haven’t been playing or answering my texts at all. A best friend can feel neglected. And Tee said she hadn’t heard anything from you too…”

“Did she?” Catarina asked venomously. “Funny, because I’ve been calling her and she’s the one who hasn’t been fucking answering me!”

“Ooh, drama.”

Catarina scowled. “Don’t act like it’s funny! She’s—she’s spending all her time with that fucking woman, Angela, and I’m one hundred percent sure that Angela is trying to steal her from me but Tee thinks I’m a fucking jealous lunatic and won’t listen to me!”

Al was quiet for a moment. “All right. Let me understand this. Angela is a new friend, and you’re… worried Teresa will be friends with her instead?”

“Tee is already friends with her,” Catarina muttered. “They’re super friends. They’re best friends. Every time I fucking go there Angela is lingering, hugging her or—or something! You should have seen her today! Sitting on the couch beside Teresa like she—like she is Teresa’s girlfriend!”

Al hummed in understanding “I see!”

“Do you?”

“Yes! I see what’s going on. Let me ask you something, Cat. Are you fucking hooking up with my sister?”

Catarina took a deep breath to answer him—then his words actually registered in her brain and she froze.

“Um,” she said.

“Right!” he said very cheerful, the way he got when he was actually really damn angry. “You have! And you didn’t say anything! Probably because you know how much of a dick move it is!”

“Al—”

“That’s my sister, Catarina,” Al hissed.

“Al,” Catarina tried again, tired, “I’m sorry for not telling you, but I really, really can’t argue about this right now. Some shit has been happening…”

“More shit you haven’t told me anything about,” Al said. “What’s been going on with you? Have you been so occupied making out with my fucking sister that you forgot about me?”

“We’re not hooking up,” Catarina grumbled. “We’re dating. It’s different.”

As she said it, she realized that she never actually asked Teresa to be her girlfriend.

She sighed. “Al…”

“Right, you’re tired,” he said, and hung up without saying anything else.

Chapter Twelve

Teresa sat on their couch and waited for Angela to arrive. She did that because Angela was her friend and offered and because Teresa had more reasons than most to hate buses and to really appreciate a friend giving her a ride. There were no other reasons. She sat and thought about Catarina and fumed about the day before—her reaction, the mess she created in front of Teresa’s roommates, the accusing tone of her voice.

As if Teresa would ever cheat on her! The nerve to accuse her of that! The nerve.

Catarina hadn’t even asked her to be her girlfriend, anyway.

“You know…” one of her other roommates, Paula, piped up when the phone rang with Angela warning that she was about to arrive. “You do spend a lot of time with this woman.”

Teresa scowled at her and left.

Angela was waiting by their front door and helped Teresa to her car. She didn’t really say anything and neither did Teresa, probably for the same reason: they were still feeling awkward over what happened yesterday. Teresa turned the radio on and they were halfway to college when she finally spoke.

“Sorry about that,” Teresa said. “You know, yesterday.”

Angela was quiet for a moment. “You know,” she started, “that wasn’t your fault. Catarina really is jealous, isn’t she? I didn’t think it’d all be so easy.”

Teresa opened her mouth to say something—then closed it when Angela’s words caught up with her.

“Easy?” she asked.

“Oops,” Angela said with a laugh. “Well, I never hid the fact that I liked you, did I? I couldn’t help myself! I just—poked Catarina, a bit. Nothing major! Nothing bad. It’s just—jealousy is so ugly, isn’t it?”

“What do you mean, you’ve been poking Cat?” Teresa asked, furious. “Are you fucking serious, Angela?”

“Hey, don’t get mad! It’s not my fault she got so angry—”

“What did you tell her?”

“Nothing! I didn’t say anything. I just, you know. She’s just so easy to rile up. She’s so jealous. It’s like she thinks she owns you or something.”

“Did you tell her I was cheating on her with you?!”

“No, I just—implied we were close! Nothing more!”

Teresa felt so furious that her hands were shaking. She couldn’t believe this. This didn’t excuse Catarina’s behavior yesterday, but it certainly explained why she had seemed so upset. Angela had gotten her thinking that something had happened.

“She’s not even your actual girlfriend,” Angela continued, taking Teresa’s brief silence as a good thing. “She’s such a weird woman, and she’s not even in college. She’s got no future. And she doesn’t care about our research. You should give me a chance, you know? I’d treat you so much better than that.”

“Stop the car,” Teresa said.

“What?” Angela laughed. “Of course, I’m not stopping the car.”

“Stop the car right now,” Teresa hissed, clutching her bag and her cane and slapping at the car door until she found the lock. She unlocked it.

“Whoa!” Angela said, rushing to stop the car. “Are you insane? Don’t do that! What are you even trying to do?!”

Teresa opened the door and stepped out, thankful that there was a sidewalk in front of her. Angela quickly got out of the car and rushed to her side.

“Tee, you can’t be serious,” she tried, reaching for Teresa’s elbow. “Look, I know you’re mad, but I’ll take you the rest of the way—”

“No,” Teresa said, wrenching her arm from the woman’s grip. “Are you insane? Do you really think I’ll want anything to do with you? You lying, manipulative asshole! I’ll find my way to college, don’t worry. Actually, don’t worry about anything relating to me ever again. I don’t ever want to see your face again!”

“Well, you never could,” Angela retorted.

Teresa stared at her with her sightless eyes, knuckles going white around her cane.

“Shit,” Angela said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—we’re both fired up, we’re both upset! Let’s just get back to the car.”

“Go away,” Teresa said calmly, the way she got when she was so furious that it didn’t register in her voice anymore, “right now.”

It took Angela another five minutes before she finally left, leaving Teresa on the side of a road in the middle of the city with no idea where she was or how to get where she wanted to go.

***

She stood around for twenty minutes until a kind soul showed up to as if she needed help. They gave her directions to a subway station nearby, thankfully only three blocks away, and she could walk that herself.

It took thirty minutes to get to college by car. It took nearly twice that for Teresa to get there with public transportation. She had missed class. When she finally arrived, she locked herself in the girls’ bathroom, unwilling to catch Angela in the hallways. She waited until the right time hit and dragged herself to her meeting with Marcus, still furious and tired with it.

She stepped inside the room.

“Um,” Marcus said. “Is everything all right? You look… feverish?”

“Everything’s perfect,” Teresa told him, smiling widely at him. “That’s a sunburn from standing in the sun for twenty minutes waiting for someone to realize I needed help, not from a fever. But whatever. Is Angela here?”

“She hasn’t arrived yet.”

Teresa closed the door behind herself with extreme prejudice.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I know we’re supposed to talk about my future and the internship, but some serious personal problems have arisen,” mainly, that she now hated Angela and didn’t want to see her stupid ugly face, “that I need to take care of and I won’t be able to stay.”

“That’s okay,” he said, hesitant. “Whatever it is, I’m here for you to talk to. But… do remember that the clock is ticking on this, all right?”

She swallowed nothing. “All right. I’m still—I’m dealing with things.”

“All right,” he said. “I’ll see you later, then. I hope it all gets better.”

“Yep. Me too.”

She left. Angela, who was on the other side of the door, scrambled away and said nothing so Teresa couldn’t see her, a distraught expression on her face.

***

Teresa arrived home exhausted after a day of doing nothing but spending hours upon hours on public transportation. She dragged herself home, threw her cane to the side, and shuffled to the kitchen. If god were kind, someone left her some of that lasagna Paula made yesterday.

She poked around the fridge until she found a pot that seemed weight-y enough to have lasagna on it.

“That’s brownie and it isn’t yours,” Veronica piped up.

Teresa scowled and dropped it back. “Where’s the lasagna?”

“I ate it,” Veronica said almost apologetically. “I’m about to make instant noodles if you want some, though.”

“Yes, thank you,” Teresa said with a sigh. She dragged herself to their little kitchen table and sat down.

Veronica went about making the noodles in silence.

Teresa cleared her throat. “Vee… sorry about, you know, the other day. That was kind of shitty of me! I’m a bit, um…”

“Much?” Veronica asked, amused.

“Yeah.”

“That’s okay,” Veronica said. “You’re not the first person to say that kind of stuff to me, in general you know. Because I didn’t go to college. I guess I thought you wouldn’t say that kind of thing because your girlfriend didn’t go either, so…”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Teresa grumbled, looking down.

“Aw, did you two break up after yesterday?”

“Not really. Can you believe that Angela bitch was purposefully making Catarina jealous? She said she was poking Cat and implying we were super close—Christ, it makes me disgusted.”

“I mean… I did think you two were super close,” Veronica admitted. “She’s here every day, picking you up and dropping you off…”

“I appreciate the help more than most people,” Teresa said. “It doesn’t mean I’d cheat on Cat!”

“So, she is your girlfriend? Because else it wouldn’t be cheating.”

Teresa sighed, picking at the sleeves of her shirt. “She never actually asked, you know.”

“I think you two need to sort your shit out,” Veronica said wisely. “Meanwhile, I’m kind of glad you’re against Angela now. She did keep too close to you, and her smile… I don’t know, she’s creepy.”

“Fuck her,” Teresa said. “I’m worried about what the hell this all means for me and Cat.”

Chapter Thirteen

Catarina bit at her lips, sitting on her couch and waiting for Teresa to arrive. She wanted to chew on her nails, to tap her foot, to pace around, but she sat still and bit at her lips instead. Her mother was out and the house was empty, with nothing to distract her.

Teresa was the one who had said she wanted to talk. After Catarina had stormed out like that… she felt a bit sick with nerves. Maybe Teresa was coming to break up with her once and for all. Maybe Angela was giving her a ride, since Teresa hadn’t wanted Catarina to go and do it.

When the doorbell rang, Catarina nearly jumped out of her skin. She stood up and quickly dashed to the door. Teresa was standing on the other side with a cheerful smile on her face, obviously fake; there were tired lines around her eyes and her knuckles were white around her cane. She looked as stressed about life as Catarina felt.

“Hi,” Catarina said, hesitant.

“Hello! Can I come in?”

Catarina quickly got out of the day. Teresa quickly made her way to the living room, probably remembering the way from the other few times she had visited and sat down on the armchair instead of on the couch, making sure Catarina couldn’t sit next to her. Catarina tried not to read too much into it and failed, nerves becoming even worse.

“So! About Angela!” Teresa started with no greeting, straight to business. “Apparently she had been poking you on purpose about her relationship with me and making you feel threatened, basically taking advantage of the fact that you’re a naturally jealous person to try and ruin our thing so she could try to date me instead!”

Catarina gaped at her, shocked. It had come so suddenly, an explanation out of nowhere, it felt a bit like a slap to the face.

“I,” she tried, then tried again: “I didn’t know, I—are you serious? All that was on purpose?”

“Yes, isn’t it infuriating?” Teresa was smile almost threateningly. Catarina realized just how angry the other woman was, her knuckles white around her cane. “How stupid of her to try and do that, as if I would ever want to see her again after she told me that!”

“Right,” Catarina said, then louder: “Fuck her. What the fuck? Who does she think she is to go poaching my girlfriend? What a bitch!”

“And you believed her!” Teresa exclaimed, and Catarina’s mouth snapped shut with a click.

“Well, she was tricking me!” Catarina defended.

“Remember the way you stormed out?” Teresa continued as if Catarina hadn’t said anything. “The way you spoke sometimes—I grew tired of it. And Angela poked you on purpose but you still believed her, didn’t you? That we were so close even though I never said anything—Christ, you thought I was hiding it all from you, didn’t you? You thought I was hiding it. You thought I was cheating on you.”

Catarina’s mouth turned into a fine white line.

“I didn’t really,” she muttered.

“You did,” Teresa said, taking Catarina’s mutter as hard fucking proof of it. “Just because I didn’t answer the phone sometimes—”

“You ignored me on purpose for days!” Catarina exploded, standing up at once.

“Because I was tired of you being all like is Angela with you and why don’t you go with Angela all the damn time!”

“My father was robbed by men with fucking guns, I called you because I wanted help and some fucking comfort,” Catarina hissed, suddenly furious right back—furious that this was Teresa’s excuse for not being there when Catarina really, really needed her. It was all for Angela, after all, because Teresa was tired of Catarina calling her out on how much time they spent together.

Angela hadn’t tricked Teresa. Teresa had done this because she had wanted to.

“I didn’t know that,” Teresa said defensively, crossing her arms.

“You didn’t know because you didn’t answer my calls!” Catarina shouted. “And you get to sit there and feel high and mighty for not being tricked? As if you wouldn’t believe her too if she went and told you that, I don’t know, I mentioned it to her that I hated you!”

Teresa was silent. Catarina narrowed her eyes.

“Did she?” she asked dangerously.

“No! She just—implied you didn’t care much about my research,” Teresa admitted. “But that’s true.”

“I don’t! I don’t care about your fucking lofty, intellectual, academic life or your stupid research comparing different translations of this one stupid book when my father was threatened with guns and I don’t know how I’m going to pay rent!”

Teresa stood up as well, growing red in the face.

“Just because you’re having problems with your work doesn’t mean you get to call my passion lofty and stupid!” she shouted back. “So, what if it sounds like a stupid thing to research, different translations of the same thing? You have no idea what this can mean, the repercussions it can have—”

“You didn’t answer your phone because you were too busy comparing shit with Angela,” Catarina snarled. “I bet she has no problem with sitting still and reading shit for hours instead of doing any kind of meaningful work, because it let her put her arms around you and sit real close and maybe even kiss—”

“I cannot believe, the nerve,” Teresa said, so furious she couldn’t articulate herself. “So, you really thought I’m that kind of person? A cheater? You thought that of me? All right! Fuck you. You know what? I don’t ever want to see you again either! You’re an asshole just like she was!”

Catarina took a step back as if slapped.

“If that’s what you think of me, that I’m some—some disgusting vermin who would cheat—fuck you, Catarina!”

“Tee—” Catarina tried, curling her hands in fists. She was too afraid, now, to be too angry. “Look, we’re both very angry, so we should just take some time…”

“I don’t need to take any damn time,” Teresa told her harshly. “I’m leaving. Don’t fucking talk to me again.”

She marched to the front door. Catarina watched her open-mouthed with shock.

“Wait,” she said when Teresa reached the door. “Wait, you can’t—”

“Goodbye,” Teresa snarled.

She opened the door and slammed it shut. Catarina slowly sat back down on the couch and stared at it for a long time.

***

Almost twenty minutes later, when it really set in that Teresa wasn’t coming back, Catarina reached for her phone almost without realizing what she was doing. She called Al with trembling fingers.

“So,” she said before he could say anything, “you don’t have to worry about anything anymore, because your sister broke up with me.”

Al was silent for a moment.

“So, you fucked up,” he said.

“I might have fucked up, but Jesus Christ,” she said, burying her face in her hands, “a point comes when Teresa just doesn’t listen anymore, she gets so fired up about something and then—she marched out of here saying that she never wants to see me again!”

“Yeah, she does that,” Al said dryly.

“Al, what am I going to do?” she moaned. “The way she is, maybe she actually fucking meant that. Am I really never going to see her again? Angela tricked me! Is it really my fault that she did that?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Is it really so far-fetched to think that she and Angela grew close while they stayed together hours upon hours a day while Teresa was ignoring my calls?” Catarina asked. “What was I supposed to think? Was I supposed to not get jealous? Come on!”

“I’m going to hang up on you.”

“No!” Catarina shouted before he could do it. “Just—I know you’re mad, but god I really need someone right now. Please. I know you’re angry, I won’t talk about her, but so much shit has been going on, I just—I just need a friend. Please?”

“Dude, my sister. You decided to just hook up with my sister without even talking to me first.”

“I know,” she said, hiding her face again. “But my dad was robbed by armed men and Teresa is pissed that I thought she cheated on me and now she’s saying she doesn’t want to see me again and what am I going to do?”

“Wait,” Al said, “back up a bit—your dad was what? And since when do you call him your dad?”

“He was robbed by armed men, and since he was robbed by armed men,” she told him with a sigh. “I was afraid, I… I couldn’t just pretend I didn’t care about him anymore. What if something had happened?”

“But that doesn’t mean you forgive—”

“Of course not!”

“Cat,” Al said, finally registering the rest of what she had said, “you thought Teresa had done what now? Are you serious? Did you really believe my sister would cheat on you? You asshole!”

Catarina scowled. “Angela tricked me!”

“But you believed what she told you,” Al retorted. “Bitch, this is why Teresa is pissed with you. You’re a fucking mess. Just tell me what on Earth has been going on. We haven’t played in too long.”

“Because you’ve been avoiding me,” Catarina muttered.

“Shut up. Talk to me. I’ve got ten minutes before I have to take Mom to the supermarket.”

Catarina sighed in relief. She knew Al was still pissed with her, but she felt a lot less lonely with him on the line.

Chapter Fourteen

A hesitant knock echoed around her room around dinner time.

Teresa didn’t lift her head from her pillow. She had her arms wrapped around it, and it was drenched in her tears. She was exhausted with crying and had a tension headache from it besides, and the last thing she wanted was more social interaction. She didn’t move an inch. She was going to stay in this bed and wither here.

“Tee?”

Veronica’s voice was faint, both because of the closed door between them and because she spoke very lightly.

Teresa shifted her head until she was looking at the opposite wall from the door. She wasn’t ever going to get up from this bed again. She thought about all the times Catarina had sat here with her and watched a movie or listened to music or…. It hurt. It hurt to think about her. Teresa felt new tears spring up to her eyes. She couldn’t believe Catarina had believed such a terrible thing of her.

Catarina had thought Teresa had done the same thing Catarina hated her father for doing.

“Tee, there’s pizza out here… and me and Paula are about to watch a movie,” Veronica tried again. “We know you’re, uh, feeling bad, and that something happened with your girlfr—um, Cat… Don’t you want to come out here and talk to us?”

“No,” Teresa mumbled.

When she spoke again, Teresa could hear the smile in Veronica’s voice. “Come on. I asked for extra cheese on the pizza. We’re cuing up that movie you like, about soccer and the two lovers who are fans of rival teams—come on!”

Teresa unburied her face from her pillow and sighed. She dragged herself to her door like a zombie, shuffling her feet and rubbing her hands at her face. But she knew there was no way to fix this mess. Her face was probably red and her eyes puffy and tearful. She kept her face down as she opened the door.

“Oh, girl,” Veronica said sympathetically, a wince obvious in her voice. She wound an arm around Teresa’s shoulders and led her to the living room. “Come on, tell us what happened.”

“You guys just want to gossip,” she mumbled.

“You caught us,” Paula said cheerfully. “You look like hell, by the way. Sit down and spill. What on Earth was that fight you guys had, that Cat stormed out like that? What happened after you visited yesterday?”

Teresa sat down, sandwiched between both her friends. She made grabby hands until someone deposited pizza in them and took a grateful bite. She hadn’t eaten all day.

“I wanted to work things out, but I just got so angry!” she told them. “She thought I was cheating on her with Angela! All right that Angela was tricking her, making her think that on purpose, but god… I feel gross just thinking about doing something like that. And Cat believed it… believed I was that sort of person…”

“That sucks,” Veronica agreed with feeling. “So, what did you do with Angela?”

“I told her I never want to see her ugly face again,” Teresa said venomously. “Do you believe she had the gall to turn to me and say that I never did see her face? Like I don’t know I’m fucking blind!”

“Ouch,” Paula said with feeling.

“It’s an expression,” Teresa hissed, taking a huge bite of her pizza.

“It does seem a bit harsh,” Paula said, trying to be gentle about it. “I mean… Angela seemed to really like you.”

“She broke up my relationship!”

“So, what did you say to Catarina, then?” Veronica asked, curious. “Like, it really was an asshole thing of her to believe, but like… you look so sad. Did she break up with you or something?”

“I broke up with her,” Teresa said, crossing her arms.

“Oh,” Veronica said, then paused. “I mean… why?”

“She thought I was a cheater!”

“But you obviously like her,” Paula said. “Like, yeah, that sucked, but can’t you guys, I don’t know… talk?”

“I don’t know how I’ll be able to look her in the face again,” Teresa fumed, shaking her head.

“Here, have another slice,” Veronica said, giving her more pizza. Teresa started eating and Veronica made use of the opportunity to talk, since Teresa had her mouth full and wouldn’t speak. “Look, Tee, are you sure there’s no way you can talk to her? I know you’re very upset with the things that Cat did, but… I mean, as someone who has ended more than my fair share of relationships… it’s never only the other person’s fault, is it?”

Teresa opened her mouth to retort, pizza or not, but paused. She remembered their fight, the things Catarina had said… her problems with her father, with paying her bills, and how Teresa hadn’t answered the phone…

Angela hadn’t tricked her, had she? Any mistakes Teresa did were entirely her own, and she could see now that she had screwed up too.

She deflated like a popped balloon.

“So maybe I did some things, too,” she allowed.

“You just have to talk to her,” Paula said in the tone of someone who was quickly growing bored with someone else’s drama. “Like, I know you’re always operating at 300% speed and intensity when compared to the rest of us mortals but calm down a bit and go talk to your girl. I promise, you guys can work it out if you really like each other.”

“I don’t want to see you so sad anymore,” Veronica added softly. “It’s weird not to have you running into my room to talk to me about obscure literature references.”

Teresa smiled despite herself. It was the first time she had smiled since their fight.

“Let’s just watch the movie,” she said, shaking her head. She didn’t want to think about this for a while.

She still didn’t feel like she could quite forgive Cat… but the thought that she had fucked up really didn’t sit well with her either.

***

“This is why I didn’t want this sort of thing happening,” Al complained with a groan. “I don’t want to be caught between you! I don’t want you two to come to me complaining about each other!”

Teresa’s eyes widened. “Wait, Cat talked to you? What did she say?”

“I’m not telling you anything!”

Teresa sighed and slumped against her pillows. It was late, but she wasn’t tired; she had spent a few hours napping in depression this afternoon and felt wide-awake now.

“What a dick move, not telling me what she said,” Teresa muttered.

“She said you were an asshole who didn’t answer her calls.”

Teresa’s mouth dropped open. “Did she really?”

“No, but the sentiment was there. Look, Tee, let’s be real. Let’s be real?”

“All right,” she muttered. “Let’s be real.”

“You overreacted! You overreact to everything, and you overreacted now! Congrats. My official word of advice is: get your head out of your ass and go talk to her. Now I am exiting this conversation. I will no longer talk to you about Cat or to Cat about you. You two are officially on your own! Goodbye.”

“No!” Teresa exclaimed too loudly. Her mouth snapped shut and she waited a bit to see if one of her roommates complained, but no one did. “Al, all right, you’re right! But don’t hang up. I’m bored and it’s very late and there’s nobody else for me to talk to.”

“I’m not talking about your love life,” he warned.

“That’s fine,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “What about your love life?”

He hung up. Teresa laughed to herself and threw herself back on the bed, letting her phone slip from her fingers and clatter to the floor.

Maybe she had overreacted.

Her emotions did run on high. She just felt so betrayed. Catarina hated her own father for doing this to her mother, hated him enough not to want to look him in the face, not to answer his calls, not to forgive him years later… then thought Teresa was doing the same thing to her?

But Teresa thought about the armed men and Catarina’s tears and how Teresa hadn’t been there for her for the pettiest reasons, just because she was annoyed with Catarina, she hadn’t been there for her girlfriend at all.

She could complain that Catarina never actually asked her to be her girlfriend, but she would be lying to herself to say they didn’t consider each other to be partners.

She sighed, burying her face on her pillow.

They did need to talk. But would Catarina forgive her?

***

Teresa bit her bottom lip until it grew puffy and red. She was curled up with her knees to her chest on her chair and staring at her computer screen as if it held answers for her. She was drafting an email for her professor Marcus. She had no idea what to write.

She had no idea what to say to him.

She thought about Catarina, who said she had wanted Teresa’s help… and realized that she could really use Catarina’s help here. Cat would know what to say, what to do, and if nothing else she would keep Teresa’s spirits up as she tried to sort this business. Teresa really needed to fix her situation with the other woman before she could resolve this, because she wouldn’t be able to focus otherwise.

She decided.

She was going to wait a few days, just to let her temper settle even more, just to make sure she wouldn’t make a mess of things again… and then she was going to talk to Catarina.

Chapter Fifteen

“I can skip dinner at least twice a week,” Catarina murmured more to herself than to her father, who, like her, was kneeling by her coffee table and trying to budget their way out of this mess, “and if I managed to get more hours, then I can put all the extra money into helping Mom, and you can put whatever money you’re not paying as support into buying the sound equipment…”

“I don’t like you skipping dinner,” her father said, resigned, because he knew she was going to do it anyway.

“I don’t like not paying my bills,” she muttered back. She crossed something on the list in front of her and noted down 30 extra dollars (dinner twice a week) – help Mom with rent on a table to the side, where she was noting down all changes to her budget. “Right, so, I’m seeing a lot of coffee on your weekly expenses. If you cut that out—”

“I wanted to keep something,” he said with a loud groan. “We’ve cut out my breakfast—”

“At the café,” she pointed out. “You’ll be having it at home, we added a bit to the grocery money.”

“—and the coffee I was getting like twice a week during the afternoon—”

“You can make coffee at home.”

“Can’t I keep anything?” he asked quietly.

She stared at him. “I’m skipping dinner.”

He looked down in shame. “I know. I know, I just—I’ve lost so much. They took it all, and now I don’t even get the little things.”

She gritted her teeth, looking away as well. She understood him, but—she had been here so many times, so many times because he hadn’t been sending the money they needed. It was harder to love him now the panic was over. It was getting easier and easier to see just why she hadn’t wanted to look him in the face for so long.

“You need to focus on writing this course,” she said, changing the subject. She didn’t want a fight. She was so goddamn tired. “It has to be good, or else this is all for nothing. Are you sure—”

“I am!” he exploded, frustrated. “I’ve spoken to some people, to some old partners, everybody agrees that this is profitable, that it’s a way to branch out and get some money on the internet, which everybody’s doing these days—”

“All right,” she snapped, cutting him off.

“It’s like you want this to fail,” he accused.

She set her pen down on the table very carefully, because the alternative was slamming it down and breaking it, and she didn’t want to deal with ink staining her clothes.

“I want,” she said from behind gritted teeth, “for you to give us the money you are legally required to give us.”

“You know my situation!”

“I know that you left us!” Catarina snapped. “Remember that, Dad? You left us and left Mom filled with debt she couldn’t pay by herself, and you ruined us. This was money she could have been saving, could have been putting away—do you understand? So, you won’t drink your coffee! You won’t have breakfast out! And you’re going to write this fucking thing, and give us the money, so my Mom can get a fucking break.”

He looked evenly back at her, like he didn’t know what expression to make. Like he didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t set her off. After a moment, he looked down again.

“I can’t change the past,” he said quietly.

“I’m not asking you to,” she told him evenly. “I’m asking you to stop drinking that coffee and to make this work.”

“I want to make this work,” he told her, and she knew he was talking about more than that.

Ah, oh, she wanted to tell him how to do that. She wanted to know, too, just what he needed to do so she could forgive him. And she even had an idea of it! She even knew the edges of it, the things her younger self had yearned for: an apology, an effort, his regret; she wanted his regret destroying his life, she wanted him to take it all back, to come crawling home, to tell her he never should have left.

But she wasn’t her younger self anymore. She didn’t know if those things would suffice.

“Let’s just keep going,” she murmured.

And he looked down with a sigh and did as he was told.

***

Catarina arrived home to an empty house.

She lingered at the door for a few moments, but Mom wasn’t there to greet her and they had no pets to do it either. She walked in and let her purse fall to the couch, then sat down gingerly on it herself, like she was going to break or fall apart if she did anything with any kind of forcefulness.

She hated coming home to an empty house.

She wished, suddenly and fervently, that she still had the freedom to do what she had done a few times before: that she could go to Teresa’s place and linger there until she knew her mother would be home, cuddling with Teresa and watching stupid movies or just making out until it was time for her to leave.

She missed Teresa.

She missed sitting by and listening as Teresa talked and talked about Brazilian literature and what she wanted to do with her research. She missed watching movies with Teresa’s head tucked against her shoulder. She missed the beam on Teresa’s face whenever she arrived at her apartment.

“I fucked up,” Catarina said to herself, sitting straight-backed on her couch and staring at the wall opposite her without seeing it. “Haven’t I?”

The walls had no answer, but that was to be expected.

She thought about the fight they had had. The things she had said. She was a jealous person. She pressed her palms against her eyes until they burst with color. She didn’t want to be jealous. She didn’t want to feel like this, so insecure, so betrayed! She wished she hadn’t suspected anything, she hadn’t fallen for Angela’s words, hadn’t taken it out on Teresa, all the frustration and anger and fear she had felt because of her problems with money and her father.

She needed to fix this somehow. She needed to.

She stood up from the couch and marched into her room. She shed her clothes and got ready for a shower as she tried to think of a solution.

She had to talk to Teresa. She had to apologize. She had ruined things, she had said things she hadn’t meant, not really, she had thought horrible things that she knew weren’t true.

She stopped in front of the bathroom mirror. She stared at her reflection.

She couldn’t say those things.

She was the one in the wrong, and she had fucked up, and she couldn’t just approach Teresa after Teresa had said she never wanted to see her again. She couldn’t do that to her. She would have to wait until Teresa contacted her, however long that could take.

Being the way she was, that could take forever.

Catarina sighed, covering her face with her hands, and wished at least one thing in her life were easy right now.

Chapter Sixteen

It had been a good idea to wait another week for her to calm down properly. She still felt hurt, of course! She still felt betrayed. But her temper ran hot, which meant that time was a good thing to give herself. A week wasn’t even that much time.

And yet Teresa woke up that week later thinking that it had been a huge mistake.

She woke up that next Saturday, effectively cooled down, and realized that she had fucked up too.

She had been too harsh, too loud, too unforgiving. She had shouted and marched out and slammed the door on her way out. She had told Catarina that she never wanted to see her again. A part of her still felt justified, but most of her was pondering what the fuck she had done.

She had been rude and callous and too fired up, hadn’t she?

And she had needed some time to cook down, but Catarina wasn’t like her. Catarina had probably spent this entire week stewing on their fight and on her anger with no real outlet.

Teresa sat up in bed and thought: what if Catarina hates me now?

And on the foot of that thought, she started to feel real fucking ridiculous.

She stood up and marched out to the living room. She headed to the kitchen, where she got a distracted morning from Paula and another roommate and poured herself some coffee from the pot someone (probably Veronica) had already brewed. She picked up her mug and marched out again.

“Someone’s in a hurry,” Veronica commented, and Teresa froze. “I’m on the far left, on the couch,” Veronica added.

Teresa gratefully made her way to her and dropped down beside her with a sigh.

“Vee,” she said, “I’ve been a goddamn idiot.”

There was a grating sound, like coffee being sipped very slowly.

“Don’t get funny with me,” Teresa said with a groan. “I shouldn’t have waited so long! Catarina is… quiet. And shy. She’s probably spent these past few days chewing on everything that happened with nobody to talk to…”

“How do you know she doesn’t have anybody to talk to?”

“Well, her best friend is my brother and I know he does not want anything to do with any of this.”

There was a pause… then Veronica burst into laughter.

“I’m sorry!” she exclaimed immediately after. “It just—your brother’s best friend? Teresa, there’s a slightly higher than slight possibility you have been an idiot.”

Teresa sighed. “She probably hates me now. Christ! She said—can you believe—she said her father was robbed and that she was having problems with her bills and I didn’t even hear it. I didn’t even say anything.”

“Ouch!” Veronica said. “Look… I think you should talk to her. She’s not you, she’s probably not all fired up with hating you. She’s probably just sad.”

Teresa drank her coffee and chewed on a lip.

“I wish I hadn’t done that,” she said quietly. “I wish I hadn’t stormed out… I wish I didn’t need a week to sort my shit out.”

“Sorry,” Veronica said, a bit awkward.

But that was fine. Teresa would get ahold of her temper; she would learn to deal with this. She wouldn’t let it screw with her relationships again.

She was going to talk to Catarina.

***

It occurred to her as she stood in front of Catarina house and rang the bell that perhaps she should have warned Catarina that she was coming.

Oh well! She told herself, stamping down on desperation. Everything will be all right!

She rang the bell and stood there waiting. It felt like hours but it was only a few minutes later that the door was opened.

“…yes?” a man’s voice asked in Portuguese.

Teresa’s smile faltered. “Oops. Is this the wrong house? Number 85?”

“It’s the right house. Uh… are you a friend of Catarina’s?”

Ah, Teresa thought, and felt something in her freeze like stone. Then: oh Christ be chill. Do not insult this man. Do not punch him. Do not become too angry.

Her smile still turned into something too sharp.

“Yes,” she said. “Will you tell her Teresa wants to talk to her?”

“She didn’t mention any friend visiting…”

“I didn’t tell her.”

“What’s so important that—”

“Dad! What’s taking so—oh.”

Teresa narrowed her eyes slightly and turned to the side, from where Catarina’s voice seemed to be coming from.

“Hi,” she said. “Can we talk?”

There was a long pause.

“All right,” Catarina said faintly. “Uh, Dad, I’m going to need you to leave.”

“What? But I just arrived! We were working on the—”

“Just for a while,” Catarina interrupted, voice growing stronger. “Just—be gone for a while. This is important to me. All right?”

“…all right,” the man allowed. “I’ll be back in one hour.”

“You’ll be back when I text you,” Catarina told him.

There was another pause. Teresa resisted the urge to wring her hands, to say something. Something must have passed between them, because soon the man sighed but gave up.

“Come on,” Catarina said quietly, and Teresa followed her into the house in silence too. She heard the faint sounds of Catarina’s father gathering some things up and leaving as they walked to Catarina’s room.

Catarina led her to the computer chair instead of the bed to sit down, and Teresa felt a little bit of her hope and confident shrivel up and die. They would be much closer if they were both on the bed, side by side… But Catarina had let her in and hadn’t started shouting or cursing yet, so Teresa still felt forcefully positive about her chances.

“I, um, I thought you never wanted to see me again,” Catarina started. “I mean—I don’t mean that in a sarcastic way, I just—I didn’t think I’d see you so soon. I guess.”

“Me neither,” Teresa said honestly.

There was a moment of silence.

“I mean… at the moment, I didn’t think I’d ever want to see you again,” she added, feeling her shoulders curl in. “I did feel it, you know. I felt so betrayed—I still do. I mean, you thought I was doing the same thing to you that you hate your father for doing to your mom.”

“Angela made me think that on purpose,” Catarina argued—but her tone of voice was low, like she was hesitant, like she didn’t want a fight.

Teresa had been expecting a fight.

She hadn’t been expecting this quiet.

“You still believed it,” Teresa told her.

“I know,” Catarina said, so low her voice was a murmur. “I am sorry. I am.”

Teresa waited, but nothing else came. She started to wring her hands, turned only slightly toward Catarina.

“Cat, I shouldn’t have been like that either,” Teresa blurted out before she could lose her nerve. “I know I’m someone constantly on high, but I shouldn’t have taken it that hard, and I shouldn’t have said the things I said. I just—I was so upset! I didn’t even think about the things you said, thinking they were just excuses, but—I’m sorry. I am. I’m sorry I ignored you and didn’t listen to you and didn’t care—I was so afraid you would hate me! I don’t—I don’t know what to do right now with you so quiet,” she admitted.

Catarina was quiet. Teresa wanted to reach out, to take her hand, to be close, but she didn’t dare. She knew Catarina wasn’t like her, but a part of her was still terrified that Catarina was going to say she hated her after all, get up, and kick her out.

“I thought I really wasn’t going to see you again,” Catarina said, voice wet with tears.

Teresa turned to her, distraught and guilty.

“Cat, I’m sorry,” she said, reaching out; she couldn’t not. It would have been painful to not reach for Catarina right now. Catarina caught her wandering hand in hers and something in Teresa immediately settled—something she hadn’t even realized had been there. “I was so harsh, I need to get a hold of my temper, I need to calm down, I guess, haha! I’m sorry that I ignored you, that I said those things, that I left.”

“I can’t believe I did that,” Cat said, properly crying now, and Teresa felt something in her heart wrench itself painfully to the left. “That I believed that. That you would do that to me, that you were ignoring me because you were with her, that you were spending time and starting to date her, that you loved her instead.”

“Cat, I love you,” Teresa said, helpless to it; she couldn’t have kept the words in if she had tried.

She gasped when Catarina kissed her. Her lips were wet and Teresa gladly licked the salt off of it, gripping Catarina’s hand tighter, curling her other fingers around the short hairs at the nape of her neck. Catarina grasped her waist in turn, dropping her wright on top of Teresa without ceremony. Teresa wrapped her legs around her hips and felt her entire body shiver with pleasure at having Catarina on top of her like this.

“Do you?” Catarina asked her fervently, kissing her again before she could answer.

Teresa answered how she could, then: kissing her back with just as much passion, tightening her hand around her hair, wrapping her legs tighter around her. Catarina dropped her hands to Teresa’s thighs, her fingers digging into her skin, and Teresa moaned. Catarina kissed the corner of her lips, her jaw, lowering her mouth until she could bite at Teresa’s neck.

“No marks,” Teresa gasped, tugging at Catarina’s hair.

“One mark,” Catarina argued, stubborn, and Teresa thought: jealous.

“I’ll have to cover it anyway! I can’t go to class with—”

“One mark,” Catarina murmured into her skin, and Teresa relented.

She moaned when she felt Catarina close her lips around the skin of her neck, when the woman started to suck a pretty mark there.

She was at Catarina’s mercy, and she understood then that the woman needed it: that Teresa’s storming out had scared her, had hurt her, her own jealousy had clouded her love for so long that she was starving for it. Teresa was okay with letting her do whatever she wanted. She did nothing as Catarina slid her hands up Teresa’s skirt, as she hooked her fingers on Teresa’s panties and drew them down.

Teresa lay there and breathed hard, body on fire. Catarina leaned back and Teresa loosened her hold on her waist just enough that Catarina could draw her panties down her legs and throw them out somewhere.

“Can I?” she murmured, leaning down again for another kiss.

“I wouldn’t say no to anything right now,” Teresa admitted, voice husky.

Catarina didn’t hesitate a second. She kissed Teresa deeply, hands cupping her breasts and eliciting another moan from Teresa, just for a moment, like she couldn’t help herself, before she leaned away and moved back until she was lying with Teresa’s legs over her shoulder. Teresa’s breath stopped on her chest, her hands closed tightly on Catarina’s short hair, when she felt Catarina’s breath over the sensitive skin of the space between her legs.

She gasped at the first touch of Catarina’s lips on her. She felt wound up, her nerves firing wildly, goosebumps rising wherever Catarina touched—and she arched her back and like that told Catarina so, urging her on. Catarina was more than ready to do as she was told and opened her mouth wide to lick Teresa from as far as she could go up to her clit—Teresa felt her warm, wet tongue on her like Catarina had touched every nerve in her body at once.

“Cat,” she moaned.

Catarina licked at her clit again, catching it between her lips, scraping her teeth slightly against it. How could such a tiny thing hold such power over Teresa? But it did, just that small touch, Catarina’s teeth on her. She moaned. She couldn’t not. She knew her fingers on Catarina’s hair must be painful, so hard she was gripping at her, but Catarina said nothing. She hummed in pleasure, as if just glad to have Teresa to herself like this.

She plunged her tongue into Teresa and Teresa couldn’t say, or do, anything more.

She could just cry out Catarina’s name as Catarina licked her, kissed her, teased her until she could barely breathe. Her fingers hurt from how hard she was gripping Catarina’s hair. Her legs were trembling lightly. It wasn’t anything out of this world, anything super special, just Catarina’s mouth on her, but right then Teresa felt like it was enough to drive her crazy.

She had thought that Catarina wouldn’t even let her in. It almost hurt, how much joy she was feeling then and there.

She came with Catarina’s name on her lips, arching her back with pleasure.

Catarina didn’t wait a second lifting herself up to catch Teresa’s lips in another kiss. Teresa kissed her back fervently and wanted more than anything to return the favor—she tangled their legs, shoving one of hers between Catarina’s, and then pressed it firmly and suddenly up.

Catarina gasped and kissed her more deeply, grinding hard against Teresa’s thigh, growing hot, growing breathless. She moaned, squeezing her eyes, when Teresa shoved a hand between them and cupped her mound; she could feel Catarina’s eyelashes brushing her cheek. Teresa kissed her sweetly, dragging a thumb against her clit through the layers Catarina hadn’t shed.

Catarina moaned and came just that, still holding onto Teresa with all her might, her kisses growing lax and body growing heavy over Teresa’s.

Teresa kissed her lips, her cheek, her brow, and held her tight.

Chapter Seventeen

They stayed on the bed for what felt like forever, not talking, just dozing together. After a while, Catarina stood up to get some food. Teresa wandered out of the bedroom and shuffled to the kitchen, and they ate grilled sandwiches side by side on the tiny kitchen table. They didn’t say much during all of that.

Catarina kept a hand on Teresa’s knee under the table and Teresa smiled at her.

Catarina couldn’t believe her luck. That Teresa had come back. That she had apologized—Catarina had been so caught up in thinking that Teresa wouldn’t want to hear her apologies that she hadn’t even thought about the fact that she was owed apologies, too.

“I am sorry,” she whispered. “About my… my jealousy. I don’t want to be like this, you know? I didn’t want it to create so many problems…”

Teresa set a hand over hers on her knee.

“I’m sorry too,” she murmured. “That I wasn’t there when you needed it. Will you tell me about your dad?”

“There isn’t much to say aside from what I already told you then,” Catarina told her with a smile. “He just… it happened. We’re trying to deal with it. Trying to make money come from somewhere.”

Teresa gripped her hand tighter. “I’m sorry there’s not much to be done.”

“Yeah.”

They ate in silence. Catarina thought about her father, who was out there doing whatever and waiting for her to text him to come back and knew that she wasn’t going to text him at all. Let him give up and go home.

For some reason, her mind went to Angela.

“I can’t believe she did that,” she muttered, frowning down at her sandwich. “What a dick.”

Teresa’s scowl could have brought children to tears.

“What a dick,” she repeated fervently. “Can you believe it? She told me about her poking you so naturally, as if it wouldn’t immediately make me hate her forever.”

“I can’t believe she made that comment,” Catarina thought, anger making her shoulders draw tight.

“If I hadn’t told her I never wanted to see her stupid face again, I’d march up to her just to punch her,” Teresa snapped. “Genuinely, what the fuck!”

“We should fuck with her,” Catarina decided, straightening up. She could see it, and she wanted it with a power she was helpless against: she wanted to go to a party Angela was also at and wanted to make out with Teresa right in front of her.

Teresa stilled, thoughtful. “How?”

“We should make out right in front of her!”

“I don’t want to make out in front of her!”

“I want her to know her plan didn’t work and that you’re my girlfriend,” Catarina swore. She was jealous, all right, she was feeling it right now, but she felt justified.

Teresa’s face fell. “Well. I’m not.”

Catarina turned to look at her, expression contorting into pain—had she gotten something wrong? What had she done—when she realized what the problem was?

“Oh,” she said.

Teresa shrugged.

Catarina wet her lips. “Teresa, do you… do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Teresa’s shoulders loosened and she smiled. She was so beautiful.

“Yeah,” she said, quiet but happy.

Catarina brought her hand up to her hips and kissed her knuckles, heart soaring.

***

“Catarina, it’s been two hours, how much longer were you going to leave me waiting?”

Her father walked into the house already ranting, bags heavy on his hands. The fact that he had done some grocery shopping made her feel less angry about the fact that he had come back when she had explicitly told him not to do that until she texted him. On the other hand, she felt pretty awful about the fact that he had marched right into the living room, where Catarina had Teresa on her lap and her hands under Teresa’s shirt.

They stared at each other. Teresa stared at a vague spot widely to the left of where Catarina’s father was standing.

“What’s going on?” he asked, shocked.

Catarina stood up suddenly, so much so that Teresa almost tumbled to the floor; she grabbed her and helped her right herself, and once her eyes were away from her father’s, she found she couldn’t look at him again. She physically couldn’t.

“I told you not to come back until I said so,” she said, voice angry even though she wasn’t feeling it, coming out that way out of habit. She was, she realized, scared.

Teresa said nothing, lips pursed into a fine line. She grabbed Catarina’s wrist with strong fingers, like she was telling her that she was here, that she wouldn’t leave. Catarina stayed turned to her with her back to her father, breathing shallowly, thinking only: again.

He was going to leave her again; he was going to hate her. He was going to feel justified.

“Cat… does your mom… know about this?” he finally asked, after the stretching seconds of silence had made her into a mess of nerves.

“No,” she answered automatically, even though she hadn’t wanted to. She continued, straightening up but not turning to him. “Thanks for the groceries, you can just leave them there. I’ll put it all away. Thanks. I’ll see you later. Bye.”

“Cat—”

“Goodbye,” she hissed, feeling her muscles tense. Teresa’s hold on her tightened.

“I don’t think I should go,” he argued, taking a step closer.

She tensed.

“We need to talk about this! If your mother doesn’t know… Cat, you have to tell her. This sort of thing… Christ, what is she going to think?”

Catarina covered her face with a hand. As if she hadn’t asked herself that question every day since she had found out she wasn’t straight. Did her father really think that telling her mom would do anything good?

Was he just going to go ahead and do it, no matter what she said?

Teresa squeezed her hand. Her face was tilted up to Catarina, a frozen expression on it. Catarina realized, looking down at her, that Teresa was valiantly trying not to scowl; that Teresa was furious.

Teresa was furious, and if Catarina wanted it, Teresa would deal with her father for her. All of Teresa’s passion could be turned against him, and she would shout at him until he left. The relief Catarina felt hit her like a bullet, so strong that it brought tears to her eyes. She was so tired of dealing with her father.

She sat down beside Teresa, keeping her head down, and quietly said: “Please.”

Teresa stood up, their hands still linked.

Catarina’s father blinked, confused. He didn’t get the exchange between the two women and didn’t understand why Teresa had stood up. Teresa, by her part, smiled a cheerful, angry smile at him.

“There’s really no need to do that,” she told him brightly in her accented Portuguese. “What you are going to do is leave, because that’s what Catarina told you to do, and not talk to her mother, because this is none of your business.”

Her father grew angry at this nosy woman. Who was she to butt into a family matter? Catarina could see the thoughts as if written on his face, and it hurt that she had grown to know him so well during these weeks she had spent with him that he was so easy for him to read now.

“I think you should leave,” he retorted. “I don’t even know you, and you—what do you think you’re doing to my daughter? She’s a good girl!”

Teresa squeezed her hand so strongly that it hurt. Her smile looked like a snarl.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she asked him almost calmly. “You’re the one who fucking left her. You don’t know your own daughter. You have no place here. Why do you think you have any right to decide whether to tell her mom anything? Why do you think you have any right at all when it comes to Catarina’s life? You left her.”

He recoiled as if slapped, wide-eyed.

He hadn’t expected to hear those words so unflinchingly, so unapologetically. Catarina herself had never wanted to talk to him, and her mother had always been to haggard trying to raise her and pay the bills to work up any fury. But Teresa didn’t pull any punches, and the air rushed out of him all at once.

“She’s my daughter,” he argued quietly. “Of course it matters, of course it concerns me! I…”

“It doesn’t concern you at all!” Teresa shouted, hands curling in fists. “You’re a stupid deadbeat cheater and Catarina is graciously spending her time with you because she needs to, because she and her mom need your stupid money because their lives were ruined by debt you left them to deal with! Just fucking leave already! I can’t believe the gall of you saying Catarina is a good girl. As if you know her.”

He stared at her, speechless. Catarina sat by Teresa and stared at him in turn, eyes wet. It hurt her to see him like this, was the worst part of this: she still loved him. It still hurt to see him hurt. But another part of her felt viciously satisfied. That he was in pain because of the things he had done. That she hadn’t needed to be the one to deal with him.

That Teresa had been there for her instead.

“Cat, you don’t—why are you just sitting there? Who is this girl? I don’t want to talk to her, I want to talk to you,” he tried, taking a step forward. “I don’t know what she’s done to you, but I know you’re not—like that. You’re not that kind of person.”

“You mean gay?” Teresa said, straightening up.

He flinched at the way she said the word. With pride. Without fear.

“You be careful,” Teresa said slowly, “because depending on what you say right now, Catarina really will never speak to you again.”

He went quiet.

Catarina looked at him, feeling small but safe behind Teresa. The man looked at her like he was just realizing how true Teresa’s words were. Catarina had spent a long time not accepting his calls, going away when he visited, turning her face when he spoke. She could go back to that—and worse.

“I…” he started. “Cat, I’m sorry.”

Her mouth fell open in sheer surprise.

She had been expecting many things. An apology had not been one of them.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he said quietly. “I’ve made so many mistakes. I loved these past few weeks, having you with me, as tense as things were sometimes. I’m… I’m sorry. For leaving. You don’t know how much I regret that. I’ll… I won’t talk to your mom. I won’t say anything. You can… we can talk about this later. Maybe. If it’s okay. I’ll, um. I’ll go now, like you asked. I got the strawberries you said you wanted,” he added quietly.

He turned and left. Teresa sat down beside Catarina, a satisfied smile on her face, and she held Catarina close as she burst into tears.

***

“I didn’t think I’d ever get that,” she cried to Teresa later that day, when they were both in bed—Teresa was staying over. “I didn’t think we would ever say sorry.”

“It’s what you deserve,” Teresa said, and meant it with all her heart.

It didn’t erase what her father had done. But he had done something right today. He had done precisely what he should have. Catarina felt okay, now, with loving him. She felt like they could fix this and be a family again.

Chapter Eighteen

Teresa scheduled the meeting with Marcus for a time she knew Angela had work and couldn’t be at college. She went alone, no matter how many times Catarina said she could come with and Veronica offered to drive her. It felt nice, coming alone. To take the subway, the bus, to walk in her slow, shuffling steps up to the right building.

She had been thinking a lot, the past few days, about what passion meant. About sitting down to think, about going slow. Catarina had helped her a lot, like she knew she would. They had sat for hours, talking about the future. About what it meant.

Teresa had a ring on her finger, now. Apparently, it was a custom in this city, at least, for people dating to wear matching rings. It was silver and simple, resting on her ring finger on the right hand. It was lovely. They were really, truly together, now.

“Marcus,” Teresa started as soon as the professor opened the door to his office, before he could even say a hello, “I’m going to have to tell you no.”

Marcus paused before speaking.

“Come on in,” he said, and she did. He closed the door behind her. “You mean to say you won’t do the internship? I know things are complicated for you right now, Teresa, but I’m sure we can find a way.”

“I know,” she said. “But I’ve been thinking about how I tend to dive headfirst into things and I… I think there’s no need to. I know this would be a huge opportunity, but I do have a degree to finish back at home. I need to finish that before I move on. There’s no sense in trying to do everything at once. I know we could find a way, but I think I need to do things right.”

“We would have been so glad to have you,” he said, sad but resigned to her answer. “You’re such a good student, so dedicated, and not a nightmare to work with like some others…”

“Thank you,” she said with a grin. “But I need to slow down a bit.”

“All right,” he said with a sigh. “Well, nothing to be done! I’ll be cheering that you finish that degree soon and come back. …are you still planning on coming back?”

“Definitely!” she told him. She thumbed at her ring, the metal warm against her skin. “I want to live here, after all.”

***

The next time Teresa went to a party, she was glad to take Catarina with her.

Where before she might have felt a bit smothered under Catarina’s constant presence, now she was happy to have her always around. Truth was that Teresa was feeling stupid and fragile about the fact that Angela nearly did manage to wreck things between them. She didn’t feel like dancing with any woman who wasn’t her girlfriend. She didn’t want to think about the days they had spent apart. She felt so stupid.

“Don’t,” Catarina told her softly, pressing a cup of warm beer into her hand. “Drink a bit, and let’s dance.”

Teresa laughed. “What happened to the shy girl who wanted to linger by the walls and not do anything?”

“That shy girl feels brave enough for one dance,” Catarina said.

Teresa grinned. “You just want to dance with me in front of everybody.”

“And then I’ll go back to lingering at the walls,” Catarina agreed, squeezing her hand.

So, they went to dance.

They danced for what felt like hours, even though Teresa knew it couldn’t have been more than a couple of songs. They were past-paced songs filled with rhythm, the kind of which made you want to jump, and neither of them had the stamina to stay there for long. But Teresa was so happy to be dancing with Catarina like this that she barely felt the tiredness. They jumped together, hands clasped or roaming each other’s bodies in turn, lips almost touching as they moved.

“Oh, shit,” Catarina whispered after a while. Her hand tightened on Teresa’s waist.

“What?” Teresa asked, turning slightly toward her. Her nose bumped against Catarina’s cheek.

“It’s Angela,” Catarina said. “Right behind you.”

“Oh, right,” Teresa said.

She stopped dancing and immediately turned around. Catarina stopped too, shocked, but kept her hands at Teresa’s waist and their bodies so close they were touching all over.

Teresa lifted her hands and flipped the bird on both of them.

Catarina barked out a laugh, delighted.

“Yeah!” she crowed, taking her hands from Teresa; she would bet she was flipping the bird too. “Fuck you, Angela!”

A murmur of laughter went around the party, the people around them amused at their actions. Catarina quickly grasped Teresa’s waist again and pulled her flush against her side. She buried her nose on Teresa’s hair.

“All right, so that’s that for today,” she said. “I think I’ve used my courage for the whole week. Let’s go linger by the wall.”

Teresa carded her fingers through her hair. “I wouldn’t mind going home,” she said, voice low.

Catarina kissed her. Teresa wouldn’t have turned to see Angela’s reaction even if she could have.

Epilogue

“Cat!”

Catarina stood up at once, pulling Teresa along since their hands were linked. She looked wildly around; though the voice had been loud, she couldn’t find its owner among the throng of people coming through the gates marked with “arrivals”. It was after a few seconds that his head popped up somewhere she could see, and Catarina’s heart felt full fit to burst.

“Al!” she shouted.

He grinned at her and ran to them. He crashed onto her with a hug, wrapping his arms around her, and she laughed in delight.

“You’re a shorty like Teresa!” she exclaimed.

“Ugh, shut up!” he exclaimed with mock-disgust. “I don’t want to hear anything else about Teresa, she’s all you talk about!”

“Am I?” Teresa asked, pleased.

“Tee,” Al said, full of feeling, and released Catarina to hug his sister. “God, it’s so good to see you. I didn’t think I’d miss you bashing your cane against my ankle like a lunatic, but I really do.”

“I never do that!” Teresa lied cheekily. She hugged him just as tightly; he was her little brother.

“I can’t believe you two came to see me together,” he said, releasing her. He looked like Teresa too, Catarina noticed, obvious here where it had never been through pictures. They were both short and blond, though his color was a bit darker, and their eyes were the same shade. “I told you I don’t want anything to do with you two as a unit. I’m here for Teresa, my sister, and Catarina, my best friend, two people who are separate and don’t know each other.”

“I think this is going past you being mad at Cat for dating your sister,” Teresa told him, hands on her hips. “I think you’re just plain jealous that we both have girlfriends while you have been single for years!”

He groaned and punched her shoulder. “Shut up!”

“Dude, you’re here,” Catarina marveled.

Al looked at her with equally shining eyes. “I know. I just couldn’t believe it when Tee said she would pay for my plane ticket. This ass!”

“I’d been planning this birthday gift for months,” Teresa said smugly.

“You should have told me!”

“That would have ruined the surprise!”

“Dude,” Catarina marveled again, “you’re here.”

She and Al crushed each other in another hug.

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go to your house. Now we can play while on the same room. We won’t have to depend on patchy connections or shitty audio. We can strategize with each other out loud, just like that!”

“You nerds,” Teresa said fondly. She linked her arms with both of them, and the three of them smiled at each other.