Hockey’s become sort of a backwater. This happens when strikes drag on for years, when rule changes change an already difficult game to follow, and when the public’s taste for and confusion regarding thuggery reigns supreme. And that goddamned video of Steve Moore’s head bouncing off the ice like a handball with hair every time someone wanted to talk about hockey didn’t help either.
But there WAS a time, a time before the time when the WNBA was scoring more viewers than NHL hockey (and there’ll be no claims made for hockey here as its reputation as “soccer on ice” has not been lost on us) when some of the toughest men ever to clock time in a sanctioned sports event plied their trade. That trade being, specifically: hockey enforcer.
Part shark, part hitman, the enforcer was an indispensable component of the iced trade, and though grace-note suspensions were routinely handed out by way of “penalty minutes,” the tough guy, make that TOUGH guy, as sports hero hadn’t had this kind of juice since Ty Cobb was beating up people in the stands for heckling him.
Of the assembled TOUGH guys, whose reputations rest upon weeks and weeks of penalty minutes, a few names emerge, but only ONE name emerges as the toughest AND the best: TIE DOMI.
Domi, with more penalty minutes than any other player in the history of the Toronto Maple Leafs, was third overall in career NHL penalty minutes (see sidebar, pages 199–201). Which means that after a sixteen-year career (that just ended in 2006) and over 1,000 games, he’s gotten into more fights than probably just about anyone else you KNOW. On ice. Against guys with sticks. BIGGER guys with sticks.
Which is precisely why he’s here.
Hockey fights: bullshit attempt at pandering to a sensation-mad fan base (and we’re OKAY with that) or something else?
Tie Domi: Hockey’s a game of a lot of emotion but inside all of that emotion is a game where occasionally you got a guy who wants to take a cheap shot. Or a liberty. Whatever you want to call it. And usually there’s a guy or two whose job it is to respond to that. To make the guy’s cheap shot cost a little bit. At the very least he’s there to RESPOND to it. It’s not the case that you get the better of him but at least somebody’s holding somebody accountable. So when you have a tough guy on the bench it makes guys respect what’s going on a lot more because they know they’re going to be held accountable.
And, you know, sometimes fights don’t always happen to get someone back. Sometimes it’s to change the flow of the game. If you’re down 2–0 you gotta change something. If you’re not in the mood, you still gotta do it to turn the game around. And that’s what I was best at. And I’d go after one of their best players to get someone to come at me. Or I would yap at the bench. You do this long enough and you know someone’s going to come. But because I was one of the tougher guys, people didn’t want to go with me, but even if they came up to me just to talk, if the opportunity was right? I’d do it. And everybody knew if I did it when we were down I was doing it for the team and not just for myself. But guys who are enforcers are born into this role. No coach is creating a personality that can get out there and do this stuff.
What about these super highly publicized things like Todd Bertuzzi? (Steve Moore suffered three fractured vertebrae in his neck, a grade-three concussion, vertebral ligament damage, stretching of the brachial plexus nerves, and facial cuts at the hands of Bertuzzi.)
Moore should have seen it coming. Look, Moore hit Markus Naslund, putting him out for three games. The best player on the Vancouver Canucks. And he’s the captain. So when Moore hit him he had to know that next game he was a target. Bertuzzi’s not a tough guy. Neither is Moore actually, but if you play hockey you know someone’s coming for you. And everybody was trying to do something to try to fight him and he wouldn’t respond, right? Unfortunately when Bertuzzi got him his head hit the ice, BUT he shoulda seen it coming. And because he shoulda seen it coming, he, first shift, shoulda fought somebody just to get it over with. Instead he was just acting like he was going to get away with it but that’s just not the way the game’s played. And the game’s been played for how many years? I don’t know what kind of fucking hockey HE was watching as a kid but last time I checked if you take out the other team’s best player with a dirty hit you better be expecting to answer the bell.
All right, fight techniques? What are the ones that I can use to keep from getting Steve Moore’d?
The most important ones are having the right balance, being on top of your feet, and having a good grip. If your legs are not squared properly and you don’t have a good grip, you’re going to have a tough time. I was always the smaller guy…
At 5′10, 210?
If you’re fighting guys 6′5′ and 235, yeah. But the thing I got to tell you is this: if you don’t like getting hit you might as well not do the role. You don’t like fighting? Don’t start, because once you fight a few guys you’re always going to be known as a guy who’ll fight. But I’d grab the guy’s shirt, right underneath his chin, and I used to bring it, I used to throw pretty hard, but I’d bring it from what they called the South Pole. And I used to throw that with my chin down to protect my face. After that I’d just follow my hand because I knew somewhere in there, between my two fists was going to be his face. So whatever hand I’m throwing, I turn my chin the same way. (For all you fight fans, turning his head to the right if he was throwing punches with his right.)
Grabbing the jersey is important too. You’ve got to grab a guy on the jersey or jacket or something by the elbow or further down the arm. Some guys grab right underneath the armpit and they get tagged. But you grab at the elbow or down toward the hand the guy can’t throw a punch. You also gotta lock your arm. If you lock your arm straight when you grab the guy you can hold him and it’s tough to break away from that.
I invented the little jab punch with the jersey. Like I said, I’d grab the guy’s jersey right under his chin. These shirts DO stretch so if you pull it out and throw that little punch with the hand that’s grabbing the jersey you can really actually hurt a guy. Really make his eyes water. Add to that The Spin. I started spinning guys to get them off balance. That’s probably my trademark too, but once I got the spin going they knew I was kinda in control. If you spin toward the arm they’re throwing, you’re walking right into it, so I’d spin away from the punch.
Okay—jersey grab, chin punches, The Spin, head toward punching arm, and blind punches in the vicinity of the jersey hand. This shit work on the street? I mean, with any sort of regularity?
Oh yeah. You know I didn’t take any shit from anybody but when I was in New York it happened a lot. People’d see me at a bar and they’d say, “Hey, you’re Tie Domi!” And then after a few drinks it’d be, “Oh, you’re not that big, Domi.” A few more drinks later it’d be, “You probably ain’t that tough, either.” And then finally it’d be something like, “Nice haircut, asshole.” And before you know it the guy’s staring at the ceiling, laying on his back. One time in Chicago a couple of Marines were in my face. They’d been bothering my teammates and so I asked, “Is there a problem here?” The guy gets in my face, nose to nose like he’s a drill sargeant, “PARDON ME, SIR, WHAT DID YOU SAY, SIR?” And I said, “Hey, buddy, get outta my face right now or I’ll put you in a coma.” I grabbed them both by the throat and threw them down the stairs. I took care of my teammates on and off the ice.
Okay … and finally, coming from a tough guy, this might mean something: name some of the toughest guys you’ve ever fought …
In no particular order
Bob Probert, for sure. “We had some dandies. I was young and playing at Madison Square Garden and that’s when I used to do that WWE shit: miming the champion’s belt, the speed bag, and all of that shit. [Mark] Messier convinced me to stop that, though.”
Dave Brown
Donald Brashear
Craig “The Chief” Berube
Ken Baumgartner
Joe Kocur
Chris Simon
Rob Ray
Ken Daneyko
and last but not least
Tony Twist
TOP TEN CAREER NHL PENALTY MINUTE LEADERS
| MINUTES | YEARS PLAYED | |
| 1. Dave “Tiger” Williams | 3,966 | 1974–1988 |
TEAMS Maple Leafs, Canucks, Red Wings, Kings, Whalers
“NOTABLE” ACHIEVEMENTS Spent the equivalent of over seventy complete games in the penalty box during his career, and was once involved in a stick duel with Dave Hutchinson of the LA Kings—while IN the penalty box.
| 2. Dale Hunter | 3,565 | 1980–1999 |
TEAMS Nordiques, Capitals, Avalanche
“NOTABLE” ACHIEVEMENTS When his number was retired by Washington he was presented with his own penalty box.
| MINUTES | YEARS PLAYED | |
| 3. Tie Domi | 3,515 | 1989–2006 |
TEAMS Rangers, Jets, Maple Leafs
“NOTABLE” ACHIEVEMENTS Sprayed a heckling fan with water while in the penalty box in Philadelphia. A drunk fan banged on the glass until the panel gave way, causing the fan to fall into the box with Domi, who got in his whacks before the fan was ejected from the arena.
| 4. Marty McSorley | 3,381 | 1983–2000 |
TEAMS Penguins, Oilers, Kings, Rangers, Sharks, Bruins
“NOTABLE” ACHIEVEMENTS Convicted for assaulting Donald Brashear with his stick (Brashear fell backward to the ice and received a concussion), suspended for a year, never played another game in the NHL.
| 5. Bob Probert | 3,300 | 1985–2002 |
TEAMS Red Wings, Blackhawks
“NOTABLE” ACHIEVEMENTS Once arrested for cocaine possession while crossing the Detroit-Windsor border, was jailed, suspended from the NHL. He was banned from traveling with the Red Wings to any games in Canada for over two seasons. Heeyyy … who among us …?
| 6. Rob Ray | 3,207 | 1989–2004 |
TEAMS Sabres, Senators
“NOTABLE” ACHIEVEMENTS Ray’s fighting style was to remove his helmet, pads, and jersey, giving his opponents nothing to grab onto. The NHL created additional penalties for those who did this, and it became known as the Rob Ray Rule.
| MINUTES | YEARS PLAYED | |
| 7. Craig “The Chief” Berube | 3,149 | 1986–2003 |
TEAMS Flyers, Maple Leafs, Flames, Capitals, Islanders
“NOTABLE” ACHIEVEMENTS Suspended for one game without pay for calling Peter Worrell, one of the few African-Americans in the NHL, a “monkey” during an on-ice scrap. Berube himself is a Native American. He’s lucky he didn’t get scalped…
| 8. Tim Hunter | 3,142 | 1981–1997 |
TEAMS Flames, Nordiques, Canucks, Sharks
“NOTABLE” ACHIEVEMENTS Possibly the best hockey fighter of all time, pound-for-pound, and best technical fighter, according to hockeyfights.com.
| 9. Chris “Knuckles” Nilan | 3,043 | 1979–1992 |
TEAMS Canadiens, Bruins, Rangers
“NOTABLE” ACHIEVEMENTS Holds the record for highest average penalty minutes per game (4.42) and single-game penalty minute record (42).
| 10. Rick Tocchet | 2,970 | 1984–2002 |
TEAMS Flyers, Penguins, Kings, Bruins, Capitals, Coyotes
“NOTABLE” ACHIEVEMENTS One of only four players in NHL history with over 400 goals and 2,000 penalty minutes, he pleaded guilty to his involvement in a sports gambling ring along with a New Jersey state trooper and Wayne Gretzky’s wife.
Note that well-known goons Dave “The Hammer” Schultz (the poster boy for the “Broad Street Bullies” Flyers teams of the 1970s) is number 34 on the list, and Stu “The Grim Reaper” Grimson (possibly the best hockey goon nickname ever) is number 41. To Schultz’s credit, he also owns, by a wide margin, the single-season record for penalty minutes with 472. To see these guys in action, check out YouTube.com.
THE BEST DOCUMENTARY THAT DOESN’T MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WANT TO WEAR A BERET & MOVE TO FRANCE AND FEATURES TOOTHLESS MEN SAVAGELY BEATING EACH OTHER TO A PULP WHILE WEARING ICE SKATES
The Chiefs (2005) Directed by Jason Gileno
You know who Wayne Gretzky is? No? Okay, what about Bobby Hull? No? Jesus, what about that Paul Newman movie Slapshot then? Okay, that’s ringing some bells, right? A ragtag band of hockey degenerates and their lucky, plucky story of pugilistic perseverance, sort of a Bad News Bears but instead of lovable kids and Jodie Foster, you get toothless Canadians who like to fight? Well, you know how every fiction is based on some kind of reality? Well, this is that reality. And though reality TV has poisoned the well of well-turned documentaries, this one does what good ones are supposed to do: sits back and follows its characters through their unexpectedly complicated lives (versus leading its “actors” through completely unbelievable cons). And it’s these real lives that make this a sort of compelling look at hockey (which we have a hard time seeing anyone not Canadian or living West of the continental divide giving a shit about) a really compelling look at combat. You know the old joke about going to a fight and having a hockey game break out? The Chiefs IS that joke, and more than funny, it’s a solid technical primer on fighting on ice skates, and a celebration and quiet embrace of the elemental nature of competition, while its raw ballet makes you forget that hockey is just about the most boring game ever. More watch-able than a biathlon, and better fights too.