On an unseasonably warm October evening Alexis was getting out of her car to head into a restaurant to meet friends. As she was pulling her purse from the back seat a woman yelled, “You can’t wear white pants after Labor Day!” Stunned and confused, Alexis looked up just in time to see an older model SUV speeding away with its passenger quickly rolling up the window.
Who does that?! At some point, we all have. We have come to a snap judgment based on our own hang-ups and let it fly without any regard for the person on the other end of our outburst. The pants fit Alexis well, no bulging or bunching, and they were paired with a simple black top. Even so, she became the victim of a drive-by criticism.
Before we speak, let’s engage our brain to mouth filter. Think about whether the comment needs to be made. What’s the purpose? Ask yourself, am I saying this to be hurtful, to make myself feel superior, or do I really need to say something? Have I examined the situation with compassion? In the case of Alexis, the yeller had no accountability. She raced away before Alexis could turn around, let alone respond.
We need to hold ourselves accountable for all of our statements, whether they are made to a person’s face or behind their back. If you would not want the person to hear what you are saying, don’t say it. If you are not comfortable making the comment directly to their face and receiving a response, the comment may not be necessary. If things are so out of hand you really need to say something, find a way to do it calmly and privately in a way which doesn’t embarrass or demean the person.
Extend this concept beyond the words you say and allow it to take over the way you think. By training ourselves to pause before we speak, we can train ourselves to think in a more positive manner about those around us. Even without verbalizing those positive thoughts, they will have an effect on our actions.
I’ve always seen the good in people and been diplomatic about their faults. However, as I became increasingly stressed and more critical of my own life I began to lose my positive attitude. I was having a major lack attack and it began to impact my relationships, with even my closest friends. When I purposely reacted with kindness and refocused my energy on my time-honored ways of acceptance and caring, my life got better. I had removed a layer of stress and anguish simply by choosing to do so.
Put the power of positive thinking into practice. Find someone and pay them a compliment. Better if it is someone you don’t know. Better still if it is someone you initially had a negative reaction towards and have found a way to compliment them anyway. Try to observe their reaction. Then notice how you feel.