Knowing that Scott was interested in buying a house, Candice invited him to a party hosted by Rob, a realtor she recently met. During the party she noticed Rob and Scott talking and thought it was good they had found each other since she hadn’t gotten a chance to make an introduction. Toward the end of the evening, after Scott had left, Rob came over and started to give a full report on how the night was going. With a smug smile he explained how this “moron” named Scott had said the song playing was in six-four, how he told him it was actually in twelve-eight, and how he would know because he was in a band.
Candice nodded and smiled allowing Rob to enjoy his moment of perceived victory. She decided not to mention Scott was just finishing up his PhD in music theory, or that he was interested in buying a house. Instead, she made a mental note to text Scott later and apologize for Rob’s rude behavior.
Ah! If Rob only knew. Whether they are client referrals or helpful suggestions when a hiring manager has a position to fill, every job depends on relationships. Why lose the chance to build a positive one just to be right? Especially considering he was the host, Rob could have said, “Oh, I thought this was in twelve-eight” in a kind way and possibly opened the door to a friendly discussion. He may have even gained a client. Instead he allowed his ego to get in the way and – without knowing it – lost a sale.
There is no grand prize for being right all the time and the world will not implode if you miss one or two opportunities to share your superior correctness with those around you. Instead of reacting immediately when a situation occurs, pause, think, and react with compassion. Take a couple of seconds to consider the other person’s point of view. See if there is a way to change the situation for the good of all involved.
Sometimes it is difficult to engage the brain to mouth filter fast enough. You know you should stop, but you just can’t hit the brakes in time and the words come crashing out. We’ve all been there. When we react instantly we often get it wrong. We have been diligently practicing all this time to defend ourselves, and we end up defending against the wrong things. We defend against the shy and the quiet. We defend against the weak. We defend against those looking for help. We like to think of ourselves as strong, so we defend against that which is not like us when, in reality, we are much better served by diversity.
Humans build communities because we need a network of others for survival. When an opportunity arises to build a relationship, learn to recognize it and make the most of the situation. When you have the opportunity to do something helpful or kind, do it. The relationships I built with others at various jobs were always what carried me through to the next one. My boss at the zoo recruited me to work in an afterschool program more than six months after she had moved on. My clients and even my competitors at the dance studio called to hire me after we closed because I always maintained a positive relationship with them. Through those relationships, I was able to start my coaching business and create the schedule I needed for my family to be happy. Foster positive relationships in all your endeavors; you never know when they will pay off.
A smile is a universal greeting of happiness. I love to smile at the most unfriendly looking people and watch their expression instantly transform. Once, I was trying to change lanes while driving and the car next to me insisted on matching my speed and refusing to let me over. When we were aligned, I glanced over at the driver who was giving me the most stern, angry, mad-dog look he possibly could. Instead of making the situation worse by getting angry right back, I smiled. His behavior instantly changed. He smiled, then started to flirt. I seized the opportunity, slowed down enough to change lanes behind his car, and safely made my exit. Give smiling a try and watch the reactions you get.