Marisol was curled-up on the couch, snuggled in her pajamas and a blanket, typing intently on her laptop when her roommate Kris walked in.
Marisol: *type type type type*
Kris: How’s it going?
Marisol: Fine. *type type type type*
Kris: How was your day?
Marisol: Good. *type type type type*
Kris: Do you want to watch a movie?
Marisol (as politely as possible): No thanks. *type type type*
Kris: What are you doing?
Marisol: Writing. *type type*
Kris: Oh… I saw Jon and Karen at the coffee shop today. They were having a huge fight!
Marisol: Hum, I hope they work it out. *type*
Kris: I don’t know if they will. He seemed pretty mad and she started crying. She was trying to hide it, but I could tell. Oh! And then Liam walked in, but wouldn’t make eye contact with anyone…
Marisol: *smiles, closes laptop, and turns her attention toward Kris*
People speak in code all the time. Part of tuning in and being compassionate is learning how to pick up on their cues. If someone is not making eye contact or if all the answers to your questions are super short then they probably don’t want to talk to you right now. Not necessarily because they don’t like you, they might just be busy, or shy, or thinking, or tired. Try to notice what is going on with others from their perspective, not just yours. Even though Kris had blinders on, Marisol realized Kris really, really wanted to tell a story. Recognizing the importance of the story to her friend, Marisol took a break from her writing and listened.
Friends can be the ones who help you get through the toughest times. They rescue you from difficult situations and they help you laugh away the pain. They listen to all your crazy stories and sympathize when times are hard. Tune in to when they need you, even if their needs get in the way of what you are doing at the time. By helping my friends, I now have people in my life who will come over at ten o’clock at night and help change the battery in a chirping smoke detector 20 feet up on the ceiling. Friends who have given me their alarm code to get into their house if I need to borrow a humidifier while they are at work.
Avoid taking your friends for granted. Listen when they need to talk and show up when they need help. Give when you can because you will need to be on the receiving end one day.
Do something nice for a friend, show them how much you value them. Surprise them by picking up their favorite coffee or smoothie on the way to their house. Offer to watch their children while they go out with their spouse or to pay for a sitter so you can go out together. Surprise them by washing their car or mowing their lawn (if they won’t read too much into it and get offended). Choose anything you know they would like or just spend time having fun together. Try to stay out of trouble and don’t combine it with a birthday gift or an event you already have planned. If they ask why you are being so nice simply tell them it’s because you like them.