Ivan and Sabrina had been dating for almost two years, and were getting pretty serious. While Sabrina was technically still living with her parents, she spent most of her time with Ivan at his parents’ house. She was finishing school and they were saving money to get a place together.
Ivan’s mother was upset Sabrina was not paying rent or doing any chores around the house. Sabrina said she used her car to drive family members to the grocery store and doctor’s appointments and never asked for gas money. She pointed out she was either at school or at work most of the time and only at their house an hour or two in the evenings to eat and socialize with the family before bedtime.
Ivan tried to look busy in a corner. He didn’t defend Sabrina at all, and when his mother asked what he thought he said maybe Sabrina should do some of the cleaning to help out if she did not want to pay rent. Sabrina broke up with Ivan in less than a week.
Sabrina realized she was not the top priority in Ivan’s life and he was not mature enough to defend her as his partner. Rather than shy away from the discussion, Ivan should have taken the opportunity to engage his mother about why she suddenly wanted Sabrina to pay rent when she never mentioned it in the previous six months. There may have been a possible solution. Perhaps Ivan could do more chores since he was not in school and only working part time, or Ivan and Sabrina could move out sooner than they had planned. Like Sabrina, surround yourself with those who empower you and let go of those who do not have your back.
When I get overwhelmed or frustrated I have what I call a “cleaning fit.” I scrub, vacuum, clean, and organize until I start feeling better. I feel the best when I get stuff I no longer need out of the house. Choose three items you do not need or are not using and throw them away, give them away, or donate them to charity. Experience the refreshing lightness of not being bogged down by that which no longer benefits you.