Emily’s mother and stepfather were visiting from out of town for the weekend. Near the end of dinner at a local restaurant, wherein Emily’s stepfather, Donald, had harassed the waitress within an inch of her sanity, the check arrived. When Emily’s husband Henry offered to pay, Donald said, “Hang on.” and took the check holder. He looked at the bill, mulled it over, and then handed it back to Henry saying, “Well, ok, you can pay.”
Most of us know this is rude, but apparently not all of us do. Emily and Henry have three children, so a bill for seven at a restaurant was not going to be small. Was Donald checking to see if it was too expensive for Henry to handle? This would be the best possible scenario. If after looking at the bill Donald determined the full amount was more than he was willing or able to cover, he could have offered to pay for his portion.
As a testament to his graciousness, Henry paid for the entire meal and as they were leaving pretended to have forgotten something. He went back, found the waitress, gave her an extra $20 tip, and apologized for Donald’s behavior.
Giving is not just about giving money. Giving is also about learning to have flexibility – to yield a little. Confronting Donald would have caused tension in the family. Knowing they lived over 1,600 miles away and were only visiting for the weekend, Henry did what he thought was right without putting his wife in the uncomfortable position of playing referee. Let the frustration fall away and have compassion for those who don’t have a clue they have been rude or insensitive.
Start by relaxing your body from the top down. Neck rolls, shoulder rolls, leaning to each side, deep breathing, and so on. Shake out the knots and frustration while focusing on feeling more calm and open. The next time you are given the opportunity to be gracious stretch yourself and seize the moment. Forgive without being asked. Have some give and solve a difficult situation with compassion instead of conflict.