Brittany asked her husband, Drew, to clean the garage. He said that he would, but he kept putting it off with a new excuse: too hot, too windy, kids need a ride to soccer practice, have to go to the grocery store, anything. The longer he took, the more she pressed. The more she asked about it, the more annoyed he got, and the more he resisted getting it done.
Unknown to his wife, Drew had an almost crippling fear of spiders. He would have rather set the garage on fire with his Magpul Ronin 1125R motorcycle inside than have a surprise run-in with a spider. Having been teased in the past, Drew was really embarrassed about his fear and did not want to appear weak.
Had Drew told Brittany his feelings when she first asked him to clean out the garage they might have been able to work out another arrangement. They could clean the garage together or she could clean the garage while he did a different chore. If they were both afraid of spiders they might be able to hire someone to help fumigate and clean. Perhaps a move to Antarctica would have solved the problem? I hear the hot springs are nice. More seriously though, instead of building up animosity for several weeks, a few honest words from Drew and a bit of compassion from Brittany could have led to a simple and equitable solution.
Before you start this Shake-Up I want to mention what honesty is not. Honesty is not a weapon to be used to hurt others or veil your slights against them. Too often I observe people using the word honesty to describe what is actually cruelty. If someone asks, “How do you like my new sweater?” and you respond with, “That sweater is super ugly. I hate that color. Sorry, just being honest!” you are using honesty as a license to be cruel. Instead, respond truthfully in a kind and compassionate way. For example, “It’s not my favorite color, but it fits you well.”
Now, for this Shake-Up we’re practicing honesty. The next time you are confronted with a question or situation, answer honestly even if it feels difficult to do so. I first started practicing this at potlucks. Ever go to a potluck where one person is just raving about their own dish and trying to force everyone to eat it? If you don’t want to offend them and say you like it when you really do not, they will remember. Then they will make that thing and expect you to eat it at every single potluck until the end of time. I found it is so much better to be kind, compassionate, and honest right from the beginning.