Kevin was absentmindedly twisting his wedding ring while leaning against the counter in his parent’s galley kitchen and watching a delivery team maneuver his father’s new TV through the front door. His mother was guarding her potted plants and ceramic elephant collection, while his father was directing the pair of movers to just the right spot. To make it seem as if he was busy doing something other than staring, Kevin was putting away one or two clean dishes every few minutes. When they finished opening the box and putting it on the stand the 70” TV absolutely dominated the cozy 12’ x 15’ living room and blocked a third of the doorway to the bedroom. Kevin figured he would have to turn his head to see the whole screen, and watching anything while sitting on the couch was going to feel like being stuck in the front row at a movie theater.
Kevin’s father excitedly relayed the story of how he had gotten such a good deal on such a large TV. Then, he insisted on hooking everything up and playing something so everyone could see how great the new TV was. Kevin couldn’t help thinking about his own new TV. It was smaller, 46”, and worked perfectly for the space in his living room. He remembered how his father was looking at it a few weeks before; asking where he purchased it and how much it had cost. He realized tonight’s dinner invitation had been staged to make sure Kevin was on-site for the big delivery. It reminded him of when he bought his new phone, and when his wife gave him a watch for their anniversary. Each time his father had shown up a few weeks later with something bigger and flashier.
Don’t be Kevin’s dad. Focus on your own goals, what you want to achieve, and how you can better yourself. A little competition can be motivating, but when you are competing against the people you should be helping like your family, competition can become harmful. Kevin’s dad was so focused on out shining Kevin he forgot to assess what he actually wanted and needed. Instead, he kept trying to one-up those around him and was never truly satisfied. Instead of comparing yourself to others simply compare you now to you in the past. If you’ve made progress, you’re good. If you haven’t, turn it around.
Be true to yourself. Do activities you like, not just the ones everyone else is doing. Work towards your own goals even if they are not the most interesting or exciting to others. If they excite and inspire you, they are worthwhile. Avoid trying to force yourself to use certain vocabulary or act in a way which is completely opposite of your true personality simply because you are keeping up with the latest trend or think it will make you fit in with the crowd. I no longer have any shame about not wanting to ride the craziest roller coasters. I was pressured onto one which looked beyond my tolerance once and was miserable for the entire 1 minute, 45 seconds of it. Never again!
As a side note: Politeness and good manners are not simply a trend (although they do seem to fall in and out of fashion). Politeness and good manners are beneficial because they help us function together as a society. Being true to yourself is not a free pass to start being rude to everyone else. It is an invitation to stop being rude to yourself and to stop forcing yourself to do things with the sole intention of fitting in or standing out.
Find something which is totally you and do it. Maybe it is a project you started and haven’t gotten to finish. Maybe it is taking a class you cannot convince any of your friends to take with you. Go do something uniquely you. You might play music, organize your closet, go for a run, or cook your favorite meal. I’ll probably be out dancing.