Roommates Derek and Ethan were part of the Banquets & Catering Services team at a local resort. A large convention was taking place, and hundreds of individual sized pies had been made for the farewell dinner. Derek wanted some of those pies. Ethan was mildly against it. Not enough to stand up for his ideals and say, “No,” just enough to not steal the pies himself. After a lengthy discussion, it was agreed that Derek would take a few pies and Ethan would drive the car and pick him up in back of the kitchen.
When Ethan pulled around to pick him up, Derek was struggling to open the door while balancing three large boxes filled with pies. “Help!” Derek whispered. Not knowing what else to do, and worried they were about to get caught, Ethan got out of the car, opened the back door, and helped load the boxes. He drove home in a stunned silence while Derek laughed and smiled all the way. When they arrived Derek invited some friends over and they all laughed and ate. Ethan tried to join in the fun, but the more he ate the sicker he felt and eventually he went off to bed.
The next day at work, Derek was confronted about the theft. He had been recorded by the hidden security cameras in the kitchen and he was fired. Ethan was questioned, as was everyone who was working the same shift as Derek, but his participation was not discovered. Every time Ethan went to work he felt guilty about stealing, about lying, and about not stopping his roommate from making such a big mistake.
We all have an internal compass which tells us exactly what we should and should not do. Most of us listen some of the time, but have gotten very good at overriding the message when it doesn’t suit us. When I was about seven months pregnant with my second child I had an idea for a small business. I invited two people I had previously worked with to be a part of the business with me. They sounded excited, and we all agreed to meet at a restaurant for dinner. They both stood me up. I’m stubborn, so I ate anyway and tried to pass off their not showing up as having simply forgotten. While driving home, nerves and pregnancy belly got the best of me and I threw up in my lap. I drove the rest of the way home all gross and crying. It was awful, but I did not tell anyone what had happened. When I spoke with each person later they both apologized for not showing up and said they did not think they had time to be a part of the company. Even though I knew in my gut them not showing meant my plan was not strong enough, I started the company anyway. I failed to listen to the overwhelming message my body was sending. Instead, I ignored my gut feeling, started the company, and spent hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars for very little return.
When you know something is not right, listen to the messages you are sending to yourself. Stop overriding the sick feeling in your stomach when it is trying to send you a warning. For example, if you are thinking of going on a date with your roommate’s ex and you have a gut feeling they might be mad, pay attention to the feeling. Don’t ignore your instincts because “the ex is really hot and they asked you, so it should be cool... right?” Listen to your gut when it tells you something is wrong, or prepare to face the consequences of poor choices and live with the feeling of regret.
Go out on your own. To dinner, to the movies, for coffee, anywhere you want. Be alone, but not lonely. Enjoy taking time to listen to yourself and do what you want to do. Focus on the internal messages you are sending. Start building the confidence to listen to yourself and the confidence to act on what your gut is telling you.