Cameron wore the one suit he owned to every job interview until he finally got hired. Once hired, he realized he had better go out and buy some appropriate work wear before his first day. His girlfriend went with him and helped search for suits, shirts, ties, and sweaters. When something didn’t work she would politely tell him, and he would take it off and put it in the “no” pile. When an outfit looked good she would compliment him, but he would find a problem. If she said the shirt was a nice color he would say it wasn’t right for his skin tone. If she complimented the cut of the pants, he complained about his waistline being too big to make them hang properly. Then he would go back to the dressing room. Every time he got back there he would stand in front of the mirror searching for flaws in how this great looking suit fit him. After several hours of searching for the best colors and sizes and trying on clothes, Cameron started to question if he was even qualified for the new job he was about to start.
Cameron became so caught up in searching for flaws he started to doubt everything about himself. He had someone who cared for him enough to help with shopping sitting there giving him complements, yet he refused to internalize any of them. Do you reject compliments out of hand? Do you ever hear yourself saying or thinking things like the following?
I could be attractive except for my nose.
I am smart except I can’t figure out how to fold a fitted sheet.
I might be good at dancing except I have two left feet.
I’m brave except I am afraid of heights.
What’s the deal with all the exceptions? Have some compassion towards yourself! One exception does not negate an entire positive quality about you. Break these apart and think of them separately. Turn them into statements instead of exceptions.
I am attractive.
I have a unique nose.
I am smart.
I do not like folding fitted sheets.
I might be good at dancing.
I am shy.
I am brave.
I do not like heights.
When someone gives you positive feedback try to accept it. There are good things about you. I have been a performer for years and have learned the only way to have a good performance is to practice often and practice well. When the dress rehearsal is over and there is no time to think of what to do, we do what we have practiced. Practice focusing on the good you have to offer so you can build inner resilience and increase your happiness. Take “except” out of the equation and except nothing. Instead, accept the things you can not change and move forward. Accept it all. The good, the bad, the flawed, and the perfect. It’s all yours: No exceptions.
Create a list of your five (5) best qualities or five (5) positive things about yourself. If you have trouble getting to five keep trying. You have way more than five positive qualities and you can find them if you allow yourself to look. If you really need help, ask a friend. Write your list, label it, and save it with your other lists until you reach Day 30. Hey, maybe you can add dedicated to your list! After all, you have made it through Day 20 and there are only 10 left to go.