Five
I live my life one day at a time
Hold my head so I don’t lose my mind
Sometimes you might fall down, but you get back up
Get on your journey, yeah, keep on
Pushin’
Pushin’
Pushin’
Pushin’
“Push”
Resistance Resistance Resistance
My first day on the job at ,27 I was leaving the office and saw someone standing in front of a restaurant. They looked South Asian, slim build, and fashionably dressed. They were trying to get into the restaurant as though they were locked out. They seemed frustrated and agitated. Didn’t notice the restaurant was closed.
“Do you know where I can get a drink?”
I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t at all familiar with the neighbourhood. My colleague was with me, they were familiar with it and suggested a place. Frustrated and fashionably dressed, this person insisted on buying us a round of drinks so we could keep them company. There was something about their energy that felt familiar, I’ve definitely worn that same cologne of frustration and agitation before . . .
When we got to the bar, they let it allllll out. A week’s worth of pent-up annoyance and anger. They were experiencing a particular kind of racism at work. They were an actor, rehearsing a play where the director wanted them to put on an Indian accent. You know, one of those thick, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon accents.28 Thing is, speaking to this person for five minutes, I picked up that they already had a faint accent of some kind. It wasn’t enough for the director, they wanted a stereotypical Indian accent, which gets to the insidiousness of racism, right? Because you don’t even notice it when it’s right in front of you. This person was struggling with maintaining a sense of identity during this process. Wrestling with wanting to stand up for themselves, but also not wanting to come across as difficult. They were grateful for the opportunity. At one point they said, “There isn’t anyone of colour in a position of power that can help me.” They felt lost and alone.
Five days after our drink together, they quit the show. I remember the text they sent me, “I don’t know if they broke me, but weighing everything—plus the racist bs I just decided it’s best to leave.”
I was really angry. Angry that the company had nothing in place to support this actor. Angry that this actor was looked at as challenging or difficult to work with when they’re really just misunderstood and weren’t able to articulate what was troubling them during the process.
This kind of scenario happens all too often. Nobody died, there’s no overt violence being perpetrated, and yet the seeds of trauma, othering, belittling, and shaming get planted and can linger for a long time. Meanwhile the organization keeps it moving . . .
Where’s the accountability? Why do these situations keep happening? How do we stop them?
- 27 The performer can create the name of the business.
- 28 Apu Nahasapeemapetilon is a recurring character on The Simpsons. He is an Indian immigrant who runs the Kwik-E-Mart, a popular convenience store in Springfield. For almost thirty years he was voiced by Hank Azaria, a white guy. A 2017 documentary, The Problem with Apu, by Hari Kondabolu criticized the character as a South Asian stereotype. In January 2020, Azaria and the production crew agreed for him to step down as the voice of Apu.
Freedom
Freedom is a vision I see every time I close my eyes and dream of a place where the colour of my skin is not a walking invitation for death to grip at my throat. It’s a melody I hear whispering through the void sweet promises of how tomorrow will be better and brighter for those whose love has for centuries only been allowed to flourish under cover of night in soft secret touches and crowded closets. Freedom is a struggle I hold as I wake in the morning, arms weighed with the hopes I carry to sow into the world. Freedom is a life well lived. In pursuit of something we can’t yet see, but can feel with every heartbeat, every song, and every dream.
To dream the impossible dream, to fight the unbeatable foe, to bear with unbearable sorrow, to run, where the brave dare not go.
To right the unrightable wrongs, to care, be ye near or afar. To try, when your arms are too weary, to reach that unreachable star.
This is my quest, to follow that star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far.
To fight for the right, without question or pause to be willing to march, march into hell, for that heavenly cause.
And I know, if I only be true, to this glorious quest then my heart, will lie peaceful and calm, when I’m laid to my rest.
And the world, will be better for this.
That someone torn and covered with scars, still strove, with their last ounce of courage.
To reach the unreachable star
To reach, the unreachable, the unreachable, star.
Fly High
I’m out my mind, but I’ll just put it like this. Listen.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
It’s a Sunday service with a holy sermon.
Let the preacher tell them that a change is coming29
Cause the road to revolution was cultivated by my
Ancestors with they blood on the leaves.30
Brutally beaten black and blue,
And hung us in public view
To set an example so the witnesses fear it too.
The Willie Lynch31 theory repeats a hundred times.
The Willie Lynch theory production televised.
It’s been hard to bite the pill I’ve been force-fed.
A simple confrontation could leave me on the news dead.
From a slipknot to a chokehold let the pin drop
in the silence, let it be told that all we know is violence.
How much longer will the begging and pleading,
And all the crying and weeping last for?
To the cries for help become cries of war,
And if there’s a God above I hope he hears me say;
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
I put one hand up for the ones in the sky.
May they souls fly high.
- 29 “A Change Is Gonna Come” by Sam Cooke, released in 1964 on Ain’t That Good News.
- 30 “Strange Fruit” by Billie Holiday, released in 1939.
- 31 “The Willie Lynch Letter” is an address delivered by Willie Lynch in which he tells other slave owners that he has discovered the “secret” to controlling enslaved Africans by setting them against one another.