The Fine Art of Saying “Hello”
Greet one another.
—ROMANS 16:16
The boss had all he could take. He’d endured more than any CEO should have to, he decided. He’d had it up to here. He’d reached his saturation point. No more! he resolved, and he left his staff a two-and-a-half-page letter that began with this paragraph:
I am taking a leave of absence for a month. . . . I am not sure what I am going to do or where I am going, but I will not be here in the office.
He’s not the first executive who felt like turning his back on a mess and walking out. The fact of his frustration was not unique. But what prompted his frustration is worthy of note.
There has been a history around here of people not respecting each other and as of this moment, it’s over. It has gotten to the point where I am afraid to even leave the office for fear that people will begin to air their differences. I have been afraid to take even an extended vacation for myself.
Going forward, people are either going to treat each other with respect, dignity, and courtesy or else I will retire. I have worked too hard and too long to watch this company be torn down. I’ll get out (and cash out) before I allow that to happen.
YOU WILL treat one another respectfully or else I am leaving.
When I return, I will ask several people in the office whether or not they have been treated more respectfully in my absence. If they have, I will roll up my sleeves and get back to work in earnest. If nothing has changed, I will move on.
The frustrated boss went so far as to leave his organization specific assignments to fulfill during his thirty-day hiatus. Among them, “Simply say ‘Good morning.’ It’s not that hard.”
It wasn’t the economy that depleted his strength. The leader wasn’t exhausted from the hours at work or the competition in the marketplace. It was the toxic atmosphere of the office. His company was in the lumber business. Many of his employees interacted with transport units on the local docks. The macho world of longshoremen and boat captains had contaminated the culture of respect he sought to promote.
The boss kept his word. He didn’t return to the premises for a month. When he did, the atmosphere was different. Employees were learning the meaning of the word considerate. The gruff demeanor of the men had modified into a kinder, more thoughtful style of interaction. His ultimatum had its desired effect.1
Perhaps we need an ultimatum on society. Oh, the “rages” that rage through people: road rage, airline passenger rage, cell phone rage, checkout rage, social media rage, sideline rage, parking lot rage, car alarm rage, and even rage from drivers who honk at people on crutches.
Social media takes rage to a new level. The online banter blisters and bruises. Words we might never say to a person’s face, we feel safe to post on the internet. Rudeness has reached the point where we can all relate to the sign I saw in a medical lab: “If you are grouchy, rude, impatient, or inconsiderate, there will be a $10 charge just for putting up with you.”
Yes, a tariff on tackiness has its appeal. A more practical response might be the one suggested by the apostle Paul: “Greet one another with a holy kiss” (Rom. 16:16).
Paul gave identical instructions to other churches. Twice to the Corinthians: “Give each other a holy kiss when you meet” (1 Cor. 16:20 NCV), and “Greet each other with a holy kiss” (2 Cor. 13:12 NCV). Then to the Thessalonians: “Give each other a holy kiss when you meet” (1 Thess. 5:26 NCV).
Peter flew the friendliness flag as well. “Greet one another with a kiss of love” (1 Peter 5:14).
We tend to overlook these passages. This is especially true of the admonition to the Romans. Paul had just spent fifteen chapters guiding his readers through the Yosemite forest of Christian doctrine: salvation by faith, sanctification, perseverance of the saints, predestination, and election. And then in chapter sixteen he took up the curious and unexpected crusade of kind greetings. In a meadow of oaks and elms, this command feels like a sapling.
Why the big deal? Why should we be careful to greet one another?
Out of respect. Respect is a mindfulness of another person’s situation. Respect notices the new kid in class and says, “Hello.” Respect pauses at the desk of the receptionist and says, “Good morning.” Respect refuses to hurry through the checkout line without a genuine “Good afternoon” for the cashier. Respect removes her headphones and greets the fellow passenger. Respect removes his hat to salute the competitor, and respect attempts to remove any awkwardness by welcoming the newcomer to church.
Simply greeting one another is not that hard. But it makes a significant difference.
British minister J. H. Jowett told the story of a convict from Darlington, England. He had just been released after three years in jail when he happened to pass the mayor on the street. Expecting nothing more than cold ostracism from the public, he didn’t know how to respond when the mayor paused, tipped his hat, and said in a cheery tone, “Hallo! I’m glad to see you! How are you?”
The ex-prisoner mumbled a response and went on his way. The city official thought nothing of it until years later the two accidentally met in another city. The mayor didn’t remember the man, but the man had never forgotten the mayor. He said, “I want to thank you for what you did for me when I came out of prison.”
“What did I do?”
“You spoke a kind word to me, and it changed my life!”2
What is small to you may be huge to someone else.
A greeting in its purest sense is a gesture of goodwill. Whether it be a culturally acceptable kiss on the cheek as is common in parts of Europe, a bow as is common in Asia, an abrazos y besos as is common in Latin America, or a warm handshake as is common in our Western culture, a greeting is an unselfish act.
The first beneficiary of a greeting is the one who gives it. A bumper sticker needs to be created that reads “Huggers are happier.” That was the conclusion of researchers at Pennsylvania State University. Students were divided into two groups: readers and huggers. The huggers were instructed to give or receive a minimum of five hugs per day over the course of four weeks. The readers were told to record the number of hours each day they spent reading in the same month. Unsurprisingly the huggers fared better on the happiness scale than the readers. (Sh, don’t tell the kids in the library.) Hugging boosted the joy level of the participants.3 A similar study linked hugging with a diminished rate of sickness. The more often people hugged, the less likely they were to get sick.4
So greet people for your sake.
And greet people for their sake. The ungreeted individual never thinks, They ignored me because they love me. Just the opposite. Insecurity is often the unhappy child of silence. (Anyone who has lingered unnoticed and unaddressed at a party knows this sense of loneliness.)
Last evening Denalyn and I joined three other couples for dinner at one of their homes. We’ve been friends for decades. We’ve traveled, played, and raised our families together.
As we were dining, the eldest son of the host family stopped by. He’s been through a tough stretch, battling depression, struggling through a divorce. We rose to greet him when he entered the room, not because of his recent turmoil, but, well, because he is a dear friend to all of us.
We chatted and laughed at some stories. He told us about the girls who think it’s funny that a bachelor has two cats. It was nice, very enjoyable. But memorable? No. At least not to me. Later that evening he sent this text to his mom:
Thank you again for tonight. . . . I’ve never felt so much love walking into a room before. . . . It was kinda crazy. . . . It felt spiritual. . . . I just had this feeling like I was being greeted in heaven or something. That was really powerful. . . . It’s like I was instantly surrounded by all this unconditional love, and it just brought me a peace like I never felt before. I think that will stay with me forever.
We just never know, do we? We never know when a gesture of kindness will touch a heart. Perhaps that’s why Paul urged us to greet everyone. He did not say, “Greet the people you like.” Or “Greet the people you know.” Or “Greet the people you want to know.” He said simply, “Greet one another.”
Paul modeled his appeal for unprejudiced kindness. In the thirteen verses prior, he did with his pen what he would have loved to do with his hand. He mentally went from person to person and greeted each one with a holy greeting (Rom. 16:3–16). He saluted twenty-six people by name and, in some cases, their families. His list included
• Epaenetus, his first convert in Asia;
• Mary, a hard worker;
• Amplias, Urbanus, Hermes, Philologus, Julia—names common among slaves;5
• Aristobulus, believed to have been the brother of Agrippa I and the grandson of Herod the Great;6
• Narcissus, the secretary of Emperor Claudius;7 and
• Rufus, who may have been the son of Simon of Cyrene, the man who carried the cross for Jesus on the road to Golgotha.8
Consider the extent of Paul’s greetings. From male to female, Asian to Roman, slave to aristocrat. From the first convert in Asia to the son of a gospel hero. Paul left no one out. His example urges us to follow suit. No selective greetings allowed. No picking and choosing. Everybody greets everybody. Pecking orders leave people pecked on and picked over. You and I may carry a canteen of water, but we don’t know who is thirsty. For that reason we are called to offer it to everyone.
For many years David Robinson was a member of our congregation. He was, and is, an icon in the city of San Antonio. He stands 7’1” and is muscular and handsome. In his NBA career he won championships, Olympic gold medals, and MVP awards.
He did not attend church to gain attention, but the initial time he entered our sanctuary, he received just that. As he walked down the aisle looking for a place to sit, every head turned to look at him. I almost had to stop my opening remarks.
About the time he stepped into the sanctuary, so did another guest. A homeless man wandered in off the street. He was everything David was not: slight, bedraggled, and apparently poor. From my vantage point in the pulpit, I could not help but notice the contrast. The congregation was thrilled and enthralled by the presence of the all-star. But with only one exception no one greeted the street dweller.
I’ll always be grateful for that one exception. An elder in our church, tenderhearted and kind, made it a point to leave his pew and take a seat next to the drifter. I’ve wondered if the homeless man was a messenger of sorts, even an angel in disguise, sent by God to test our willingness to receive all God’s children.
Don’t dismiss the value of a sincere salutation. Our Master was seldom more practical than when he said, “When you knock on a door, be courteous in your greeting” (Matt. 10:12 THE MESSAGE). Give people a firm handshake. Make eye contact. Be sincere.
At any gathering you will find two types of people: those who arrive with the attitude that says, “I am so glad to see you” and those whose attitude says, “I am so glad you see me.” It’s not hard to differentiate between the two.
Let people know you really care, and then expect the boomerang effect.
The Sumter County Church Chronology includes more than a hundred entries detailing the transactions, changes, and history of the churches in the area. Under the date of June 1965 is this unadorned report: “announcement of $178,000 donation to Andersonville Methodist Church by New Jersey resident Robert B. Brown, who had been impressed by the congregation’s welcome during a one-time visit years earlier.”9
A congregation’s welcome many years earlier during a one-time visit so impressed Mr. Brown that he sent a gift from New Jersey to Georgia.
Greet one another for your sake. Experience the joy of showing people they matter.
Greet each other for their sake. What is small to you may be huge to them.
Most of all, greet one another for Jesus’ sake.
Parents, how do you feel when someone pays attention to your child? When a teacher offers special help or an adult offers individual attention, don’t you appreciate the person for loving your child? So does Jesus. He loves people who love his kids.
In fact, he goes as far as to say, “When you love my kids, you are loving me.” Remember his words: “I was a stranger and you made me welcome” (Matt. 25:35 JERUSALEM BIBLE).
Were Jesus to enter a room, every eye would turn and every person would stand. We’d wait in line for the chance to hold his hands and touch his feet. No one would miss the opportunity to welcome our Savior.
According to Jesus we have that opportunity every day. The nervous teenager in the back of the class? When you greet him, you greet Jesus. The single parent who works down the hall? As you make her feel welcome, you make Jesus feel the same. The elderly woman at the grocery store? As you open the door for her, you open the door for Christ. “In so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me” (Matt. 25:40 JERUSALEM BIBLE).
By the way, the greatest greeting in history has yet to be given. And you can be certain that salutation won’t be heard over a phone or through an email. The greatest of greetings will be issued by Jesus to you in person. “You did well. You are a good and loyal servant. Because you were loyal with small things, I will let you care for much greater things. Come and share my joy with me” (Matt. 25:23 NCV).