Imagine if you invited me to a barbecue for your next birthday celebration. I’d come round and meet your family and friends, none of whom have met me before. I’d politely shake hands, make eye contact as I talked to people and thank the host for inviting me. Imagine I then sit down and sink a couple of beers and, a few minutes later, in an open discussion, I hear your uncle or someone talk about Formula 1. The conversation goes a bit quiet, the perfect opportunity for me to contribute. This is the first time I have ever met any of these people. What do I say?
‘Formula 1 is awful! It’s one of the most boring sports I’ve ever watched. Driving around different tracks, seeing who’s the fastest, riveting. Cricket is a much better sport.’
All eyes are on me. There’s an awkward silence. And then the next person will have their say. Now, not only have I remained true to my beliefs here, but at the same time I have cleverly polarized the entire group. (Lewis Hamilton, if you’re reading this, I am sorry. Actually, no, I’m not. It is boring, mate.) By doing so, I have hopefully got at least 80 per cent of these guys to think I’m a bell end. But by doing so, I’ve brought the other 20 per cent – those who share my opinion – much closer. They might then think, Who is this guy? Who brought him along? I also fucking hate Formula 1 and I think I’m going to go grab another cold beer to find out more about him and what he does for a living.
A common perception or belief – especially in adults – is that we have enough friends. And when giving a business seminar, I’ve seen this trickle down to personal trainers trying to build a business: they might have enough followers, but they don’t have enough engaged followers who become clients. For someone to convert from follower to client, and commit to buying from you, they need three things: to know you; to like you; to trust you.
So you’re better off with 20 per cent of attendees at the barbecue loving you than 100 per cent of them not even remembering your name.
This is something I’ve been applying successfully for several years within the fitness industry. I am often crass, bold and sometimes come across like a prick, but I need to do so in order for the hypothetical 20 per cent to become closer to me, my brand, my ethos and my beliefs. People ask me how I deal with criticism and negativity, but little do they know I’m trying my hardest to make most people dislike me in order to make some people love me. This, in turn, creates trust and a community of like-minded people, which doesn’t just mean success for me, but for my members too. Being unapologetically myself draws in those who are like me and repels those who are not, and means that when my members meet each other at events or spot each other in the gym, they have a lot in common (they all usually tend to swear as much as I do too).
For The James Smith Academy Pty Ltd hypothetically to make £1 million a year I need 9,259 people to commit to me for the 3 x Premium month block membership (which at the time of writing is only £108). In other words, to turn over £1 million a year, I only need 0.014 per cent of the UK population to like me enough to trust me to be their PT. I’m not trying to be a capitalist here or the next Grant Cardone, I’m just letting you know you can accomplish a huge amount without being hugely popular, and that trying to get everyone to love you is not only exhausting, it’s also not smart.
If you get enough people to dislike you, you’ll have another group who love you. Have you ever realized how exhausting it is not to be unapologetically yourself all the time? How it affects your mood and your headspace, having to conform to someone else’s idea of what you should be like? A lot of my clients over the years have let a bit of my approach and attitude rub off on them – swearing a bit more when they feel like it, saying what they’re thinking and saying no more often. Being unapologetically themselves, a little bit more every day. This is a massive contributor to creating the mindset you need for not only your success, but your mental health too.
Imagine from now on that you have a sieve in your life and only you decide who gets through it to spend time with you or do business with you. Every time someone walks into your life you shake that sieve; you find out who genuinely loves the unapologetic version of yourself and who doesn’t. Some say we are the five people we spend the most time with, so make sure they are people who support you, challenge you, have your back, but most importantly aren’t boring turds who want to watch cars do laps on a Sunday afternoon and call it a sport.
I’m known for never dressing very smart. I had to wear a suit when I worked in corporate and now you’re lucky if you see me with shoes on. It’s not that I don’t care about my appearance, it’s that I don’t care about conforming to someone else’s idea of what I should wear.
I’ve had very important, potential career-changing meetings with some very important people. I’ll stand in reception usually in a pair of shorts and often with my skateboard in hand. (I like to skateboard, and my legs really get hot.) If someone doesn’t like me, or the fact I skateboard around as a fully grown adult, then fuck them. I’ve not missed out on anything in particular – it’s just a nugget stuck in the hypothetical sieve. We shouldn’t change our identity for anyone, let alone for a false idealism that won’t make us happy in the long run.
Bottom line: be yourself. It’s exhausting if you’re not. And if you get enough people to dislike you, you’ll be left with a new bunch of people who love you for who you really are.