feed self a crackerBaby’s still a social animal, but those one-on-one interactions now sometimes take a backseat to exploration—a passion fueled not only by a growing curiosity but by a budding sense of independence (something you’re going to be seeing a lot more of in the months to come). With this desire to be his or her own person will come a desire to get around independently. The days of being able to plop your baby down in the middle of the floor and know she’ll still be in the same spot five minutes later are coming to a close—if they’re not over already. Before you know it, baby will be twisting, rolling, creeping, and probably crawling from one end of the room to the other—and beyond (though some babies skip the creeping/crawling stage, particularly if they haven’t spent much time on their bellies). With independent mobility imminent, it’s time to do a thorough childproofing of your home, if you haven’t done it yet.
All babies reach milestones on their own developmental time line. If your baby seems not to have reached one or more of these milestones, rest assured, he or she probably will very soon. Your baby’s rate of development is normal for your baby. Keep in mind, too, that skills babies perform from the tummy position can be mastered only if there’s an opportunity to practice. So make sure your baby spends supervised playtime on his or her belly. If you have concerns about your baby’s development (because you’ve noticed a missed milestone or what you think might be a developmental delay), don’t hesitate to check it out with the doctor at the next well-baby visit—even if he or she doesn’t bring it up. Parents often notice nuances in a baby’s development that doctors don’t. Premature infants generally reach milestones later than others of the same birth age, often achieving them closer to their adjusted age (the age they would be if they had been born at term), and sometimes later.
By seven months, your baby … should be able to:
feed self a cracker
razz (make a wet razzing sound)
coo or babble when happy
smile often when interacting with you
… will probably be able to:
sit without support
bear some weight on legs when held upright
object if you try to take a toy away
work to get a toy that’s out of reach
look for dropped object
rake with fingers an object and pick it up in fist (keep all dangerous objects out of baby’s reach)
turn in the direction of a voice
babble, combining vowels and consonants such as ga-ga-ga, ba-ba-ba, ma-ma-ma, da-da-da
play peekaboo
… may possibly be able to:
creep or crawl1
pass a cube or other object from one hand to the other
stand holding on to someone or something
… may even be able to:
pull up to standing position from sitting
get into a sitting position from stomach
play patty-cake (clap hands) or wave bye-bye
pick up tiny object with any part of thumb and finger (keep all dangerous objects out of baby’s reach)
walk holding on to furniture (cruise)
say “mama” or “dada” indiscriminately
Most doctors do not schedule regular well-baby checkups this month. Do call the doctor if there are any concerns that can’t wait until next month’s visit.
Whether baby’s passage to solids has been smooth or bumpy sailing so far, another channel awaits crossing: the one between strained foods and foods with coarser textures. And whether baby has proven to be an eager and adventurous gourmand or a hard-to-please, fussy eater, whether he or she eats solids like a veteran or is a newcomer to the high chair, it’s best to make that crossing sooner rather than later. As noted before, once your baby gets on in months, new experiences are more likely to be rebuffed than embraced.
Which is not to say the time has arrived for a family junket to your favorite steakhouse. Even when the first couple of teeth are in place, babies continue to chew with their gums—which are no match for a hunk of meat. For now, coarsely pureed or mashed foods, which have just a touch more texture than strained, will fill the bill of baby’s fare.
You can use the commercial “junior” or “stage 3” foods, or mash baby’s meals from what you serve the family, as long as they have been prepared without added salt or sugar. You can try regular homemade oatmeal thinned with formula or breast milk (but, remember, unlike baby oatmeal, it usually has no added iron); mashed small-curd cottage cheese (preferably unsalted); scraped apple or pear (scrape tiny bits of fruit into a dish with a knife); mashed or coarsely pureed cooked fruit (such as apples, apricots, peaches, plums); and vegetables (such as carrots, sweet and white potatoes, cauliflower, squash). By seven months, you can usually add meat and skinless poultry (pureed, ground, or minced very fine) and small flakes of soft fish. When the doctor okays starting egg yolk (it will probably be suggested you wait on the white, which is very allergenic), serve it hard-cooked and mashed, scrambled, or in French toast or pancakes. Watch out for strings from fruits (such as bananas and mangoes), vegetables (such as broccoli, string beans, and kale), and meats. And be sure to check fish very carefully for bones that might be left after mashing. (See page 312 for more on when specific foods are typically introduced.)
Some babies can also handle bread and crackers by seven months (assuming there is no issue with allergies, wheat can be added to their diets by then), but make your selections carefully. They should be whole grain, prepared without much added sugar or salt, and easy to gum. Ideal starters are whole-wheat bagels that have been frozen (they’re hard, but whatever baby manages to scrape off will be mushy) and unsalted rice cakes (they crumble easily but dissolve on the tongue, and are loved by most babies). Once these are handled well, baby is ready for whole-grain breads. To decrease the risk of choking, remove crusts, and serve sliced bread in cubes, rolls or loaves in hunks; avoid commercial white breads, which tend to turn pasty when wet and can cause gagging or choking. Give bread and crackers—and all finger foods—only when your baby is seated upright and only under your supervision. And be sure you know how to deal with a choking incident (see page 589).
“I pick my baby up the minute he cries, and end up carrying him around with me much of the day. Am I spoiling him?”
Even though it’s hard to spoil a baby this age, there are a lot of good reasons why you might want to slow down on your pickups. Playing “baby taxi”—picking up your little one the moment you’re hailed by a wave of that little arm or a whimper of boredom—can be time-consuming (sounds as if you’re already “on duty” throughout your baby’s waking hours). But carrying baby around the clock not only prevents you from getting things done, it can prevent him from getting things done. In your arms your baby doesn’t have the opportunity to practice skills, such as creeping and crawling, that will eventually allow him to get around without a free ride. It also doesn’t give him a chance to learn how to flex his muscles of independence in other important ways, such as learning how to keep himself entertained for short periods of time and how to enjoy his own good company (skills essential to his budding self-esteem). Finally, it keeps him from learning another lesson that will be invaluable in his development as a caring human being: that other people, even parents, have rights that matter. Because babies and small children are normally and necessarily egocentric, this concept will be hard to grasp at first. Introducing it now, however, will help ensure that you’ll raise a child who won’t always put his needs before those of others—in other words, a child who’s not spoiled.
Sometimes babies cry to be picked up not just because they’re looking for a ride, but because they crave comfort and attention—both of which they still need in generous doses. So the first thing you should do is determine whether your baby’s getting enough of those precious commodities. Consider: Have you actually sat down to play with your son several times during the day, or has most of your interaction consisted of dropping him into the play yard with a toy, leaving him in the ExerSaucer while you start dinner, or strapping him in the car seat for a drive to the market? If so, he may have come to the conclusion that being carted around in your arms, while not all that stimulating, is preferable to no attention at all.
Next, see if your baby has physical needs. Is his diaper soiled? Is it time for lunch? Is he thirsty? Tired? If so, satisfy his needs, then go on to the next step.
Move him to a new location: the play yard, if he was in the crib; the stationary walker, if he was in the play yard; the floor, if he was in the stationary walker. This may satisfy his wanderlust.
Then, be sure he has toys or objects to entertain him—pots and pans, a cuddly stuffed animal, or an activity board—you know what he likes. Since his attention span is short, have two or three playthings within reach; too many toys at his disposal, however, will overwhelm and frustrate him. Provide a fresh selection when he seems to be getting restless.
If he continues to cry for a taxi, try distracting him. Get down on his level for a few minutes, and engage him in an activity without picking him up. Show him how to stack some blocks, point out “eyes-nose-mouth” on the stuffed animal, spin the cylinder and turn the dial on the busy box to get him started, and challenge him to do the same.
If he’s momentarily diverted, and even if he’s still voicing halfhearted objections, tell him you have work to do and move off to do it casually and without hesitation. Stay within view, chatting or singing to him if it seems to help; but move out of eyeshot (but not earshot and only if he’s in a safe play yard, crib or baby-proofed room) if your presence increases his dissatisfaction. Before you do, poke your head around a corner, playing peekaboo, to show him that when you disappear, you return.
Leave him to his own devices a little longer each time, letting him object a little longer if necessary. But always return to his side when he becomes mildly fussy—to reassure him, play with him for a few minutes, and start the process over.Gradually lengthen the time between pickups, but don’t wait until he’s screaming to pick him up—the idea is to encourage him to play on his own, not to give him the feeling that he’s being ignored or that crying is the only way to get your attention.
Keep your expectations realistic; most babies won’t play for more than a few minutes on their own, and even very independent ones need frequent changes of scenery and toys. Remember, too, that many babies who can’t yet crawl may be frustrated by the fact that they can’t yet get from here to there on their own; until they can, hitching a ride on mom or dad is their only ticket to mobility.
Don’t feel guilty about trying to get your son to spend a little time on his own; if you do, you’ll be transmitting the message that playing alone is a punishment (it isn’t), rather than something that’s fun to do once in a while (it should be). But also don’t forget that your baby is still a baby—who needs plenty of hugging, holding, and being carried around.
“My parents live nearby and see my daughter several times a week. When they do, they stuff her with sweets and give in to her every whim. I love them, but I don’t love the way they spoil her.”
Grandparents have the best of all worlds: They can have the joy of indulging a baby without the misery of living with the consequences. They can watch with pleasure as their grandchild relishes the sugary cookies they’ve plied her with, but don’t have to struggle with a fussy—and unhungry—baby come mealtime. They can keep her up through her nap time, so they’ll have more time to play, but don’t have to deal with her crankiness afterward.
Is it an inalienable right of grandparents to spoil their grandchildren? To some extent, yes. They’ve paid their dues as the heavies during your childhood, weaning you from your beloved bottle, cajoling you to eat the spinach you despised, battling with you over curfews. Now that it’s your turn to play the heavy, they’ve earned the cushy job of spoilers. While there’s less concern about spoiling in the first year than there will be later, it’s a good idea to set up some sensible guidelines (to be agreed upon by all, hopefully) now:
Wider latitude can be given to grandparents whose longitude is distant from yours. Grandparents who get to indulge in person only rarely—seeing your baby only two or three times a year, on holidays or special occasions—can’t possibly spoil her but should be given almost every opportunity to try. If baby misses a nap or stays up past her bedtime when your folks are on a two-day, half-birthday visit, or if she is toted around royally much more than you’d prefer while visiting them for the holidays, don’t worry. Let her (and them) enjoy the special treatment, and rest assured that your daughter will quickly return to her normal routine when the visit’s over.
Grandparents who live near Rome should do as the Romans do—most of the time. It is possible for grandparents who live in the same town, and especially for those who live in the same house, to overdo the overindulgence, making life miserable not only for the baby’s parents but for baby as well. Mixed signals—mother and father won’t pick her up at every whimper, grandmother and grandfather will—make for a confused and unhappy baby. On the other hand, a child will readily learn that the ground rules can vary with the territory: She can mush the food all over the table at grandma’s, but not at home. So even close-by grandparents need to be allowed some leeway—in areas of lesser consequence.
Certain parental rules must be inviolate. Since it’s the parents who live with their child on a twenty-four-hour-a-day basis, it’s the parents who must lay down the law on more significant issues. It’s the grandparents, near or far, who must abide by those rules, even if they don’t necessarily agree with them. In one family, a bone of contention may be the bedtime hour; in another, sugar and junk foods in the diet; in yet another, how much TV the children are permitted to watch (not an issue yet with a sixor seven-month-old, but one that will enter the picture soon enough). Of course, if the parents wish to stand firm on every issue, then the grandparents should be allowed to negotiate on occasion.
Certain grandparental rights must be inviolate. The right to give gifts, for example, that the parents might not have chosen—either because they’re very expensive, or frivolous, or, in the parents’ opinion, tasteless. And to give them more often than mommy and daddy might. (Though gifts that are unsafe should be taboo, and those that violate parental values should be negotiated prior to purchase.) In general, to indulge (yes, spoil) their grandchildren with a little extra of everything—love, time, material things. But not to the point where this spoiling regularly violates parental rules.
If grandparents overstep the boundaries of fair grandparenting; if they ignore or openly flout all the rules you have so thoughtfully set up and try consistently to follow, it’s time to open an honest dialogue. Keep the exchange on a loving and light level. Explain (even if you have before) how much you want them to spend time with the baby, but how their breaking the rules you’ve established is confusing her and upsetting her schedule and the family equilibrium. Tell them you are willing to be flexible on certain issues, but that on others they will have to do the bending. Remind them that when they were parents, they made their own rules; it’s your turn to do likewise. If that doesn’t work, leave this book, open to Grandparents Spoiling Baby, in a place where they can’t miss it.
If any of your differences center on life-and-death issues (your father refuses to recognize the importance of using the car seat to go around the corner, your mother-in-law smokes while holding the baby in her arms), emphasize the seriousness of the problem, explaining the potential risks and health consequences of their actions, using this book and other resources to make your case more convincing and objective. If they still won’t see things your way, lay down the law (no trips in the car with them unless they use a car seat, no smoking around the baby, period).
“The baby-sitter tells me that my baby is just wonderful with her, but he always starts to act up the minute I walk in the door after work. I feel I must be a terrible parent.”
Don’t be disheartened—be flattered. The fact that most babies and toddlers, and even older children, are more likely to act up with their parents than with other care providers is a sign that they are more comfortable and secure with their parents. Think of it this way: You’re doing such a good job as a parent that your baby is confident that your love is unconditional. He can let his true-blue colors show without risking loss of that love.
Timing may also have something to do with the nightly meltdown. Your homecoming probably coincides with what’s typically a baby’s crankiest time of the day—early evening—when fatigue, overstimulation, and hunger can get the best of even the most cheerful cherub. After a hard day on the job and possibly a difficult commute, you may be frazzled on your return, too—something baby’s keen mood radar is sure to pick up on. Your high stress level intensifies his, his reinforces yours—and pretty soon you’re both in a lousy frame of mind. If you’re generally pretty distracted when you walk in the door (you have to change your clothes, the mail has to be sorted, dinner has to be started), your baby’s “acting up” may also be a call for the attention he’s craving, attention that’s often in short supply at this time of day. For babies who have trouble with change (and more do as they approach their first birthdays), this changing of the guardians can itself be unsettling, provoking a temper tempest.
To ease the transition when you return home each night, try the following tips:
Don’t come home to a starving, exhausted baby. Have the sitter feed your baby a meal of solids within an hour of your return. (If you’ll want to breastfeed soon after you arrive, however, make sure baby hasn’t just had a bottle.) A nap later in the afternoon may also help keep the crankies at bay; but make sure baby’s not napping so late that he won’t be able to bed down at a reasonable hour. Suggest that the sitter reserve the time before your return for quiet activities so that he won’t be overstimulated when you walk in the door.
Relax before you return. If you’ve been stuck in traffic for an hour, sit in your car and do a few relaxation exercises before you walk in the door. Instead of spending your commute on the bus or subway thinking about the work you left undone on your desk, use it to empty your mind of worries and fill it with thoughts that soothe you.
Relax when you return. Don’t rush to start dinner or check e-mail or fold laundry the moment you put down your bag or briefcase. Instead, take fifteen minutes to unwind with your baby, giving him your completely undivided attention, if possible. If your baby seems to be the kind who hates transitions, don’t rush the baby-sitter out the door. Reinsert yourself into your baby’s day gradually, so that he can get used to the idea that a change is about to take place; when he feels more comfortable, then the baby-sitter can exit.
Include baby in your chores. Once you’re both feeling more relaxed, go about your homecoming chores, but include baby in the proceedings. Plunk him in the middle of your bed (supervised) or on the floor while you change your clothes. Hold him on your lap while you check e-mail. Sit him in his high chair with a few toys while you start dinner; chat with him as you chop vegetables.
Don’t take it personally. Almost all parents who work experience the homecoming meltdown. Those who have children in day care may experience it at pickup time, on the way home, or when they arrive home.
“I don’t want to be a pushy parent. But I don’t want to neglect my daughter’s talents if she’s gifted. How can you tell an ordinary bright baby from a gifted one?”
First of all, it’s important to keep in mind that every child is gifted in some way. Maybe it’s an ear for music. An artistic flair. Social prowess. Athletic ability. Mechanical genius. Maybe it’s a combination of several gifts. Even among children whose gift is exceptional intellectual ability, there are differences. Some are good with numbers, others with spatial relations, still others have a way with words. Some are creative; others excel at organization.
Whatever talents emerge in your child, they’ll develop more fully if you nurture and encourage them from early on—which it sounds like you’re eager to do. But nurturing and encouraging, as you’ve wisely noted, are very different from pushing and demanding. Appreciating your child for the special person she is, rather than trying to mold her into the person you’d like her to be, is the very best way to help her use the gifts she’s been blessed with.
Though IQ testing can measure intellectual ability later in childhood, determining whether a baby is intellectually gifted is difficult and, on the whole, unnecessary. After all, all babies—no matter what their futures hold academically—should receive the stimulation they need to grow and develop to their potential. And that stimulation doesn’t need to come (and really shouldn’t come) in the form of special classes and educational computer programs (see pages 447 and 499). Talking to your baby (and listening when she tries to “talk” back), reading to her, playing with her, listening to music together, providing her with a variety of interesting experiences, and letting her know that she’s loved (no matter how she performs) will give her the foundation she’ll need to thrive now and succeed later on.
Still, there are clues to intelligence in the first year that you can look for in your baby:
Uniformly advanced development. A baby who does everything “early”—smiles, sits, walks, talks, picks up objects with a pincer grasp, and so on—is probably going to continue to develop at an advanced clip, and may turn out to be exceptionally gifted. Though early language ability, particularly the use of unusual words before the end of the first year, is the trait noted most frequently by parents in their gifted children, and is probably indicative of high intelligence, some gifted children are not verbal until fairly late.
Good memory and powers of observation. Gifted children often amaze their parents with the things they remember, often long before most babies have exhibited much memory at all. And when things differ from what they recollect (mommy’s gotten her hair cut, daddy’s wearing a new coat, grandpa’s wearing a patch on his eye after surgery), they notice immediately.
Creativity and originality. Though most babies under a year are not competent problem solvers, the gifted child may surprise parents by being able to figure out a way to get to a toy that’s stuck behind a chair, reach a high shelf in the bookcase (pile up books from lower shelves to climb on, perhaps), or use sign language for a word that’s beyond their linguistic abilities (such as pointing to her own nose to indicate that the animal in the book is an elephant, or to her ears if it’s a rabbit). The baby on the way to being a gifted child may also be creative in play, using toys in unusual ways, using nontoys creatively as playthings, enjoying playing “pretend.”
Sense of humor. Even in the first year, a bright child will notice and laugh at the incongruities in life: grandma wearing her glasses on top of her head or daddy tripping over the dog and spilling his glass of juice, for example.
Curiosity and concentration. While all babies are intensely curious, the very gifted are not only curious but have the persistence and concentration to explore what it is they are curious about.
Ability to make connections. The gifted child, more so and earlier than other children, will see relationships between things and will be able to apply old knowledge to new situations. A baby nine or ten months old may see in the store a book that daddy’s been reading at home and say, “Da-da.” Or, accustomed to pushing the button for the elevator in her apartment house, she sees an elevator in a store and looks for the button.
Rich imagination. Before a year, the gifted child may be able to pretend (to drink a cup of coffee or to rock a baby) and soon after that may become heavily involved in making up stories, games, pretend friends, and so on.
Difficulty sleeping. Gifted children may be so involved in observing and learning that they have trouble tuning out the world, so they don’t sleep as much—a trait that can exasperate parents.
Perceptiveness and sensitivity. Very early the gifted child may notice when mommy is sad or angry, may note that daddy has a boo-boo (because he’s wearing a Band-Aid on his finger), may try to cheer up a crying sibling.
Even if your baby displays many or all of these traits, it’s much too early to tag her with a “gifted” label. It’s also much too early to decide a child isn’t traditionally “gifted” (again, all children are “gifted” in some way). Some very smart children get to a slower start than their peers when it comes to one or more areas of development, yet manage to zoom ahead later on.
To bring out the best in your baby, love her, don’t label her. Provide her with an environment that allows her gifts to grow, but don’t forget to cherish her (and let her know that you cherish her) unconditionally for who she is—not just what she’s capable of.
“My baby hasn’t started sitting up yet, and I’m worried that she’s slow for her age.”
Because normal babies accomplish different developmental feats at different ages, there’s a wide range of “normal” for every milestone. Though the “average” baby sits unsupported somewhere around six and a half months, some normal babies sit as early as four months, others not until nine. And since your child has a long way to go before she reaches the outer limits of that range, you certainly don’t have to worry about her lagging behind.
A child is programmed by genetic factors to sit, and to accomplish other major developmental skills, at a certain age. Though there may not be much a parent can do (or should do) to speed up the timetable, there are ways to avoid slowing it down. A baby who is propped up often at an early age, in an infant seat, a stroller, or a high chair, gets a lot of practice in a sitting position before she’s able to support herself, and may sit sooner. On the other hand, a baby who spends a majority of her time lying on her back or in a baby carrier, and is rarely propped to sit, may sit very late. In fact, babies in other cultures who are constantly worn in baby carriers often stand before they sit, so accustomed are they to the upright position. Another factor that might slow sitting (and other large motor skills) is being overweight. A roly-poly baby is more likely than a leaner child to roll over when attempting a sitting position.
As long as you’re giving your baby plenty of opportunities to practice, chances are she’ll be sitting pretty sometime during the next two months. If she doesn’t, and/or if you feel she’s developing slowly in several other ways, consult her doctor.
“My daughter now has two teeth and seems to think it’s fun to use them for biting my nipples during nursing. How can I break her of this painful habit?”
There’s no need to let your baby have her fun at your expense. Since a baby can’t bite while actively nursing (her tongue comes between teeth and breast), biting usually signals that she’s had enough milk and is now just toying with you. It’s possible the fun began when she accidentally bit down on your nipple, you let out a yelp, she giggled, you couldn’t help laughing, and she continued the game—biting you, watching for a reaction, smirking at your mock “No,” and seeing through your feeble attempts to keep a straight face.
So instead of encouraging her hijinks with laughter (or with overreaction, which may also invite a repeat performance), let her know that biting isn’t acceptable with a firm, matter-of-fact “No!” Remove her promptly from the breast, explaining that “Biting hurts mommy—ouch!” If she tries to hang on to your nipple, use your finger to break her grip. After a few such episodes, she’ll catch on and give up.
It is important to nip the nibbling habit now, to avoid more serious biting problems later. It’s not too soon for her to learn that while teeth are made for biting, there are things that are appropriate to clamp down on (a teething ring, a piece of bread, or a banana) and things that are not (mother’s breast, brother’s finger, daddy’s shoulder).
“My baby seems to want to eat all the time. How much snacking is good for him?”
With their own mothers’ pronouncements about snacking (“Not before dinner, dear, it’ll spoil your appetite!”) still ringing in their ears, parents are sometimes reluctant to dole out between-meal goodies to their children on demand, even as they themselves choose to snack the day away. Yet snacks, in moderation, actually play an important supporting role to those three daily squares, especially when it comes to babies.
Snacks are a learning experience. At mealtimes, baby usually is spoon-fed from a bowl; at snack time he has the opportunity to pick up a piece of bread or cracker with his fingers and get it to and into his mouth himself—no small accomplishment considering how tiny his mouth is and how primitive his coordination.
Snacks fill a void. Babies have small stomachs that fill quickly and empty quickly, and can rarely last from meal to meal, as adults can, without a snack in between. And as solids become the most significant part of your baby’s diet, snacks will be needed to round out nutritional requirements. You’ll find it almost impossible to give baby his Daily Dozen in just three meals a day.
Snacks give baby a break. Like most of us, babies need a break from the tedium of work or play (their play is their work), and a snack provides this breather.
Have reservations about eating out with your baby? Actually, the restaurant may, too—that is, if you don’t come prepared. Before you secure a table for two “and a high chair,” check out these restaurant survival tips:
Call ahead. Not just for those reservations (or to find out if the coast is clear; you won’t want to choose a restaurant with a wait), but to find out what baby supplies and accommodations are on hand. For instance, are there high chairs? Clip-on feeding chairs? Booster seats probably won’t work until baby’s closer to a year. Is the kitchen flexible when it comes to ordering; for instance, will they serve up tiny portions of unadulterated meat and vegetables for baby (mashed potatoes without salt and pepper, chicken breast without the sauce)—without charging full price? Children’s menus are a plus if they offer more than hot dogs, fries, and chicken fingers. Listen carefully when you call. Not just to the answers to your questions, but to the attitude they’re tendered with—which can speak volumes about how welcome you and your baby will really be.
Get an early start. Plan to dine on baby’s schedule, not yours, even if that means being the earliest birds to catch the early bird special. (Another plus to early eating: The wait staff isn’t frazzled yet, the kitchen isn’t fried, there are fewer diners to annoy with baby’s cup banging.)
Ask for a “quiet table in the corner.” Not for the romance, obviously (which definitely won’t be on the menu), but so that your group won’t offend fellow diners or get in the way of harried wait staff. You’ll also appreciate the privacy if you’ll be spending much of the meal nursing.
Make it snappy. Let’s face it, even four-star dining can fizzle into fast food when baby’s at the table. So it makes sense to prefer quick-paced eateries, where more time can be spent eating than waiting. Order the entire meal promptly (hopefully you’ve scanned the menu before sitting down), and ask that baby’s food be brought out as soon as possible.
Come prepared. Gone are the days when you could leave for a restaurant with just your credit card. You’ll also need to pack:
A bib to keep baby clean, as well as some wipes. If the restaurant is carpeted, a square of clear plastic to spread under baby’s chair will be appreciated by those who will have to pick up the mess after you’re done.
Toys, books, and other diversions to keep baby busy between courses (and when the flaked fish has lost its appeal). Don’t take them out, however, until they’re needed (baby will probably be content to play with a spoon, flirt with the wait staff, and point at the light fixtures for the first few minutes), and then bring them on one at a time. No more tricks in your bag? Try a game of peekaboo with the menu or with a napkin.
Jarred food, if junior’s not on the table variety yet, or if you fear there won’t be any baby-friendly offerings on the menu, or just to supplement what’s offered.
Snacks, especially finger foods that will keep those fingers (and that attention) occupied. Nibbles can also be a lifesaver when the meal takes longer than expected to arrive, or when baby bores of table food. But keep these in reserve, too, until they’re needed.
If you don’t see it, ask for it. Just because it’s not on the menu doesn’t mean it’s not in the kitchen. Good choices, depending on what’s been introduced so far, include: cottage cheese, whole-wheat bread or rolls, cheese, hamburger (cooked through and crumbled), diced chicken (roasted, broiled, or poached), soft fish (cooked through, flaked, and carefully screened for bones), mashed or boiled potato or sweet potato, peas (mash them), well-cooked carrots and string beans, pasta, melon.
Keep baby seated. Never let a child crawl or walk around a restaurant, even one that’s relatively empty. Such exploration could result in injury, damages, or both should a waitperson bearing a heavy tray of food or drink be tripped up by having baby underfoot. If baby’s restless while waiting for food, it’s time for one adult to step outside with baby. If baby’s finished and you’re not, parents may have to take turns (assuming two are on the scene) eating while the other does the “baby walk.”
Be sensitive to those around you. Maybe the table next to you can’t get enough of your baby’s adorable smile. Or maybe it’s occupied by a couple who’s spending good money on a sitter to get away from babies for the night. Either way, be quick to exit for a stroll if baby is crying loudly, practicing those ear-piercing shrieks, or otherwise disturbing the peace of the restaurant.
Know when to call it a meal (i.e: when baby’s had his or her fill of sweet potatoes and has begun flinging what’s left at the next booth); lingering over dessert and coffee is a pleasure of the past for most parents of young children.
Tip, please. The most important tip of all will be the one you leave the waitperson (who will be left to scrape mashed peas off the table and carrots off the floor). Especially if you hope to be welcomed back to the same restaurant again (but, in fairness to waitpeople everywhere, even if you won’t be returning), tip generously.
Snacks provide oral gratification. Babies are very orally oriented—everything they pick up goes right to the mouth. Snacking gives them a welcome chance to put things in their mouths without being chastised.
Snacks smooth the way for weaning. If you didn’t offer your baby a snack in the form of solids, the odds are good he would insist on one in the form of a breast or a bottle. Snacks will lessen the need to nurse frequently, and eventually—when the time comes—help to make weaning a reality.
For all its virtues, however, snacking can have some drawbacks. To reap the benefits of snacking without stumbling into the pitfalls, remember these pointers:
Snack by the clock. Mom was right: Snacks that come too close to mealtime can interfere with a baby’s appetite for meals. Make an attempt to schedule snacks about midway between meals to avoid this problem. Nonstop snacking gets baby accustomed to having something in his mouth all the time, a habit that could be hazardous to the waistline should it be perpetuated into childhood and adulthood. And having the mouth continuously full of food can also lead to tooth decay—even a healthy starch like whole-wheat bread turns to sugar when exposed to saliva in the mouth. One snack in the morning, one in the afternoon, and if there’s a long span between dinner and bedtime, one in the evening should suffice. Make an exception, of course, if a meal is going to be delayed longer than usual and baby’s clearly hungry.
Snack for the right reasons. There are good reasons to snack (as discussed above) and not-so-good reasons. Avoid offering snacks if baby’s bored (distract her with a toy), hurt (soothe him with a hug and a song), or has accomplished something that should be rewarded (try verbal praise and an enthusiastic round of applause).
Snack in place. Snacking should be treated pretty much as seriously as mealtime eating. For reasons of safety (a baby eating lying on his back, crawling around, or walking can choke too easily), etiquette (good table manners are best learned at the table), and consideration for the housekeeper (you, or whoever does the cleaning will appreciate not finding crumbs on the sofa and spills on the carpet), snacks should be given while baby is sitting, preferably in his feeding chair. Of course, if you’re out and baby is in his stroller or car seat at snack time, you can serve it up there. But don’t give him the idea that a snack is his compensation for serving time in these confining quarters; being strapped into a stroller or car seat should not be a signal to bring on the crackers and the sippy cup.
“I’ve heard that grazing is the healthiest way for anyone to eat, particularly a young child. Should I feed my son this way?”
Left to their own devices, most young children would choose the cow’s preferred feeding style—grazing—over the modern human’s habit of eating meals. They’d be happiest snacking the day away, nibbling crackers and sipping juice as they play, without ever actually sitting down to square one. But though some suggest that light all-day munching is a healthier way to fill nutritional requirements than the old three-meals-a-day-plus-snacks standard, others disagree. Consider the following:
Grazing interferes with proper nutrition. A heifer who grazes in fields of clover gets most of the nourishment she needs that way. But while it’s possible that a baby who does nothing but graze all day on favorite finger foods will get his Daily Dozen, it’s not likely. Nutritional requirements are filled much more efficiently when meals are taken, along with two or three nutritious snacks.
Grazing interferes with play. Always having a cracker or breadstick in hand (like always having a bottle) limits the amount and kind of playing and exploring a baby can do. And as he becomes mobile, crawling or toddling around with food becomes dangerous because of the risk of choking.
Grazing interferes with sociability. A baby whose mouth is always full of food can’t practice his language skills. If he never sits down for meals, he misses out on the social side of dining.
Grazing interferes with the development of good table manners. Children won’t learn table manners munching a cookie on the sofa, sipping formula on the bed, or chomping cheese on the carpet.
Grazing contributes to tooth decay. Even wholesome snacks can become a veritable feast for cavity-causing bacteria when left in the mouth all day. Sucking all day from a bottle or sippy cup—a favorite with young snackers—filled with juice can also lead to decay (see page 327).
“My baby’s teeth are coming in crooked. Does this mean that he’ll eventually need braces?”
Don’t make an appointment for the orthodontist yet. The way those first baby teeth come in is no indication of smiles to come. In fact, baby teeth often appear crooked, particularly the front bottom ones, which frequently form a V when they poke through. The top front teeth may also seem huge in comparison to those below. And in some babies, the top teeth come in before the bottom teeth, but that’s also nothing to worry about.
By the time your baby reaches two and a half, he’ll likely be the proud owner of a full set of baby teeth—twenty in all. And though they’ll probably have evened out by then in proportion and formation, don’t worry if they haven’t. Crooked baby teeth don’t predict crooked adult teeth.
“My daughter’s two teeth seem to be stained a grayish color. Could they be decaying already?”
Chances are, what’s keeping your baby’s pearly whites a dismal gray isn’t decay, but iron. Some children who take a liquid vitamin and mineral supplement that contains iron develop staining on their teeth. This doesn’t harm the teeth in any way and will disappear when your child stops taking liquid and begins taking chewable vitamins. In the meantime, brushing your baby’s teeth or cleaning them with gauze (see page 360) right after giving her supplement will help minimize staining.
If your baby hasn’t been taking a liquid supplement, and especially if she’s been doing a lot of sucking on a bottle of formula or juice at bedtime, the discoloration might suggest decay. It could also be the result of trauma, or a congenital defect in the tooth enamel. Discuss this with her doctor or a dentist.
So you’ve heard about the flashy new educational toy lines sure to boost your baby’s mental development and send those fine motor skills soaring off the charts? The CDs and DVDs that’ll have your six-month-old channeling Einstein and Mozart (not to mention reading on a fourth-grade level by his or her second birthday)? The classes (in art, music, language—you name it) practically guaranteed to turn out a pint-sized prodigy? Maybe you’re wondering how parents could buy into these baby-whiz products and programs—how they could push their little ones so intensely. And at the same time, maybe you’re also wondering whether you should be doing the same with yours.
Before you rush out to sign up for the local baby genius class, read on. Though it might be possible—and let’s face it, even a little satisfying—to teach an infant a wide variety of skills long before they are ordinarily learned (including how to recognize words), the majority of experts agree that there is no evidence that intense early learning actually provides a long-term advantage over more traditional learning patterns.
In other words, your baby should be spending his or her first year being a baby. And babyhood comes with quite a course load of its own—not just intellectual but emotional, physical, and social, as well. During those twelve months, babies have to learn to build attachments to others (mommy, daddy, siblings, sitters, and so on), to trust (“When I’m in trouble, I can depend on mommy or daddy to help me”), to grasp the concept of object permanence (“When daddy hides behind the chair, he’s still there, even though I don’t see him”). They need to learn to use their bodies (to sit, stand, walk), their hands (to pick up and drop, as well as to manipulate), and their minds (solving problems such as how-to-get-that-truck-from-the-shelf-I-can’t-reach). They’ll need to learn the meanings of hundreds of words and, eventually, how to reproduce them using a complicated combination of voice box, lips, and tongue. And they’ll need to learn something about who they are (“What kind of person am I? What do I like, what don’t I like, what makes me happy or sad?”). With so many lessons lined up already, it’s likely that academic add-ons might overload baby’s circuits, maybe even forcing some of these important areas of learning (including those critical emotional and social ones) to be neglected.
Your best bet is to try to produce not a superbaby, but a pretty terrific child—one who reaches his or her maximum potential at a rate that’s personally appropriate. Not necessarily by signing him or her up for classes or bringing home armloads of educational toys, but by standing by to offer plenty of encouragement as baby tackles the ordinary (but extraordinary!) tasks of infancy; by nurturing baby’s natural curiosity about the world around him or her (whether it’s a dust ball on the floor or a cloud in the sky); by exposing him or her to a stimulating variety of settings (stores, zoos, museums, gas stations, parks, and so on); by talking about people you see (“That lady is very old,” “That man has to ride around in a chair because he has a boo-boo on his leg,” “Those children are going to school”); and by describing how things work (“See, I turn on the faucet and water comes out”), what they are used for (“This is a chair. You sit in a chair”), and how they differ (“The horse has a long flowing tail and the pig has a little curly one”). Providing your baby with an environment that’s language rich (by spending plenty of time talking, singing songs, and reading books) will boost language skills immeasurably—but keep in mind that it’s more important for your baby to know that a dog barks, eats, can bite, has four legs, and has fur all over than to be able to recognize that the letters d-o-g spell dog.
If your baby does show an interest in words, letters, or numbers, by all means nurture that interest. But don’t suddenly forsake trips to the playground so you and baby can spend all your time with a pile of flash cards. Learning—whether it’s how to recognize a letter or how to throw a ball—should be fun. But there is little fun for either of you in a pressured environment in which you’re faced with a never-ending list of goals that must be met (there’ll be plenty of time for that later, when homework overtakes your home). Take your cues from your baby; let him or her set the pace. When it seems as though your little scholar has had it up to his or her diaper with your educational agenda, it’s time to switch gears.
1. Babies who spend little time on their stomachs during playtime may reach this milestone later, and that’s not cause for concern (see page 210).