work to get a toy that’s out of reachThere just aren’t enough waking hours in the day for a busy eight-month old who’s on the go—or attempting to be on the go—every chance he or she gets. Baby’s also a budding comedian (who’ll do anything for a laugh), an avid mimic (who delights in copying sounds you make), and a born performer (“And for an encore, I think I’ll do that fake cough—again”). He or she is capable of understanding more complex concepts, such as object permanence—that when something is covered up, such as a daddy behind a menu, it’s still there—and is becoming much more sophisticated in his or her play. But this new maturity comes with a price: stranger anxiety. Once happy in just about any pair of cozy arms, baby has all of a sudden become pretty picky about the company he or she keeps. Mommy, daddy, and favorite baby-sitter only need apply.
All babies reach milestones on their own developmental time line. If your baby seems not to have reached one or more of these milestones, rest assured, he or she probably will very soon. Your baby’s rate of development is normal for your baby. Keep in mind, too, that it may have been slowed down in certain departments (such as crawling) if baby didn’t spend much time playing on his or her belly. (Some babies skip crawling altogether, and that’s fine, too.) If you have concerns about your baby’s development (because you’ve noticed a missed milestone or what you think might be a developmental delay), don’t hesitate to check it out with the doctor at the next well-baby visit—even if he or she doesn’t bring it up. Parents often notice nuances in a baby’s development that doctors don’t. Premature infants generally reach milestones later than others of the same birth age, often achieving them closer to their adjusted age (the age they would be if they had been born at term), and sometimes later.
By nine months, your baby … should be able to:
work to get a toy that’s out of reach
… will probably be able to:
pull up to standing position from sitting
creep or crawl1
get into a sitting position from stomach
object if you try to take a toy away
stand holding on to someone or something
pick up tiny object with any part of thumb and finger (keep all dangerous objects out of baby’s reach)
say “mama” or “dada” indiscriminately
play peekaboo
… may possibly be able to:
play patty-cake (clap hands) or wave bye-bye
walk holding on to furniture (cruise)
understand “no” (but not always obey it)
… may even be able to:
“play ball” (roll ball back to you)
drink from a cup independently
pick up a tiny object neatly with tips of thumb and forefinger (keep all dangerous objects out of baby’s reach)
stand alone momentarily
stand alone well
say “dada” or “mama” discriminately
say one word other than “mama” or “dada”
respond to a one-step command with gestures (“Give that to me,” said with hand out)
Each practitioner will have a personal approach to well-baby checkups. The overall organization of the physical exam, as well as the number and type of assessment techniques used and procedures performed, will also vary with the individual needs of the child. But, in general, you can expect the following at a checkup when your baby is about nine months old:
Questions about how you and baby and the rest of the family are doing at home, and about baby’s eating, sleeping, and general progress. Questions about child care, if you are working.
Measurement of baby’s weight, length, and head circumference, and plotting of progress since birth.
Physical exam, including a recheck of any previous problems.
Developmental assessment. The examiner may actually put baby through a series of “tests” to evaluate baby’s ability to sit independently, to pull up with or without help, to reach for and grasp objects, to rake at and pick up tiny objects, to look for a dropped or hidden object, to respond to his or her name, to recognize such words as “mommy,” “daddy,” “bye-bye,” and “no,” and to enjoy social games such as patty-cake and peekaboo, or may simply rely on observation plus your reports on what baby is doing.
Immunizations, if not given before and if baby is in good health and there are no other contraindications. Be sure to discuss previous reactions, if any, beforehand.
Possibly, hemoglobin or hematocrit test to check for anemia (usually by means of a pinprick on the finger).
Guidance about what to expect in the next month in relation to such topics as feeding, sleeping, development, and child safety.
Questions you may want to ask, if the doctor hasn’t already answered them:
What new foods can be introduced to baby now? When can citrus, fish, meats, egg whites be introduced, if they haven’t been already?
When should you consider weaning from the bottle, if your baby is bottle-fed, or from the breast?
Also raise any concerns that have come up over the past month. Jot down information and instructions from the doctor. Record all pertinent information (baby’s weight, length, head circumference, immunizations, foods introduced, test results, illnesses, medications given, and so on) in a permanent health record.
We’ve all met them. The beleaguered parents who moan when their preschoolers clamor for the sugar-coated cereal in the supermarket, groan when they howl for French fries instead of a sensible lunch at a restaurant, roll their eyes when they reject the sandwich on whole wheat offered at a friend’s house or insist on soda instead of juice at dinner. Like all parents, they’d like their children to eat more nutritiously, but deep down inside they’re convinced they’d be fighting a losing battle. Aren’t kids, after all, born with a preference for junk foods?
Surprisingly, no. A child’s palate is actually born a clean slate; the tastes that develop depend on the foods introduced, even in those first months of eating. How your child will ultimately eat—whether he or she will choose sandwiches on white bread or whole wheat, find snack satisfaction in an apple or a bag of chips, breakfast happily on the kind of cereal that comes with raisins or hold out for the kind that comes with chocolate marshmallows—will be influenced primarily by the foods you set on his or her high chair tray now.
So that you don’t end up bemoaning your child’s eating habits later, start feeding your baby right, right from the start.
Keep white out of sight, most of the time. A preference for whole wheat over white is a form of discrimination that’s actually good to teach young children. Though a child who’s weaned on whole grains won’t necessarily grow up without a taste for white, he or she is more likely to opt for the good stuff when given the choice—or, at least, be less likely to reject it when it’s served. Select whole-grain products at the supermarket, bake with whole-grain flours at home, and order whole-grain breads, when possible, in restaurants.
Don’t cut that sweet tooth yet. The longer you hold off introducing really sweet foods, the more opportunity your baby will have to establish tastes for foods that are savory or tart. Don’t assume that baby won’t eat cottage cheese or plain yogurt unless it’s been mixed with mashed ripe banana, or cereal unless it’s been sweetened with applesauce or strained peaches; babies whose taste buds haven’t been sweet-talked will not only accept such foods “straight,” they’ll learn to love them. Serve fruits, but as a dessert—after you’ve offered something that isn’t sweet, like vegetables (which you should serve early and often). Gradually introduce sweeter treats (preferably ones sweetened with fruit juice instead of sugar), but don’t get into the habit of doling out the cookies instead of fresh fruit in the afternoon, topping off every meal with a sweet, or spreading jam on every cracker you hand your baby. Realistically, your baby’s more likely to experience the sweeter side of life sooner if there are older siblings in the house (little sibs always want some of what the big kids are getting); otherwise, you may be able to hold off on the sweets until the first birthday or even later.
Serve the milk straight. When the doctor okays cow’s milk—usually at one year—give it to your baby straight. Chocolate milk is loaded with calcium, but also with sugar. Consider, too, that any time you disguise the flavor of milk (even if it’s in a wholesome smoothie), you’ll be sabotaging your baby’s taste for the pure thing. Save such strategies for the “No milk!” rebellions of the toddler and preschool years.
Save the salt. Babies don’t need salt in their foods beyond what is found there naturally. Don’t salt food you prepare for baby, and be particularly careful not to serve up salty snacks, which can give your child an unhealthy taste for foods high in sodium.
Spice baby’s diet with variety. It’s not surprising that so many young children spurn unfamiliar foods. In most cases, their parents have served up the same old, same old from early on (the same cereal every morning for breakfast, the same varieties of baby food for lunch and dinner day in and day out), never offering a change of pace or a chance to sample anything different. Be adventurous in feeding your baby (within the parameters set by the doctor or mandated by your baby’s age). Try different types of whole-grain cereals, served hot and cold; varieties of whole-grain breads (oatmeal and rye, as well as wheat) in different forms (rolls, bagels, sliced loaves, crackers, and later pitas); different shapes of pastas; dairy products in different forms (yogurt, cottage cheese, Swiss and Cheddar); vegetables and fruits beyond carrots, peas, and bananas (sweet potato cubes, ripe cantaloupe and mango slivers, split fresh blueberries, and so on).
Variety now is no guarantee that your child won’t go through a macaroniand-cheese-only phase—most children do at one time or another. But a familiarity with a wider range of foods will breed a broader diet base and, in the long run, better nutrition.
Make exceptions. We all crave what’s forbidden; it’s a fact of human nature. Ban junk food entirely, and it will only become more appealing to your child. So once he or she is old enough to understand the concept of “once in a while,” allow occasional treats. As long as they’re not a part of your child’s daily diet—and are not served up instead of good foods—they won’t compromise nutrition.
Do it yourself. Children are much more likely to practice what their parents practice than practice what their parents preach. Stock the house with healthy foods and take obvious pleasure in eating them yourself, and you can expect your child to follow in your wholesome footsteps.
Of course, while you’re practicing, it doesn’t hurt to do a little casual preaching, too. Start teaching your child from an early age that sugar isn’t good for you, but fruit is, and that whole-wheat bread is better for your body than white.
“We’ve been feeding our son separately, and putting him in the play yard while we eat. When should he start eating with us?”
Feeding themselves and their babies at the same time is a juggling feat most parents can’t master—at least not gracefully, or without having to pop a couple of antacid tablets after every meal. So until your baby is a competent self-feeder, you might want to continue giving him his meals separately. But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t begin to sit in on some adult meals (as long as your schedules permit) for practice in table manners and sociability. Whenever it’s practical and desirable, draw his high chair up to the table at your mealtime, or set him up safely in a hook-on dining seat, give him his own place setting (non-breakable dishes and a spoon only) and some finger foods, and include him in the table conversation. But don’t forget to reserve some late dinners for adults only in order to keep (or put back) the romance in your lives.
“Whenever I sit down to breastfeed my son, he seems to want to do something else—play with my buttons, pull up on my hair, look at the television screen, anything but nurse.”
In the early months, when a Breastfeeding baby’s whole world seems to revolve around his mother’s nipples, it seems implausible that a time will ever come when he will be uninterested in nursing. And, yet, though many babies remain passionate about breastfeeding until weaning, a few display waning interest and concentration somewhere around the ninth month. Some simply begin to refuse the breast entirely; others nurse seriously for a minute or two and then pull away; still others are easily distracted during nursing, either by what’s going on around them or by their desire to practice their newfound physical prowess. Sometimes the boycott is just transient. Maybe baby is going through a readjustment in his nutritional needs, or perhaps he’s put off by the altered taste of your breast milk brought on by hormonal changes during your menstrual period or from the garlicky pasta al pesto you dined on the previous night. Or maybe his lost appetite is temporarily due to a virus or a bout of teething.
Or it could be that he’s slowly losing interest in breastfeeding. Though baby often knows what’s best for him, unfortunately, this is another case in which he doesn’t. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, it’s best—when possible—for baby to continue nursing at least until his first birthday. So don’t give up on breastfeeding without a civilized fight. If he continues the nursing strike, strike back with these tips:
Try some peace and quiet. An increasingly curious eight- or nine-month-old baby is easily distracted by just about anything—from the television, to the siren of a fire engine outdoors, to the dog passing by. To maximize baby’s concentration on the task at hand, nurse in a dimly lit, quiet room. Stroke him and cuddle him gently as he nurses, to relax him.
Nurse when he’s sleepy. Breastfeed first thing in the morning, before all his busy-baby cylinders kick in. Breastfeed after a warm bath at night. Or after a relaxing massage (see page 304). Or right before nap time. If he’s tired enough, he might not know what hit him—or he might not care.
Or nurse on the run. Some babies prefer to know that they’re part of the action—that way they can be sure they’re not missing something. If that’s the case with your little bundle of energy, nurse while you’re walking around the house; securing baby in a sling will be easier on your arms.
If your baby still seems lackadaisical about nursing, he may truly be on the verge of giving up the breast. Though you may not be ready for this milestone to take place, there may be absolutely nothing you can do about it. As many mothers before you have learned, you can lead a baby to the breast, but you can’t make him drink.
Thinking of switching your baby from breast milk or formula to cow’s milk? Think again. Cow’s milk isn’t appropriate for nine-month-old humans (see page 267 for the reasons why). That’s why the American Academy of Pediatrics advises against giving cow’s milk until the first birthday. Whole milk yogurt and hard cheese are fine additions to your baby’s diet (unless a family history of allergy has prompted your baby’s doctor to hold off on these, too), and some doctors will allow small amounts of whole milk mixed in cereal or even a little in a cup for practice. But wait until the doctor gives the green light before substituting the white stuff for breast milk or formula. When you do make the switch, make sure your baby gets only whole milk until the second birthday (unless the doctor recommends otherwise).
Ideally, you should continue to pump milk to feed your baby until at least the end of the first year. If you don’t feel up to pumping your baby’s entire intake, you’ll need to switch to formula. You can serve up the breast milk or formula in a bottle, if he’s already taking one, though a few babies this age who balk at Breastfeeding will also balk at sucking from a rubber nipple. If that’s the case with your baby, or if he’s never taken a bottle (there’s not much point in starting one now, since the AAP recommends weaning from the bottle at a year anyway), try serving the breast milk or formula in a cup, at least some of the time. This often satisfies babies who just won’t take their feedings lying down. Babies who were started on the cup earlier are often very proficient by this age; those who weren’t often catch on quickly.
If you do end up weaning entirely, try to keep the process gradual—for your baby’s health as well as your own comfort. Gradual weaning will allow baby time to increase his intake of formula before he gives up breast milk entirely. And it will give your breasts the chance to reduce production slowly to avoid painful engorgement. (See page 474 for tips on weaning; if your baby absolutely refuses to take any breastfeedings, see page 475 for making abrupt weaning easier.)
“When I first introduced solids, my daughter seemed to love everything I gave her. But lately, she won’t eat anything but bread.”
To hear their parents tell it, some children (up until adolescence, when a week’s worth of groceries lasts three days) live on nothing but air, love, and the occasional crust of bread. But in spite of parental concerns, even picky eaters manage to drink and nibble enough during the day to thrive. Children are programmed to eat what they need to live and grow—unless something happens to alter that programming early in their eating history.
At this stage of development, most babies are still getting a major portion of their needed nutrition from breast milk or formula, and this is usually rounded out by whatever bits of solid foods they get during the day. But at nine months, nutritional requirements are beginning to increase and the need for milk begins to decrease. To be sure that your baby’s intake continues to meet her requirements, incorporate the following into your feeding strategy:
Let them eat bread. Or cereal, or bananas, or whatever food they favor. Many babies and toddlers seem to be on a food-of-the-week (or month) plan, refusing to eat anything but a single selection during that time. And it’s best to respect their dietary preferences and aversions, even when taken to extremes: cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, for example. Eventually, if given a chance to do so on her own—and if offered a wide variety of foods to choose from—a child will expand her repertoire of tastes.
Add on when you can. While you shouldn’t push food on your baby, there’s nothing wrong with trying to sneak it by her. Spread the bread with mashed banana or cottage cheese, or melt a thin slice of Swiss on it. Or turn it into French toast, or “eggy bread” (using only the yolks), served whole or cut into small pieces. Or try baking and buying breads that incorporate other nutritious ingredients, such as pumpkin, carrot, cheese, or fruit. If it’s cereal your baby craves, slip in a serving of fruit in the form of a diced banana, applesauce, or cooked diced peaches, or diced cooked dried fruit (which will also add iron). If bananas are her passion, try serving them conspicuously with a small amount of cereal or cottage cheese, or mashing them on bread.
Omit the mush. Your baby’s recent rebellion may simply be her way of telling you that she’s had it with the mushed and the mashed and is ready for more grownup fare. Changing to chunky foods and finger foods that are soft enough for her to manage but intriguing enough in taste and texture to satisfy her maturing palate may turn her into the epicure you seek.
Vary the menu. Maybe your baby’s just tired of the same old meals; a change may be just what she needs to spark her appetite; see page 419.
Turn the tables. Perhaps it’s just a newly emerging streak of stubborn independence that’s keeping her mouth clenched at mealtime. Hand her the responsibility of feeding, and she may open her mouth eagerly to a wide range of food experiences she would never take from the spoon you offer. (For appropriate choices for the self-feeding baby, see page 387.)
Don’t drown her appetite. Many babies (and toddlers) eat very little because they’re drinking too much juice, formula, or breast milk. Your baby should have no more than 4 to 6 ounces of fruit juice and no more than 16 to 24 ounces of formula (or, after the first birthday, milk) a day. If she wants to drink more than that, give her water or watered-down juice, spreading the servings out over the day. If you’re breastfeeding, you don’t know exactly how much milk she’s taking, but you can be pretty sure that nursing her more than three or four times a day will interfere with her appetite; cut back.
Attack snacks. What do parents do when baby refuses breakfast? Ply her with snacks all morning, of course, which means she isn’t likely to have any appetite for lunch. And what happens after lunch is turned down? Baby’s hungry again in the afternoon, snacking continues, and there’s no room for dinner. Avoid this appetite-sabotaging cycle by limiting snacks to one midmorning and one midafternoon, no matter how little your child eats at mealtimes. You can, however, increase the amount fed at snack time by a bit in order to tide baby over from a light or skipped meal to the next feeding time.
Has your baby moved on from the strained and the bland to new and interesting tastes and textures? Good for your little gourmand! But in your excitement to encourage variety and adventure in the high chair, don’t forget to include some iron-enriched cereal in your baby’s daily diet. As ho-hum as it may be, it’s the easiest way (unless your baby is formula-fed) of ensuring adequate iron intake.
Keep smiling. The easiest way for you to lay the foundation for a permanent feeding problem is to frown with displeasure when your baby turns her head away from the oncoming spoon, to comment unhappily when she comes out of the high chair with her tummy as empty as when she went in, or to spend half an hour trying to guide a couple of spoonfuls into her closed mouth with cajoling, pleading, or “choo-choo train” tricks. She needs to feel she’s eating because she’s hungry, not because you want her to. So at all costs—even at the cost of some missed meals—don’t make eating (or not eating) an issue. If she clearly doesn’t want any more, or doesn’t want to eat at all, remove the dish and end the meal without further ado.
Of course, short-term appetite loss can accompany colds and other acute illnesses, particularly when fever is present. Rarely, a baby will show a chronic lack of appetite due to anemia (see page 364) or malnutrition (both uncommon among middle-class American babies) or other illness. If your baby’s loss of appetite is accompanied by lack of energy, lack of interest in her environment, a slowdown in development, insufficient weight gain, or a marked change in personality (sudden irritability or nervousness, for instance), check with her doctor.
“Every time the spoon comes near my baby, she grabs for it. If her bowl is near enough, she dips her fingers in and makes a mess trying to feed herself. She’s getting nothing to eat and I’m getting frustrated.”
It’s clearly time to pass the spoon to a new generation. Your baby is expressing her desire to be independent, at least at the table. Encourage rather than discourage her. But to minimize the mess and keep her from going hungry until she can pass muster with Miss Manners, pass the responsibility on gradually, if possible.
Begin by giving her a spoon of her own while you continue feeding her. She may not be able to do much more than wave it around at first, and when she does fill it and get it to her mouth, it will usually be upside down. Still, wielding a spoon may keep her content enough to let you take care of most of the meal, at least for a while. The next step is to provide finger foods that she can feed herself while you spoon-feed her. The combination of finger foods and a personal spoon (and/or a cup to take swigs from) usually keeps a baby occupied and happy enough for mom or dad to get the rest of the meal into her, but not always.
Some babies insist on doing it all themselves; if this is the only way your baby will eat, let her. Mealtimes will take longer and be messier at first, but the experience will make your child a more proficient self-feeder sooner. (Spreading newspaper or a plastic mat on the floor beneath baby’s chair will at least make cleanup easier.)
Whatever you do, don’t let mealtime become battle time, or you’ll risk setting her up for permanent eating problems. When self-feeding degenerates into all play and no eating (some play is normal), pick up the spoon and take over the feeding. If your baby balks, it’s time to wipe the carrots off the chin and the yogurt from between the fingers and call it a meal.
“When I changed my baby’s diaper today, I was really puzzled. Her stool seemed to be filled with grains of sand. But she never plays in a sandbox.”
Just when you’re getting bored with changing diapers, another surprise turns up in one. Sometimes it’s easy to figure out what went into baby to produce the change in her stools. Halloween orange color? Probably the carrots. Frightening red? Maybe beets or beet juice. Black specks or strands? Bananas. Small dark foreign objects? Usually blueberries or raisins. Light green pellets? Perhaps peas. Yellow ones? Corn. Seeds? Very likely tomatoes, cucumbers, or melon from which the seeds were not completely removed. Because babies don’t chew thoroughly and their digestive tracts are not fully mature, what goes in often comes out largely unchanged in color and texture.2 Sandy stools, such as those in your baby’s diaper, are fairly common, not because babies snack from the sandbox (though they do, given a chance) but because certain foods—particularly Cheerios and similar oat cereals, and pears—often appear sandy once they’ve passed through the digestive tract.
Odd changes in the stool come not just from natural items in your baby’s diet but also from those synthesized in the food lab (most of which aren’t appropriate for babies but nevertheless sometimes find their way into small tummies). Such products have been known to color stools such dramatic hues as fluorescent green (from a grape-flavored beverage) and shocking pinkish red (from berry-flavored cereal).
So before you panic at the sight of what’s filling your baby’s diaper, think about what’s been filling her tummy. If you’re still puzzled, show a sample to the doctor.
“Suddenly my daughter doesn’t want to nap in the morning. Is one nap a day enough for her?”
Though one nap a day may not be enough for the exhausted parents, it is all many babies need as they approach their first birthday. A few babies even try to give up both naps at this time. Most often it is the morning nap that goes first, but occasionally it’s the after-lunch siesta. The babies of some lucky parents continue to nap twice a day well into the second year, and this is perfectly normal, too, as long as it doesn’t seem to be interfering with a good night’s sleep. If it does seem to be, baby should be weaned down to one nap.
How much a baby sleeps is of less consequence than how well she functions on the sleep she’s getting. If your baby refuses to go down for a nap or naps but seems cranky and overtired by dinnertime, it may be that she needs the extra sleep but is protesting because she doesn’t want to waste precious time—that she could use for activity and exploration—on sleep. Not getting needed naps makes for a less happy, less cooperative baby during the day, and often one who goes to bed less easily and sleeps less well at night; being overtired and overcharged, she has a difficult time settling down and staying down.
If your baby doesn’t seem to be getting the naps she needs, make a special effort to encourage her. Try putting her down—fed, changed, and relaxed by a little quiet play and quiet music, and perhaps a massage (see page 304)—in a dark room with no distractions. Don’t give up immediately if she doesn’t fall asleep; some babies need more time to settle down during the day. If that doesn’t work, you may need to resort to walking her in the stroller or driving around with her in the car. (Many city babies do all their napping in the stroller, suburban babies in the car.) If necessary, and if you’ve chosen this method for nighttime sleep also, try sleep training your baby (see page 350) before giving up on getting her to nap, but not for as long as you would at night. More than twenty minutes of crying, and there goes her nap time.
“We thought we’d done everything right. Our baby always went to sleep without a fuss. Now he seems to want to stay up and play all night.”
It’s something like making a sudden move from a small town in the Midwest to New York City. A couple of months ago, there wasn’t much to keep your baby up at night. Now, with so many discoveries to make, toys to play with, people to interact with, and physical accomplishments to fine-tune (who wants to lie down when you’re just learning to stand up?), your baby doesn’t want to take time out to sleep.
Unfortunately, this is yet another case in which baby doesn’t know what’s good for him. As with not sleeping enough during the day, going to sleep too late at night can make him overtired, which, in turn, can keep him from settling down well at all. Children who aren’t getting adequate sleep are more likely to have trouble falling asleep and to wake up during the night. They may also be cranky during the day and more prone to accidents.
If your baby isn’t going to sleep readily at night, be sure he’s napping sufficiently during the day (see pages 323 and 425). Next, establish a bedtime routine; if you’ve already established one but have been adhering to it halfheartedly, enforce it. If a baby-sitter or grandparents will be putting baby to bed occasionally, make sure they are familiar with the rituals.
If you aren’t certain what to include in a bedtime routine, you can try some or all of the following:
A bath. After a day of cleaning the floor with his knees, massaging his scalp with mashed banana, and rolling in the sandbox, a baby needs a bath. But the evening bath does more than get a baby clean—it relaxes him. Warm, soothing waters wield magical, sleep-inducing powers; don’t waste them by giving baby his bath earlier in the day. You might also want to try baby bedtime lotions or bath soaps enriched with lavender and chamomile, known for their soothing and relaxing properties.
A sleep-inducing atmosphere. Dim the lights, turn the TV off, send older children from the room, and keep other distractions to a minimum.
A story, a song, a cuddle. After your baby’s been diapered and pajamaed, settle down together into a comfortable chair or sofa, or on baby’s bed once he’s graduated to one. Read him a simple story, if he will sit still for one, in a soft monotone rather than a lively, animated voice. Or, if he prefers, let him look at some picture books himself. Sing quiet songs and lullabies, cuddle, but save rougher fun (such as wrestling matches and tickling sessions) for other times. Once baby’s motor is turned on, it’s hard to turn off. If your baby enjoys massage, now would be a great time to relax him with one. Research suggests that babies who are massaged before bed produce more of the sleep-inducing hormone melatonin.
A light for the wary. Some babies are afraid of the dark. If yours is one of them, give him a night-light to keep him company.
Good-byes. Put a favorite toy or animal to bed. Encourage your baby to wave bye-bye to it, as well as to stuffed animals, siblings, mommy, and daddy. Share good-night kisses all around, tuck baby into his crib, and make your departure.
If he cries when you leave the room, return for a moment to be sure he’s okay, kiss him again, then leave. If he continues crying, and if you’ve chosen this route, you will probably need to try one of the getting-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night methods beginning on page 350. They are likely to work but may be harder on you now that he’s not only older but wiser. At this age, he will probably know how to get you back into the room, or at least how to make you feel guilty if you don’t return. He may repeatedly pull up and scream until you help him to get down again. Or he may start calling “mama” or “da-da,” making it difficult for you not to respond. And rather than being calmed by a visit, as a younger baby might, he will probably be all the angrier when you leave him again. Your best bet with such a little wiseguy might be to try to stay away entirely while he gets himself back into the habit of going to sleep on his own.
“We haven’t been able to set up a bedtime routine for our baby because he always falls asleep nursing before we start.”
If your baby routinely falls asleep with the last nursing of the evening, go through the entire go-to-bed routine—including the good-nights—before settling down to nurse. Or if you’d like to try to break him of the nursing-to-sleep habit, try nursing him before his bath under conditions not conducive to sleep—with plenty of noise, light, and activity, and the promise of a bath and story ahead. If he falls asleep in spite of all your efforts, try waking him for the bath. If that doesn’t work, go back to nursing after the bedtime rituals, and try again in a couple of weeks.
“We really want our baby to learn how to fall asleep on her own when she wakes during the night. But now that she’s teething, I feel guilty letting her cry.”
There are plenty of ways to comfort a teething baby—but, unfortunately, they all involve rushing to her side. Easy enough if you’ve made the decision to co-sleep, not so easy if you’re committed to getting her to sleep on her own. Here’s the problem: While the worst of teething pain usually lasts just a few nights (and wakes baby only briefly and sporadically), having you around at night can quickly become a habit that’s hard for baby to break. In other words, teething pain will keep your baby up for a short time; knowing that you’ll appear when she cries may keep her up indefinitely.
It’s a good idea to peek in on your baby when she cries during the night to make sure she hasn’t pulled up and stranded herself in a standing position, unable to get back down—as often happens at this age. It’s also fine to offer her some quiet comfort (as much as you like, for as long as you like): a little patting, a soft lullaby, a teething ring. But if your goal is to get her to fall back asleep on her own, try not to pick her up. See if she can settle back down by herself (if your presence invariably prevents that, consider staying out of her room).
If she seems inconsolable nightly, ask her doctor about the possibility of giving her a dose of baby acetaminophen before she goes to bed. Do be sure, however, that your baby’s night waking isn’t prompted by illness—an ear infection, for example, the pain of which often worsens at night—which such pain medication could mask.
“Our baby just learned to pull up. He seems to love it for a few minutes but then starts screaming. Could standing be hurting his legs?”
If your child’s legs weren’t ready to hold him, he wouldn’t be pulling up. He’s screaming out of frustration, not pain. Like most babies who’ve just learned to stand, he’s stranded in this unfamiliar position until he falls, collapses, or is helped down. And that’s where you come in. As soon as you notice frustration setting in, gently help him down to a sitting position. Slowly does it—so that he can get the idea of how to do it himself, which should take a few days, or at most, a few weeks. In the meantime, expect to spend a lot of time coming to the rescue of your baby-in-distress—perhaps even in the middle of the night, if he decides to practice pulling up then.
“My baby is trying to pull up on everything in the house. Should I be concerned for her safety?”
As babies learn to pull up, then cruise, and finally walk, they enter a stage when they have more brawn than their brains can be responsible for—putting them at high risk of injury. Nerve-racking as it may be for you, your almost-toddler needs plenty of opportunity to explore the world around her. Your job is to make that world as safe as possible.
Be especially certain now that anything she might attempt to pull up on (get down on her level if necessary to determine what that might be) is secure. Unstable tables, bookcases, dressers, chairs, and floor lamps should be anchored to the wall (and dresser drawers safety-latched), put away, or kept out of baby’s reach for the time being; cords for appliances should be hidden or secured to the wall so that baby can’t pull up on them, bringing heavy equipment down on herself. Corners and sharp edges on remaining coffee or end tables should be cushioned in case baby falls against them (she probably will, and often). Breakable or dangerous knickknacks she couldn’t reach before should be stowed now. If you have a dishwasher, keep it closed when you’re not using it (it’s easy to pull up on an open one, and the contents—such as knives, glasses, and remnants of detergent—can pose a threat). To prevent slips and trips, be sure that electrical cords are out of the way, that papers are not left lying around on the floor, and that spills on smooth-surfaced floors are wiped up quickly. And to be sure her feet won’t sabotage her, keep her barefoot or in skidproof socks or slippers, rather than in smooth-soled shoes or slippery socks.
When a child begins pulling up, cruising around the room—from chair to table to wall to sofa to daddy’s legs, for example—can’t be far behind. As always, increased mobility means the potential for increased danger. To protect your cruising baby, make sure that every corner of every room in your home (except those behind always-closed and latched doors) is thoroughly babyproofed. If you didn’t attend to this when your baby began crawling, or if she never crawled, see page 402 for tips on making home safe for baby.
“My baby’s arches look totally flat when he stands up. Could he have flat feet?”
In babies, flatness is the rule, not the exception. And it’s a rule that you’re not likely to find an exception to. There are several reasons: First of all, since young babies don’t do much walking, the muscles in their feet haven’t been exercised enough to fully develop the arches. Second, a pad of fat fills the arch, making it difficult to discern, particularly in chubby babies. And when babies begin to walk, they stand with feet apart to achieve balance, putting more weight on the arch and giving the foot a flatter appearance.
In most children, the flat-footed look will slowly diminish over the years, and by the time full growth is attained, the arch will be well formed. In only a small percentage will the feet remain flat (not a serious problem, anyway), but that’s something that can’t be predicted now.
“Our baby wants to walk all the time, holding on to the hands of any willing adult. Will walking before she’s ready hurt her legs?”
It’s more likely to hurt your backs than her legs. If your baby’s legs weren’t ready for this kind of prewalking activity, she wouldn’t be clamoring for it. Like early standing, early walking (assisted or unassisted) can’t cause bowleggedness (actually a normal characteristic of babies under two) or any other physical problem. In fact, both these activities are beneficial, since they exercise and strengthen some of the muscles used in walking solo. And if she’s barefoot, they will help strengthen her feet as well. So as long as your backs hold out, let her walk to her legs’ content.
A baby who doesn’t want to “walk” at this stage, of course, shouldn’t be pushed into it. As with other aspects of development, just follow your half-pint-size leader.
“Our baby has begun only recently to sit well by himself—much later than our friends’ babies. Should we be worried?”
Each baby’s rate of development is predetermined primarily by his genes, which determine how quickly his nervous system develops. He is programmed to sit, pull up, stand, walk, smile his first smile, and say his first word at a certain age. Few develop at a uniform rate in all areas; most are faster in some and slower in others. One baby might, for example, be quick to smile and talk (social and language skills) but not pull up until nearly a year (a gross motor skill). Another might walk (a gross motor skill) at eight months, yet not exhibit a pincer grasp (a fine motor skill) until after his first birthday. The rate at which motor skills develop is in no way related to intelligence. Keep in mind, too, that development of certain skills can be slowed down because a baby hasn’t had enough opportunity to practice them. This is certainly true of sitting; if your baby spent a great deal of time on his back, strapped into an infant seat, or secured in a baby carrier or sling, he may not have had much chance to figure out how to get himself into a sitting position.
Doing even most things later than other children, as long as development falls within the wide range considered normal (as is definitely the case with sitting) and progresses from one step to the next, is not usually a matter for concern. When a child routinely reaches developmental milestones long after other children, however, a consultation with his doctor is in order. In most cases, such a consultation will put a parent’s fears to rest. Some children mature slowly yet are perfectly normal. Occasionally, further workups will be necessary to determine whether or not a problem really exists, which it sometimes does.
Once in a great while, the baby’s doctor is not concerned but the parents have some lingering doubts in spite of every reassurance. Their best route to peace of mind: a referral to a developmental specialist. Sometimes the baby’s doctor, who sees him only for brief evaluations, misses signs of poor development that a parent sees or senses and that an expert doing a lengthier workup can pick up. The consultation serves a dual purpose. First, if parental concern turns out to be truly unnecessary, worry, at least about development, can be cast aside. Second, if there does turn out to be a problem, early intervention can make a tremendous difference.
“Our little girl has always been friendly and outgoing. But when my in-laws—whom she always loved to play with—came in from out of town yesterday, she broke into tears every time they came near her. What’s come over her?”
Maturity—of a very immature sort. Though she’ll show a definite preference for her mother and father after the first couple of months, a baby under six months or so will generally respond positively to almost any grownup. Whether they are familiar adults or strangers, she lumps them pretty much into the category of people who are capable of taking care of her needs. Often, as a baby approaches eight or nine months, she begins to realize which side her teething biscuit is really buttered on; that mother and father, and possibly another familiar person or two, are her primary caretakers; and that she ought to stick close to them and steer clear of anyone who might try to separate her from them. (“Stranger anxiety,” the official term for this phenomenon, can begin at six months or even earlier.) During this time, even once-beloved grandparents (and occasionally even beloved baby-sitters) may suddenly be rejected, as baby clings desperately to her parents (particularly the parent who provides the most care).
Wariness of strangers may disappear quickly or not peak until somewhat past a year; in about two in ten babies it never develops at all (possibly because these babies adjust easily to new situations of all kinds) or passes so quickly it isn’t noticed. If your baby does exhibit stranger anxiety, don’t pressure her to be sociable. She’ll come around eventually, and it’s best that she does on her own terms. In the meantime, warn friends and family that she’s going through an apprehensive stage (which they shouldn’t take personally) and that quick advances will frighten her. Suggest that instead of trying to hug her or pick her up immediately, they try to break down her resistance slowly—by smiling at her, talking to her, offering her a plaything—while she sits securely on your lap. Eventually, she may warm up, and even if she doesn’t, at least there won’t have been any tears and bad feelings along the way.
If it’s a longtime baby-sitter your child suddenly doesn’t want to go to, the odds are that once you leave the house—no matter how hysterical baby may be in your presence—she will quiet down. If it’s a new sitter, you may have to spend some additional orientation time before your baby will be willing to stay with the newcomer. If your baby is truly inconsolable when left with a sitter, new or old, then it’s time to reevaluate your childcare situation. Maybe the sitter is not giving your baby the kind of attention and love she needs, even if she seems caring when you’re around. Or it may simply be a case of extreme stranger anxiety. Some infants, particularly those who are breastfed, can cry for hours when mommy is gone, even when daddy or grandma is the baby-sitter. In such a case, you may have to limit time away from your child, if possible, until this “missing mommy” phase has passed. If it isn’t possible (you work outside the home and must leave her with a sitter or in day care), make yourself as available to her as you can when you are around.
“For the last couple of months, our baby has become more and more attached to his blanket. He even drags it around when he’s crawling. Does this mean he’s insecure?”
He is a little insecure, and with good reason. In the last couple of months he’s discovered he’s a separate person, not an extension of his parents’ arms. The discovery is undeniably exciting (so many challenges!), yet more than a little frightening (so many risks!). Many babies, when they realize that mommy and daddy may not always be available to lean on from now on, become attached to a transitional comfort object (a soft blanket, a cuddly stuffed animal, a bottle, a pacifier) as a sort of stand-in. Like parents, the object offers comfort—particularly appealing when a baby is frustrated, sick, tired, exploring new horizons, or making transitions of any kind—but, unlike parents, it’s under the infant’s control. For the baby who has trouble separating from his parents, taking the security object to bed makes going to sleep alone easier.
Sometimes a baby who hasn’t become attached to a security object earlier will do so suddenly when confronted with a new and unsettling situation (a new sitter or day-care center, moving to a new home, and so on). The transitional comfort object is usually given up sometime between the ages of two and five (about the same time that thumb sucking, another comfort habit, is abandoned), but often not until it is lost, disintegrates, or in some other way becomes unavailable. Some children mourn for a day or two but then get on with their lives; others hardly note the passing of their old friend.
Though parents (or other care providers) should never tease or scold a baby or child about a security object or pressure him to give it up, it is often possible to set some limits early on that will make the habit less objectionable and help to prepare a baby for the inevitable separation:
If the habit is in its early stages and is not yet deeply entrenched, you can try to head off future hassles by limiting its use to home or to bedtime. (But don’t forget to take it along on overnights and vacations.) If it’s already a habit baby can’t seem to live without, don’t worry about setting any limits; let him take his comfort to go (in the stroller, in the car, to day care, wherever).
Before the object begins to take on a grubbiness that your baby can smell, wash it. Otherwise, he may become attached as much to the odor as to the object itself, and complain strenuously if it returns from the wash smelling like springtime. If you can’t get it away from him during waking hours, wash it while he’s asleep.
If the object is a toy, you might want to invest in a duplicate. This will give you a ready replacement in case of loss, let you wash them alternately, and allow you to rotate the items so that neither becomes too grimy. If it’s a blanket, you could also consider purchasing a duplicate, or you might try cutting it into several sections so that lost or threadbare pieces can be replaced as needed.
Though the less said about the object, the better, as your child gets bigger you can remind him now and then that when he’s “big” he won’t need his blanket (or other object) anymore.
Although an empty bottle or a bottle of water is acceptable, don’t let your baby use a bottle (or sippy cup) of juice or milk as a comfort object. Sucking on such liquids for long periods at a time—particularly at night—can cause dental decay and interfere with a baby’s getting adequate solids.
Make sure your baby is getting the comfort (and love and undivided attention) he needs from you, too, not only in the form of plenty of hugs and kisses, but with frequent talking and playing sessions.
Though attachment to a comfort object is a normal developmental step for many (though far from all) babies, a child who becomes so obsessed with the object that he doesn’t spend enough time interacting with people, playing with toys, or practicing physical feats may have some emotional needs that aren’t being met. If this seems to be the case with your baby, check with his doctor.
“Our baby is almost nine months old and still doesn’t have a single tooth. What could be holding her teething up?”
Enjoy those toothless grins while you can, and be reassured that there are many nine-month-olds who are all gums—even a few who finish their first year without a single tooth with which to bite into their birthday cake—but that the tooth fairy comes to visit every baby eventually. Though the average baby cuts a first tooth at seven months, the range is from two months (occasionally earlier) to twelve (sometimes later). Late teething is usually hereditary, and is no reflection on your baby’s development. (Second teeth will probably come in later, too.) Toothlessness needn’t interfere, incidentally, with a baby’s moving on to chunkier foods; the gums are used for chewing in toothed and toothless babies alike until molars arrive in the middle of the second year.
“Our daughter was born bald and still has little more than peach fuzz. When will she get some hair?”
To parents tired of hearing “What a cute little boy” whenever they’re out with their cute little girl, and eager to make a definitive gender statement with long hair and bows, that continued cue-ball look can be frustrating. But, like toothlessness, hairlessness at this age is not unusual—and not permanent. Hairlessness is most common among fair babies with light hair and is not a forecast of scanty hair later in life. In time your daughter’s hair will come in (though perhaps not in quantity until sometime late in the second year). For now, be thankful that you don’t have to wrestle with a tangled headful of hair during shampoos and comb-outs.
When it comes to baby care, a lot has changed since our great-grandmother’s mothering days. Yet with all that’s new, there are some things that never get old—especially the games that babies love.
Time-honored as any heirloom, the peekaboos and this-little-piggies that brought squeals of delight to your great-grandmother’s baby are guaranteed to do the same for yours. But such games do more than entertain; they improve socialization skills, teach such concepts as object permanence (peekaboo), coordination of words and actions (the itsybitsy spider), counting skills (one, two, buckle my shoe), and language skills (eyes, nose, mouth).
Chances are that even if you haven’t heard a nursery game in decades, many your mother played with you will come back to you now that you’re in her shoes. If they don’t, ask for a replay of her favorites (a mother never forgets). Tap, too, the resources of older relatives for venerable folk songs, nursery rhymes, and games that might otherwise be lost.
Refresh your memory, or learn a few new games from the list below.
Peekaboo. Cover your face (with your hands, the corner of a blanket, a piece of clothing, a menu in a restaurant, or by hiding behind a curtain or the foot of the crib) and say, “Where’s Mommy?” (or “Daddy”). Then uncover your face and say, “Peekaboo, I see you!” Or say “Peekaboo” when you cover your face, “I see you” when you uncover it. Either way, be ready to repeat and repeat until you collapse; most babies have a voracious appetite for this game.
Clap hands. While you sing—“Clap, clap, clap your hands, clap your hands together” (or any other ditty)—take your baby’s hands and show him or her how to clap. At first, your baby’s hands will probably not open wide, but the ability to hold the hands flat will finally come, though maybe not until the end of the year; don’t push it. It may also be a while before your baby can clap independently, but that, too, will come. During the interim, he or she may enjoy holding your hands and patting them together.
You can add a hiding game to the clapping by singing, “Clap your hands, one-two-three, play a clapping game with me. Now your hands have gone away, find your hands so we can play.” Or you can try clapping feet, for a change of pace. Or you can use this rhyme: “Patty-cake, patty-cake, baker’s man, bake me a cake as fast as you can. Mix it, and pat it, and mark it with a ‘B,’ and put it in the oven for baby and me!” (Or substitute baby’s name, as in: “and mark it with a ‘C’ and put it in the oven for Caitlin and me!”)
The itsy-bitsy spider. Use your fingers—the thumb of one hand to the pointer finger of the other—to simulate a spider climbing up an invisible web, and sing: “The itsy-bitsy spider went up the water spout.” Then, use your fingers to imitate rain falling, and continue: “Down came the rain and washed the spider out.” Throw your arms up and out for “Out came the sun and dried up all the rain.” And then back to square one, the spider goes back up the web and you end with, “And the itsy-bitsy spider went up the spout again.”
This little piggy went to market. Take baby’s thumb or big toe and start with, “This little piggy went to market.” Move on to the next finger or toe, “This little piggy stayed home.” And the next, “This little piggy had roast beef” (or if you’re a vegetarian, “pizza”); fourth finger, “This little piggy had none.” As you sing the final line, “This little piggy cried wee, wee, wee, all the way home,” run your fingers up baby’s arm or leg to under the arms or neck, gently tickling all the way. (If your baby doesn’t like tickling, just use a stroking motion instead.)
So big. Ask, “How big is baby?” (or use child’s name, the dog’s name, or a sibling’s name), help your child to spread his or her arms as wide as possible, and exclaim, “So big!”
Eyes, nose, mouth. Take both baby’s hands in yours, touch one to each of your eyes, then both to your nose, then to your mouth (where you end with a kiss), naming each feature as you move along: “Eyes, nose, mouth, kiss.” Nothing teaches these body parts faster.
Ring-a-round the rosies. Try this one once your baby is walking. Hold hands with him or her (invite a sibling, playmate, or other adult to join the circle, when possible) and walk around in a circle, singing, “Ring-a-round the rosies, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down”—at which point you all collapse down on the floor. One variation is to substitute “hop-scotch, hopscotch” for “ashes, ashes,” and to jump up at each one.
One, two, buckle my shoe. When climbing stairs or counting fingers, sing: “One, two, buckle my shoe. Three, four, close the door. Five, six, pick up sticks. Seven, eight, close the gate. Nine, ten, start again.”
Pop goes the weasel. You can turn slowly in a circle with baby if you’re standing, or rock him or her back and forth if you’re seated, as you sing, “All around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel. The monkey thought it was all in fun….” Then, “Pop goes the weasel!” as you gently bounce baby with the pop. Once baby is familiar with the song, wait a moment or two before the bounce and the “punchline” to give him or her a chance to do the popping (remember, a baby’s reaction time is likely to be delayed a few beats to allow for processing).
1. Babies who spend little time on their stomachs during playtime may reach this milestone later, and that’s not cause for concern (see page 210).
2. Squashing or splitting raisins, berries, peas, and corn kernels will make them not only easier to digest but safer to eat.