METAL THE ARCHITECT

If you scored highest in Metal traits on your assessment and have confirmed that your results are accurate, then Metal is your primary archetype.

When Metal is your primary archetype, its gracefulness directs the way you interact with your environment. You share the gifts of beauty, organization, preparedness, and conscientiousness with the world.

Primary Metal types admire and notice distinct details of a room, a work of art, or a piece of clothing that others may miss. They design their space with intention and precision and deeply appreciate when others notice their good taste. Metals are organized, and they make sure their home is spotless before turning in for the night. They have an impeccable memory and recall exactly where they left the scissors and the extra bottle of olive oil, and which high school yearbook pages have photos of them.

At work, Metal types make sure meetings start and end on time and that all items on the agenda are covered. They ensure that everyone is clear on their takeaways, next steps, and deadlines so the team remains on target with expectations. Metals have perfected their morning and bedtime routines because getting it right guarantees they’ll have a productive day. They set a good example by always being true to their word and not getting too emotional when bad things happen. They don’t react to displays of anger. Instead, they practice restraint in the hopes that others will learn from their example.

The “discerning” one in friendships, Metal is invigorated when you ask her opinion. She knows the most amazing cardiologist, cleanest nail salon, and most meticulous bookkeeper; she’s particular because she’s learned from choosing people who weren’t the best in the past. Imparting her lessons learned is deeply satisfying and gives Metal types a profound sense of self-worth.

The Metal archetype, also known as “The Architect,” is associated with ceremony, meticulousness, and appreciation for mastering skills, meaning that people who are primary Metals believe that practice makes perfect; they flourish within well-established philosophies and systems. On the flip side, Metal’s characteristic lifestyle challenges revolve around learning not to get too stuck on details and minutia, and in overcoming self-critical and limiting beliefs.

If Metal is not your primary archetype, you will still have some amount of Metal in your nature, so in order to achieve and maintain harmony throughout your lifetime, take note of where your Metal ranks with respect to the other four archetypes and practice the skills that help keep the Metal in your nature strong. The long-term maintenance practices beginning on page 216 will help you both optimize your primary archetype and harmonize overall, as well as build a firm foundation of resilience in the face of day-to-day stress. If Metal is your primary, practicing your long-term maintenance activities will naturally propel you to feel more emotionally flexible in times of stress, reducing your inclination to get stuck judging yourself for the feelings that come up in frustrating situations. If Metal is your lowest, practicing these activities will help naturally increase your attention to detail, set better boundaries, and help you better appreciate and adequately apply lessons learned from past mistakes.

When Metal Is Your Primary Archetype

If Metal is your primary or is tied as one of your primaries, then this chapter applies most directly to you.

As a primary Metal, your desire and ability to create beauty and a consistent, safe environment for your family, friends, and coworkers is exceptional. You present yourself with a composed and gracious disposition. When you’re feeling secure and respected, those who know you regard you as a principled, trustworthy, and devoted advocate. However, when you’re not feeling your best, apprehensive Metal states become more prevalent, and you’re not able to put your best foot forward.

Primary Metal types live their highest spiritual purpose by demonstrating and sharing exceptional levels of virtue and forgiveness. They distill order and structure from disparate and competing elements to create one whole functioning machine. They demonstrate what it means to continuously improve through practice and preparation. Metal types, at their outright best, want to express to others the value gained through focused and ongoing effort. In a spiritual sense, primary Metals hope that as a result of these efforts, others will follow suit and live a life of virtue, respectability, and strength of character.

Metals who feel grounded, self-aware, and secure in who they are will embody distinct traits in their physical, mental, and spiritual being. Physically, Metal types are outstanding at controlling their breath and using it to achieve calm. Mentally, Metal types like to create and maintain routine, working toward building consistency within which everyone around them can flourish. Spiritually, Metal types embody and share the gift of forgiveness and gratitude, even in the face of chaos and emotional outbursts from those around them.

When your primary archetype is Metal, you’ll exhibit specific inherent capabilities and attitudes. These patterns persist and are expressed in your choices, reactions, behaviors, in the self-care activities you embrace, and in the way others regard you.

Here are a couple of basic Metal archetype indicators to be aware of: When feeling resilient, a primary Metal person is driven to build a sense of beauty, function, and standards that set the stage for the comfort of their own environment and that of those around them. On the other hand, when feeling insecure, the Metal type becomes overcritical and judgmental of herself and others, worrying too much about making mistakes.

Spending too much time worrying about whether or not you’re wrong impacts your ability to appreciate and focus on the bigger picture when working to achieve creative solutions that support the greater good. This is why it’s important for Metals to recognize when it’s time to self-regulate, rather than react in a maladaptive manner when faced with challenge. Sometimes we become so caught up in our dysfunctional thoughts and belief patterns that we can’t easily distinguish between rightful action and reactive behavior. To help you see when you’re in a state of imbalance and are more likely to make a dysfunctional choice, primary Metal archetypes should be on the lookout for times when they:

• Feel stuck in feelings of grief.
• Focus too much on small details.
• Obsessively concern themselves with being right.

The ultimate outcomes I hope you achieve as a result of practicing the Five Archetypes method as a primary Metal are twofold: self-empowerment and empathy for others. I want you to strengthen your personal resolve and know your unique brand of Metal-centered resilience so you can exercise it in the face of friction and conflict. When life’s influences and forces lead you toward choices and behaviors that feel most Metal-type comfortable—like judging other people’s opinions or ways of accomplishing tasks as inferior—I want you to have the awareness to take a step back and recognize that your comfort zone is not always your sacred path. With time and patience, you’ll establish a foundation of insight and understanding for how to maintain your Metal individuality while simultaneously enveloping those around you with compassion and kindness.

When Metal Is Your Secondary Archetype

If Metal is your secondary archetype, it modifies your primary way of engaging in the world, meaning Metal behaviors and proclivities more often reveal themselves within your character than your lower three archetypal traits, but not as much as your primary traits.

For instance, as a secondary Metal, you may at times become agitated by Metal-specific challenges such as a lack of continuity or consistency in communication or disorderly and unclear office structure and policy. These Metal-typical challenges won’t chronically provoke you in the way that the challenges associated with your primary will, but you will likely notice times when you have Metal needs you want met and Metal frustrations you seek to avoid. Arm yourself with the Metal knowledge in this chapter so you have access to Metal-balancing activities when the need arises.

Here are some archetype-based traits you may notice in yourself, or others who have secondary Metal:

• Earth people with secondary Metal will care about pleasing you but will likely have an easier time setting boundaries for themselves and saying no.
• Water people with secondary Metal will spend less time lost in their thoughts or imagination, because the strong Metal supports their ability to more precisely structure their time.
• Wood people with secondary Metal will be more likely to devote time to perfecting the details of a project instead of simply rushing to complete it and sending it out without proofreading. They balance their need to be first with a desire to create a well-designed product.
• Fire people with secondary Metal will be more cognizant of times when they’re acting too silly, over-sharing, or not respecting other people’s boundaries.

When Metal Is Your Lowest Archetype

Knowing that Metal is your lowest archetype sheds light on the archetype-based skills that may be harder for you to access overall. The scarcity of Metal in your nature will likely be more obvious to you in times of stress, such as when you have quickly escalated into feelings of panic or anger in the face of disappointment.

If Metal is your lowest archetype, you may not focus on using your full lung capacity when breathing, and you probably struggle to adequately structure your time, refine projects, organize your living or working space, or recognize when you’ve shared information that may be inappropriately intimate for the group of people you’re with. You may also not care about getting things done perfectly because you’re more focused on having a good time or rushing through to the finish line. Additionally, people who score lowest in Metal may have a tough time controlling their emotions and may not feel comfortable setting healthy, appropriate, protective boundaries in relationships. They may come across as careless at times and could have a hard time defining the steps they need to take to accomplish their goals.

Having an awareness of your lowest archetype, however, can show you where you need to focus your efforts so you can start building overall resilience to daily stress. Recognizing that Metal is your lowest archetype and doing the work to increase your Metal characteristics subsequently propels you to build more rewarding interpersonal relationships, improves your ability to discern how best to invest your time, drives you to elevate the mundane moments into something more meaningful, and encourages you to create standards that protect your own needs for safety.

THE FIVE ARCHETYPES METHOD

Optimization

The Five Archetypes method begins with optimization, a process that comprises three steps, which remain the same no matter which archetype is your primary. They are:

1. Recognize your primary archetype’s strength and stress states.
2. Understand your primary archetype’s individual needs for safety.
3. Achieve balance within your primary archetype.

As a result of optimizing your primary archetype, you will cultivate more empathy and compassion—for yourself and others—and replace old, ineffectual patterns with empowerment. You will embody stability and security in the face of upset. Optimization will also give you elegance and agility at times when you’re feeling powerless or tossed about like a rudderless sailboat in response to unpredictable and unstable predicaments—and help you navigate those unchartered waters with more grace and stability.

Step One: Recognizing Metal’s Strength and Stress States

When your Metal archetype is balanced, you will notice that it contributes the strengths of beauty, organization, preparedness, and conscientiousness to your life, to your relationships, and to the broader community.

A balanced Metal also helps us:

• Calm ourselves through the power of the breath.
• Discriminate between what is good for us and what isn’t.
• Decide how to most effectively use our time.
• Commit to a standard of moral values.
• Have the patience to practice until we get something right.
• Recognize quickly when things are out of place and need to be realigned.
• Stay on time.
• Remain focused for extended periods of time.
• Learn from our mistakes.
• Forgive ourselves and others.
• Appreciate the gifts we have in the world.
• Build and believe in our own self-worth.
• Stay accountable to ourselves when we take on a project.
• Perfect our skill before showing it to the world.
• Connect with our higher purpose.
• Keep our private life private.
• Create consistent, reliable patterns of behavior.
• Respect other people’s boundaries.
• Design with attention to detail.
• Keep our physical space organized.
• Remember important details.

We create symmetry and stability in our lives and in the lives of others when we have unfettered access to the positive aspects of our Metal archetype. But sometimes our Metal can become unstable and stressed and is not as available to us. When this happens, we don’t feel clear or peaceful, and it’s difficult to solve problems for ourselves or in our relationships. Luckily, Metal gives us warning signs to help us know when this is happening.

Stressed Metal manifests as:

• Over-focusing on the details of a project.
• Obsessing over the orderliness of your space.
• Becoming too critical of yourself or others.
• Feeling stuck in grief.
• Too much blaming of other people and outside circumstances for your problems.
• Getting stuck on things that happened in the past.
• Compulsively cleaning or organizing.
• Concerning yourself with trying to be perfect in every way.
• Focusing so much on inequities and perceived wrongs that you can’t see past little details and move forward with your ideas and initiatives.
• Becoming easily annoyed or disappointed.
• Feeling sad and not knowing why.
• Living such a disciplined life that there’s no room left for having fun.
• Caring too much about being wrong or making mistakes.
• Feeling emotionally unstable and withdrawn.
• Experiencing discomfort as a result of a change in routine.
• Having a hard time envisioning a positive future.
• Caring so much about protecting people’s boundaries that you avoid showing compassion and empathy.
• Practicing too much.

At its core, recognizing your strong and stressed Metal characteristics in Step One is about shifting how you use your time. Many of us rush through life, hoping everything goes well and nothing gets in the way of our ticking off all the items on our to-do list. In such haste, we’re more likely to ignore the early signs of internal stress and relationship problems. However, early detection allows us to stave off issues well before they become anxiety-provoking, painful challenges.

Step One in the optimization process invites you to make time to notice subtle clues that may direct you to course-correct, or perhaps stay right where you are and move a little faster toward your goal.

Start practicing this step by recognizing and tracking your Metal stress and strength states. Recognizing asks you to look and observe, not judge and criticize. Metal types tend to hold themselves to high standards and may find it challenging to accept that there is no right or wrong, good or bad inherent within their prospective stress and strength states. However, these states are your teachers. They help you know what type of action to take to ensure that you continue to strengthen your self-awareness and self-regulation skills as well as expand your healthy relationship skills. So the simple practice of noticing tendencies and motivations—such as how you feel when you choose to make eye contact with and smile at a stranger, or rather when you go out of your way not to do so—is an opportunity to identify where you are along your strength–stress spectrum and what you can do to move even closer to your strongest expression of yourself. Familiarize yourself with these lists, and remember to simply pay attention to your Metal tendencies.

Once you get used to noticing when and how your Metal states make themselves apparent in your daily life, you may also choose to track these symptoms or challenge states. Many people become pleasantly surprised at how easy it becomes to take more control over their challenging states and to self-regulate just by taking a moment to notice and chronicle their tendencies.

Over time, you may surprise yourself by spotting Metal patterns of thoughts and behaviors you usually miss when simply rushing through your day. When you slow down and take the time to notice your Metal states, you may become aware that your stressed thoughts and behaviors always reach an unpleasant peak around certain types of people in your life. You may notice that when your plans don’t play out as expected, you tend to become more strict and overly critical of who may have “dropped the ball” when you never really realized you were so inclined before. You may also start to become cognizant of the fact that you’re much more organized than others around you. As you become more sensitized to how your proclivities compare to those of others around you, you’ll begin to develop a heightened sense of awareness for how your thoughts, behaviors, and belief systems impact them as well.

Step Two: Understanding Metal’s Needs for Safety

You now know how Metal takes form within you when it’s strong and when it’s stressed, but let’s take a look at why primary Metals get stressed out in the first place.

As Dr. Cowan teaches in the Tournesol Kids #PowerUp program—a nonprofit we created together to teach parents, teachers, and kids the skills for self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy—we only experience our stress states when our particular needs for safety are not met. Our individual needs for feeling secure correspond directly to our primary archetype. Just as Metal’s strength and stress conditions are unique, so are the particular needs a primary Metal requires to feel balanced and avoid feeling too much stress.

For example, you’ll see in the list below that primary Metal people require routine, structure, and consistency in their lives. When Metal people go too long without these needs being met, their stressed behaviors and feelings begin to manifest. However, it’s up to them to recognize which needs are not being met and to make a plan to bring stability, precision, and calm back into their lives. If primary Metals were to expect others to meet their need for structure and discipline, they would be setting themselves up for disappointment, which leads to aggravation and criticism toward themselves and toward the people who “don’t appreciate” them. Ultimately, expecting others to fulfill your needs for you only drives a wedge in your relationships and stokes emotions that make it difficult for you to access your gracious Metal gifts.

This is why I’ve created a “needs list” for primary Metals, inspired by what I’ve learned from Dr. Cowan, so you as an Architect can better understand your specific needs and avoid becoming stuck in antagonistic situations. Recognizing and meeting your individual needs for safety will help you feel strong, confident, and motivated to take risks that nurture yourself and your relationships.

NOTE: If Metal is not your primary archetype, you can still refer to this Metal’s Needs List to better understand and empathize with the primary Metal people in your life. The more skilled you become at empathizing with the needs of others, the more success you’ll have in your interpersonal relationships. For more information on how to more harmoniously interact with the other Metal types in your life, turn to page 221.

METAL’S NEEDS LIST

• Accuracy
• Adaptability
• Admiration
• Appreciation
• Assessment
• Attention
• Beauty
• Breathing
• Clarity
• Composure
• Consistency
• Continuity
• Cooperation
• Decorum
• Deference
• Devotion
• Dignity
• Discernment
• Esteem
• Familiarity
• Forgiveness
• Framework
• Grace
• Honesty
• Integrity
• Methods
• Meticulousness
• Morality
• Objectivity
• Opinion
• Perfection
• Polish
• Preciousness
• Predictability
• Preparation
• Procedure
• Proficiency
• Refinement
• Regard
• Respect
• Rhythm
• Righteousness
• Routine
• Schedule
• Self-control
• Self-worth
• Significance
• Specificity
• Stability
• Symmetry
• Systems
• Technique
• Tradition
• Training
• Understanding
• Value
• Virtue

If your primary archetype is Metal, use the needs list to help you:

• Feel relief more quickly in times of challenge.
• Feel less critical of yourself and others.
• Feel more motivated to figure out how to have your own needs met more of the time.

To help you get started, think of a current struggle you’re having. Then take a look over the needs list to see if there is a need related to your struggle that you wish you could fulfill right now.

Be mindful that this needs exercise is not about what others aren’t giving you or doing for you, as Dr. Cowan teaches. Instead, it’s about gaining an awareness of which of your core needs for safety are not being met at that moment and figuring out what you can do to have them met.

Keep in mind that your individual “needs” work is about empowering yourself to observe how you’re feeling and to take control over creating your own internal harmony. It’s about figuring out how you can get your own needs met, not about expecting other people or outside circumstances to change so that you get what you want. I’d be willing to bet you’ve tried that before and have come up empty-handed. Expecting others to complete us simply doesn’t work—sorry, Jerry McGuire!

This is not to say we shouldn’t empathize with and care for each other or meet each other’s needs within relationships. The sign of a strong relationship is when we can have compassion for and meet each other’s shared needs for safety. Take a look back over Neha Chawla’s advice for building and nurturing strong relationships on pages 36–38 for a refresher.

Remember that the only thing in this world you can control is you. Take some time to review the needs list that corresponds to your primary archetype. When your stress states creep up, pause instead of reacting. Then practice taking action to acquire the items on the list you need in your life. Doing so will reduce the frequency and severity of your stress states and allow you to recover from them more quickly and easily. As a result, you’ll feel satisfied more of the time and enjoy more fulfilling relationships.

The highest level of having your needs met is being able to meet them for yourself. Being aware of and figuring out how to meet your needs for safety is the way to continuously grow stronger throughout your lifetime. When you’re self-aware, self-reliant, empathetic, and empowered to meet your own needs, your life experience is exponentially elevated.

Step Two in the optimization process asks that you recognize which of your specific unmet Metal needs for safety are kicking up your uncomfortable emotions. The more you practice merely paying attention to your stress and strength states, the easier it will be for you to identify and even predict why you’re feeling low. Making this connection subsequently brings you closer to taking control over the seemingly inexplicable ebb and flow of your emotions.

For example, Metal people are commonly triggered by things not going according to a preexisting or predefined plan. When Metal people know what to expect from the people around them, they have a better chance of avoiding messy, chaotic feelings and circumstances. Chaos provokes the Metal fear of things going wrong or mistakes being made. Faced with disorganized, muddled situations, Metal people have a tendency to become inflexible, and in extreme states—perhaps having had insufficient sleep and not enough time to eat—Metals can even feel grief-stricken.

Left unaddressed, these challenging emotions escalate. For Metal types, this could result in:

• Becoming numb to your stress triggers.
• Stiffening muscles.
• Becoming overly strict and critical of yourself and those around you.

To start practicing Step Two as a primary Metal, examine a current stressor that’s bothering you. Next, identify the feelings that come up for you as a result of this particular challenge. Your emotions are your need identifiers. Metal types sometimes react to the experience of feeling intense emotions by becoming disappointed in themselves or others. However, I’m asking you to pause with these uncomfortable emotions and instead of reacting, consider that your emotions are there to help you identify your unmet needs for safety in this moment. Once you’ve identified your feelings, pause and ask yourself what unmet need(s) the emotions are telling you that you should focus on from your needs list.

If you’re feeling compulsive, disappointed, annoyed, or sad, Step Two asks you to notice it. Observe and don’t react. Try to identify what your disillusioned Metal feelings are telling you that you need in that moment. Are you feeling unappreciated? Are your coworkers not adhering to company policy for projects you’re working on together? Are people around you running late or being too pushy, silly, or overly naive?

Any of these examples can trigger uncomfortable emotions for primary Metal people, but the more you practice pausing and observing what comes up for you when you feel unpleasant emotions, the more you’ll remain calm and realize which of your needs aren’t being met instead of experiencing frustration and self-critical thinking. Once you know your stress triggers, you have more power to prevent their negative impact.

Step Three: Achieving Balance Within the Metal Archetype

Step Three in the optimization process is about taking action. This is the step for building your foundation of resilience and making new stress-response choices. This is where you begin to build new habits and behaviors, which translate into the creation of new and healthier neural pathways over time and, ultimately, balance within your primary archetype.

Armed with new information about the source of your stressors from Step Two, you’re more aware of where your unpleasant feelings are coming from. You understand that they’re directly related to whether or not you’re having your needs for safety met. Other people and outside circumstances may initiate uncomfortable events, but how you choose to respond is ultimately your decision. If you elect to react while your Metal is unbalanced, you and those around you will spend more time in discomfort.

On the other hand, if your Metal is balanced, you will be more in control of your reactive states under stress and actually reduce the amount of time you and the others spend upset. Reducing your reactivity enables clarity of thought, creativity, smooth conflict resolution, and unconditional love. When you have more control over your stress reactions, you will live a more fulfilling and well-adjusted life.

Let’s get to the core of how to cultivate a balanced Metal archetype. While Metal is the power of creating rightness, routine, and predictability in relationships, if Metal is not nurtured and contained properly, it can distort your ability to feel balanced and strong. The Metal archetype needs to support you by contributing its graciousness instead of its overly rigid perceptions and opinions. You also need Metal’s strengths to be balanced so they help calm, temper, and balance the stress states of the other types within you. Ultimately, as a primary Metal, your Metal archetype needs to work for you so it can improve your life, instead of making it stressful.

Your Metal-Balancing Skills

Balanced Metal presents itself as the ability to live honorably and have the emotional flexibility to both inspire others to recognize and choose a moral path as well as to gently forgive those who are still on the road to developing their personal sense of discernment.

As you know, in its most balanced state, Metal is guided by the desire to create and hold space for graceful consistency and shared ideals, helping support and shape the relationships and organizations they value. But just as metal that is too inflexible or too malleable cannot provide proper protection and reinforcement, Metal’s instability can manifest as becoming too preoccupied with creating the perfect scenario; a Metal person can lose sight of the bigger picture or become so focused on following the rules that they don’t notice when it’s better for all if they create new, updated guidelines.

We become balanced by taking specific and consistent action that builds and protects the body, mind, and spirit components of our archetypal nature. Eastern well-being philosophies like TCM state that whole health is not achieved by simply addressing one of these three aspects of our overall being. They teach that these aspects are inextricably connected within us. For example, a physical imbalance causes emotional unrest, which manifests as larger existential conundrums. Consummate balance is the result of a combined effort to empower all three intertwined parts. Thus, you’ll notice that the tasks for balancing all five archetypes draw upon all three realms: mind, body, and spirit.

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Now that you’re familiar with Steps One and Two of the optimization process, in which you learned about Metal’s archetypal traits and needs for safety, it’s time to learn how to balance your Metal archetype—and even how to help other Metal types do the same.

There are two important ways of doing so:

• Self-care in the moment
• Long-term maintenance

Metal Self-Care in the Moment

Metal self-care in a moment of heightened stress calls for different skills from those you’ll build over time to bolster your resilience. Faced with a troublesome, bitter situation, a primary Metal person is going to be hard-pressed to avoid becoming over-focused on small details or becoming too critical of others. Under challenging circumstances, it becomes hard for Metal to envision ways to move past problems rather than thinking of every single thing that is going wrong. When Metals feel completely overwhelmed, they can’t easily release their grip on needing the stressful situation to resolve the way they believe it should.

But in Metal’s challenging moments, when one is feeling most stuck in the weeds on an issue, Water serves as Metal’s immediate release valve. Water activities, behaviors, thoughts, and people are the most likely to help Metal rebalance and recover from a heightened state of stress.

Some Water tools for releasing the initial pressure include:

• Pause and rest for a minute to counteract your need to take action right away. This gives your mind time to listen and gain more clarity about your needs and those of the people and circumstances around you.
• Take a drink of room-temperature or warm water.
• Listen to calming music.
• Remember a time when you recovered well from something like this before.
• Get quiet; close your eyes. Listen to and name five sounds you hear in the room.
• Meditate for a few minutes on the colors silver, white, or blue.
• Read something you enjoy that doesn’t directly relate to the problem at hand.
• Go for a slow, quiet walk alone around the block.
• Spend a few minutes journaling about the details and emotions surrounding your stressful situation.

Once the severity of the emotions subsides, you’ll regain the composure to mobilize skills from all five archetypes to help you resolve the problem that initiated the feelings of insecurity in the first place. When you, as a primary Metal, feel adequately calm and prepared to begin problem solving, choose the archetype-based activities from the lists on pages 216–20 that correspond to the strengths you most need in the moment. Examples of the strengths that correspond to each type are:

• Wood: You’ll need to engage your Wood skills if your problem requires you to widen your perspective and envision the overall arc of a plan or to take immediate action toward achieving your goal.
• Fire: You’ll need to draw upon your Fire skills if your problem requires easing off from your initial beliefs and assumptions about how things should be so that you can appreciate the various, unconventional opinions and feelings of other people.
• Earth: You’ll need to access your Earth skills if your issue requires trusting other people, collaboration, teaching skills, or finding out and meeting everyone else’s wants and needs.
• Metal: You’ll want to dip into your Metal skills if one of the causes of your problem is that there is not enough structure for things to run smoothly and predictably.
• Water: You’ll reach for your Water skills if your issue requires more time to think things through, a more thorough evaluation of all the components impacting your challenge, or sitting back and really listening to everyone’s concerns without judgment.

Metal Long-Term Maintenance

Another way to achieve balance in your Metal archetype is to practice your maintenance activities over the long term to help ensure you remain resilient in the face of stress as you progress. With a stable, reliable foundation of resilience built up, you’re better prepared to observe life’s challenges rather than react to them. The more advanced you become at avoiding reactive states, the more quickly you will recover from stress states and return to enjoying life.

Begin your maintenance regimen by practicing activities that support your primary Metal archetype. Start by choosing one or two activities from the Metal list to practice every day.

Next, identify one or two activities from the archetype list that correspond to the archetype in which you scored the lowest. Add these items to your daily Metal archetype routine. Don’t forget, it’s important to practice your lowest archetype, even if it’s your least favorite type of activity (which I’m willing to bet it is). Exercising your most vulnerable archetype minimizes the gap between your highest and lowest archetypes, expanding your ability to be more emotionally dexterous when challenges arise.

Finally, practice activities that correlate to the challenges you’re currently facing. Here are some examples to help you identify which archetypal skills in the lists on pages 50–59 you will need and will find most helpful as a primary Metal:

• If you’re having trouble make a big decision and taking action to implement it, add in some Wood-building activities.
• If you want to improve your ability to listen to other people’s opinions, empower your skills for getting quiet, and hear what everyone else notices about a particular challenge, work on your Water abilities.
• If you’re not feeling compelled to share and collaborate in meetings, focus on expanding your Earth skills to build more tolerance and appreciation for the benefits of teamwork and cooperation.
• If you find yourself spending too much time pointing out problems and inconsistencies, practice some Fire activities to expand your ability to consider things from an optimistic perspective.

Choose from among these Metal activities to get you started on building your Metal maintenance regimen:

• Create some structure within your day and do your best to stick to it—whether it’s a morning routine, eating meals around the same time each day, creating a bedtime routine or maintaining a routine for prayer or worship. Come up with a process for measuring your success in keeping up with your routines.
• Observe negative thoughts that arise about yourself, others, and situations. Notice them, and then see if you can practice letting them go with a firm exhale through your mouth.
• Pay attention to the times you don’t feel forgiving toward yourself or others—just observe, and don’t judge yourself for it.
• Recognize when you’re focusing on the same details for prolonged periods of time.
• Practice making small, inconsequential mistakes, such as leaving something out of place on the dining room table when you go to sleep at night, to expand your ability to tolerate mishaps.
• Adopt a breathwork practice that you like and do it regularly.
• Upon waking and right before you fall asleep at night, think of three people for whom you’re grateful. Alternately, start a gratitude practice once per day to focus on things and people in your life for whom you’re appreciative. List the specific reasons why you’re grateful.
• Track your stress triggers and patterns so you can have more control over them in the future.
• Participate in self-care that gives you personalized attention, like acupuncture or Ayurveda.
• Metal corresponds to the sense of smell. Use aromatherapy at home and at work if appropriate. Aromas that support balanced Metal include:
  • Myrrh
  • Chamomile
  • Linden blossom
  • Benzoin
  • Bergamot
  • Blue chamomile
  • Frankincense
  • Hyssop
  • Lavender
  • Lemon
• Choose or create your own ritual, one that means something to you, and practice it regularly.
• Practice something that requires coordination and focus to get better, like playing a musical instrument or creating a painting or sculpture.
• Attend regular services at a religious or spiritual house of worship.

Earth-Building Activities

• Become part of a community of kind, trustworthy people whom you see regularly.
• Volunteer at a nonprofit whose mission aligns with your personal calling.
• Make sure you’re eating well and that you have healthy digestion. Pay attention to the relationship your body has with your food. Notice whether you feel constipated, gassy, or bloated, or if you have acid reflux. If your digestion feels shaky, seek the guidance of a nutrition specialist to get it back on track.
• Find one item or meal to eat mindfully each day, appreciating every bite, chewing slowly, and pausing between bites. Consider trying to chew twenty times per bite.
• Consider joining a class that teaches or practices a group-based activity like dancing, singing, or cooking.
• Make time to talk regularly with someone you trust who can help you gain perspective when you feel stuck.
• Make a point of building a compassionate rapport with people you see regularly. Remember their names and details about their lives, and inquire about them to show you care.

Water-Building Activities

• Make sure you’re drinking enough water each day.
• Massage your hands and feet with a little coconut oil before bed each night.
• Journal, reflecting on your day, thoughts, feelings, and relationships.
• Listen to gentle, calming music.
• Read a book you enjoy.
• Learn a meditation practice that suits you and meditate at the same time each day. Your Metal will appreciate the structure.
• Take a bath with Epsom salts and lavender oil, or another scent that appeals to you.
• Go swimming.
• Take a slow walk in nature, preferably near a body of water.
• Try to get to bed before midnight—as close to 10:00 p.m. as possible.
• Rest quietly for a few minutes with one hand over your heart and the other over your abdomen.
• Play memory games.
• Feng shui your home or office.

Wood-Building Activities

• Take some time to schedule out your plans for the upcoming days. This can be anything from planning your shopping for the daily family dinner menu to scheduling some quiet time for yourself. Make some time to review and solidify your long-term plans as well.
• Create a regular exercise routine that meets your specific physical needs. Consider working with a trainer to learn the best strategy for your body type and strength level. Consider incorporating practices that combine breathing with stretching and moving, like yoga, qi gong, or tai chi.
• Surround yourself with soothing colors that reflect nature, like greens, blues, and tans.
• Spend time outside. Take a walk. Lie down in the grass. Literally change your perspective, and watch how nature goes with the flow, not against it.
• Cultivate a home garden or plants in your space.
• Imagine how you’ll feel after specific, bothersome situations are resolved.
• Do some head rolls and yoga neck stretches to loosen up the throat area.

Fire-Building Activities

• Schedule time to engage in fun activities with friends.
• Practice articulating your emotions, which is a self-nurturing way to deal with feeling stuck and unsettled. Recognize and say how you feel—first to yourself and then to those around you when you develop the courage to do so. Over time, when you’re entwined in a conflict, you’ll become less easily stuck in unpleasant emotions, and you’ll start to remember that things will get better.
• Smile at yourself in the mirror. Some studies show that your body can’t produce the stress hormone cortisol when you’re smiling.
• Practice heart-opening yoga stretches like cat/cow and cobra.
• Identify your mixed emotions in times of calm and in times of frustration, without judging them; just observe them.

Ultimately, your Metal archetype is balanced when you:

• Have easier, more regular access to—and pay attention to—your sense of your own intuition.
• Anticipate and feel more consistently excited about future plans, activities, and projects.
• Look more forward to travel and adventure.
• Spend less time being hyperaware of your own or others’ mistakes.
• Notice more easily when you judge yourself for having emotions you believe you shouldn’t.
• Have strong digestion more of the time.
• Empathetically reach out to others more, inquiring about their well-being and how you can support them.
• Are less resistant to evaluating how you may have contributed to an interpersonal challenge.
• Are more open to trying new restaurants, new clothing brands, and new ways of doing things.
• Laugh and relax more easily in social situations.
• Are more consciously aware of your strength and stress states.
• Enjoy spending more time outside.
• Have more balanced moods.
• Know your needs for safety.
• Are able to have your needs met and to self-regulate with ease in times of stress.

Harmonization

I don’t want to leave you hanging, wondering when and how you’ll know you’re in harmony as a primary Metal.

Again, harmonization is not an absence of stress and challenge. For primary Metals, it’s about being able to navigate the challenging moments of your own life while empathizing with and supporting those around you whose Metal archetype may be low and in need of a boost. At its core, harmonization allows you to have unconditional love for yourself and those around you.

When you, as a primary Metal, are harmonized, you’re likely to experience many, if not all, of the attitudes and behaviors noted below.

• You consistently notice, honor, and can clearly see and take control of the connections
  • between the amount and quality of time spent with friends and family and how much you restrict or hold back sharing your feelings in relationships.
  • between the cadence of your breath and the amount of inflexibility you experience.
  • between the amount of good sleep you get and how much you obsess over small details, or how much sadness and grief you feel.
  • between how regularly you exercise and how much more you accomplish in a day.
  • between how often you acknowledge your emotions without judging them and how much more easily you experience a sense of joy and optimism.
• You are comfortable “coloring outside the lines.”
• You appreciate exploring the things in life you’re passionate about for the sake of personal enjoyment.
• You spend time taking care of others, even when it’s not what you had planned to do.
• You seek out opportunities to be alone with your thoughts, a book, or journaling.
• You experiment with letting others decide the “rules of engagement.”
• You ask others what they think about how a project should be done.
• You don’t feel the need to blame others, but instead take time to gather information and learn how to help the entire group be more effective next time.
• You are able to plan and even have a backup plan for getting things done, understanding that it’s okay if things don’t go right the first time.
• You are less baffled when people don’t keep their word.
• You don’t feel the need to determine the standards of behavior in a relationship.
• You can recognize grief coming on and can ease your way out of it on your own more easily.

METAL IN RELATIONSHIPS

As our personal awareness and resilience in the face of stress expands, we are less triggered by other people’s moods, opinions, and tendencies. We also become less likely to attach to relationships that don’t serve us well or in which our needs for safety aren’t being met. As we strengthen our individual Five Archetypes skills, we are better equipped to form equally strong bonds with individuals from any one of the Five Archetypes because we see the benefit and the beauty of the gifts they each bring to the companionship.

In this section, primary Metal will gain guidance for building and maintaining propitious relationships, and non-primary Metals will learn how to engage in healthy relationships with primary Metal types.

If You Are a Metal/Architect

To be a good Metal partner in any relationship, practice staying in balance by knowing your strengths, challenges, and needs, and by practicing the Metal long-term maintenance activities starting on page 216 to remain a consistently stable partner. This will ensure you approach relationship challenges from a place of calm compassion for yourself and your companions.

When you commit to doing the work that keeps your Metal in balance, you contribute the following strengths to your interpersonal relationships:

• Exercising discretion in keeping your secrets secret.
• Organizing a balanced social and work life as a couple.
• Making sure to meet each other’s expectations and not repeating mistakes that negatively impact the relationship in the future.
• Not allowing a bad mood to impact the relationship.
• Keeping a partner, kids, or colleagues from engaging in unsafe situations.
• Articulating details of how you see a problem and the process for solving it.
• Maintaining steadfast focus on the needs of the relationship without becoming distracted by outside influences.
• Keeping an organized home so the whole family benefits from the clarity you experience from living within a contained, structured environment: “uncluttered space = uncluttered mind.”
• Avoiding intensity, preferring a calm and even-keeled relationship.
• Creating a predictable home life so everyone feels safe and knows what to expect.
• Consistently treating a partner with respect.
• Noticing unhealthy patterns in the relationship that need attention so they can be improved upon.

When your primary Metal is balanced, you also possess the following characteristics that benefit the global community:

• Knowing from experience what is needed to improve the state of the community.
• Making sure everything happens on time, as expected.
• Upholding righteous standards.
• Giving clear and coherent instructions for how to organize an effort to make the most effective impact.
• Behaving in a respectful manner, earning the admiration of followers far and wide.
• Creating an organized effort from everyone’s visions, creative ideas, thoughts, and dreams.
• Knowing from past experience what is going to work well and what won’t.
• Figuring out how best to implement big plans.
• Defining the specific steps needed for a project to be fully successful.
• Serving as a moral leader and determining the most honorable efforts for creating a better world and life experience for the masses.
• Analyzing the most efficacious way forward by evaluating what has worked in the past.
• Setting up methods for measuring progress to make sure the organization is achieving desired goals in a timely manner.
• Making sure the team doesn’t act too hastily for the initiative to be fully realized, successful, and sustainable.

On the other hand, when your primary Metal is not balanced, it shows up in your interpersonal relationships as:

• Creating unrealistic expectations of your partner and holding them accountable.
• Cutting people off when they don’t meet standards you create for both of you.
• Judging your partner’s words and actions instead of listening openly to what their actions say about their unmet needs for safety within the relationship.
• Becoming stuck grieving over things your partner did in the past and not being able to forgive or move forward.
• Requiring unflinching perfection from your partner.
• Over-focusing on inequities and perceived wrongs.
• Becoming easily annoyed or disappointed by your partner.
• Seeing too much value in being the sole authority, and leaving no room for others to develop their leadership skills.
• Believing so strongly in principled behavior that there’s no room for flexibility and spontaneity.
• Believing you’re always right and your partner is always wrong.
• Preferring being right to being in a relationship.
• Becoming cold and reserving passion in the face of a relationship conflict as a punishment for your partner.
• Liking things to stay the same, and worrying if the relationship shifts and changes.
• Taking things too literally, and missing the subtle meaning behind words and in body language.
• Focusing only on the negative, and struggling to see the good in your partner or in the relationship.
• Holding back too much and not feeling safe enough to share deep emotions.

When your primary Metal is unbalanced, watch out for these potential behaviors that could manifest and affect your global community:

• Can’t easily access your instinctive ability to know the next steps required to move a project forward.
• Over-caring about making sure everything and everyone adheres to a strict timeline.
• Not being able to tell when creating and upholding righteous standards for the group becomes self-righteousness and is no longer truly virtuous.
• Giving instructions that serve yourself more than the greater purpose.
• Judging past behaviors and experiences instead of being able to analyze and take away the most important lessons learned to improve processes going forward.
• Becoming so over-concerned with details that you hold the project back from being rolled out in a timely manner.
• Believing there’s only one right way to execute a successful plan.
• Becoming so picky hiring the right people for positions that you end up missing out on candidates who could grow into the position and bring fresh ideas to a concept.

If You Have a Relationship with a Metal/Architect

In the following pages, you will learn how primary Metals exhibit themselves at work, in intimate relationships, and as parents. Remember, The Five Archetypes is a primer for beginners, so I’m just touching on the basic concepts to help you understand, evaluate, and adjust the flow of the primary Metal archetype within you for the best personal and interpersonal outcomes.

The Metal Employee or Coworker

When applied to the workplace, the Five Archetypes method expands your ability and the ability of your coworkers to get things done efficiently. Moreover, when employees and colleagues feel safe, seen, understood, and appreciated in the workplace, they navigate challenges more easily and therefore are less reactive when in stress states, which ultimately translates to a healthier bottom line.

To enhance your awareness of times when your Metal staff or coworkers feel safe and when they feel insecure, there are some common tendencies to watch out for. When you see your colleagues exhibiting their insecure states, it’s time to pause and fortify yourself so you don’t jump into your reactive states as a result. Get to know these common strengths, needs, and stress states:

• Strengths at Work: Metal staff are terrific at creating beauty, paying attention to important details, and designing with perfection. They respect authority and have excellent analytical skills.
• Needs at Work: Metal needs clearly defined job responsibilities and supervisory expectations. This allows them to autonomously measure their success. It’s also important to Metal that meetings begin and end on time.
• Potential Challenges and Stress States: Stressed Metals have a tendency to feel quite hurt when archetypal needs aren’t met at work and disconcerted when others don’t follow the rules. Metals may get so over-focused on getting the small details right that they unnecessarily keep projects from moving forward in a timely manner.
• Here’s how to nurture Metal employees over time and how to help them release stress in the moment.
  • Support in the Moment: Redirect your stressed Metal employee or coworker to take a step back from the details in which he or she is getting caught up. Encourage the Metal person to rest, take some time away from the project, and listen to some soothing music. The space away from the challenge helps them move forward more easily with their project by reducing their tendency to become too stuck on the details or on what’s not working.
  • Ongoing Encouragement: Nurture a sense of high-quality design, structure, and continuity over time with your Metal employee or colleague through structured and regular staff and/or one-on-one meetings, where they can participate in sharing ideas, get feedback, and feel appreciated as a part of the bigger picture in a safe, supportive environment.

The Metal Friend

Enjoying mutually gratifying friendships starts with you knowing how to be a good friend to others. To consistently show up as a steady, sincere, reliable friend, check out these Five Archetypes guidelines:

• Learn your primary archetype strengths, challenges, and needs so you can practice becoming and staying self-aware.
• Make sure your need for safety is being met within the relationship.
• Recognize and take responsibility for your reactive states, and practice your self-regulation techniques.
• Adopt a mind-set in which you see challenge as an invitation to grow, not an excuse to judge or criticize others.
• Discover your friends’ needs for safety so you can practice compassionate consideration.

How Do We Nurture Lasting Friendships?

As a friendship grows, how do we continue to nurture and strengthen our bond using the Five Archetypes method? When you know your friend’s primary archetype, you will better understand what makes them feel safe and what makes them feel insecure. Here are some additional suggestions for what primary Metal people will likely appreciate in a close friendship.

Metals like spending time with people who:

• Share similar life values.
• Can appreciate the beauty in details with them, either in home decorating or at a fine arts museum.
• Enjoy having a regular get-together date and value being on time.
• Like activities such as craft-making or cooking classes.

Helping a Metal Friend in Stress

When you care about someone, you sympathize with their pain and want them to feel better. The Five Archetypes model helps us understand that people have unique stress triggers as well as different paths to de-stressing. Here’s how to help your primary Metal friends recover more quickly from stress states.

Encourage a Metal friend out of stress states by complimenting their efforts as ingenious, significant, sharp, and original. Metals will also feel better when accompanying you to a structured group activity like yoga, jewelry making, or pottery.

The Metal Romantic Partner

Primary Metal people in their balanced state contribute a sense of reliability to a relationship. Your Metal partner will always show up on time and build a stable home in which you can both flourish. She doesn’t get too drawn into emotional reactions; rather, she’s rational and appreciates the higher purpose of all your efforts as a couple. She creates continuity and organization in your day-to-day life, so your mind is less cluttered and more able to handle all the more complicated situations. She’s deeply grateful for everything you do and notices even your subtle efforts. She gently teaches wisdom begotten from her own hard-earned life lessons and forgives you during your growing pains and learning processes.

When Metal types feel insecure, they exhibit specific patterns of disharmony in a relationship. Stressed Metals fear being wrong and may hold on to the need to be right over the need to be in love (you know, the whole “see the forest for the trees” thing). When they feel insecure, Metals may get stuck on the past or on details of what their partner did instead of looking forward to a potentially better future.

Here are some tips for how you can be a strong partner to a primary Metal type.

• Do: Show up on time and let her know how much you appreciate who she is and what she contributes to your life.
• Don’t: Forget about commitments you’ve made to her or laugh at her attempts to show respect and honor important moments.
• Help Her Refocus in Stress: Show your appreciation and tell her how much it meant to you when she went out of her way to create a well-organized evening, event, or space.
• Best Form of Consistent Encouragement: Invite your Metal partner to take part in regular group exercises or activities with you. She’ll enjoy the opportunity to improve on or learn a new skill and feel cared for, honored, and included.

The Parent–Metal Child Relationship

Your parent-child relationship is impacted not only by the intersection between your and your child’s primary archetypes but also by how you perceive your purpose as a parent. When you see your parental role as compassionate guide and teacher and empower your kids to master life skills so they become strong, resilient adults, you’re more likely to build a strong relationship with your child and feel fulfilled by the parenting journey.

To create a gratifying relationship with your primary Metal child using the Five Archetypes method, start by identifying and balancing your own primary archetype. Get to know yourself in strength and in stress. Understand your button pushers so that you’re best able to remain in a state of resilience and compassionate power when faced with your triggers. You’ll be the most outstanding advocate and nurture a respectful, strong relationship with your child when you serve as a heroic example of how to manage stress, triggers, and disappointment.

Then, find out your child’s primary archetype. Help her become more self-aware and self-reliant by teaching her how to recognize and celebrate her gifts. Empower her to overcome stress states with ease by helping her understand what pushes her buttons and giving her the Five Archetypes tools to become more resilient to her triggers.

Dr. Cowan is a pioneer of using the five types as a methodology for healthy child development. Here are some points, inspired by his work, to keep in mind when parenting a child whose primary archetype is Metal:

• Learning style: Metal kids learn by practicing.
• Sleeping: Metal kids are drawn to ritual and traditional practices before going to bed. Whether your custom is evening prayer, meditation, or something completely unique to your family, Metal kids enjoy this special and sacred time.
• Eating: Metal kids like to eat the proper food, in the proper amounts, and at the proper time. Don’t be surprised if your Metal child is the one who doesn’t like any two foods on her plate to touch.
• Exercise: Metal kids are motivated to learn the right way to practice the exercise that’s best for them. They like a regular routine, and they like to practice improving their skill and ability.
• Feelings: Metal kids don’t always have an easy time expressing their emotions. They may judge their feelings, thinking they shouldn’t be feeling anger, fear, or anxiety. It’s important for them to practice naming their feelings without judgment so they know that feelings are okay.

METAL AYURVEDIC PRACTICES

Metal people are keen to identify the wellness practices that are the best for helping them achieve their goals. Once they identify the right practices, Metals tend to stay the course, preferring a regular routine over trying a variety of different approaches. For example, Metal people will likely ask around for the top personal trainer in the area, trusting that they have the most experience, best training, and strongest reputation and will provide the most valuable and accurate advice. Whichever path they choose, Metal people do well with regular exercise since it helps their body and mind remain flexible.

If you’re a primary Metal, find someone who can give you detailed instructions for how to get the most out of your wellness activities. Round out your pursuits with guidance on nutrition, meditation, and breathwork as well.

With regard to incorporating Ayurvedic wellness practices into your everyday life, remember that the Metal archetype corresponds to the fifth Chakra. In the chart on the next page, you will find some gentle Ayurvedic practices that will help engage and balance this chakra.

The fifth Chakra is known as the Throat Chakra. According to Ayurveda, the Throat Chakra governs the power of the spoken word and the expression of fearless, authentic truth. The fifth Chakra correlates to the Metal archetype in a few ways. Metal corresponds to the physical component of the breath, which originates through the Throat Chakra. They both correlate to truth, refinement, and hidden feelings and emotions.

Using Ayurvedic practices is a safe and empowering option to complement any health-care or wellness regimen. Peruse the selection of Ayurvedic lifestyle practices below that correspond to your primary Metal archetype. Feel free to try the ones that feel like a good fit as you assemble your menu of healthy lifestyle activities.

Oversees: This chakra is the center for sound, communication, speech, writing, thought expression

Location: Throat, ears, thyroid, parathyroid, neck, jaw, vocal cords

Color: Blue

Mantra: Ham

Yoga: Cat/cow with lion’s breath, plow pose, shoulder stand, fish pose, baby cobra pose, legs up the wall pose

Gemstones: Aquamarine, turquoise

Mudra (a hand gesture that’s said to stimulate a specific sense of focus and balance): Acceptance mudra, bhudy mudra

Foot marma (a pressure point that’s said to enhance mind-body balance when massaged): Point below the pinky toe and at the outside edge of the foot

Aromatherapy: Chamomile, linden blossom, myrrh, benzoin, bergamot, blue chamomile, frankincense, hyssop, lavender, lemon

Taste: Bitter

A Final Note to Primary Metals

Dear Metal Friends,

As you discern new ways to incorporate the Five Archetypes into your daily routines, I’d like to leave you with some words of guidance and thanks.

Remember, your need for justice and precision can sometimes hamper your desire for emotionally fulfilling and significant relationships. Experiment with what it feels like to allow critical thoughts to appear and then let them go, taking small steps toward more flexibility in your social interactions. You may find that you enjoy the new diversity you invite into your life.

You are the epitome of integrity. I’m amazed by your unmatched ability to see the hand of a higher power in otherwise mundane or emotionally difficult situations. I am indebted to you for:

• Providing the structure that helps me remain productive every day and not get too lost chasing what I find fun in the moment.
• Helping me edit and edit and edit and re-edit this book.
• Reminding me that there is virtue in washing all the dishes and not leaving a few for the next day because I got bored with the monotony of cleaning up.

I wrote a haiku for you in honor of the gifts you bestow upon the world.

• Architect of style
• You remind us what is right
• Always keep your cool

With gratitude,

Carey