20 FROM NEW YORK BYSTANDER TO BRAVE ALLY

JOSH GREENBLATT

Courage can be hard to call on when hate shows its face.

In my memories, I can still see images of that face and hear its voice. I can remember a woman yelling at me, warning that when I got off the subway, her friends would beat me up. I remember a man whispering in my ear that he had just gotten out of prison, that he had murdered people, and that he really needed my money. I remember walking, minding my own business, when someone started hurling all sorts of slurs and insults at me. The list of moments when I have felt unsafe, frozen in panic, goes on and on.

But there’s another list of mine that is even longer and haunts me even more. It’s the list of moments when I have seen someone else’s safety being threatened and did not intervene.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but the same fear that paralyzed me when I was being targeted always seemed to overtake me when I saw someone else being harassed. That’s why, when I saw it, I instantly clicked the article on a friend’s social media post about bystander intervention training.

The article noted that in the wake of the 2016 election, there was a steep rise in the number of Islamophobia-related incidents. A young New York–based woman who happens to be Muslim and wears a hijab no longer felt comfortable walking home by herself. Her friends put out a request on Facebook for people who would be willing to walk with her. And it went viral. More than three thousand everyday New Yorkers immediately signed the Google Doc—with another five thousand signing soon afterward.

Practically overnight, the overwhelming response from total strangers led to the creation of The Accompany Project. An initiative of the Arab American Association of New York (AAANY), The Accompany Project’s goal, as they describe it, is “to train thousands of New Yorkers to disrupt violence— particularly against Arab, Muslim, and undocumented residents—and to organize for stronger, safer neighborhoods.” And it all began with a simple, brave gesture of concern to help one young woman who felt unsafe.

The Accompany Project’s volunteer coordinator, Julia Martin, and the organization’s lead trainer, Rachel Levy, pointed out that Muslims are not the only targets of hateful speech and violence. According to their website, by teaching Bystander Intervention and Organizing 101 classes across the city, the group is able to combat racism as well as Islamophobia while empowering concerned citizens to help out any marginalized person they see being mistreated.

The comprehensive training class I attended was a major eye-opener. When I signed up, I was impressed by how easy it was to schedule and by the fact that it was priced on a donation basis. Upon my arrival, I was struck all the more by the kind and forward-thinking environment created by the teachers. At the start, we were asked our preferred pronouns, and it was made clear that we should not assume anyone else’s gender, ethnicity, or level of ability.

The kindness, inclusion, and intelligence of the approach taken by AAANY and The Accompany Project seems to be completely at the forefront of intersectionality and social justice.

In learning how to stand up for myself and others, it was helpful to gain a better understanding of how the intersectionality of class, gender, ethnicity, race, and so on can give way to overlapping forms of disadvantage and discrimination. So too was embracing the idea that the actions we take on behalf of one another, like walking with someone in places that cause them fear, is central to social justice. Such concepts stuck out for me, as did the empowerment that comes from a small shift in vocabulary, from victim to survivor.

Through the training, I discovered how much power we all have to change situations that might ordinarily make us feel powerless. The class started with exercises that sharpened our ability to read body language, connecting us at the same time to how our own bodies can communicate more confidently and authoritatively—whether we’re in fight-or-flight mode or not. We talked openly about all the reasons why we stay bystanders instead of becoming upstanders and actually intervene. Fortunately, however, the training went on to give us many tools for doing more than merely standing by.

Prompts for remembering effective intervention options were reviewed as the four Ds—Direct, Delegate, Distract, and Delay—along with a discussion of the many ways they can be applied. We were also taught several verbal de-escalation strategies.

Rachel Levy emphasizes that it’s advisable to name the “specific behavior that is inappropriate.” Rather than sounding oppositional, she adds, it’s a good idea to foster a sense of unity by referring to yourself and the perpetrator as “we.” Each strategy provides guidance on ways to speak or behave that Rachel says can “safely disrupt a hostile or aggressive situation you may witness and … ensure your actions are more helpful than harmful.”

The Accompany Project was born from the kindness that I’ve learned can help defuse—and ultimately overcome—hateful, threatening rhetoric. Knowing others have your back is enough to let you know that, yes, you too can find the courage to be an upstanding citizen on behalf of someone who doesn’t feel safe.

Josh’s story about bravely standing up for strangers in the face of hate is further proof that we all need to channel kindness and look out for one another. No one should ever be bullied or discriminated against for being who they are. I don’t put up with it any time I see it, online or in person—and you shouldn’t, either. To take a bystander intervention training in New York, check out The Accompany Project; or to promote inclusiveness and love in your own neighborhood, check out Hate Has No Home Here.

As we all spread the word, it’s so encouraging to know that the adjustments we learn to make in our own neighborhoods are the kinds of changes in mindset that can shift the entire world.