Chapter 5

Affirming and Visualizing Your Better Self

In This Chapter

arrow Discovering the power of repeating affirmations

arrow Using visualization to create new beliefs

arrow Tapping into your passion

The way you presently think is a compilation of mental habits you’ve been practicing for many years. Many of these were formed during your childhood and were acquired from other people. Some of them are not very accurate or helpful to you.

Affirmations and visualizations can help you build new mental habits and beliefs about yourself. They are effective in increasing your motivation to enhance your self-esteem and opinion about yourself. When you can do this, you will respond in different ways to everyday situations.

In this chapter, we discuss the various ways you can benefit from repeating positive affirmations that encourage your sense of self-respect and why they are effective. In addition to providing a list of common positive affirmations for improving your self-esteem, we show you the tricks of writing your own affirmations.

Visualization goes hand-in-hand with affirmations. When you add a detailed picture to the words in your affirmations, you double their power. This chapter explains how visualizations work and how to get the most out of them. Finally, we encourage you to tap into your passion to make the most of these techniques.

Benefiting from Repeating Positive Affirmations

Affirmations help you shift your thoughts from negative to positive. They are based on the principle that you can be who you want to be only if you have the thought and idea that it’s possible for you to be that. It’s changing the thought, “I am not good enough” to “I am more than enough.”

Affirmations also affect the amount of energy and vigor you feel during your day. If you start your day with positive messages and experience being lively and powerful from the minute you wake up, you’ll have a vibrant feeling all day long. You’ll also be more upbeat in all the other positive aspects of your life.

In addition, affirmations help you reach your goals. Instead of being hesitant and filled with doubt, your thoughts will be focused on your strengths, capabilities, and talents.

Understanding why affirmations are effective

To a large extent, your accomplishments and happiness in life are a direct result of the thoughts you repeat in your mind. Positive affirmations are potent statements that build an internal dialogue reinforcing a new vision you have of yourself and your life. They replace the negative thoughts that have been in your mind about yourself and your past. As you believe and feel differently about yourself, you can shift your life in a new direction.

remember.eps Wherever your thoughts are, your attention follows. If your mind is warning you about the times that you tried to do something but failed, it will dictate your future and limit what you can do now. But if your mind is focused on succeeding, you’ll be more apt to try new things and have confidence that you can achieve them. So affirmations deliberately focus your mind on what you want to be and do. They move you from where you are to where you want to be.

tip.eps What are the most effective ways to use affirmations? Here are a handful of helpful hints to maximize the benefits of using positive affirmations:

  • Use your affirmations frequently. It’s best to use them every day, saying your affirmations out loud for a few minutes at least twice a day. The truth is that the more you say and think your affirmations, the more readily your mind will accept them. Focusing on your affirmations a couple minutes at a time several times a day is better than saying them only once in a while. Think about the times that work best for you, such as
    • In the morning when you wake up
    • In the evening before you go to sleep
    • When you wash your hands
    • When you’re driving
    • When you’re cleaning the house
    • When you’re relaxing in your bath
    • When you’re taking a walk or run
    • When you’re fixing a meal
  • Write out your affirmations on sticky notes and put them in places you see often, such as
    • On your bathroom mirror
    • On the refrigerator
    • On a cupboard in the kitchen
    • On your car dashboard
    • In your wallet
    • On your computer or desk at home
    • On your computer or desk at work
    • On your cellphone (set your cellphone to beep a few times throughout the day; also, if you have a smartphone, you can download free apps that are completely dedicated to affirmations)
  • Actively reject the negative thoughts you have. If these negative thoughts dominate your mind, your positive affirmations will have little effect. When you find yourself thinking a negative thought that decreases your self-esteem, consciously eliminate it and replace it with the positive affirmation that is most like its opposite.
  • Associate colors with your affirmations. Your brain and memory link things together. Linking colors to your affirmations helps you remember them and bring them more to life. Use colored inks to write your affirmations or write them on colored paper with black ink. Then when you see that color during the day, you’ll be reminded of the affirmation. For example, if you write the affirmation “I expect good things to happen in my life” on blue sticky notes or cards, when you see the color blue, you’ll be reminded to think of this affirmation and look for good things taking place. Even if it’s only a smile you get from a coworker or a hug from your child, you’ll notice these happy occurrences and acknowledge that your life is full of them.
  • Relax when you say or think your affirmations. You can use soft music to enhance your relaxation even further. Relaxation helps your mind open to the positive course your affirmations supply. If you’re not doing an activity, find a quiet place, sit down, close your eyes, and listen to soothing music. You can also record your affirmations with soft, slow music behind them and listen to the recording. This technique is especially effective before you go to sleep at night.
  • Sing your affirmations to yourself. You can use rhythm to make them easier to remember and repeat.
  • Add strong emotions while you’re saying your affirmations. Be excited about achieving them! Imagine what emotions you’ll feel once you attain what your affirmation is about — happiness, satisfaction, joy, a sense of accomplishment, and so forth. Really feel them as though you’re living them right now.
  • Understand that your affirmations may not ring true at first. When you start using a new affirmation, the statement will most likely seem to be untrue. Realize, though, that once your thoughts are directed in this fashion, you’ll start to look for situations in your life that match your thoughts, and you’ll begin to discern the many opportunities that can help you reach what you desire. In other words, when you focus on who you want to be, you begin to notice openings to make this happen. As you think about the possibilities and look for them, you’ll see new ones that you were completely closed to before. So be sure to take advantage of them. What you think about, you become.
  • Determine three action steps to make each affirmation come true. These don’t have to be large or overreaching steps. They may be small, such as reading a book about the topic, researching more about it, or practicing one small thing. For example, one of your positive affirmations may be, “I choose to do things that support my well-being.” You may have three action steps such as 1) eating more fruit, 2) researching gyms in your town, and 3) writing down forgiving thoughts about someone who has done something you didn’t like. And, of course, as you accomplish these, write three more.

    If you’d like, you can ask a friend or relative to hold you accountable to doing these three steps. Keep that person updated on your progress. When you have to tell another person whether you’re accomplishing these steps, you’ll be much more likely to actually do them. This accountability acts as a powerful motivator to keep you focused on truly living the affirmation.

  • Realize that your affirmations are not set in stone. You can continue to modify or change them as you like. You may find that an affirmation is no longer appropriate or that you’ve accomplished it so well that you no longer need it. Or you may find that changing the wording or even the intention serves you better. Feel free to revise them. Keep in mind that affirmations are here to serve you; you’re not here to serve them.

Reviewing common affirmations

There are many powerful affirmations to help you increase your sense of self-worth. Here are some of the most common ones:

  • I feel good about myself.
  • I’m happy being who I am.
  • I am calm and relaxed.
  • Every day my trust in myself increases.
  • I expect good things to happen in my life.
  • I now think positive thoughts about myself.
  • I choose to be optimistic about my life.
  • I am in charge of the thoughts in my mind.
  • I am more confident and happy.
  • I choose to do those things that support my well-being.
  • I am at peace with myself.
  • I now appreciate my talents and skills, which are __________.
  • My life is meaningful.
  • I am more than enough.
  • I deserve to be loved.
  • I am lovable.
  • I am competent at many things.
  • I find it easy to stand up for myself.
  • I can express my thoughts and opinions to others.
  • I am a winner.

exercise.eps Identify the preceding affirmations that you feel will be most helpful to you. In your notebook, write them down with three action steps for each one. Begin saying these affirmations out loud to yourself at least two times a day, five minutes each time. If you can, say them more often and for a longer period.

Discovering the tricks of writing your own affirmations

You can write effective affirmations fairly easily when you know how. Find a quiet place where you can be alone and can focus on writing statements that will improve your self-esteem. Keep the following in mind:

  • Choose one negative thought you have about yourself and write down the positive opposite that counteracts that belief. For example, you may often think, “I make so many mistakes.” In this case, you would write an affirmation like, “I am capable and experienced.”
  • Make your affirmations short so they’re easier for you to remember. Even statements as short as four or five words can be powerful.
  • Start your affirmations with “I” or “My.” Because you’re making a statement about yourself, it’s most effective if it starts with you. “I choose to be positive” is much better than “Positive thoughts are coming into my mind.”
  • Write your affirmations in the present tense. Write as though you’re experiencing what you desire right now, not in the future. For example, “I easily see my own worth and value” is superior to “I will easily see my own worth and value.” It’s also better not to put a time frame on your affirmation such as a certain date or “within three months,” because doing so limits when what you desire can happen.
  • Don’t begin your affirmations with “I want” or “I need.” You don’t want to affirm that you’re wanting and needing. Rather, write your affirmations as an expression of being grateful for already having and being what you want.
  • Make sure all your affirmations are positive statements. If you tell yourself you are discarding negative behavior and thoughts, your focus will be on those rather than on what you want to do and be. Don’t include words like “don’t,” “won’t,” “am not,” “can’t,” “not,” “doesn’t,” or “am stopping.” Instead of “I’m eliminating my miserable thoughts,” create an affirmation such as, “I’m happy being who I am.”
  • Add emotion to your affirmations by inserting, “I am [emotion] about …” or “I feel [emotion].” For example, you could say, “I am excited about being able to express what I think.”
  • Create affirmations that will work. If you don’t believe your statement, you’ll take timid actions and be hesitant, sure that you won’t be able to succeed. If you write an affirmation that is truly difficult for you to believe, write another one that starts with, “I am open to …” or “I am willing to believe I could …” You can also create an affirmation that is close enough to your current situation to be realistic and achievable, such as, “I am speaking up one or two times at future meetings I attend.”

exercise.eps Now it’s time to write a few of your own affirmations. Take a look at the list of common negative core beliefs in Chapter 3 and select a few that you tend to use often. Write their opposites in positive terms, using the preceding list. After you’ve finalized them to your satisfaction, write them on sticky notes or note cards and put them in various places you see frequently. Say them to yourself out loud at least twice every day. Only by repetition will they sink deeply into your mind. You can also record them to play during the day or when you go to sleep at night.

Visualizing Your Growth

While positive affirmations provide the words to create new beliefs, visualization provides the mental imagery to see yourself actually living these beliefs. Your mind then records the mental pictures as real and valid. You can see yourself speaking confidently and acting confidently. You can see yourself being a stronger person in your everyday life.

Your brain is divided into two parts: the left, logical side of the brain and the right, creative side. Most of our lives are spent using the left side, logically and rationally solving problems and performing tasks, using words and concepts. The right side sees the world in pictures and is associated with emotions. Visualization uses images and emotions to get training for actual performance.

In this section, you find out how visualizations work to help you create your desires. We also explain the fundamentals of visualization so you have the most successful experience possible. When you combine affirmations and visualizations with enthusiasm, changes happen more rapidly.

Discovering how visualization works

Visualization is seeing bright, colorful, and vivid pictures of how you want to be. Your mind records these mental pictures as real and valid. Because your mind supports the images it has and wants the mental images on the inside and the physical images on the outside to be consistent, it will try to match your outer reality with your new mental reality.

As you say your affirmations and visualize actually being that person with healthier self-esteem, your mind records the image as happening in the present moment. It seems to your mind that you’re living it right now. When your vision is clear and certain, your mind is then alert to what you need to do to accomplish that.

Getting the most out of your visualizations

To gain the most benefit, combine each of your affirmations with a visualization. For example, say you decide to concentrate on the affirmation, “I am competent at my job.” Before your visualization, identify a few areas where you know you’re competent and a few areas where you’re in the process of becoming more knowledgeable or need to become more competent.

In this visualization, you see yourself being proficient in those areas you’ve already mastered, feeling positive and pleased with yourself. Then you move into seeing yourself in those areas where you are somewhat adept and becoming more skilled. Finally, you visualize tasks that you need more expertise in and you see yourself doing those well and with ease. You may visualize yourself getting training from a coworker or reading materials to learn more about these tasks, taking note of the steps you need to take to become better informed.

tip.eps Here are some tips for having a successful visualization experience:

  • Find a quiet, comfortable place. Have no distractions, if possible, including the television, radio, and cellphone.
  • Say your affirmation a few times as you relax your body and release any thoughts or tensions of the day.
  • Visualize yourself in a scene where you’re acting out what your affirmation says. Don’t watch yourself in the scene. You’re not the audience. Rather, imagine being in the scene, seeing through your eyes and acting through your body. Hold this mental picture as if it were occurring right at that moment. Be the star!
  • You may sit or stand. Either way, you may move your body slightly or make gestures with your hands to be in the scene.
  • Imagine the scene in great detail. Engage as many of your five senses as you can. Add bright and beautiful colors as well as sounds. Where are you? Are you outside or inside? Who are you with? What are you wearing and what are the other people wearing? What do you smell? What do you hear? What are you feeling? What would your life really be like if this happened? The more realistic images you create, the deeper the impression is made on your mind.
  • Let the visualization unfold and play with it until you feel very good about everything you’re experiencing, until the mental image feels complete.
  • If part of your visualization is performing a task or activity, focus clearly on the image of the action you are about to make. Then be in the scene achieving the activity successfully and being proud of yourself for doing it so well.
  • Think about the qualities that will assist you in being successful in your visualization and incorporate these into the mental picture you create. These could be communicating well, speaking up, listening to others, deflecting criticism with skill, and persuading others to do as you wish. Focus on what you want and what you are.
  • If you have trouble believing you can do what you’re visualizing, picture yourself doing it the best you’ve ever done it.
  • After your visualization is complete, write down the details, the thoughts that came to you, and any sensations you had. When you read it later, this will help you reenter your visualization state. Then, at your next visualization, take it deeper with more detail.
  • When you first start to visualize, it may feel strange to see yourself in a new way, and it’s perfectly natural to feel this way. It may feel weird and maybe even a little odd. You may even feel uncomfortable acting in this new, self-confident way. Realize that if it doesn’t feel unfamiliar, you’re probably not doing the visualization correctly. What you need to do is go through these feelings and keep on visualizing. As you do so, over time, you will get more comfortable.
  • It’s crucial that you take action to make your visualization come true. Don’t expect it to materialize only because you’re imagining it. Look at the steps you wrote down for the first practice exercise in this chapter. These are the ones to concentrate on accomplishing.

The guided visualization in the nearby sidebar, “Developing the picture of your ideal life,” takes you on a journey to help you imagine your ideal life.

Finding Your Passion Within

Are you passionate to live a life of healthier self-esteem? Do you have an intense desire to be a stronger person who accomplishes what you want to accomplish and be the person you want to be? If so, that’s the basis of the passion you need to go forward.

tip.eps The deeper you know yourself and the more clarity you have about how you want to be, the more easily you can create what you aspire to in your life. Successful people fulfill what they believe are the most important parts of their ideal life. You can do this too!

With enthusiasm and excitement, you can master the skills we show you in this book and live the life of your dreams. Think of the next few months as your golden opportunity to be that butterfly and enhance your sense of self-worth fully.

The guided visualization in the nearby sidebar “Feeling the energy of the rainbow colors” takes you up into the clouds and through the colors and qualities of the rainbow, assisting you in feeling energized.