Chapter 13

Creating and Reaching Your Goals

In This Chapter

Deciding what you want

Turning your goals into reality

And the winner is …

Have you ever wondered what determines who takes home the trophy? Who gets the promotion? Who lands the contract?

Is there something that losers fail to do that gives their opposition an advantage? Or is it something winners do that gives them an edge?

When it comes to reaching a goal, all things may appear equal, but they never are. People who experience success believe in themselves, develop the right attitude, and refuse to take no for an answer. People who experience the success they want and beyond do those things and more.

In this chapter we give you the “more.” Intentional success comes through the clarity of your mind, the understanding of your heart, and knowing the endurance of your body. If you want to be like a well-trained athlete who listens, learns, and follows the instructions of his coach to get the results he wants, continue reading — we take you to the edge.

This chapter is interconnected. It helps you build from the bottom up. We highly recommend that you read each section in order and complete all the exercises as presented.

Measuring Success through Goal-Setting

If you could measure your success, would you say it’s a teaspoon, tablespoon, cup, quart, or gallon? Are you thinking that’s a weird way to measure success? We do, too, but try it anyway. Close your eyes, ask yourself the question again, and feel for the answer. What was the first thought that came to mind? Did you think about your personal growth, professional progress, or spiritual development? How successful were you?

Now, think about your long-term goal — the goal you’ve set for yourself in the same category. Have you accomplished the goal? Are you moving in the right direction? Are you almost there, or not even close?

The first exercise causes most people to think about a specific area of their lives and then measure it. The first area of your life that comes to your mind is your priority. Use the following table as an example, taking your own measurements.

The second exercise, which requires a yes or no, measures what you’ve accomplished against what you said you wanted to accomplish. It’s easier to measure, but a more difficult pill to swallow if you’re not where you expected to be in life. Again, use the example and fill in your own goals and answers.

My Goals	Yes	No
Personal Growth Goal:To work on myself daily to become a kind, loving human being by showing patience toward others and myself	X
Professional Progress Goal:To become a senior vice president by age 40		X
Spiritual Development Goal:To increase my compassion toward others by volunteering for three events per year that provide direct contact with people in need of food, clothing, or shelter	X

As you can see in these examples, the individual thought about her professional success, first measuring it at a gallon, only to realize that her professional goal had not been met. Interestingly, she measured her personal and spiritual life at a cup and a quart, respectively, but then found that she was actively satisfying those goals.

What you’re likely to notice is that you’ve excelled in different areas of your life. This may have caused you to miss a target in one area, but we hope it has resulted in a more delightfully balanced life.

Checking in with yourself and deciding what’s important to you

Are you off track with the goals you established for yourself? Like when you take the wrong turn on a busy highway, the sooner you know that you’re going in the wrong direction the better off you are. We hope the previous exercise opened up the following for you:

Your mind’s wishes and heart’s desires can work against one another if they aren’t deliberately required to work together.
What you thought would bring you joy 10, 20, or 30 years ago might not be the same thing that will bring you joy today.

Either way, we have to get you on track. Answer the following questions in the order in which they are presented. This is paramount because before you can decide which direction you need to go, you have to know who you want to be. What you spend your time doing, the final question, answers how you get there. The questions in the middle take you step by step in helping you to get clear on the significance of your existence.

Who do I want to be?
What do I want to do?
What do I want to have?
Who do I want to help?
How will I help them?
Who do I want to spend time with?
What do I want to spend my time doing?

Naming your goals

The purpose of setting a goal is to keep you focused and to determine whether you’re creating what you say you want. Because goals only take into account raw data called outcomes, we as self-development experts don’t believe the achievement or lack of achievement of a goal is the complete picture of success.

The journey to achieving your goal can significantly enrich your life — increasing your confidence and introducing you to phenomenal things about yourself. This philosophy doesn’t negate the importance of goals; it only seeks to ensure that you don’t believe your self-worth is contingent on a projected outcome, because it isn’t.

Success means different things to different people. But what’s constant is that you won’t know whether you’re moving toward or away from success unless you do the following:

Clearly define what success means to you
Set goals that are in alignment with what you believe success is
Create the network to support your goals
Develop a strategy to reach your goals

Answer the following questions to further clarify your goals:

What will I feel when I am a success?
What will I be doing when I am a success?
Who will be part of my life when I am a success?
How will people treat me when I am a success?

Based on what success means to you, list what you want to accomplish in your personal, professional, and spiritual lives. As you name your goals be sure they have the following qualities:

Purposeful: Your goals must have meaning for you and your life’s mission.
Service driven: What you do must serve others, while getting you what you want.
Truthful: Your goals must be in alignment with your beliefs.
Authentic: Your goals should give you the opportunity to use your gifts, talents, and skills.
Encourage growth: Your goals should force you to look for ways to engage in new experiences that challenge you and help you to grow.

Dealing with missed targets

Many factors influence the achievement of a goal. For the most part, achieving your goals depends on you. But when and how you achieve your goals can be influenced by external factors.

For example, most Olympians train from the time they’re 5 or 6 years old. Each athlete is well trained by a top coach. Each has pushed himself beyond his limits. Each has prepared himself to win. Each has set the goal to take home the gold — but only one will.

The reality of setting goals is that you will face defeat. The purpose of defeat is not to hurt or stop you or cause you to give up. It’s simply to offer you the lessons you need to sustain you when you reach your goal. There are several ways to deal with failed attempts at goals:

Try again. Believing in something when there isn’t any evidence that it’s likely to happen can be difficult, but your willingness to persevere and keep trying is the force that manifests it into reality.
Find an alternative. There’s more than one way to reach any goal — be creative. See the nearby sidebar, “Before they die,” for an example.
Improve your abilities. Some goals aren’t reached because you’re not ready. Keep practicing, improving, and building your skills.
Evaluate your focus, desires, and drive. Some goals require more than you expect. Make sure you’re giving it all you have and that you have the fortitude to go the distance.
Accept that it’s not meant to be. Positive thinking, affirmations, and practice won’t help you become a brain surgeon unless you are gifted in math and science and have an educational foundation that will support you. Although anything is possible, everything isn’t always practical.

When external factors force you to adjust your goal, you haven’t failed; you’re being guided to the exact place where you’re meant to be.

Before they die

For over 20 years I (coauthor S. Renee) had an index card with one goal written on it. I wanted to honor my parents before they passed by starting a scholarship fund in their name. In my mind, I had it all planned out. I would work as a television talk show host. The audience would absolutely love me. I’d make millions of dollars before age 40, and with my earnings I’d launch the scholarship. It seemed simple to me.

It was what’s called a “SMART” goal: It was specific, measureable, attainable, realistic, and timely. The only problem was that it didn’t happen. Although I didn’t look at the index card often, year after year the goal nagged at me as it occupied space in my subconscious. So I continued to look for the million-dollar jackpot, which is yet to be found.

In 2010, my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. I had no idea what to get them. I saw the goal again handwritten on a pink index card placed in the corner of a picture frame in my guest room. If only I had those million dollars, I thought.

It dawned on me. I didn’t have a million dollars, but I did have an opportunity.

I was sitting on an advisory board that helped people who wanted to help others through giving. I didn’t have to start a nonprofit, and I didn’t have to have a lot of money. I’d found my alternative.

My siblings, their children, and I had an anniversary church service to launch the scholarship fund. The community came together and we raised the first $10,000. As of this writing, the William J. & Rev. Shirley M. Smith, Sr. Scholarship Fund has awarded $15,000 in college scholarships and over $54,000 remains in the account. Most importantly, my parents are alive to witness and be part of it.

Accomplishing Your Goals

Goals are established to generate opportunities, spawn personal achievement, and increase confidence. Setting goals stimulates interest, inspires hope, and sparks enthusiasm.

While setting goals, you’re given the opportunity to bask in the dream world of possibility. But, if you don’t understand the amount of work, time, and talent you’ll need to achieve your goals, you can become delusional and quickly fall into a world of despair — and choose to exchange your wish for a ticket to withdraw.

At the beginning of this chapter we promised to give you the “more” that you need to achieve your goals. Before we do, here’s a list of basic artillery you need in your personal arsenal to achieve your goals:

Faith: Never lose hope in the possibility; doubled-mindedness creates internal chaos and instability.
Attitude: Be passionate about what you’re doing, or don’t do it.
Perseverance: No matter how tough it gets, remember that you’re tougher.
Flexibility: Be willing to make necessary adjustments.
Commitment: No matter what, commit to seeing your goals through until the end.
Focus. Don’t get discouraged or become confused about where you want to go and what you want to do when others give negative opinions.

Failing to reach a goal can be disheartening to any person who dares to set one. It’s important to reiterate that the lack of achievement of a goal isn’t the measure of success. But if you find yourself writing goals but not achieving them, and you think people who achieve their goals must be doing something differently, it’s likely that they are. That’s the “more” that we’ve been talking about.

Here are the secret weapons goal achievers use to give them the edge to hit their targets:

Intention: Your intention drives the direction of the goal, not the goal itself.
Trust and respect of the unknown: From start to finish, each goal has an evolutionary process. You’re not always going to be able to see where you’re going; you just have to trust that you’ll get there.
Gratitude: The unexpected will happen. Instead of being consumed with what doesn’t happen, focus on what does.
Decision-making: Recognize that every decision is crucial to your success. Each decision must be made deliberately and strategically with the target in mind.
Resources: Identify and assemble the people, knowledge, and financial resources you need to hit the target.
The gumption to get started: Don’t wait for everything to be perfect — start today.
Acknowledgement: You co-create the experiences you have with your mental and emotional thought processes. Accept responsibility for what’s happening and change when you need to.
Preparation: Be open to opportunities that come along the way. They may look like distracters, but they’re opportunities that will better prepare and position you to get where you’re trying to go.
Release: The journey to your goal never looks exactly the way you expected it to. Most often it’s bigger and better than you can imagine. Release the final outcome to whatever or whomever you trust that is greater than yourself.

Inspecting your internal driving forces

Have you set a great goal for yourself? Have you thought about what it will take to reach that goal? By now you realize that setting goals can increase your confidence or burst your bubble. After you decide what your goal is, pause, look at it, and ask yourself the following questions:

Is this goal so specific that can I see myself achieving it?
Is it so meaningful that when I have to work extraordinarily long hours and everything still seems to be falling apart I will stay on course?
Can I manage a process that will require me to act prudently to move forward?
Do I have the stamina, and have I given myself enough time to develop all the relationships and skills I need to make it to my goal?

There will be times when you experience little or no return on your investment. During those times you may find it difficult to keep doing what seems senseless and unproductive. Reaching your goals requires consistency. Understanding what drives you will help you remain loyal to your expected outcome.

Ask yourself the following questions to understand why your goal is important to you:

Why do I want to do this?
Whose lives do I want to change?
Why do I want to help them?

Setting long-term goals

As you continue the goal-setting process, you’ll discover that the toughest part of setting goals is having the courage to believe and own what your heart is telling you is possible for your life.

Your words, thoughts, and actions create your reality, so be sure that once you decide on what you want, you don’t deceive yourself by saying or doing things that are out of alignment with your decision.

You have many facets to you that make you the amazing, brilliant person you are. We believe in the holistic approach, which looks at your total well-being and seeks to bring you into alignment in every area of your life. Therefore, you need to set goals that keep every aspect of your life growing. These include the following aspects of your life:

Mental: This is your mindset. How do you see the world and your role in it? What do you need to do to improve your self-development?
Emotional: This is how your feel. What do you believe about yourself and others? What is the value of these relationships to you?
Spiritual or moral: This is your relationship with the universe, the higher power, God, or whatever name works for you. The key is this: You have an internal regulatory compass that keeps you in alignment with your integrity. What does it mean to you to do the right thing? What are your core beliefs?
Physical: This is your understanding that your health makes it possible to reach your goals. How are you going to preserve it?
Family: This aspect answers the questions: Do you want to get married? Do you want children? What do you want your family culture to feel like?
Educational: This is your decision to be a lifelong learner. What information engages you? What topics keep you hungry or quench your thirst?
Career: This is what you want to do with your life that will help others and generate income.
Social: This includes your friends and networks, and the activities you’ll participate in to strengthen your social life. What types of people would you enjoy being around? What do you want to get from and give to these relationships?
Financial: This is how much money you want to make to take care of your family and save for retirement. How much will you need to live well today and through retirement?

Setting short-term goals

In recent years, the term quantum leap has become popular. It means a huge and sudden increase or change in something. The association of this word with the rise to speedy success along with an unprecedented increase in millionaires in their 20s has created a false impression that those who are financially successful are skipping steps.

Read their stories, and you’ll discover that they started in their teens or earlier with visions and passions, and some had plans for providing a service that satisfied problems. Taking one step at a time, they achieved their goals.

The only things that will help you to make a quantum leap — saving time and money — are good information and decisions that move you toward your goal, one step at a time.

Can you eat an 8-inch pie in one bite? If you can’t perform that miracle, then don’t try to tackle your goal all at once. Giving yourself time removes the intensity, stress, and feelings of being overwhelmed by your goal, which can eventually make you sick. In the same way that you would eat a pie a slice at a time, create short-term goals to help you do the work and digest the challenges in a mentally and emotionally healthy manner.

By using this system, you’ll be able to see and celebrate short-term successes, which will keep you motivated and inspired to stay the course. Consider the following physical goal as an example: I will go from 150 pounds to 130 pounds in three months.

You can develop the short-term goals by answering the following questions: What will you eat? What time will you eat? How many times a week will you work out? How long? What types of exercises will you do? How often will you weigh yourself?

Take note that goals should be positive if you want to mentally and emotionally support yourself and build your confidence. Affirm what you will do, and leave all the “don’ts” at the curb.

Use all the information and answers to the questions throughout this chapter to help you get clear on your goals. Then write down your goals and create short-term aims. Check out the following sample to get an idea of how this works.

Career	Goals
Long-term goal	Write a 12-chapter, 12-pages-per-chapter book in 12 weeks, based on a table of contents.
Short-term goal	Write one chapter per week.
Short-term goal	Write two or more pages per day. Review on the seventh day.
Short-term goal	Write from 8 a.m. to 12 p.m., Monday through Saturday.

Watching out for people and resources to help you

You can’t achieve any goal without turning to resources outside of yourself. Every goal requires the use of a person, place, or thing that already exists. That’s why it’s important to recognize your relationship with everything and everyone else on the planet.

After you decide what goals you want to achieve, you need to identify what you need to learn, the people you need to ask for help, and any resources you need to help you advance toward your goal.

If you are consistent and persistent, this method of goal-setting will take you where you want to go.

Confession of a coach

I (coauthor S. Renee) have a confession to make. I often share this in workshops, and in the spirit of being fully transparent, I know sharing it with you is the right thing to do.

After trying traditional goal-setting in my early 20s and experiencing many setbacks early on, I developed an alternative to goal-setting that continues to work for me. I write down goals, affirmations, and “I am” statements that are meaningful and very much from my heart. I don’t look at them every day, week, month, or year. In fact, many of them are written down in journals between the pages of a day of gratitude and a moment of wonder.

Perhaps if I had some elaborate, well-laid-out plan, I would have “made it big” and be independently wealthy by now. The truth is this: My goal every day is to wake up with an open heart and be used by God. Interestingly, this approach has taken me to every place and created nearly every experience and “more” that I’ve scribbled down over the years as important to me.

For example, in January 1999 I wrote this: “I will write three books.” This book is the fourth, and I suspect there will be more. I’ve worked hard, had super-sized faith, and dug deep within myself when I’ve needed to. I’ve made good and bad decisions that have taken me on detours, yet I’ve never gone down a dead-end road. I’ve worked harder at being a quality human being — a person whom I and others can trust, depend on, and believe in.

My confession isn’t to negate the value of every written word in this chapter; in fact, it confirms the power of it. What it offers is an alternative for some people who may not have the courage to write a goal according to the standard laid out in the preceding sections or the strength to look uncertainty in the eyes every day.

I offer this to you as a lifeline to give you hope — something that will get you started. All you need is an open heart and the willingness to scribble down your desires, put them in a secret place, and then quietly ask: “What do I do next?”