Okay, so there are a lot of “firsts” going on in your teen years, and although you may not think so, some of these “firsts” normally attributed to preteen and teen don’t occur until you are in your late teens or even early twenties: your first crush (which usually doesn’t last too long because they are one-sided), your first kiss, your first date, and for some, your first sexual experience. All of this is pretty emotional stuff. Truth be told, there is no “right” time to start dating and you are legally bound, at least through age seventeen (or the rules of the house, if you are older) to the desires of your parent(s) or guardian on this issue. Parents set these rules because they don’t want you to get hurt, and let’s face it, there is a lot that can happen in your teen years that you thought you were prepared for and found out later that you were sadly mistaken about. If mom meets your new boyfriend and she’s normally the sensible sort, and later says, “I don’t like him,” then there may be a darned good reason. She may see (or sense—mothers are good at that) something that you do not. Your personality prefers to see, hear, and feel things that please it, and endorse what it wants, where your mind focuses on what is sympathetic to its desires and eliminates extraneous information. Your perception, then, when it comes to dating and the choice of partners, may be narrowed more than you are aware. Lump in the added hormones of the teen years and it’s no wonder that people claim “love is blind.”
It’s best to start dating in a group, with several couples, and even if you have been dating for quite some time it’s always safest to go out with a new person a few times accompanied by other couples. This cuts down on the real possibility of date rape. When she (or he) says no—it’s no! Only a sick, misguided fool thinks he or she is justified if the “signals” were there. Flirting comes from a need to be acknowledged, it does not necessarily mean that the person desires a meaningful relationship, sex, or marriage. It is more a statement of “Look at me! Look at me!”
In middle school and high school, the dating scene often begins with long phone calls, notes (not a good idea—if you don’t want the world to read it, don’t write it), e-mails, and spending time together at parties, school events, going to movies and community-sponsored programs, and spending time at the local hangout (if you are lucky enough to have one). Come to think of it, adult dating isn’t much different. Peer pressure can make or break a relationship. Don’t let it get you down. If your chosen love succumbs to the shallowness of listening to his or her best friend because they are jealous and don’t like you, then that guy or gal wasn’t worth it in the first place.
Too often new students of magick want to meddle in the affairs of the heart by throwing magick at specific people. Don’t do it. Playing god/dess with another’s free will will come back to seriously haunt you. You can, however, do magick to ensure that you have a good time, that you are protected, that you see clearly, and that you find an agreeable companion, all without naming a specific person and still concentrating on your own needs. Now, this doesn’t mean that you are supposed to be selfish in your dealings with others; you are simply working on your self-improvement and personal empowerment. In the Craft, this way of thinking is often equated to “getting your own house in order.”
Safe, Great Date Spell
Supplies: One empty paper towel tube; white paint; red paint; paint brushes; 3 rubber bands; normal altar setup that includes incense and a bell, scented oil or perfume, paper, and pen. Choose a ritual format.
Instructions: Completely paint the outside of the paper towel tube with the white paint. Allow to dry. Encircle the top and bottom with painted red hearts. Allow to dry. In a magick circle, consecrate and empower the “safe date tube,” asking (in your own words) that your dating experience be fun and safe. Write on the paper exactly what you desire to occur on the date. Don’t get caught up in a complete itinerary or demand that others act in a certain way. Something like, “May my trip to Washington, D.C., with my friends be filled with joy and laughter. May we be protected on our journey from all harm and sickness. May I walk with grace the entire evening,” etc. If you are worried that someone will read what you have written, use a magickal alphabet (see page 452). Blow on the paper, then seal with a star drawn with your finger in oil (or your favorite perfume or men’s cologne). Roll the paper and place in the tube. Wrap the three rubber bands around the tube, repeating “For health, for safety, for joy,” then, when the last rubber band is in place, say, “So mote it be.” Carry the tube to the four quarters, asking for the blessings of the elements on the upcoming date. Ring the bell at the quarter over the tube. Return to the center of the circle. Thank deity, close the circle, and place the tube in a safe place. After the date, de-magick the tube by removing the rubber bands, saying: “I thank the universe for the gifts given to me and release this conjured energy.” Remove the inside paper and burn. If you are not permitted to burn things in your current environment, then tear it into tiny pieces and cast to the winds. You can use the tube again for the next date. This also works well for a school fieldtrip or vacation with friends and family.
What happens if the date didn’t go exactly as planned? Did your magick poop out? Not necessarily. First, who knows what might have happened if you didn’t cast that spell? Could have been worse than it was, right? Second, think about what Spirit might have been trying to show you with this experience. Is there something you need to pay attention to that you didn’t before? What if Spirit is trying to tell you that the people you were with aren’t right for you? (It’s always a possibility.) Also, take into consideration your own behavior. Were you a sterling example of humanity or did you fall into a familiar negative behavioral pattern? If so, you might have blown a hole in your own spell. Finally, if the date fell apart and you are stuck sitting at home, say a word of blessing to Spirit. Something very funky was going on either with the people involved or where you were planning to go. Be glad you aren’t there.
Mummy Spell
Sometimes we are so infatuated with someone that we can’t make a wise decision. Perhaps someone is telling you that John is a real jerk, but so far he’s been nice to you. Or that Amanda “sleeps around” and “breaks hearts.” Could be that the source of the information is usually reliable, but now you’re not so sure. Although no one likes to talk about it, physical abuse in teen relationships it is just as prominent as in adult ones (where do you think the abuser first started? Probably with his or her first girl- or boyfriend.). You need to know if it is true that Mike slapped his last girlfriend around, because you know that if he was violent with one girlfriend he will (eventually) become violent with you. Don’t ever fall for the line: “Oh, she made me mad, but you won’t.” Sometimes this behavior takes us by such surprise that we fall into the victim pattern far too easily. To stop this before it begins, this spell works double-time. Not only does it call for the truth, but it also calls for the cessation of any negativity toward you that might be woven by either the individual in question or general gossip.
Supplies: One empty plastic soda or water bottle; one tiger-eye gemstone (or a smooth pebble if you can’t find one); a picture of you; a roll of white medical gauze (like you buy at the pharmacy); glue; the person’s name (or their picture); a paint brush. Choose a ritual format.
Instructions: Place your picture in the bottle. Hold the tiger-eye gem in your hand and repeat several times while rolling the stone around in your palm, “Spirit of stone, truth be known.” Drop the stone into the bottle. Cap. If you can, seal with wax from a burning white candle. Allow to dry. Begin winding the gauze around the bottle, using the glue to tack it in place. Cover the bottle up to the neck. With a disposable paintbrush, lightly coat the gauze with the glue (you can add a little water to the glue to make it more pliable, but not too much). As you work with the gauze, keep repeating: “Only truth can come to me, as I will so mote it be.”
Place the person’s picture or name in the center of your altar. Place the mummy bottle on top. Cast a magick circle and call divinity. Hold your hands over the bottle, and in your own words address your concerns about this person. Ask for the truth and that the best thing happen for you in this situation. Thank deity and release the circle.
Now, you wait.
The most difficult part of this spell lies in the art of practicing patience. Sometimes you will get your answer immediately or so quickly that you can’t believe how fast that spell worked. Other times you will need to relax and allow the universe to bring the information to you when the time is right for you to hear it. Remember, once you have asked for the truth, you will receive it. If you deny the information, then the fault lies with you. You can continue to reuse the bottle anytime you wish to know the truth of a matter. Note: If you need to know something extremely important, cast this spell when the moon is in Scorpio. You will need to check your almanac for that information.